The Absolution of Aidan (The Syndicate Series Book 3) (4 page)

“All right,” they both say simultaneously. Roan moves to sit next to Deidre. I tell myself this has to be done. It’s the only way I can move forward.

“I had a nervous breakdown at the hospital. I wanted to die when I finally woke up. It all hit me at once. Everything that he—” I glance up to Roan. God, I don’t want to hurt him or bring back the memories of that horrid night to either one of them. “I’m sorry,” I say, looking him dead set in his eyes. He shows no pain, only remorse, maybe guilt. I don’t know.

“Deidre. It’s me who should apologize to you. I’m sorry for the things he did.” Roan says, the good man he is, the guilt, regret, and the pain now clearly visible across his handsome features.

“I don’t blame you. The man to blame is dead. He can’t hurt us anymore.” My tone is light. It’s true. At first I didn’t believe it. Now I know it’s true. He can never harm anyone again.

“No, he can’t,” Alina chimes in. The two of them look at one another. More tears seem to swell up, only they’re happy tears. The way Roan looks at Alina like his next breath depends on her happiness is enough to let those tears go. I’m so damn happy for the both of them.

Alina and I have all the time in the world for her to catch me up on the past year. I can’t wait to hear everything. Right now, though, I need to get this all out. I’m so close to the final stretch of ending my therapy, starting with these two and crossing the finish line with Aidan.

“My parents told me he was dead. At the time, I couldn’t believe it. I kept waiting for him to come and get me. To make his promise of killing me come true. I lost my mind over that fear.” My lips start to tremble. I dig deep, close my eyes, and continue.

“I woke up three weeks later in Maryland at a facility for women. A retreat I was referred to by the doctor at the hospital. I was disoriented, had no idea where I was or what was happening. Once I calmed down, well, that’s when I found out I was pregnant. I panicked all over again. Worried to death about the drugs I had been given would do my baby harm.”

The two of them look down to Diesel. “He’s fine. Perfect, really,” I say with a shine in my eyes when I take him in.

“I needed the time. Needed to be healthy. To deal with it all before I came back. I’m sorry if I caused you worry. I really am.” Roan stands, walks over, and takes the seat next to me. He reaches over, taking my stress-relieved hands into his.

“Neither one of us are ever going to judge you. We all handle things differently. The shit you went through, I can’t even begin to imagine. What I do know is what it feels like to be out of control, scared for yourself and the people you love.” Hearing those words lifts the heavy feeling off my shoulders. I know this is only the beginning of many conversations I need to have. The easiest one actually.

“Thank you,” I say truthfully.

“What’s his name?” Roan asks.

“Diesel.”

“I love it. That’s a badass name for a badass little dude,” he says with glee.

“I also need a really good pediatrician for him. The two of you wouldn’t happen to know of anyone, would you?”

“There she is. Her smartass mouth is back. Damn, I missed you.” Roan pulls me into his arms for a hug. The three of us chat for another hour or so. Everything seems to be back to normal. I tell them all about the doctor who treated me. All about the delivery, which was a bitch. Delivering a nine-pound baby naturally feels like you’re being ripped in two. I promised myself then and there I would never have another one. Not unless some promise from god would drop down on me, telling me there is no way I will have a baby that size again. I’m kidding, really. I would have ten more if they all turned out to be exactly like Diesel.

“I’m going to skip out for a bit. Let you two have some time alone.” Roan comes back from the kitchen, stuffing a small flask into his back pocket. My nerves instantly go on edge, wondering if he’s going to Aidan’s. I scowl confused. Begging him to not say a word with my eyes.

“I’m not telling him, Deidre. That’s your call. Not mine. But don’t keep it from him for very long. He has a right to know.”

He is going to Aidan’s? I trust Roan. He’s never given me a reason not to. I swallow the little bit of jealousy I have in my gut that he’s going to see him, and tell him what I need to say. “I know you won’t. And I couldn’t agree with you more. I would never keep either one of them from knowing one another.” He simply nods. Nothing more needs to be said, not now anyway.

With his parting words to me, he bends down, kisses Alina, winks at me, and rubs the baby’s head. I trust Roan. I’ve known him most of my life. It’s Aidan and the reaction he’s going to have when he finds out about Diesel I don’t trust.

