The Aristobrats (17 page)

The Lylas waited out front on the stairs for their rides. The air was chilly and their dresses were now hidden under warm parkas, flannel-lined trench coats—or, in Kiki's case, a silver and black chinchilla. Cars and limousines lined up in the turnabout and Wallys poured out of the school. Divya came out laughing and holding Jake Emerson's hand.

“Bye you guys!” Divya said as she shut the door of her limo. She rolled down the window before she left. “This was the best night of my life!”

Ikea waved and made her fingers into the shape of a heart. Divya's ear-to-ear smile wasn't something Ikea could put on her college application or mention to the admissions committee, but it still was probably one of the most important things Ikea had ever done.

Tribb and Cricket came out, followed by Courtney and Tinsley and the guys from the team. They piled into the stretch Hummer in the turnabout.

“We're headed for gelato,” Kirby yelled to Plum. “You wanna come?”

“I don't do Hummers,” Plum said. “I have gas mileage issues.” Kirby looked disappointed. “But I don't mind riding bikes,” Plum added. “If you want to do that sometime.”

“Sweet,” he said as he shut the door.

Courtney's head popped up through the sunroof of the car. She was singing at the top of her lungs until Tinsley reached up and pulled her back down as the long car pulled away.

Allegra Oliphant's father was waiting in the long line of cars. Allegra walked out to meet him. She turned back to Parker.

“I guess congratulations are in order…but I personally can't endorse it,” Allegra snipped.

“So then why don't you join the staff?” Parker asked. She wasn't just being a champion of the under-popular—she thought after those years of preparing for it, Allegra might actually have something important to say.

“Me?” Allegra asked as if it was the most unexpected thing she'd ever heard.

“Yeah,” Parker said. “Why not?”

“I
do
have this eight-ring binder of ideas!” Allegra told her. “They're all alphabetized and categorized by relevance!”

“Oh great,” Kiki griped. “
Eight
-ring? Fantabulous.”

Allegra skipped out to her father's car. And if Parker wasn't mistaken, she was doing the Birdie all the way.

Kiki unstrapped her high heels and wiggled her toes. Parker's shoes were already off and her feet were freezing cold. Ikea lined up her sandals and crossed a foot over Parker's. Plum's lavender high tops fit right in beside them.

“What do you think we should do for the next show?” Ikea asked.

“I dunno…” Parker wasn't sure about what the future would bring. And that's just the way it was supposed to be. “We'll think of something.”

A

Academy Awards acceptance pose
Hand on hip, other hand almost touching face.
Surprised! Flattered! Gracious!
Used in the event of, but not exclusive to, the winning of the award itself.

Aristobrats
What non-Aristobrats call the elite group of second, third, or even fourth generation Wallingford Academy students behind their backs.

Axe deodorant 1.
What boys use instead of soap.
2.
That funny smell in the auditorium.

B

backblogged
The state of being behind on updating one's Facebook profile, often accompanied by a multitude of unread Friend requests, group invitations, fan suggestions, and photo tags. See
Facebook limbo.

bagsy 1.
To bag.
2.
To claim as by virtue of a right;
e.g., We bagsied the purple couch at La Coppa Coffee.

the Birdie
The flapping of the hands by the shoulders so fast that you look like you might take off. Usually followed by a single excited squeal. Involuntary reflex.

blucher mocs
L.L. Bean four-eyelet moccasin (saddle brown), the foundation of the Aristobrat school uniform. Worn to old-shoe perfection. Infinitely preferable to the Top-Sider. Refer to
Essential Guide to “So Over.”
The shoe for which the phrase “Don't drag your shoes, ladies” was created.

BTdubs
BTW, only better.

C

Carbo Footprint
A measure of the amount of carbohydrates (i.e., frosted brown sugar cinnamon Pop Tarts) utilized by a person, place, or organization at a given time.

D

def
Definitely,
when constrained on time to say entire word.

distressing
So hawt it's painful. See
EGB.

E

EGB
Eighth Grade Boyfriend. Possibly the most significant person in a person's life. Candidates have been evaluated for at least one year prior and agreed upon by at least two impartial parties. Must respect you for you.

East Alcove
The social doughnut hole of the lunchroom. See
West Alcove.

enterdrained
A state of prolonged unconsciousness brought on by severely underwhelming entertainment; i.e., the yearly “Welcome Back, Wallingford Students” address.
syn
:
Comatastic.

exqueez-ay moi
(French pronunciation.)
Excuse me.

F

fabulouz
(French pronunciation.)
Fabulous.

Facebook limbo
The time and space between accepting and rejecting (or being accepted as or rejected as) a Facebook Friend. Either by mistake
,
see
backblogged,
or on purpose, see
Stalkbooking.

H

the Hairy Eyeball
The double axel, triple salchow of all facial expressions: skill, practice, and flawless execution required to avoid fatalities.

hairy nip fit
A psychological condition of extreme upset-ness—the common conniption fit (
nip fit
), only hairier. (Entirely unrelated to
the Hairy Eyeball
.)

