The Bad Girls' Club (20 page)

Oh fuck.

Oh fuck, fuck, fuckety fuck.

I was going to die.

The silver hair.

Oh fuck.

The plan had to change. New plan – run.

I ran, straight into the toilets. Sebastian would be doing a walk around the department after the meeting. I sat in the cubicle where it was safe. But then again, maybe it wasn’t so safe. That’s where this trouble all started – in a toilet cubicle. Still, I couldn’t stay there forever. I wasn’t a wimp. I’d just walk out there and act cool and professional. That’s all I needed to do.

I stood up and walked to the hand basins. I looked a mess. I needed to fix myself up. Damn it, my bag was in my drawer.

The door opened and two of the secretaries walked in.

‘
Hi Beth,’ said one. Then she looked at her friend and giggled. They knew. I could tell. The rumour had spread through the office already. I bet Pam found out. And she’d sent out an office-wide email. I bet some smart alec like Rob had already given me a nickname. Bathroom Banging Beth. I had to get out of these toilets before those girls got out of the cubicles. I heard the toilet flush and wanted to leave before I saw the look of shock and disgust on those girl’s faces when they saw me again.

I opened the door a crack, then heard Pam
’s voice. No. I couldn’t do it. I ran back to the sinks.

‘
Hey, Beth.’

I turned and the blonder of the two secretaries was laughing. Shit. Let me die now.

‘Did you see Pam’s outfit? Those orange shoes?’ She rolled her eyes. ‘Cassie and I have been wetting ourselves over them.’

‘
It’s bad even for Pam,’ said Cassie. ‘We had to tear in here after the meeting or we were going to explode.’

What? So that
’s what they were laughing about? Not me. Maybe things weren’t so bad. I could do it. If I got my face reconstructed and a new hair do and changed my name. He would never recognise me. I wondered if the witness protection program had any openings.

I left the toilet and walked towards my office. I thought I was safe until I heard Pam
’s voice.

‘
You must see the file system I developed,’ she said. They were heading this way. I ducked behind a whiteboard and prayed they didn’t see me. Now if they moved along I could get to my office. Maybe they were finished with this side of the building.

No, I could hear Pam walking back with him. They were on the other side of the cubicle, so I squatted down under the desk. Damn her, she stopped to chat for a minute. I wish she
’d just leave.

‘
I guess you should meet Beth. But she isn’t in her office. Typical.’ Pam clicked her tongue.

That cow. I dug my nails into my palms and waited.

Finally, they went quiet. I peered over the edge of the desk and watched them walk away.

‘
Are you OK?’

Two of the admin assistants stared at me.

‘Just dropped something,’ I said, straightening myself up.

I walked back to my office. On the edge of my desk was a stack of papers that needed photocopying. Surely the photocopy room was safe. I had to meet the boss some time but maybe if I put it off for long enough, he
’d have forgotten me. Maybe I could send him a welcoming email, telling him I had conjunctivitis or cholera or something and I was highly contagious. Maybe I could go home sick for the next two months or so.

Just as I put through my second stack of double-sided copies, Pam stuck her head in the door.

‘There you are, Beth,’ she said. ‘I’m sure you don’t want to miss out on meeting Sebastian. Sebastian, this is Beth.’

‘
Hi,’ I said then turned back to the control panel on the photocopier and busied myself.

‘
Hello, Beth. Been with the company long?’ he asked. That voice was so sexy.

He held out his hand. I didn
’t want to look up. I didn’t want to touch him. But there was no way I could avoid it. Not without looking incredibly rude. I bit my lip and reached out. I shook his hand while blushing from the roots of my hair to the bottom of my feet.

‘
So, what’s your role within the company?’

I wished I could remember. Maybe if my heart stopped pounding so loud, I could think for a minute.

I stuttered and mumbled in response. Finally, I dared to look up. I checked his expression, trying to read him. But there was nothing. Nothing.

Had he even recognised me? I couldn
’t tell. He was playing it very cool if he hadn’t. Just how many girls did he hump in toilets anyway? Maybe it was just a regular part of his Saturday night out? Am I so forgettable? He had to remember. But if he did, he was a helluva poker player.