AIDAN

Silence met me once again the minute Roan left. The thing about silence is it has the power to make you think. The energy from complete muteness can slow down the mind. In this case, it has mine reeling. I mean, what in the hell was tonight all about?

The way he sunk into his chair, one leg crossed over the other, tapping his fingers nervously on his leg. The minute I looked away from him, he was looking at me. I felt like he was studying my profile, searching for something.

I’ve known him for a long time. He’s never been one to keep secrets, unless he’s asked to. If he has something to say, he says it. Roan was off tonight. Something big is going down, and for the life of me, I have no idea what the hell it could be.

I’m a member of this family. Been through the ritual of the ceremony, swore to put it first. Keep my mouth shut by pledging an oath of silence. I’ve stuck my neck out many times over the course of this past year. Running errands. Beating the shit out of men who try to pull one over on us.

I’m a bodyguard to his woman. Even though their families have made peace with one another, not to mention the red scum of the earth, Royal, is fucking rotting in his hole of death somewhere, the families still have enemies. Especially Alina’s, with her dad and his dealing with drugs.

I push away from the locked door, the only light on in my apartment coming from the half bath in the hallway giving me enough to make my way to my bedroom, still not understanding why the hell the Solokov family still deals those fucked up drugs. After everything these two families have dealt with over the past few years, you would think people would say ‘Fuck this shit, we don’t need it anymore,’ especially the goddamn money. I’ve seen first-hand what money can turn a person into. That shit is not for me. I’m not complaining by any means. I have one hell of a roof over my head. Food in my belly. But fuck me, there’s some crazy ass shit out there. I really don’t have room to talk or to judge, though. Hell, I help steal guns when I’m not watching out for Alina.

Shaking that shit out of my mind, I flip off the light in the bathroom as I go by and walk in the dark to my room, not even turning on my bedroom light. I strip down to my boxers and climb into bed with the covers draping low on my waist. The minute I close my eyes, all I see are the massive waves of black hair and the hazel eyes of Deidre La Russo.
She’s gone, man. Get her out of your head. Sleep, asshole.
Who knows how long I lie there thinking about her. But I do, until I slight my head a little and see what time it is.

With Alina demanding to walk to work every morning, means I’m up early making sure she arrives at the hospital safe. Once she’s there, I hightail my ass to one of the club houses to deal with whatever Roan or Cain need me to do. Which is usually rough some asshole up or steal guns.

I actually laugh out loud at that shit. If my head-up-her-own-ass mother of mine knew what I did, she would be embarrassed to claim me as her son even more than she is now. Which means nothing, because the dumb bitch hasn’t paid me any attention my entire life.

Fuck it. Enough dwelling on shit I have no control over. Whatever the hell is eating away at Roan, if he needs to bring me in on something, then I’m there. If it has to do with him and his woman, then that’s between them. Most importantly, enough about my mother and Deidre.

With my mind finally shutting down, I sleep. And goddamn it, now I’m dwelling in my sleep, because when I wake from a dream that felt so fucking real, I question where in the world that fiery, foul mouthed, jet black-haired woman with those hazel eyes is in this fucked up world we live in.

Alina greets me at their door at the butt ass crack of dawn, handing me my usual to-go mug of coffee. Her expression is much like Roan’s from last night. Somberly she says good morning after shutting the door behind her. I escort her from the hall to the elevator in silence. This silence bullshit will be the damned death of me, I swear to Christ it will be.

By the time we exit the elevator and step out into the warm morning mid-summer air, I’ve had enough of this shit.

“What the hell is going on?” I demand from her when we start to walk down the street.

“What are you talking about?” Her words are coming out almost apologetically.

“Cut the shit, Alina. First Roan shows up last night, acting way the hell off, like he’s keeping something big from me, and now you’re as quiet as an old lady listening intently to the preacher’s sermon on a Sunday morning. What the hell gives?” She stops and stares at me for a moment, her eyes flitting back and forth between mine.

She turns and darts across the street without saying a word, leaving me no choice but to follow her.

