The Alien Invasion Survival Handbook: A Defense Manual for the Coming Extraterrestrial Apocalypse (16 page)

Although you may rehearse various escape scenarios to perfection and prepare both your mind and your body for any eventuality, things may not always go according to plan. There may come a time when even your best efforts to escape from the clutches of your adversary are thwarted by circumstances beyond your control. It is at this point that you should stop, turn, and face your enemy. No more Mr. Nice Guy. It's time to get nasty. It's time to go on the attack.

ATTACK

CHAPTER SUMMARY

There comes a time when caution and restraint must be thrown to the wind. You cannot rely on the authorities to come to your aid in a moment of intergalactic crisis. It's up to you, and you alone, to take control of the situation.

You need not be a martial-arts or military-weapons expert to emerge victorious from a physical confrontation with an alien. Once their primary defenses are down, they are no match for the determined human being. Our species has a rich genetic history of violence and, when placed in a dire situation, even the most sedate, mild-mannered individuals are capable of unprecedented and vicious acts of aggression to protect themselves and their loved ones from evil. The rules of civil society do not apply when faced with an alien wielding an anal probe. There comes a time when you must unleash that primal violence that lies dormant in us all. It's simply a matter of changing your mindset: Do you negotiate a truce with a bothersome household fly? Do you try to reconcile the differences of opinion you have with mice in your pantry? Do you seek mediation to resolve the conflict with disease-causing microorganisms? There can be no negotiation, only extermination. Humanity, especially your own personal slice of it, must prevail at all costs. When interacting with aliens, the word
No!
can be most articulately expressed with a .44 Magnum.

Aliens are, by their very nature, unpredictable. You just never know when you will have a close encounter. When an incident occurs, you will not be able to say, “Hang on. I don't have my Smith & Wesson handy. Can you come back in half an hour?” You will be forced to engage the enemy with the resources you have available at a moment's notice. To do this, you must be both physically and mentally prepared.

Our forebears invented throwing sticks, spears, bows and arrows, and intercontinental ballistic missiles for a good reason. The farther you are away from your adversary to deliver a blow, the safer you are. Close proximity to aliens equals danger. Increased distance from aliens equals safety. Whenever possible, utilize weapons and tactics that put as much distance between you and your alien target as possible.

Hand-to-hand combat is a tactic of last resort. Any close combat situation exposes you to the threat of significant personal injury. A misplaced step, a momentary distraction, or indecision, and you could find yourself on the examination slab with your lower alimentary canal open for business.

If it does come to a fight, make sure you throw the first punch. It is vital that you take the initiative in any combat situation. Don't wait for the perfect moment; that may never come. The only way to be safe is to hit first. The element of surprise has been used for millennia to secure an advantage in conflict situations. The upper hand in combat comes in the form of a closed fist.

Aliens are highly intelligent and cunning opponents. They will use every dirty trick in the book in order to win a battle. Many have underestimated their ruthless resolve and suffered the consequences. Their desire to vanquish is as strong as your desire to live. Stay alert and watch your back. Never assume that an alien is no longer a threat just because it is down for the count. Many an unwary human has made this assumption to their great regret. We have all seen the horror movie or thriller where the hero fails to finish off the villain, through some misguided sense of pity or morality. The bad guy invariably recovers just enough to have one last attempt at destroying the hero. Don't let feelings of awe or sympathy cloud your judgment. Take no chances; deliver the final blow for the sake of humanity.

There are no rules governing our interactions with hostile alien forces. Your actions are not bound by any legal conventions, treaties, or ethical restraints. Your response must be what the situation demands. This may or may not include what some people call cruel and unusual treatment. Do the ends justify the means? Only you can determine what is the appropriate course of action in each unique situation. History will ultimately judge whether those actions were warranted in order to save the planet from alien domination. You just have to do what you have to do.

Once you've given it all you've got, get out of there as fast as you can, before the reinforcements arrive. You may prevail against a small number of aliens, but your chances of success are inversely proportional to the number of aliens you engage. Those who fight and run away, live to fight another day. In sum: Hit first, hit hard, then run.

Close-quarter combat involves a physical confrontation between two or more opponents, in this case, you and one or more aliens. This will be the most common form of engagement with the enemy, as most encounters with aliens occur during abduction attempts. Abductions are, by their very nature, up close and personal. These encounters are usually at times when you are off your guard and at your most vulnerable. The alien strategy is to abduct citizens in situations that pose the least amount of threat to themselves. Your greatest asset will be the element of surprise.

Little will they expect that they have selected a human specimen who is not only on to their little game, but prepared to beat them at it. You possess both the knowledge and skills to thwart their insidious plans and turn the tables on their enterprise, sending them packing with their metaphorical tails between their legs.

The goal of close-quarter combat is to be prepared to use either armed (e.g., knife, rifle, baseball bat, potato peeler) or unarmed (hand-to-hand) techniques to vanquish your intergalactic adversaries in as short a time as possible, while incurring minimal injuries to yourself. The nature and amount of force required will depend on many factors.

The goal, however, will always be the same: to defeat your foe. The end result can be either lethal or non-lethal, depending on the desired outcome.

You will not always be carrying a weapon when confronting your alien foes. Being fully armed in day-to-day situations is not only impractical, but can also be highly undesirable. There is, however, one weapon from which you cannot be parted: your body. With thorough knowledge and training in some basic hand-to-hand combat skills, you will have everything you need to get yourself out of many sticky situations.

Fingers: Poking, Ripping, Gouging, Tearing

Fingers are an extremely versatile weapon. They can be used to inflict all manner of nasty injuries on your alien opponent. One obvious target to aim for is an alien's eyes. Eye gouges are achieved by forcefully thrusting the tips of your fingers or thumbs into an alien's eye sockets. This will have the effect of blinding your opponent, providing you with a chance to deliver a fatal blow.

All parts of the eye are equally as sensitive. A particularly enthusiastic gouge may result in your fingers or thumbs penetrating the eye membrane and sinking into the internal vitreous gel. This feels akin to plunging your thumb into a ripe mango, and, although somewhat unpleasant the first few times, it is not something that should distract you from the task at hand.

FIGURE 4.1:
Use your fingers for gouging.

Other areas of the alien body are also vulnerable to a digital attack (see sidebar on page 128), but remember, during molting season, an alien skin may peel off in large strips into your hands. Although disconcerting when experienced for the first time, molted alien skin is not dangerous. However, any momentary hesitation on your part may provide aliens with the opportunity they need to gain the upper hand.

Hands: Striking and Punching

Your hands can become formidable weapons during close-range combat. A wide variety of punches and strikes can be used with lethal effect. Although it is possible to strike a lucky blow, your fists, like any weapon, will serve you best if you gain confidence and proficiency through thorough training. Always target your strikes toward your opponents' vital points or nerve motor points. This will have the effect of either taking them out in the first instance or momentarily incapacitating them, giving you an opportunity to finish them off.

Elbow Strikes

Elbow strikes are blows delivered with the point of the elbow or a part of the upper arm or forearm near the elbow. They may be delivered in a downward motion, thrown sideways (either forward or behind), or with an upward thrust. When used properly, the elbows are capable of tremendous striking power and can be used to attack almost any part of an alien's body. The obvious target for an elbow strike is the alien's head, but never forget the rib-cracking potential of a blow delivered to the upper torso or the organ-rupturing possibilities of a sharp jab to the abdominal region. Ensure strikes are delivered swiftly and forcefully.