Dusk colored the landscape with blue and gold. Janice wandered through the dark shrubbery, feeling more lost than she had in years.
Peter was upstairs packing his valise. He meant to catch the train that left at midnight. She had come looking for Betsy, but Betsy was busy catching lightning bugs with the other children. Janice supposed she could search out the other women, but she didn't think she could handle their sympathy without weeping.
She wanted to be happy. She had meant to be. It had been a glorious day with sunshine and flowers, laughter and music. She ought to occasionally be allowed a carefree day where all she had to do was sit back and enjoy herself. She supposed that was the day of the island picnic. She would pay for that day for a long time.
She pressed her fingers to her abdomen and tried not to envision what might already be happening there. Other women were married for years without having children. She knew in her head it didn't always happen. Just because it had happened once after a night with a man didn't mean it would ever happen again. She was just borrowing trouble.
She was so edgy she almost screamed when a man rustled through the bushes to find her. Janice made herself smile when she recognized Peter, but she knew it was a pitiful excuse for a smile.
He knew it too. He bent over and kissed it away. "We still have a little time, Mrs. Mulloney. I found the perfect place to watch the fireworks."
Janice took his arm and followed him through the shrubbery, holding up her skirt as if used to having a man around to support her. Were anyone looking, they would see an elegant gentleman in his frock coat and vest, carefully tending to a lady with upswept hair and a summer gown shaped by proper corset and bustle. She was living a dream and should be feeling like a lady at a tea party and not like a bereft fifteen-year-old girl.
Peter guided her to a latticed pavilion on a hill over-looking the river. The breeze off the water cleaned the air of the usual summer miasmas, and they had a clear view of the surrounding countryside.
"Tyler's taking the kids out on the boat to see the fireworks, and everyone else is watching from the gallery." Peter led her to the cushioned bench lining the walls. "I wanted you to myself for just a little while. Do you mind?"
Nervously Janice clasped her hands in her lap and stared down at them. "Of course not. How long do you think you'll be gone?"
Peter pulled up a wicker chair in front of her and took her hands. "Depends on how the trains run. I mean to make Butte in two to three weeks. After I buy the land, I'll need to spend a week or two at the camp arranging operations. The nearest reliable telegraph office is over fifty miles from the camp." He didn't warn her about the renegade Apaches and outlaws and the various other detriments of his chosen path. Those were his problems. Janice already worried too much.
"Why don't I wire you when I'm ready for you to come? I've talked to Tyler and Manuel. Tyler says you can have his private car, and Manuel said he's interested in working for me, so he can ride along with you. You can have the car sidetracked at Fort Worth, have your things loaded on it, say your good-byes to the people in Mineral Springs, and take the car to Gage. By the time you arrive, I should be waiting for you. That will save us a few weeks. We can be together again in less than three months."
Three months was all eternity to a fifteen-year-old, but Janice tried to look at it as an adult. "Will the weather hold? You said the winters were bad."
"If you buy a mountain of furniture, I won't guarantee we'll haul it all home before winter. Will you mind terribly living in a crude cabin?"
That was the very least of her worries. Janice shook her head emphatically. "I just want to know there will be a roof over our heads and food in our stomachs. I don't need a lot, Peter, but you're leaving me helpless to make my own way while I wait for you. I don't like being helpless."
Peter shifted his seat to sit beside her and pull her into his arms. "I'm sorry, Jenny. I know I've put the cart before the horse. I should have waited to marry until I had the money, but I couldn't let you go. If you'll have faith in me for just a little while, I promise everything will go smoothly after that."
Janice gave a curt laugh and buried her face in his shoulder. "You don't know life like I do. Nothing ever goes smoothly."
Peter ran his hand into her hair and began to scatter the pins. He knew from the experience of these last five years that money was the grease to make life smoother, but she'd never had money. She wouldn't believe him until he showed her. He couldn't show her just yet, but he would. He kissed the fascinating shell of her ear and felt her shiver.
"I love the way you respond like that," he murmured. "You know I'll send for you as soon as humanly possible because I don't think I can last very long without you in my bed. I need you now, Jenny. I'll need you every nigh that I'm away. You'd better be well rested when we meet next, because I'm not going to let you out from under me until we're both exhausted."
Peter's words shocked her, but not as much as what his fingers were doing. He had the bodice of her gown undone and her corset unhooked before Janice knew what he was about. She gasped as his warm fingers slid beneath the confinement of the corset to caress her breast. He silenced any protest by covering her mouth with his.
He was promising he wouldn't have any other woman while he was away. It had never occurred to her until now that he might, but her husband was a virile man, one accustomed to having women whenever he needed them. Still, she didn't find it hard to believe that Peter would wait for her. He would be too busy with his damned mountain to do anything else.
Janice tried to push him away. "Peter! We can't..." Her words caught in her throat as her corset gave way and he bent his head to lick gently at the peak of her breast.
"I thought I'd already proved that we can." He bit lightly at the sensitive bud, then moved his marauding mouth to her throat. "No more proper schoolmarm, Jenny. I want the woman inside this getup."
He had her, there was no doubt of that. As he laid her back against the cushions, Janice reached to unfasten his buttons. She was actually unfastening a man's shirt buttons. She had never dreamed of doing such a thing, but her fingers ached for the feel of something more satisfying than linen. She gave a sigh of contentment when her palms finally rested against his chest.
"You're a good student, Mrs. Mulloney," he murmured appreciatively, nipping at her ear and spreading his kisses inexorably downward again.
