The Art of Empathy (52 page)

35
. Because our English emotional vocabulary isn't extensive, you'll see that I had to combine many emotions in my vocabulary list. Anger and hatred are in the Anger category; fear, anxiety, and panic are in the Fear category; and so on. It's
hard
to find enough English words to describe distinct gradations of many specific emotions!

36
. McLaren, K. “How Much Emotion Is Too Much? (Revisited!)” May 25, 2011.
http://karlamclaren.com/how-much-emotion-is-too-much-revisted/
.

37
. McLaren, K. “Is It a Feeling or Is It an Emotion? Revisited!” March 2, 2012.
http://karlamclaren.com/is-it-a-feeling-or-is-it-an-emotion-revisited/
.

38
. Winerman, L. “Talking the Pain Away: Brain Research Indicates Putting Problems into Words Eases Emotional Distress.”
Monitor on Psychology
37, no. 9 (2006).

39
. This is a play off of Antonio Damasio's designation of the “emotionally
competent
stimulus,” which he talks about in his book
Self Comes to Mind: Constructing the Conscious Brain
(Pantheon, 2010). I really appreciate Damasio's concept of emotional stimuli, but the word
competent
didn't encompass the lived experience of the emotive process for me.

40
. McLaren, Karla. “Building Your Raft: The Five Empathic Skills.”
The Language of Emotions.
Boulder: Sounds True, 2010 (125–158).

41
. McLaren, Karla. “Befriending Anxiety in 2011. Huzzah!” January 3, 2011.
http://karlamclaren.com/befriending-anxiety-in-2011-huzzah/
.

42
. For instance, Ohio State neuroscientist Randy Nelson and colleagues found that relatively dim light sources during sleep (equivalent to a TV left on in a darkened bedroom)
reduced cognitive speed, reduced activity in the hippocampus, and induced depressive behaviors in hamsters. One suggestion is that the light tricks the body into thinking that it is still daytime and that the sleep-inducing hormone melatonin doesn't activate fully. Therefore, sleep is not as deep or restorative. From Fonken, L. K., E. Kitsmiller, L. Smale, and R. J. Nelson. “Dim Nighttime Light Impairs Cognition and Provokes Depressivelike Responses in a Diurnal Rodent.”
Journal of Biological Rhythms
27 (2012): 319–327.

43
. Orthorexia, or extreme healthy eating, was first defined by Steven Bratman, MD, in 1996 at
http://www.orthorexia.com/about/
.

44
. See Dr. Levine's books, audio learning sets, and online courses under the Trauma Healing heading in the Further Resources section.

45
. My response about thresholds first appeared in an online newsletter in 2010 and was then included in the text portion of my online course
Emotional Flow
(Sounds True, 2012).

46
. Weir, Kirsten. “Fickle Friends: How to Deal with Frenemies.”
Scientific American Mind
(June 16, 2011).

47
. Wenner Moyer, Melinda. “Eye Contact Quells Online Hostility: Mean Comments Arise from a Lack of Eye Contact More Than from Anonymity.”
Scientific American Mind
(September 16, 2012).

48
. Conscious Complaining with a Partner was created for a Kripalu workshop and first appeared on my website under the title “New Empathic Skills!” November 1, 2010.
http://karlamclaren.com/new-empathic-skills
/.

49
. McLaren, Karla. “Stress Is a Weasel Word, and Maybe That's Good!” May 15, 2012.
http://karlamclaren.com/stress-is-a-weasel-word-and-maybe-thats-good
/.

50
. See Bal, P. M., and M. Veltkamp. “How Does Fiction Reading Influence Empathy? An Experimental Investigation on the Role of Emotional Transportation.”
PLoS ONE
8, no. 1 (2013); Gabriel. S., and A. F. Young. “Becoming a Vampire without Being Bitten: The Narrative Collective-Assimilation Hypothesis.”
Psychological Science
22, no. 8 (2012).

51
. Green, J. A., P. G. Whitney, and M. Potegal. “Screaming, Yelling, Whining, and Crying: Categorical and Intensity Differences in Vocal Expressions of Anger and Sadness in Children's Tantrums.”
Emotion
11, no. 5 (2011): 1124–1133.

52
.
Kitten vs. a Scary Thing,
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_MqHN-4okZ4
.

53
. Radvansky, G. A., S. A. Krawietz, and A. K. Tamplin. “Walking through Doorways Causes Forgetting: Further Explorations.”
The Quarterly Journal of Experimental Psychology
64, no. 8 (2011): 1632–1645.

54
. An early version of this piece on emotion work first appeared on my site as “An Introduction to Emotion Work.” March 6, 2010.
http://karlamclaren.com
/ an-introduction-to-emotion-work/.

