Textual Encounters: 2 (15 page)

You’re right.

4:27pm:

And I’m sorry.

4:47pm:

But please
understand my position. I never knew how you felt. I knew you liked it when I said nice things to you, but that’s it. Nothing about loving me. And this thing with Rachel really was “just sex.” Which is what I needed. You kept pushing me away all weekend, wouldn’t even let me put my hand on your leg at dinner. Or cuddle into you at the beach fire. Or kiss you goodnight when we were both way too drunk to be sleeping in the same room. Do you see why I would do what I did? I’m no different than anyone else: I need to feel loved. And not just by anyone. I need to feel loved by you.

6:36pm:

Please tell me when I can see you again. I’ll prove my love to you for the rest of my life if I have to. I’ll wait for you to love me. Forever if I have to.

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Jake

9:43am:

Hey.

9:50am:

OK, you’re still ignoring me. I’m so sorry about all of this. I really am. I hope you believe me when I tell you that I am seriously having a hard time breathing without you in my life. This week has been easier than it should have been, but I think it’s because we texted back and forth on Monday. I love you. I still love you. I always will.

10:33am:

I realize you’re reading but not responding. That’s okay. And
I’ll leave you alone, I promise I will. But I thought I’d tell you this final thing before going away. I thought you should know that I have been forever changed by you, Katie. You made and make me a better person. I don’t know if it’s because of what you’re studying to become or if it is that loving you has given me hope that someday I might just have another chance at being with you. Whatever it is, I’m happy. Noticeably happy. And I’m friendly to everyone. Even strangers.

10:35am:

I have you to thank for the improved Jake. I love myself a lot more because you. Thank you.

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11:48am:

Hey.

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Jake

11:48am:

Katie! I’m so happy you finally responded. How are you?

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11:49am:

Today is the first day of the rest of my life, Jake. I thought I should share that with you.

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Jake

11:50am:

That sounds a little scary, to be honest with you.
But I hope this new life includes me playing a part in it.

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11:50am:

Well, if we’re being honest with each other now, I will admit that it IS scary.

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Jake

11:50am:

Is this where you break my heart and say you’re getting married today?

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11:51am:

LOL, not quite. Not even close.

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Jake

11:51am:

Then what role do I play?

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11:52am:

Let me explain something first.
You have changed me too, Jake.

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Jake

11:52am:

OK, that’s good. Can I see you now? For coffee? Something innocent and happy and with no strings attached.

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11:53am:

I’m afraid I actually meant what I said before. About never seeing or hearing from me again.
Because you changed me, but not in a positive way. You’ve ruined me, Jake. I don’t think I will ever love someone as much and as wholly as I loved you. So yes, you changed me. But in a bad way, in the worst way possible.

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Jake

11:55am:

I’m so sorry, Katie. It breaks my heart that you will remember me that way. Can I see you? I’ll come to you, wherever you want to meet. I want to get this little hiccup behind us so we can both move on.

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11:56am:

Actually, I’m waiting for someon
e right now, and then I’m getting on a plane and moving back home. I’m taking some time away from school because I’m, well, a little ruined right now and I need to clear my head.

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Jake

11:57am:

What, really? I’m sorry. I really am. Please let me help. I promise I won’t hurt you. I promise to be a great friend, first and foremost. I won’t cross the line. I just need you in my life. I need to make things right with you.

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11:59am:

I’m afraid that won’t
happen, Jake.

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Jake

11:59am:

Who are you meeting before you leave? Why can’t I see you one last time?

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12:00pm:

OK, you won’t like this, but I’m meeting with Rachel’s husband. His name is Will.

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Jake

12:00pm:

I don’t know what to think of that. Are you going to tell him everything?

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12:01pm:

Tell him? No. Even though he’s a complete stranger, I can’t break his heart by telling him that his wife has been fucking you since the before the day she married him. I can’t do that to someone. I’m not you.

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Jake

12:01pm:

Then why are you meeting him? I haven’t seen Rachel in about a month. I meant it when I said we were through. Why fuck things up for her when it’s me you’re angry with?