Janice held her breath as he worked his way closer to her breast.
"There are a lot of other things I mean to teach you once we're snowed into those mountains." Fondling one breast, Peter lifted the other to his mouth.
Janice felt the swirling sensation of his tongue clear down through her middle.
"But tonight, I don't have time for the niceties. Just be grateful this isn't a haystack."
Without another word of warning, Peter rucked her gown up to her waist. Janice gasped and tried to fend him off, but he was already untying her drawers and the warm night breeze stirred what only his fingers had stirred before.
"Peter, please..." She couldn't finish the plea as his fingers parted the soft cotton of her underwear and touched her.
He suckled lightly at her breast once more, then moved his mouth to hers. "Please, what, my love? Tell me what you want. I'll move mountains for you."
His voice was thick with desire, and Janice had a vague understanding that she could ask for nearly anything now, and he would give it to her. But she wanted only one thing right this minute, and her body was singing for it. She arched her hips and reached for the buttons of his trousers.
Peter chuckled and helped her. "That's what I wanted to hear. This place will make heathens of us both if we stay much longer."
He was right about that. The heavy sweet scent of magnolias permeated the breeze blowing through the pavilion, adding a perfume to the erotic game they played. Just the feel of the warm night air on parts of her never before uncovered to the outdoors was enough to stir her senses and make her crazy. But what he did with his mouth and hands was more than she could stand. She wanted all their clothing gone, but there didn't seem to be time enough for that. The urges were too strong.
Their combined hands freed Peter from the confinement of his trousers, and for the first time Janice found her fingers in contact with that male part of him. She almost pulled away, but he caught her wrist and held her there until she realized he wanted to be touched. She did so wonderingly, caressing him and feeling him respond to the caress.
"You have the sweetest hands," he groaned against her ear. "I'm not going to be able to wait much longer."
She couldn't speak the words like he did, but she could show him. She had never known what it meant to be wanton. Perhaps the wine of summer, the heat and the laughter had unloosened these urges. Perhaps it was just the fear of parting. Whatever it was, she couldn't bear to be separate from him any longer. She guided him gently to where they needed to be together.
Peter moaned in delight, grabbed her mouth with his and kissed her deeply, then surged forward until he was all the way inside her. Janice found her cry of delight drowned in the sudden explosion of gunpowder on the river.
It took a moment and Peter's chuckles to realize what was happening. The burst of golden light crossing the night sky confirmed it. They were missing the firework show.
"Ahh, Mrs. Mulloney, I knew you would make me see fireworks that first night I saw you," he murmured in her ear.
Another explosion drowned out any reply she might have made. The tension of their bodies made any other words unnecessary. As the sky filled with golden stars, they coupled like the two young animals they were and had been too proud to admit. Nature brought them together and dissolved any lingering pretense. They were meant for each other, if only in this way.
Peter took her and filled her and brought her to the point where Janice couldn't discern the difference between the explosions of light on the outside and the tremors erupting on her insides. Either way, he left her as shattered as the multicolored stars spilling across the black sky.
She knew he felt it too, but words didn't exist for what they felt as Peter's body emptied into hers. They could only cling to each other and lay upon the bench, wrapped in the tangle of their rumpled clothing, watching the dying explosions of light overhead.
As the final round of gunpowder died into the night, Peter brushed her hair from her face and kissed her lips gently. "Whatever happens in the days and years to come, I'll never forget this moment, my love. I'll hold it with me forever."
And so would she. She just hoped it would be in her memory and not any more concrete fashion. Her hand came between them to the place where they joined and pressed there, as if to ward off the evil spirits that had filled her once before. There could not be a child. Not yet.
They dressed slowly, mostly in silence. The euphoria of moments before became something else, something bittersweet in the knowledge of their parting. It had to be this way, they both knew. He had to see that she was safe and protected. He had to know that she was with friends and not strangers while he rode to claim their future. In return, she knew she couldn't follow, couldn't stay by his side. She couldn't risk the child that might come of it. She couldn't risk Betsy. She had to cling to what little she had.
But for the first time these reasons were somehow as thin and insubstantial as the paper moon Evie had painted for one of her children's books. A larger version hung in one of the windows now, illuminated from behind. As they crossed the yard into that crescent pattern of light, their fingers intertwined. They knew it was too late to do anything else, but their souls cried out for a different solution.
Still, they had both lived alone before. They knew how it was done. Gradually, as the magic of the night seeped away with the appearance of the house and lights and voices, the moment disappeared, and they were two separate persons once again. What had brought them together in the pavilion was still too new to withstand the parting to come.
Peter went to fetch his valise and say his farewells. Janice remained hidden on the porch, not yet willing to give up the magic of the night air. When he joined her again, he was mercifully alone.
He kissed her temple, not daring to do more. "I'll wire you by the end of August, Jenny, I promise. I couldn't bear anymore."
He meant it now, but would he mean it then? Janice straightened his tie, smoothed his sleeve, and sent him on his way. It wasn't as if they'd exchanged words of love. He was a man, and she was his wife. He would send for her when the time came simply because she belonged to him. She would be a fool to think he would send for her for any other reason, no matter what had gone on between them tonight. Tonight had been a fluke, a moment of desperation. She would remember it always, but she had to be practical.
She would look for a job first thing in the morning.
First thing in the morning, Evie woke her with the news that Betsy was running a fever and couldn't breathe.
Life never went the way one wanted it to.
Chapter 26