Authors: Amy Gutman
mindlessness. She’d finally cleared the right side and turned now 3
to the left, plucking off the furry bits of wool and flicking them 4
into the trash. When at last she looked up, she felt vaguely dazed.
5
Twenty minutes had passed.
6
She’d been this way for almost a week now. Preoccupied. Dis-7
tracted. The world around her had come to seem more and more 8
unreal. It was at night, as she lay unconscious, that she sensed re-9
ality. The old nightmare returned now almost every night. Steven 10
Gage in the parking lot, his hands exploring her body. The heat 11
of desire, the fear of death, intertwined in sleep. Even worse, the 12
dream was mutating, as if it were a living thing. Sometimes 13
Steven was Lester Crain. Once he’d had Rick’s face. This last 14
shift had appalled her. It had felt like a betrayal. Moments after 15
she’d snapped awake, she’d gone to the toilet and thrown up.
16
She was no closer to deciding what to do than she’d been last 17
week. She’d spent hours on the Internet, seeking news of Lester 18
Crain. But just as she’d thought, there was very little that she 19
didn’t already know. She told herself this was reassuring; he 20
might be dead, after all. All the experts agreed that a killer like 21
Crain wouldn’t have simply stopped. Yet during the years since 22
his escape, no crimes had been linked to him.
23
If only she had someone to talk to, but there was no one now.
24
She thought of her parents back in Indiana, how much older 25
they’d seemed last Christmas, her father’s skin pouched around S 26
his eyes, her mother somehow fragile. After everything she’d put R 27
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them through, she couldn’t dump this on them. Besides, even if 2
she talked to them, what could they possibly do? They’d only worry 3
as they had before, as they had for so many years. And once again 4
they’d be helpless to protect the daughter they loved. Imagining 5
how she’d feel in their place, she was filled with guilt. She couldn’t 6
think of anything worse than fearing your child was in danger.
7
Her older sister, Sarah, had always been her closest confidante.
8
But calm, perfect Sarah now had problems of her own. Sarah and 9
her husband had been sharply hit in the nineties tech-stock crash.
10
Gary had been laid off, and Sarah, a doctor, had gone back to 11
work full-time. She had two young children, one of them autistic, 12
and wanted to be home with them. Instead, the kids were in day 13
care, while Gary looked for work.
14
The only other possibility was her ex-husband, Kevin Thayer.
15
At least he knew the history. She wouldn’t have to explain.
16
Kevin with his round pink face, his smell of Ivory soap. Strange, 17
that of all the options, he was the most appealing. She and Kevin 18
had barely spoken for years. Their divorce had not been smooth.
19
She doubted if he’d forgiven her for walking out on him. Still, at 20
this point, even he had to see that the marriage couldn’t have 21
lasted. And now that he had a new life, he had to be less angry.
22
Last she’d heard, he had a son and a baby on the way. He worked 23
for a Chicago accounting firm. His wife was a stay-at-home mom.
24
There was another reason to call Kevin, of course. Callie thought 25
of Anna. Even if she hadn’t received the note, there was still that 26
conversation. Anna missed her father. That was the simple truth.
27
She owed it to Anna to talk to Kevin, to try to repair the damage.
28
Remorse washed over her as she thought how blind she’d been, 29
how she’d had absolutely no idea what Anna was going through.
30
The fact that she simply hadn’t known didn’t seem like an ex-31
cuse. She should have suspected something. She should have 32
thought to ask.
33
Kevin’s number wasn’t in her Filofax. She had it somewhere 34
locked in a file drawer along with her divorce decree. Squatting 35 S
by the drawer, she flipped through folders, then finally pulled 36 R
one out.
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The notepad page where she’d scribbled his number was yel-1
lowed and dry with age. How long ago had she written it down?
2
Was it even good anymore? She stared at the digits, uncertain, 3
pondering what to do.
4
It would be so easy to pick up the phone, simply to place the 5
call. But once she’d taken that step, there was no going back.
6
Maybe she should at least put it off until Anna wasn’t home.
7
What if Anna overheard? Or happened to pick up the phone?
8
Rick, too, that was another thing. He’d be getting back tonight.
9
He’d be over in just a couple of hours, and she needed to shower 10
and dress.
11
Not a sound from Anna’s room. Callie wondered what she was 12
doing. Restless, she finally stood up and went into the hallway.
13
As she knocked on Anna’s door, Callie noticed that the sign 14
was gone.
15
A rustle from inside. “Come in,” Anna called.
16
Automatically, Callie’s eyes moved to the bed, but Anna wasn’t 17
there. Instead, she was at her computer, her eyes glued to the 18
screen. The clothes that had covered the monitor were now piled 19
high on a chair. Anna was staring at the screen, her hand glued 20
to the mouse.
21
Callie stepped up behind her.
22
“Wait, okay?” said Anna. She was staring at a square filled with 23
brightly colored boxes that were rapidly disappearing. A click of 24
the mouse and a box was gone. Finally, none was left.
25
A celebratory burst of canned music.
26
“There,” Anna said.
27
“Whatcha doing?” Callie asked.
28
“Just this game Henry showed me.”
29
“Something on the Internet?”
30
“No, it’s on a disk.”
31
Good,
Callie thought. But didn’t say anything. She’d limited 32
Anna’s AOL access to the kids-only areas. Still, she worried 33
about who might be lurking in those so-called kids’ chat rooms.