55
. Some people see the concept of meritocracy as problematic due to our strong privilege structures of race and class, which create and reinforce inequalities, such that a meritocracy might actually just be a collection of elite, white, educated, upper-class males who gained their skills in an unjustly segregated, class-based, and unequal society. See Chris Hayes's
Twilight of the Elites: America after Meritocracy
(Crown, 2012) for an examination of this problem. When I refer to a meritocracy, I'm talking about an idealized version, in which the people who truly perform the job best
get
the job and then have real autonomy.

56
. Milliken, F. J., E. W. Morrison, and P. F. Hewlin. “An Exploratory Study of Employee Silence: Issues that Employees Don't Communicate Upward and Why.”
Journal Of Management Studies
40, no. 6 (2003): 1453–1476.

57
. My work on gossip began in a post called “A Holiday Gift for Your Emotions.” December 17, 2010.
http://karlamclaren.com/a-holiday-gift-for-your-emotions
/.

58
. Waters, Tony.
Bureaucratizing the Good Samaritan: The Limitations of Humanitarian Relief Operations.
Boulder, CO: Westview Press, 2001.

59
. Ariely, Dan.
The Upside of Irrationality.
New York: Harper, 2010, 237–241.

60
. My three-party empathy model is a nod to Fritz Breithaupt's discussion of three-person empathy; however, my terminology refers to complex group-level behaviors. See Breithaupt, Fritz. “A Three-Person Model of Empathy.”
Emotion Review
4 (2012): 84.

61
. McLaren, Karla. “How Do We Detoxify Our Natural Tendency to Create Us-versus-Them Conflicts?” (Facebook post). August 14, 2012.
https://www.facebook.com/notes/karla-mclaren/how-do-we-detoxify-our-natural-tendency-to-create-us-versus-them-conflicts/10151111406133390
.

62
. De Dreu, C. K. W., S. Shalvi, L. L. Greer, G. A. Van Kleef, and M. J. J. Handgraaf. “Oxytocin Motivates Non-Cooperation in Intergroup Conflict to Protect Vulnerable In-Group Members.”
PLoS ONE
7, no. 11 (2012); Rockliff, H., A. Karl, K. McEwan, J. Gilbert, M. Matos, and P. Gilbert. “Effects of Intranasal Oxytocin on ‘Compassion Focused Imagery.'”
Emotion
11, no. 6 (2011).

63
. Lalich., J., and K. McLaren. “Inside and Outcast: Multifaceted Stigma and Redemption in the Lives of Gay and Lesbian Jehovah's Witnesses.”
Journal of Homosexuality
57, no. 10 (2010).

Further Resources

EMOTIONS AND EMPATHY

Blakeslee, Sandra, and Matthew Blakeslee.
The Body Has a Mind of Its Own.
New York: Random House, 2007.

Buss, David M.
The Dangerous Passion: Why Jealousy Is as Necessary as Love and Sex.
New York: The Free Press, 2000.

Damasio, Antonio.
Descartes' Error: Emotion, Reason, and the Human Brain.
New York: Picador, 1995.

Damasio, Antonio.
The Feeling of What Happens: Body and Emotion in the Making of Consciousness.
New York: Harvest, 1999.

Damasio, Antonio.
Looking for Spinoza: Joy, Sorrow, and the Feeling Brain.
New York: Harcourt, 2003.

Davidson, Richard J., and Sharon Begley.
The Emotional Life of Your Brain.
New York: Hudson Street Press, 2012.

Decety, Jean, and William Ickes, eds.
The Social Neuroscience of Empathy.
Cambridge, MA: MIT Press, 2009.

de Waal, Frans.
The Age of Empathy: Nature's Lessons for a Kinder Society.
New York: Harmony, 2009.

Eliot, Lise.
Pink Brain, Blue Brain: How Small Differences Grow Into Troublesome Gaps— and What We Can Do About It.
New York: Houghton Mifflin Harcourt, 2009.

Evans, Dylan.
Emotion: The Science of Sentiment.
New York: Oxford University Press, 2002.

Goffman, Erving.
Stigma: Notes on the Management of Spoiled Identity.
New York: Simon & Schuster, 1963.

Goleman, Daniel.
Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ,
10th anniversary edition. New York: Bantam, 2006.

Grandin, Temple.
Animals in Translation: Using the Mysteries of Autism to Decode Animal Behavior.
New York: Scribner, 2004.

Hochschild, Arlie.
The Managed Heart: Commercialization of Human Feeling.
Berkeley: University of California Press, 2003.

Ickes, Wiliam, ed.
Empathic Accuracy.
New York: Guildford Press, 1997.

Lamia, Mary.
Understanding Myself: A Kid's Guide to Intense Emotions and Strong Feelings.
Washington, DC: Magination Press, 2010.

