The Adulterer's Unofficial Guide to Family Vacations, A Novel (20 page)

Susan spoke, “I don’t want this to be a violent confrontation, but Mike and I have been talking and we decided you had to hear us out.
Okay?”

I nodded like an idiot, still hermetically sealed to my seat.
Mike and Susan were talking?
I guess that made sense, after all, they did arrive and leave together.
But the
Mission Impossible
theme song kept running through my mind.
I wished I had some explosive gum to throw at a large aquarium to make my escape.
But there I was, not Tom Cruise, no aquarium, and no explosive gum.
Damn it.

She waved a beautifully manicured hand, “This isn’t real, you know.”

Well, duh, I knew that.
I mean, I did understand that.
It may have taken me a few days, but I figured it out.

“Mike and I made a serious mistake in not joining our families on this trip.
We know that now.”

Was she joking?
Did she really think that she could apologize for both of them and we’d just jump right back into their arms?
And why wouldn’t my lips move?

“What you and Alan have isn’t real.”
She sat back.
Apparently, that was the extent of the logical argument.
I was beginning to question her expertise as an attorney.
“Mike really loves you.
I, on the other hand, have had it with Alan.
It will be me that follows through with the divorce, not him.”

“What?
Why?” My voice had been relocated and forced through dry lips.
My body, however, continued to betray me.

Susan took a sip from her coffee cup, and then placed it perfectly in the center of the saucer.
I looked.
No lipstick mark on the cup.
Damn, she was good.
Maybe she was Tom Cruise.

Susan answered me, “I’m sick of his philandering.”
Susan smiled, bemused as my jaw dropped open, “Laura, surely you didn’t think you were the first woman Alan cheated with.”

“Actually,” I said a bit too flippantly, “I was the first woman Alan cheated on.”

It took a sliver of a moment to realize that Susan didn’t know this.
For a few seconds, the flawless veneer cracked.
I decided to play offense, “Alan told me he stopped fooling around after me and I believe him.”

“Then you’re a bigger idiot than I first imagined,” Susan’s words hit me like little darts piercing the skin, “because I’m sick of the affairs.
I’m getting out of the marriage and if I were you,” she leaned over the table, “I’d go back to that darling husband of yours and beg his forgiveness.”
She rose, tossed a ten dollar bill on the table, and left.

My body slumped against the table and I rested my forehead against the cool surface.
Had Alan lied to me, or was Susan just trying to chase me off?
On the one hand, why should I believe her?
But on the other hand, she seemed genuinely shocked to discover that his infidelity began with me all those years ago.
The information crashed like tsunami waves inside me.

It took a few minutes to lift my head, only to find that my husband now sat across from me.
How long had he been there?
People were slipping into that seat with the stealth of practiced secret agents.
No, I was definitely not Tom Cruise.

“Laura,” he began slowly, “I want you back.
I’m willing to forgive you if you can forgive me.”

“What in the hell are you talking about?” I wanted to sound forceful, really I did.
I wanted to show rage at his setting me up like this.
Instead, my voice sounded squeaky and weak.

“I know this is my fault,” he said, his eyes gazing into mine, “and I’m willing to get counseling, do whatever it takes.”

“Are you willing to quit your job?
Can you
unfuck
those women?”
Ha! Take that Mr. Phelps!      

Mike leaned back, “I don’t think that’s relevant.
I can cut back a little on being gone so much.
I already told you I’d stop cheating, and I won’t miss another family trip ever, but quitting seems a little extreme.”

The crazy glue must have timed out, because I was finally able to rise to my feet, “You’d rather sacrifice your marriage than your job.
I see.
Good bye Mike.”
And I walked out, never looking back.

You might think I was either confident or brave to walk out on him.
But the truth was that inside I was trembling.
I knew now, without a doubt, that my marriage was over… unsalvageable… kaput.
But I also began to doubt my feelings for Alan.

I shook my head to clear it.
No!
Susan was lying.
She had to be.
After all, I would say those things if I were in her shoes, plant the seeds of doubt.
Of course she lied.
Didn’t she?