Damn, he was hot. I had good taste even when I was drunk. That grey hair was so very appealing. And such a well-cut suit.

I had to look away. I pressed some buttons on the photocopier. The company really should do something about this room; it was so hot and airless. I wanted to take my jacket off, but I couldn’t. Not until he left.

‘
So, Pam, I think it’s time you showed me the tea room,’ he said and walked off.

That went well. I looked like a bumbling idiot. Today was officially a disaster.

I blamed Imogen for all this. It had all started with her. The stupid club and the stupid lies and every single stupid thing. I hated her. Her and Sebastian and everyone. The whole frigging world. They were all out to get me. Damn the lot of them. I decided I needed coffee, good coffee and I needed it now. Time for an early lunch.

***

Juliette rang on Thursday morning. I bet she was ringing Imogen as well.
She couldn’t deal with the fact that things were over. Kaput. Still, I didn’t want her just getting Imogen’s side of the story, so I organised to meet her for lunch.

I
’d been keeping my head down at work, avoiding Sebastian. After that first day, I hadn’t spoken to him again although he gave me a weird smile when we passed in the hallway. He probably thought it was nothing for me, that I fool around with men in public restrooms every weekend of my life.

After I got off the phone to Juliette, I got back to my search on My Career. I needed a new job. Maybe it wouldn
’t be so bad working in a call centre. There were heaps of call centre jobs advertised. Sure, it would be a bit of a demotion and a pay cut, but it might be easier to start afresh than to try to redeem myself here. Except I’d wiped out half my bank account buying Mandy new shoes.

I shut the browser down and opened my report when Sebastian walked into my office. He stopped and picked up my stapler.

‘So, how are things going?’

‘
Fine, thanks.’ I didn’t look up. My office seemed to have suddenly shrunk. He looked me up and down.

At least I was dressed conservatively today. I didn
’t want the boss checking out my boobs – though I guess it was too late to worry about that.

‘
Got plans for the weekend?’ he asked.

‘
Um, yeah. I’ve got a very busy weekend,’ I told him and went back to my typing.

‘
Pity, because I thought we might get together,’ he said.

I couldn
’t believe the nerve of him, saying something like that. Was that how it was going to be? Did he think I was that easy? I’d show him.

‘
Well, to be honest, I don’t like to socialise with work people outside work hours,’ I told him. I hoped that would clear things up.

‘
OK. I’m having a barbecue, a bit of a get-to-know-you for people around the office. I thought you might be interested, but obviously not,’ he said and walked off.

I could have kicked myself. Now I was going to look like an anti-social freak. My career was rapidly going down the gurgler.

***

‘
Are you talking to Imogen yet?’ asked Juliette when we sat down.

‘
Don’t get me started on Imogen. I don’t ever want to talk to that bitch again. Why? Did she put you up to this?’ I picked up the menu and looked through it.

‘
What? No. I haven’t even spoken to her since Saturday night. I’ve tried calling her a few times but she hasn’t answered. I’m worried about her.’

Juliette poured us both a glass of water. I thought about it for a minute.

‘Maybe she’s feeling guilty. I mean, she did lie to us. I’d not be poking my lying face around either.’

‘
Beth, I don’t think it’s that big a deal. Poor Imogen. She must feel awful. No. I’m the one that is bad. I don’t think I was very nice to her on Saturday night. She was upset and I just ignored her.’

I perked up at that. What had I missed out on?

‘So, what was going on anyway? What were you up to there?’

Suddenly a big smile broke out on Juliette
’s face. She just glowed.

‘
Oh, Beth, it was amazing. I had the most fun. Did you see me on stage? Can you believe it?’

‘
Yeah, I saw you.’ I looked away.

‘
I feel like I’ve been waiting my whole life for this, like everything has fallen into place. When I was standing there, with that whip in my –’

‘
Shh, Juliette.’ I looked around, hoping no one had heard that.

‘
– and Beth, it was so amazing. I had the power, I had the control. That guy, Peter, he just let me take over everything. He put all that trust in me. I mean, it was pretty easy starting out with the paddle but then the flogger, Beth, the flogger. Mistress Sue said I was a natural with it. I just can’t wait to go back.’

