The Art of Manliness - Manvotionals: Timeless Wisdom and Advice on Living the 7 Manly Virtues (36 page)

A third characteristic of true honor is Courtesy. This is a word that includes within its meaning, Politeness, Civility, and Good Manners. I do not speak here of Etiquette, which comprehends rather the
rules
of society and of social life; rules which may greatly vary in different times and in different places, and which are easily learned if one is disposed to learn them and finds it necessary. But I speak of that which is the soul of Etiquette, which supplies it with meaning, whatever the rule of society may be; that which gives luster to civility, that which gives heart to politeness, that which gives charm to good manners. Courtesy, is a kindly desire and a considerate effort for the comfort and happiness of those around you. It is immeasurably beyond mere mannerism. It is a specific antidote to selfishness. It is a precise fulfillment, in your manners, in your words, in your gestures, of the golden rule, “Whatsoever Ye Would That Men Should Do To You, Do Ye Even So To Them.” It teaches you to place yourself, in thought, in the position of those around you; and to recognize their just claims to attention and respect. … It teaches you, if you have hastily or thoughtlessly given pain to another, to break through the false shame and evil pride which would prevent you from acknowledging and remedying your fault. It teaches you to sympathize in some sort with the lives of your fellow beings, and to lend them a helping hand in the time of need. It develops your charity, of thought, word, and action.

Aim to be true gentlemen, to be
young
gentlemen. We do not desire you to be other than you are. We do not wish you to wear a mask, to conceal under a polished exterior the inner selfishness, vanity, malice, and rage of the heart. But in this respect to study Truth, and not only to be what you seem to be, but to be what you
ought
to seem to be—Courteous.

But I pass on to another point. If you would cherish in yourselves true Honor and self-respect, cultivate also the spirit of Reverence: Reverence for all persons and all things which are to be reverenced. Your Parents are to be reverenced … The guardians and keepers of the Nation’s power and liberties are to be reverenced, whatever their political views may be. … Our people, old and young, greatly need reformation on this point. One of the evil fruits of the intoxication of politics which is rife amongst us, is a most disrespectful and slanderous way of dealing with the prominent men who differ from ourselves in political views, and who may be actually discharging in good faith the duties which have been committed to them by the vote of the majority of the people, according to our republican system and principles. This license in abusing the characters of our public men, because they differ from us in views of political statesmanship … is most dishonorable. … We may be as decided as we choose upon political theories and principles, but we must reverence the Ruler for the office’s sake. … Those who grant honor where honor is due, will not fail in their turn to receive it.

The last point which I shall venture to present to you in this list of the characteristics of true honor, is Modesty. … In conversation, rather inquire than declaim, rather follow than lead; or, if your duty and position calls you to lead, then strive to draw out others rather than to make a display of yourself. In setting forth your own capacities and merits, rather obtain the endorsement of others whose judgments and opinions are worthy of respect, than take pains to assert
your own
opinion of your worth. In your intercourse with others, and especially with those of the opposite sex, be respectful, be courteous, be pure-minded, be pure worded, be deferential. Do not be tempted under any circumstances, or upon any occasion, to give up a certain amount of quiet reserve, into which you will permit no one whatever to intrude. This is absolutely necessary if you would secure your own self-respect, and the thorough respect of others.

You are growing up to live, and move, and act, in the world of men, to be Citizens of this or some similar community; and the sense of true Honor which you manifest in your youth will cling round you, and ennoble and dignify you in your age. With greater and greater earnestness, then, avoid and forsake all that is low, base, mean, unworthy, and depraved, and follow the right and the true way; aiming to set in yourselves an example of the beautiful union of these grand constituents of true manly Honor: Truth; Fidelity; Courtesy; Reverence; Modesty.

Now that you’ve reached the end of this book, you’re hopefully feeling strengthened, invigorated and inspired to live the seven manly virtues.

But you may also be feeling a bit discouraged. Perhaps the standard of manliness laid out in these chapters seems impossibly high—an ideal that can never be reached.

It probably is. And thus our cynical world would tell you, “Why bother?”

This is why cynicism is the cancer of manhood, the disease that has sapped our virility and eaten away at our
thumos.