McLaren, Karla.
Emotional Flow: Becoming Fluent in the Language of Emotions.
Online course. Boulder, CO: Sounds True, 2012.

McLaren, Karla.
The Language of Emotions: What Your Feelings Are Trying to Tell You.
Boulder, CO: Sounds True, 2010.

Milgram, Stanley.
Obedience to Authority: The Unique Experiment that Challenged Human Nature.
New York: Harper & Row, 1974.

Nettle, Daniel.
Happiness: The Science behind Your Smile.
New York: Oxford University Press, 2006.

Rifkin, Jeremy.
The Empathic Civilization.
New York: Tarcher, 2009.

Sher, Barbara, and Annie Gottlieb.
Wishcraft: How to Get What You Really Want.
New York: Ballantine, 1979.

Szalavitz, Maia, and Bruce D. Perry.
Born for Love: Why Empathy Is Essential—and Endangered.
New York: William Morrow, 2010.

Wilson, Edward O.
The Social Conquest of Earth.
New York: Liveright Publishing, 2012.

Zimbardo, Philip.
The Lucifer Effect: Understanding How Good People Turn Evil.
New York: Random House, 2007.

HEALTH AND WELL-BEING

Dement, William.
The Promise of Sleep: A Pioneer in Sleep Medicine Explores the Vital Connection between Health, Happiness, and a Good Night's Sleep.
New York: Dell, 1999.

Engel, Cindy.
Wild Health: How Animals Keep Themselves Well and What We Can Learn from Them.
New York: Houghton Mifflin, 2002.

Mednick, Sara.
Take a Nap! Change Your Life.
New York: Workman, 2006.

Randall, David K.
Dreamland: Adventures in the Strange Science of Sleep.
New York: W.W. Norton, 2012.

COMMUNICATION AND RELATIONSHIP SUPPORT

De Angelis, Barbara.
Are You the One for Me? Knowing Who's Right and Avoiding Who's Wrong.
New York: Delacorte, 1992.

Ellison, Sharon.
Taking Power Struggle Out of Parenting.
Deadwood, OR: Wyatt- MacKenzie, 2007.

Ellison, Sharon.
Taking the War Out of Our Words.
Deadwood, OR: Wyatt-MacKenzie, 2009.

Johnson, Robert.
He: Understanding Masculine Psychology.
New York: Perennial, 1974.

Johnson, Robert.
She: Understanding Feminine Psychology.
New York: Perennial, 1976.

Riera, Michael.
Uncommon Sense for Parents with Teenagers.
Berkeley CA: Celestial Arts, 2004.

TRAUMA HEALING

de Becker, Gavin.
The Gift of Fear: Survival Signals that Protect Us from Violence.
Boston: Little, Brown & Company, 1997.

Lalich, Janja, and Madeleine Tobias.
Take Back Your Life: Recovering from Cults and Abusive Relationships.
Berkeley, CA: Bay Tree Publishing, 2006.

Levine, Peter.
Healing Trauma.
Audiotapes. Boulder, CO: Sounds True, 1999.

Levine, Peter.
The Healing Trauma Online Course.
Online course. Boulder, CO: Sounds True, 2011.

Levine, Peter.
It Won't Hurt Forever: Guiding Your Child through Trauma.
Audiotapes. Boulder, CO: Sounds True, 2001.

Levine, Peter.
Waking the Tiger: Healing Trauma.
Berkeley, CA: North Atlantic, 1997.

THE BRAIN AND NEUROSCIENCE

Ariely, Dan.
Predictably Irrational: The Hidden Forces that Shape Our Decisions.
New York: HarperCollins, 2008.

Ariely, Dan.
The Upside of Irrationality: The Unexpected Benefits of Defying Logic at Work and at Home.
New York: Harper, 2010.

Blakeslee, Sandra, and Matthew Blakeslee.
The Body Has a Mind of Its Own.
New York: Random House, 2007.

Burton, Robert.
On Being Certain: Believing You Are Right Even When You're Not.
New York: St. Martin's Press, 2008.

Damasio, Antonio.
Descartes' Error: Emotion, Reason, and the Human Brain.
New York: Picador, 1995.

Damasio, Antonio.
Self Comes to Mind: Constructing the Conscious Brain.
New York: Pantheon, 2010.

Davidson, Richard J., and Sharon Begley.
The Emotional Life of Your Brain.
New York: Hudson Street Press, 2012.

Gilovich, Thomas.
How We Know What Isn't So: The Fallibility of Human Reason in Everyday Life.
New York: Free Press, 1993.

Hood, Bruce.
The Science of Superstition: How the Developing Brain Creates Supernatural Beliefs.
New York: Harper One, 2010.

Marcus, Gary.
Kluge: The Haphazard Construction of the Human Mind.
New York: Houghton Mifflin, 2008.