But the look on her face seemed so genuine, so sincere when I told her that Alan had cheated on me all those years ago.
Oh brother!
I rolled my eyes at myself (which, by the way, is very hard to do).
I didn’t blame Alan for not telling her about that.
I wouldn’t have told Mike if I cheated on someone else.
Then the irony of that thought struck me.

Was she telling the truth?
How would I approach it with Alan?
A glance at my watch told me they would be out of the show in a few minutes.
I reached the exit and sat down on a bench, oblivious to all around me.
My brain played ping pong with the information.
Alan was a serial cheater and liar.
Susan was lying to hurt me.
Which was it?
Poor Susan.
She had every right to hate me, even lie to me.

The morning after we first made love here, I told Alan I didn’t feel guilty about the affair.
He felt the same way.
Now that we were busted, I found it remarkable that I still felt no guilt.
What we’d done to our spouses was cruel, and I wish we could’ve settled things differently, but no guilt.
Why?
Apparently, I was content with having no soul.
That’s how I’ll sign my Ph.D. thesis, ‘Laura Smith, Serial, Soulless Adulterer.’

Another ping pong ball hit the table in my head.
So what if Alan cheated on Susan?
He was miserable in the marriage.
Hadn’t he told me himself that he wished she’d choose him and the kids over herself?
I can’t blame him for anything he did before we met here.
It was his life.

And both of us were adulterers in the past.
Why, I had even fallen in love with Nick, so it was more than just sex.
Didn’t that make things worse?
I needed to talk to Alan about this, find out what the affairs were.
That is, if the affairs happened.
And if so, what had those women meant to him?
But was I really prepared to handle it if it turned out he might also cheat on me in the future?

Damn, this show was taking a long time.
Pain spiked behind my eyes and I knew a headache was coming on.
I was rummaging through my purse for aspirin when I saw Alan’s shoes before me.
Looking up, I could see the concern on his face.
He knew something had happened, but the presence of four excited children dancing around him stopped him from asking me about my meeting.

“How was the show?” I asked guardedly.

Alan picked up on my tone, “Fine.
How was your cup of coffee?”

I rose to my feet and popped the aspirin in my mouth, swallowing them dry.
A lump formed in my throat but I had the sneaking suspicion it wasn’t from the pills.
“Awful,” I replied, “so bad I need to talk to you.”

He nodded and announced to the kids that we would hit the stunt show
again.
A loud, collective shriek was their response.

The kids sat four rows ahead of us.
Alan took my hand and we waited for the show to begin.

“So, what happened?”

I took a deep breath and told him point by point what occurred at the café.
He listened quietly, without interrupting, until I finished.

“Laura,” he searched my expression, “I didn’t cheat on Susan.
I’m sorry she said that.”

“Why did she tell me that?” I mused aloud.

Alan frowned, “You don’t believe her.
Do you?”

“Alan, I don’t know what to believe anymore.
I certainly can’t blame you for anything you did before we ran into each other here, and I haven’t been a sterling example of a faithful wife.” But that wasn’t what bothered me, was it?

“Then what’s wrong?”

I faced him, “We’ve been here for almost two weeks.
Instead of going home and attempting to build a life together, we’ve held on tightly to this fantasy place.
Why is that?
Why are we avoiding the real world, Alan?”

His eyes grew wide, then he shook his head, “So, you worry that we can’t make it outside of the fairy tale.
Is that it?”

“Maybe.
Probably.
I don’t know.”
I was blithering on like an idiot.

“Let’s talk about this later,” Alan released my hand as the tank in the show blew up.
The kids squealed with delight.
As for me, I wished I was in that tank.

Alan said little to me for the rest of the day.
Either he was angry with me for doubting him or was wondering if I was right about us.
Not good in any event.
For hours we followed the children around like zombies, drowning in self-doubt, self-pity or both.
And I couldn’t help but wonder if he was re-thinking the relationship.

What would I do if he changed his mind about me?
Devastation swept through me.
I’d have nothing but Jenny and Ben.
Mike was gone.
Nick was gone.
If Alan flew back to New York without ever looking back, I’d have to pick up the pieces.

I’ve heard that some people go through their entire lives without falling in love.
I’ve been in love with three different men in the last two years.
And as a result, I’ve been through unrelenting pain.
Maybe the loveless had it all figured out.
If Alan left me, I vowed never to allow myself to fall in love again.
After all, I could probably live the rest of my life on the memories of making love to him.