“Goddamn it, Alina. Is something wrong? Trouble between you and Roan? I mean, seriously, fucking hell?” I sound like a prick, but at this point, I don’t fucking care anymore. I know these two, the three of us are tight. On top of that, being cautious my entire life, tip-toeing around my mother my entire life whenever I knew she had some kind of poisonous snake up her ass, I know when something is wrong. And something is definitely not right here.

Her feet continue to move at a much faster pace than normal, her gaze cast down to the cement on the sidewalk.

“Hell, I may get myself in trouble for telling you this.” She sighs deeply. “Deidre came over last night.” She continues to walk. I stop dead in my tracks.

The moment she realizes I am no longer beside her, she stops too and swings around with a look on her face that is unrecognizable to me.

Her words finally sink in. “Is she okay?” I ask quietly.

“She’s great.” Tears fill her eyes.

“Bull fucking shit. You’re lying.” I make my way to her in three long strides. I knew Roan was off last night, and now I know why. He knows how fucked up my head was when I was tied down, left to watch an innocent woman get tortured. And then she disappeared, fucking my mind up even more. The guilt clawing away inside of me because I couldn’t fucking save her.

“Where has she been?” I demand to know.

“Oh, no.” She spins around and starts walking at a rapid pace again.

“I shouldn’t have said anything to you at all. I promised her I wouldn’t.”

“What the fuck?” My words come out sharp.

“Look, Aidan. This is her story to tell. I’ve told you enough. When she’s ready to come see you, she will. Believe me when I tell you she’s fine. Now, you can walk me to work or you can turn your ass right back around. I’m not telling you anything else.” She waves her outstretched hand in the air.

I’m far from done though. I will find her, goddamn it. And I will find her today.

I beat Cain and Roan to the gym in our building. We all have gyms in our apartments, but they never get used. We tend to hit the gym that consumes half of the third floor of our apartment building. The three of us work out together as much as we can. Me, I’m constantly needed as a spotter. I push myself to the limit when pumping iron. The rip, the ache in my muscles ready to give away. It’s who I am. I push as hard as I can in every damn thing I do. Today, I’m pushing harder, my blood pumping like a caged beast’s, the treadmill I’m running on at full speed daring to steal my breath as sweat drips down my face, chest, and abs. I’m soaked, and I’m fucking pissed off at the whole damned world. I knew he was off last night. And fucking hell, he kept that shit from me. “Son of a bitch.” I reach up and pull the tiny red plug, shutting the treadmill off. Hoping off, I bend, retrieving my water bottle, and walk around the large room filled with men and women working out before they head to work. I pace around the room a few times, cooling down and guzzling the water.

Then I spot them both strolling in with smiles plastered on their smug faces. Does Cain know, too? Am I the last one to know she’s back?

I weave in and out of the machines until I come face-to-face with the two of them. Even though she isn’t here, all I can see is Deidre’s face by the time I come to a stop.

“The hell?” Cain holds his hands up in the air.

“Fuck,” Roan says.

“You got that shit right. Why the hell didn’t you tell me she was back, you fucker?” I point at his chest.

“She asked us not to, asshole. And get that finger out of my space.” He sidesteps me, heading straight for the weights.

“Where has she been?” I ask the same question I asked Alina, knowing damn well he isn’t going to tell me either.

“Wait? Are you guys talking about Deidre?” Cain throws his towel on a bench and starts to adjust his weights.

“Yeah. She showed up at our place last night.” Roan rubs the back of his neck.

“Wow. I’d like to know where she’s been, too.” Both of us look at Roan. Waiting.

“She’s here in New York,” he states calmly.

“I fucking know that, but where?” I abruptly shout, stammering backward, my head smacking against the wall.

“Come on, man. I’m telling you she looks good.” Roan comes and stands in front of me.

“You know the shit I went through. It’s not that I don’t believe you, but damn it, man, it’s something I need to see for myself. You of all people should get that shit.” I close my eyes, shaking my head. I never should have thrown what he’s been through in his face. FUCK. “I didn’t mean that. Shit, I’m sorry.” He shrugs it off like it’s no big deal. I know better. He went through the exact same thing I did, only worse. Time can never erase the helplessness a man feels when he’s ceased and forced to watch a woman get tortured.