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12:02pm:

I’m not telling him anything. He can draw his own conclusion.

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Jake

12:02pm:

OK, I’m completely lost now.

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12:02pm:

I have two phones, Jake. This one. And another one, which you don’t know about. That’s the one I’ll keep until I see Rachel, and then it’s hers. But the one you and I have been texting back and forth on? That’s the one I’m giving Will.

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Jake

12:03pm:

So he can read about my relationship with YOU? I don’t see how he’ll care about us. Even you don’t care and you’re part of it.

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12:03pm:

Well, mostly so he can read about your relationship with his wife. You’ve admitted a lot, Jake. I also have a pic of Rachel leaving your apartment. This man is a good person. He’s innocent. He deserves to know.

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Jake

12:06pm:

Where are you? Can we talk about this before you go and fuck up
someone else’s life?

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12:06pm:

You’ll never see or hear from me again, Jake. Now I have to go. Will is here.

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Jake

12:07pm:

You realize you’re a selfish fucking cunt, don’t you? This has nothing to do with Rachel. It has everything to do with me and you and a woman named Christine that I will never see again.

12:13pm:

Bitch! I pray (and you should do the same) that I never see your fucking face again!

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7:45pm:

Hi.

7:53pm:

Jake, my name is Will. You know who I am, right? And now I know everything. If you try to contact my wife again, I will kill you. Do you understand me?

7:56pm:

I need an answer, Jake. Because if you don’t text me back, I will show up at your apartment. You have until 830 to acknowledge my text. At 831, I’m getting my shoes on and taking a walk.

8:11pm:

Tick tock.

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Jake

8:29pm:

Acknowledged.

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8:29pm:

Smart move, Jake.

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Jake

8:31pm:

Fuck. You.

As the taxi stops outside the building, it finally makes perfect sense where the Samsung came from – Will. He knew as soon as I lost the baby that it wasn’t mine. He knew all about Jake. It must have killed him.

“Hey, Lady? You okay?” the driver asks me.

I wipe my eyes. I hate Katie for ruining my life with Will. She broke his heart, she broke Jake’s and she tried to break mine. With one phone, that little bitch is responsible for way too much heartache.

“Time to pay,” the driver says as if he can read my mind.

“Can you wait? I’ll be fifteen minutes.”

He sighs. “I wait five. You not here, I leave.”

I nod, hurrying out of the car and through the rain to the building. The doorman greets me, then waves me over.

“I’m in a hurry,” I tell him. “The cab is waiting.”

He steps closer to me, keeps his voice low. “Maria sent a suitcase down for you.”

He motions toward his desk; one of the larger Samsonites from our honeymoon waits for me. I won’t even get to see the inside of the Penthouse one last time, say goodbye to Maria who shared so many of my secrets. Then again, it seems her loyalties lie with Will anyway.

“Can I get the bag for you, Rachel?” he asks.

Grabbing it by the handle, I shake my head, no. I roll it out to the taxi, but the driver gets out to load it into the trunk. It’s the first hint he gives me that he has a heart. I get into the car and wait for him, wondering where I should go. Michelle and Romina would likely make room for me. But neither of them are hurting like I am right now. I need someone else. I need-

And then it hits me. I grab the Samsung and take a stab at the dark as the driver gets into the car and asks me where we’re going.

“Give a minute.”

I tap a quick message in jAppe:

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12:48pm:

Jake, are you there? It’s Rachel. We need to talk.

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“Lady, I’m busy. I need an address.”

I rhyme off Jake’s address like it’s my own.

Except Jake doesn’t respond, and that gets me thinking that maybe he meant it when he told me it was over that last time he bent me over his bed and filled me with his honey from behind. I love it when he comes inside me, love the warmth of having him with me for the rest of the day.

I tap away again.

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12:53pm:

Text me when you can. Will knows everything. I’m using the key you gave me two months ago. I need a place to crash. And we need to talk about what you said about me to Katie. Asshole.

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And we
would
talk. Well, most likely I would yell and he would try to make shit up. And while it hurts to know that he said those things, I know that Jake loves me. Still. Always.