‘
You’re kidding, aren’t you?’ I stared at her, unable to believe what she was saying. ‘You want to go back to those freaks?’

‘
They aren’t freaks, Beth.’

‘
Well, what would you call them?’

‘
They are just people having fun. Not everyone enjoys themselves the way you do.’

‘
That’s the truth. You think I’d want to be whipped and spanked and put in chains? You think –’ I looked up to see the waitress staring at me. ‘Just a garden salad, thanks.’ Shit, had she heard that?

‘
I’ll have a turkey bagel,’ said Juliette. As the waitress walked away, she turned on me. ‘Right. Just because you are all vanilla, does it mean you have to be unaccepting of others?’

‘
You want me to be accepting?’

‘
Is that so difficult?’

Whoa. Juliette was getting riled up.
‘Calm down, Juliette. Look it was a laugh, a joke, OK. Don’t take it all so seriously.’

‘
I’m going. I don’t see any point in this.’ She got out her purse and put $10 on the table. ‘That’s for lunch.’

She started walking off then turned back.
‘You know, Beth, you need to soften up a bit or you’ll have no friends left.’

Mum was in the kitchen when I got home from work. Yum, sh
e’
d been cooking a stew. I could smell it as soon as I opened the front door. I hoped sh
e’
d made dumplings as well. I love dumplings.

‘
Mum,’ I called out. ‘I’m home.’ I went up to my room and hung up my work bag then changed out of my suit into a t-shirt and trackie pants.

‘
Did you make dumplings?’ I asked Mum as I walked into the kitchen.

‘
Sure did,’ she said. ‘You wouldn’t think I’d make you a stew without dumplings, do you? They’re your favourite.’

‘
You’re the best, Mum.’ I opened the biscuit tin and got out an Iced Vovo.

‘
Juliette, you’ll ruin your appetite.’

‘
Hardly.’ I grabbed a second one.

‘
How was your day, anyway?’

‘
Oh you know, good.’ I sat up on the bench. ‘Quiet though, I’ll be pleased when this new project starts so we’re busy again.’

‘
What new project is that?’

‘
Mum, I told you last week.’ Mum handed me a coffee. ‘Thanks.’

‘
Sorry. I get confused. You know I don’t understand all that technology stuff. I don’t know how you do it?’

‘
Easy. I went to uni and studied it, remember.’ I laughed. I’m sure Mum could learn to use computers if she tried but she’d convinced herself she couldn’t do it. ‘Any time you want to learn, I’ll teach you.’

‘
No thanks. So, if you had a quiet day, did you get time to call Craig?’

‘
Shit.’

‘
Juliette!’

‘
Sorry, Mum. I forgot all about it.’

‘
You forgot?’ She gave me a searching look. ‘You forgot your boyfriend?’

‘
I had other things on my mind. You know how it is.’

‘
Well, I’ve got some good news. Janice called. She’s arranging a trip – her, Margaret and me, to the tulip festival. We’re going up on Saturday and staying the night. So you can ask Craig over on Saturday night and have some time to yourselves.’ She smiled at me with that Mum smile, the one that suggests grandchildren and buying dinnerware and happily ever after. It made me wonder if that was the real purpose behind her weekend away.

‘
Yeah, I’ll call him. Soon.’

She handed me the phone.

‘Call him now. I’m going into the front room to watch the news. Keep an eye on the dinner.’

I
’d meant to call Craig. Every day this week I’d picked up the phone to call him. I wanted to, I really did. There was just this little voice holding me back.

The phone rang four or five times. That was it. He wasn
’t answering. I could do no more. I put the phone back down.

If I couldn
’t get in touch with Craig then I’d be left to my own devices on Saturday night. I felt myself break into a smile at the thought of what my own devices would be.

Normally I wouldn
’t dream of going to a club on my own, the thought would have terrified me. But last weekend everyone had been so friendly. I was sure if I went back there, Peter and some of the others would be around. I had a picture in my head, a picture of me, on stage again, swinging a whip above my head. All eyes were on me but I ignored them. Instead I was focused on the body in front of me. I took another Iced Vovo out of the tin as the phone rang.