34
She’d stressed to Anna the importance of abiding by strict ground S 35
rules.
Never give out your real name. Never say where you live. Tell
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me right away if anyone wants to meet you.
She’d have liked to bar 2
Anna from the Internet, but the kids all had AOL.
3
“Homework done?”
4
“Mah-um.
” It was the two-syllable version.
5
“Well?”
6
“Yeah. You want to see it?” Chin thrust out, defiant.
7
“That’s okay. I trust you.”
8
“No you don’t,” said Anna. “If you trusted me, you wouldn’t 9
ask. It’s like you have to be with me every second. I mean, all 10
weekend, I had to do stuff with you. The
whole
weekend.”
11
It was true, Callie thought. She’d been more protective than 12
usual, wanting Anna close by at all times. But something pushed 13
her to deny it, an impulse of normality.
14
“That’s not true,” she said. “What about Sunday? You spent the 15
afternoon at the Creightons’.”
16
“You still came over
twice.
”
17
“I needed to talk to Henry’s mother.”
18
“Why? You don’t even like her.”
19
Callie looked at Anna, surprised. What had she ever done or 20
said that Anna guessed her feelings? And it wasn’t that she didn’t 21
like
Mimi Creighton, just that they had nothing in common.
22
Mimi, with her Harvard M.B.A., ran her family like a corpor-23
ation. Before she and Bernie had children, she’d worked for a 24
consulting firm. Now she focused her energies on raising perfect 25
children. Mimi talked about her kids as if they were investments.
26
Benjamin’s stellar S.A.T.’s, Emma’s soccer trophies. And Henry, 27
well, he was the smartest one. Practically a genius.
28
“Rick’s coming over later,” Callie said, quickly changing the 29
subject.
30
“Oh,” Anna said. “I thought he was away.”
31
“He was, but now he’s back.”
32
Anna didn’t answer.
33
Callie wanted to say something —
I understand. I just want you
34
to be happy
— but the words stuck in her throat. Instead, she 35 S
reached down mutely and stroked her daughter’s hair.
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I’d do anything for you,
she thought.
1
Then Anna squirmed away.
2
Back in her bedroom again, Callie picked up the phone. She’d 3
left the number on the table beside it. Now she punched it in. If 4
he wasn’t in, she told herself, she wouldn’t leave a message. If he 5
wasn’t in, it would be a sign. If he wasn’t —
6
“Hello?”
7
A soft, almost childlike voice. The second Mrs. Thayer.
8
“Donna? This is Callie.”
9
A pause, and then, “Oh!” It had taken her a moment to place 10
the name. “I . . . Kevin isn’t in.” There was a guardedness to her 11
voice that hadn’t been there before. “I’m afraid he’s out of town.
12
Business.”
13
In the background Callie heard the TV, the sound of kids ar-14
guing.
15
“Is this an emergency?”
16
“No,” said Callie. “But I do need to talk to him. It’s about . . .
17
well, could you just ask him to call me, please? Not at home, 18
though. Here, let me give you my cell phone number.”
19
“I’ll be talking to him later tonight. If I had a number for him, 20
I could give it to you, but he’s . . . well, they’re sort of moving 21
around.”
22
“No problem,” said Callie.
23
“He should call before too long, though. I’ll be sure to give him 24
the message.”
25
Callie thanked her profusely and hung up.
26
As she put down the phone, she realized that she could have 27
asked Donna for Kevin’s cell phone number. She considered call-28
ing back, then changed her mind. She might catch Kevin at an 29
awkward moment, and she didn’t want to annoy him. Better to 30
wait for him to call. She’d hear from him soon enough.
31
32
h
33
Anna waited until she heard her mother’s door close. Then, with 34
a click of the computer mouse, she signed on to AOL. She checked S 35
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her Buddy List and saw that TheMagician93 was still online. She 2
clicked to send him an instant message. The box popped up on 3
the screen.
4
Bttrfly146
Sometimes I really hate my mother.
5
6
But as soon as the words appeared, she felt bad seeing them.
7
She didn’t hate her mother. It just seemed that way sometimes.
8
A chiming sound and more words flashed up. He was answer-9
ing her.
10
TheMagician93
I told you, you don’t have to stay there. She can’t
11
make you stay.
12
13
Anna chewed on a piece of hair. Was that really what she 14
wanted? Could she run away? She looked around her room — the 15
blue-and-white bedspread she’d picked out last year, the mounds 16
of stuffed animals. Her favorite books and posters. She really 17
liked her room. But sometimes her mother made her so mad, she 18
could hardly stand it anymore. If she ran away, her mother would 19
be sorry. Maybe things would change. Besides, she wouldn’t have 20
to stay gone all that long. Just enough to scare her.
21
Bttrfly146
Where would we go?
22
TheMagician93
Wherever we want . . .
23
24
h
25
26
The doorbell rang, and Callie raced down the stairs. She fumbled 27
with the lock, threw open the door. Suddenly, there he was. His 28
face was dimly illuminated by the pale yellow porch light. He 29
didn’t smile at first, just gazed at her solemnly. He was wearing 30
khakis and loafers with an old brown leather jacket. She thought 31
of all the times she’d seen that jacket over the past eight months.