If you set your ideals high, while you may never reach the peak you’re aiming for, you will assuredly go much farther than if you had fixed your sights on low hanging fruit or upon nothing at all. Not only will you climb higher, you will find your manhood along the way. The blood, sweat and tears you shed as you struggle toward that difficult peak will transform you into the man you wish to be. The reward is not in the destination, but in the
striving
.

This is a truth the great men you have met within these pages knew well. For example, while Benjamin Franklin never attained the “moral perfection” he sought in living a life of virtue, he believed he was “a better and a happier man” than he would have been if he had not made the attempt.

Becoming a man is not a one time event; it is a decision you make each and every day. It is a decision to rebel against society’s low expectations for men. It is a challenge to not accept a life of apathy and mediocrity and to seek to become the very best man you can be. It’s a decision to take the hard way, to take the path of virtue, honor and excellence, and to leave behind a lasting legacy. At its core, manliness is the decision to simply
try
and to keep on
trying.
To stand with Teddy in the arena, to fall and to get up, and to never become one of those “cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”

The voices of the great men of the past rise from the dust, hearkening to you to join them in this legacy of manliness. Will you answer the call?

Manliness Is Teachable:
From
EURIPIDES, COMPLETE GREEK TRAGEDIES, EURIPIDES IV
. “The Suppliant Women” trans by FW Jones. Copyright © 1959. Reprinted by permission of The University of Chicago Press.

Why Direct Action?:
From “Letter From Birmingham Jail.” Reprinted by arrangement with The Heirs to the Estate of Martin Luther King Jr., c/o Writers House as agent for the proprietor. New York, NY. Copyright 1963. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr; copyright renewed 1991 by Coretta Scott King.

Duty, Honor, Country:
Reprinted with permission of the General Douglas MacArthur Foundation, Norfolk, Virginia.

Winston Churchill’s Speeches During the Fall of France:
Reproduced with permission of Curtis Brown Ltd, London on behalf of the Estate of Sir Winston Churchill. Copyright ©Winston S. Churchill.

Engraving of Winston Churchill:
Courtesy of Berryhill & Sturgeon, Ltd.

Determination Is the Answer:
From “Frozen Hell-Clancy Lyall,” “Frozen Hell-Herb Suerth Jr.,” “Frozen Hell-Bill Wingett,” from
WE WHO ARE ALIVE AND REMAIN: UNTOLD STORIES FROM THE BAND OF BROTHERS
by Marcus Brotherton, copyright © 2009 by Marcus Brotherton. Used by permission of Berkley Publishing Group, a division of Penguin Group (USA) Inc.

To Fight It to the Last. The Final Letter of Robert Falcon Scott to His Wife From the South Pole:
Permission granted by arrangement with Falcon Scott. Holder of the document: Scott Polar Research Institute MS 1835; BJ.

The Last of the Human Freedoms—to Choose One’s Own Way:
From
Man’s Search for Meaning
by Viktor E. Frankl. Copyright © 1959, 1962, 1984, 1992 by Viktor E. Frankl. Reprinted by permission of Beacon Press, Boston. In the UK and Commonwealth, excluding Canada:
MAN’S SEARCH FOR MEANING: THE CLASSIC TRIBUTE TO HOPE FROM THE HOLOCAUST
by Viktor Frankl, published by Rider. Reprinted by permission of the Random House Group Ltd.

Our Job Was to Do Whatever We Could Do:
From “Fighting in Normandy-Ed Pepping” from
WE WHO ARE ALIVE AND REMAIN: UNTOLD STORIES FROM THE BAND OF BROTHERS
by Marcus Brotherton, copyright © 2009 by Marcus Brotherton. Used by permission of Berkley Publishing Group, a division of Penguin Group (USA) Inc.

Quote from WAR by Sebastian Junger.
Published by Grand Central Publishing. Used with permission of Hachette Book Group, Inc.

A Letter from George Washington to His Wife:
Reprinted by permission of
TUDOR PLACE HISTORIC HOUSE AND GARDEN, WASHINGTON, D.C
.

A Generation of Young Men Who Did What Had to Be Done:
From “Thoughts on Heroism” from
WE WHO ARE ALIVE AND REMAIN: UNTOLD STORIES FROM THE BAND OF BROTHERS
by Marcus Brotherton, copyright © 2009 by Marcus Brotherton. Used by permission of Berkley Publishing Group, a division of Penguin Group (USA) Inc.