‘
Jules, did you just call?’

The image in my head faded, replaced with a very different one. Me sitting on the couch with Craig, watching movies every Saturday for the rest of my life. Ordering the same pizza from the same pizza shop. Growing old and grey and dusty sitting on the couch eating Sam
’s Hawaiian pizza with extra cheese. For a moment, I thought about pretending I hadn’t called. Maybe telling him that I was busy this weekend, that Mum was sick and I had to look after her.

‘
Yeah, Craig.’ I tried to put a smile into my voice. ‘What are you doing this Saturday?’

‘
Nothing. Wanna come over?’

‘
Actually, I was thinking you could come over to my place. Mum’s going to be away. We could do something. Maybe something different. Break the routine.’

‘
Something different. Yeah, that could be fun.’

‘
Okay, see you then.’ I hung up the phone. That hadn’t gone too bad. He’d said he wanted to try something different. I’d been complaining about how bored I was with our relationship but maybe that was my fault. Nothing had changed between Craig and me since we left uni. But then I’d always just let things go. Maybe Craig was as bored as I was. Maybe if he tried his pizza with pepperoni and anchovies, he’d like it like that as well.

I rinsed my coffee mug and sat it on the draining board, thinking about this some more. It wasn
’t such a crazy idea. Craig was kind of passive. Maybe he was just waiting for me to take charge. After all, Satoshi had liked it and so had Tom. And Peter loved it. Boy, did I have some making up to do to Craig. Maybe that’s what I had to do. It could mean a whole new side to our relationship. I’d have to start off slowly though. I didn’t want to scare him. Maybe I should do some research first; I’m sure there’d be something on the internet. I’d wait until Mum went to bed.

***

Everything had been set up for hours. I just wished he’d get here. I peeked out the window to see if I could see his car. He was five minutes late. I’d tidied the house and put some wine in the fridge. I’d lit candles along the hallway and in the lounge room. I’d put on some soft music and got myself ready – casual but sexy was the way to go with Craig, I felt – jeans and a singlet top. Around my wrist, I buckled a leather band. I’d seen one on a girl at the club last week and just had to get one for myself.

I had a bag behind the couch, some things I
’d gotten together for tonight. The internet had been very informative. Sure, I’d found out more than I ever wanted to know and had seen some things I’d never wanted to see but I’d found a few sites that had the information I wanted. One was very helpful – showing new uses for household objects. It was a lot less embarrassing shopping for wooden spoons and silk scarves than for whips and handcuffs. I’d also got some candles and massage oils and clothes pegs. Just a few toys, nothing that would do any real harm. All I needed now was for Craig to show up. I checked for his car again then decided to go fix my hair. Finally I heard the doorbell and I ran to answer it.

I opened the door and threw my arms around him.

‘Hey, steady up. Watch the pizza.’

I checked him out, in his favourite Sonic the Hedgehog t-shirt with a pizza box and DVD in his hands. Still, what did I expect? He didn
’t know this was meant to be a special night. I took the pizza off him and went into the lounge room.

‘
What’s going on?’ He turned on the light. ‘I can hardly see a thing.’

‘
Craig, turn that back off.’ I sat the pizza on the coffee table. ‘I thought it would be nicer to eat by candlelight. Kind of sexier.’ I turned to look at him with a sexy smoulder but he was too busy grabbing a slice of pizza to notice. Maybe we could leave the light on until after dinner.

‘
Huh?’ He curled the slice of pizza over and stuffed as much of it as he could in his mouth then plonked himself down on the chair. I handed him a plate and serviette.

‘
Do we have to watch movies tonight? Maybe it would be good if we just sat and talked for a while.’

‘
Talk?’

‘
Yeah, Craig. Talk. That’s what people do.’

‘
I guess we could. But I got
Evil Dead
. You know I love that movie.’

I poured wine into the glasses and handed one to Craig. He looked at me for a minute.

‘Hey, Jules, you don’t have any beer do you? Or Coke even.’

‘
No, I don’t.’

He tossed his crust into the box and wiped his fingers on his t-shirt.

‘Craig.’ I nodded at the serviette.