Hawaiian Trops
The state of maximum tanness.

hello 1.
Phone greeting.
Hello!?
2.
Unbelievableness.
Hello!?
3.
Can anyone hear me.
Hello!?
4.
Excuse me, I was talking.
Hello!?
5.
You are so unbelievably right.
Hello!?

Hollywood Hair Bumpit
Hair enlargement device. Twice the volume of regular Bumpit.

Hyphenators
Those for whom one last name simply does not communicate it all; as in
Cosima Adrianzen-Fonseca
and
Emily Crawford-Green.

I

insultosurus
from Latin,
insultinos
insulting + Greek, -
osaurus
person.

“I yove you”
“
I love you
” while wearing super glossy lipstick.

L

La Coppa Coffee
The center of the universe.

ledge
Legend
without that pesky second syllable.

Lylas
Love You Like a Sister. Also:
L.Y.L.A.S.
syn
:
Lyla.

M

moi
(French pronunciation.)
Me.

N

noblesse oblige
The moral obligation of those of a higher standing, powerful auditorium seating, more adept use of ceramic flat iron, etc., to act with honor, kindness, generosity, etc., etc.

noof 1.
New person.
2.
The painful state of newness.
3.
The transferred student.
4.
The worst thing a person can be.

O

Obsessive Repulsive Disorder (ORD)
Mental disorder characterized by recurrent hair flips, laughter, and more hair flips all while totally pretending not to be doing it on purpose.

OMG
Last year's
OMG
.

OMGasp
This year's
OMG
.

P

populadder
The unseen hierarchical system of popularity, the bottom two-thirds of which don't count. Awareness of its existence is the key to being on it.

populartunity
A singular appropriate or favorable time or occasion as for populadder advancement. May never come again.

prepsicle 1.
Head to toe prepsterness.
2.
Cute-preppy.
3.
The real deal.
ant:
Polo-poser, Abercrombie Zombie.

Preptobismol
Taking the pink clothing thing way too far.

S

SABS
See and Be Seen. See
West Alcove.

schnuggly 1.
An item of clothing so cozy and old it must be banned from public use.
2.
Things that are so cute they make you nauseated.

sitch
(British pronunciation.)
Situation.

Stalkbooking
When a person spends an unhealthy amount of time stalking another person's Facebook profile instead of actually getting a life.

T

tanorexia
Tanorexia Nervoso.
A mental disorder such that the person thinks that no matter how tan they are, they're never tan enough; often acquired during or immediately following vacation breaks.

the Terminator
Living tissue over a metal endoskeleton sent back from the future to destroy the world, aka Ms. Hotchkiss.

totally
An agreement reached by all;
e.g., You: Tribb is distressingly fit. Us:
Totally
.

Twittervention
An orchestrated confrontation at La Coppa Coffee (without lattes or cranberry scones) to forcibly disarm Twitter account and get person to admit they need professional help or, at the very least, a fresh mani-pedi.

U

underpopular
Not-popular through no fault of one's own; suffering from unpopularness. See
noblesse oblige.

V

vous
(French pronunciation.)
You.

W

Wally 1.
A Wallingford Academy student.
2.
slang
.
A non-Aristobrat.

way
An exclamation of moreness. Can be preceded by
so
, an exclamation of more more-ness;
e.g., Wally 1: Those new jeans are way great. Wally 2: So way great.

West Alcove
The
only
place to eat your lunch. See
East Alcove.

whinge-binge 1.
Excessive indulgence in complaining; often revolving around “nothing to wear.”
2.
An acceptable form of exercise.

To Jennifer Joel, Daniel Ehrenhaft, Niki Castle, Dominique Raccah, Kelly Barrales-Saylor, Kay Mitchell, Paul Samuelson, Kristin Zelazko, Danielle Trejo, Dawn Pope, Mallory Kaster, and Sarah Cardillo for their tireless faith, work, and support. To Tommy Jacoby, who makes my magic happen, and to Griffin Musser and Tallulah Musser, who inspire me every day. To Nan, Don, and Jordan Solow, whose palpable love of each other and of me has made me who I am. To my lifelong friends, Karen Goldberg, Sharon Reidbord, and Juditta Musette. And to my newer lifelong friends, John Scott, Iole Taddei, and Nona and Randy Daron. To my board of advisors, Zoe Goldberg, Damon Jacoby, Ethan Jacoby, and Allen Meyer. To Winchester-Thurston, where this story was born, to Mill Valley Middle School, where the blanks were filled in, and to Shadyside Academy, who provided the boys when there were none.

Jennifer Solow
once attended an exclusive private school where her spot on the populadder wavered depending on whatever haircut she had at the time (long: good, short: not so good) and where the idea for this book began. Soon after, Jennifer moved to Manhattan, where she was an advertising creative director, wore a lot of cool clothes, and worked with a few famous guys named Spike. She now lives in Mill Valley with her husband and two children, where she is working on the next Aristobrats.

Visit her at www.jennifersolow.com, and find out more about the Aristobrats at www.thearistobrats.com.