Good Lord!
A life of celibacy?!
Okay, I’ll revise that.
No more falling in love, but I can have meaningless sex with strangers.
Hmmm… I needed to refine that attitude.

Dinner consisted of whatever the kids wanted from the food court at the hotel.
Alan returned to the rooms laden with everything from pizza to peanut butter sandwiches.
The two of us ate quietly while the kids regaled us with the sights and sounds of the day, even re-enacting the all of the shows.
We bathed them separately and put them to bed.
Alan picked up a chair and headed outside and I followed.

“Laura, about today,” he began.

I cut him off, “No, it was stupid of me to question you.”

“No it wasn’t.
Mike and Susan set you up.
You bore the brunt of the blow.
I should’ve gone with you.”

I shook my head, “I don’t know if that would have changed anything, Alan.”

“Of course it would.
I can guarantee Susan wouldn’t have said those things about me if I was there.”

I took his hand in mine and he began to stroke my palm with his thumb, “It doesn’t matter.
I don’t care if you cheated on her or not.
I just want to know if there will still be some magic beyond this place.”

Alan slid his chair against mine and slipped his arm around my shoulders.
I stretched my legs out to the railing.
His body language told me all was well.
But I still felt miserable.

“Laura,” he said after a few moments, “I can’t guarantee the future.
You just have to have faith.”

How could I have faith?
I was completely unfaithful to my husband… twice!

“I don’t want you to promise me anything,” I looked at him, “I don’t even know what I’m asking for.
We’ve sidelined this conversation so many times knowing we had a few more days to continue in bed.”

Alan nodded, “I know.
I’ve been swept away by my emotions.
But in two days, we have to go home and I want to know that you’ll meet me in New Mexico after that.”

Ok.
We’ve gone from
let’s get married
to
let’s just take it one day at a time, but change our lives completely while we do that.
My lack of response seemed to surprise him.
Without a word, he withdrew his arm from me, picked up his chair and opened his door.

“I’ll see you in the morning, then,” was all he said before the door clicked shut and my jaw dropped on the floor.
Great Laura.
That’s just fucking great.

Chapter 22

The annual holiday party was a total bust, as they often were.
Academic faculty can be a really dull lot sometimes and this occasion was no exception.
The only excitement was that Geoff Anders and Henry Jameson were drunk enough to come to blows as they revisited their usual argument on whether or not Harry Potter was literary.

I was kind of rooting for the fight, albeit silently.
Nick hadn’t turned up and I was tired of the same old ‘what are you doing for break,’ crap.
Rolling my eyes at nothing in particular, I headed to the bar for another vodka tonic.

“Same old, same old, eh?” Nick’s soft voice surprised me from behind.

My skin began to tingle with gooseflesh.
He always had that effect on me, “I’m hoping for an actual fistfight between Geoff and Henry,” I responded.

Nick looked at the two men thoughtfully, “You don’t know what it was like before Geoff came.
Henry used to argue with Pauline about the divinity of Tolkein.”

I looked at Pauline, standing in the corner.
She was tall and thin, a very quiet but intelligent woman.
“No wonder he switched to Geoff.
I think Pauline could take him.”

I handed the bartender money and accepted my drink, turning my attention to the two men.
Their faces were nearly purple with rage.
Neither one of them had wives, so this was pretty much their idea of a good time.
No one, as usual, attempted to break it up.

“So,” I smiled at Nick, “Henry is trapped in the land of elves and muggles.
No wonder he’s such a freak.”

Nick laughed softly, his green eyes dancing with amusement, “No wonder he’s never gotten laid.”

My whole body tensed as he said, ‘laid.’
After all these months, all those cozy little three-hour lunches, I was completely smitten with Nick.
I wondered if he knew how little it would take for him to get me into bed?

Nick guided me by the elbow to the nearest table, where he pulled out the chair for me then sat down.
He caught me staring at him and held my gaze long enough to know that he was game for whatever happened tonight.
Somehow I just knew that we would become lovers within the hour.
His hand slipped briefly over mine, then squeezed it and returned to his drink.