‘
Oh yeah. Thanks. So what do you want to talk about?’

I picked a bit of pineapple off the top of my pizza and looked at him for a moment.

‘Are you satisfied, Craig? Are you really happy with everything?’

Craig grabbed another slice of pizza.
‘Happy? You bet. I’ve got Sam’s Hawaiian and
Evil Dead
and you here with me. What else would I want? Well, except maybe a beer. A beer would be real good.’

‘
But is that all you want out of life? I mean, do you really imagine doing this every Saturday for the rest of your life?’

‘
Yeah. Why not? Oh, you aren’t on one of those getting married things are you? We agreed, didn’t we, that we’d get married when we had enough money saved up to buy a place. But Jules, if you really have your heart set on it then maybe we could do it sooner. If that would make you happy.’

‘
It’s not that, Craig.’  I sat my plate down on the coffee table. ‘I mean, are you satisfied with our sex life?’

Craig stared at the blank TV screen, his face turning redder than the tomato paste stains on his t-shirt.

‘Craig?’

‘
Yeah. It’s fine. Good. Sure you don’t want to watch
Evil Dead
?’ He sat up onto the edge of his seat and grabbed the DVD case but I pushed him back down.

‘
I’m sure, Craig.’ I moved over closer to him and grabbed his hand. He didn’t move or look at me but he didn’t pull his hand away either. That was a good sign.

‘
Craig, we should be able to discuss these things. If we’re going to get married, we should be able to talk about our sex life. Do you think it’s exciting enough? Isn’t there anything you’d like to try?’

‘
No.’

‘
Nothing at all? No fantasies? You’ve never wanted me to dress up like a schoolgirl or a playboy bunny or…’ I paused for a moment, to get his reaction, ‘… a dominatrix.’

‘
Of course not.’ He jerked his hand away and grabbed another slice of pizza. ‘Jeez, Jules, where is all this coming from?’

This wasn
’t working. I was never going to get Craig to open up by questioning him. He was so defensive, he’d start grunting soon. He hated this stuff. If he was a girl, he’d be frigid. But I wasn’t ready to give up just yet. He just needed a change of tactic, some more subtle encouragement.

‘
Okay, let’s watch a movie,’ I said and grabbed the DVD out of his hand.

I walked over to the DVD player but I had no intention of watching
Evil Dead
. I’d planned something else, in case talking wasn’t enough. I slipped my movie into the DVD player and poured us both another glass of wine. I turned off the lights then I curled up on the couch next to Craig, snuggling into him. Time to get seductive.

‘
This is nice, isn’t it?’ I asked, stroking his arm with my fingertips.

‘
Yeah, great. You got the remote? Wait, this isn’t
Evil Dead
. Those morons at the video shop have stuffed up again.’

‘
No, they didn’t. I’m sick of watching
Evil Dead
. I went down to the video shop myself and got something different to watch.’

‘
The Secretary
? What’s that? It isn’t some sappy chick flick is it? Does this have Meg Ryan in it? Cos if it does, I’m not watching it. No dude should ever watch a movie with Meg Ryan in it.’

He could say what he wanted but I knew once Craig was settled on the couch, he
’d watch anything. Anything. He’d watch
Sleepless in Seattle
or even
You’ve Got Mail
. But Meg Ryan couldn’t create the mood that I wanted.

‘
It doesn’t have Meg Ryan in it, silly. Just shut up and watch it.’ I handed him his wine.

At first, Craig seemed bored. A couple of times he looked at me and frowned. He squirmed and yawned and picked at a hole in his jeans.

I squirmed in my seat too but for different reasons. The thought of that bag behind the couch was making me impatient. I wanted just a sign, a look, something, anything to let me know it was the right time to act. I moved from stroking Craig’s arm to his leg. Still there was no reaction from him.

Eventually, he got up to go to the toilet. While he was gone, I got my toys out. I didn
’t want to wait any longer. If I did, I’d be too drunk to act or I’d chicken out altogether. I finished off my glass of wine and waited.

He walked back in and sat down.

‘Are you enjoying this?’ Craig nodded at the television set. ‘It’s a bit –’