The Bad Girls' Club (23 page)

‘
Are you okay, Beth?’

‘
Yeah. I’m fine. ‘

‘
You’re shaking.’ He reached out and rubbed my arm. I turned to him and he stared at me. Not a lustful stare but a look of concern. For a moment, I couldn’t talk. I should have pulled away.

‘
Care for a brownie, anyone?’ Bloody Pam. I shook myself and forced a smile.

‘
No, thanks.’

‘
What about you, Sebastian? I bet you’d enjoy some home cooking, having to fend for yourself.’

‘
Sure,’ he said and walked over to grab one. ‘Just want I wanted.’

He walked outside with Pam. I sat down on the sofa and sipped my juice, wondering if he
’d come back.

Even I tried to stand, my head thumped and I felt woozy. I grabbed hold of the arm of the couch and sat back down. Maybe I should just rest. If I just curled up on the sofa for a minute, I
’d be fine.

The next thing, I heard Mandy rather close to me.

‘Should I wake her up?’

‘
No, she’ll be fine. Take the cab. I’ll look after her when she wakes up.’

Huh? Where was I? Shit, what time was it? I must have fallen asleep on the boss
’s sofa and now everyone was leaving. If I jumped up, I could stop Mandy before she got in the cab, but jumping was such an effort. It’s not like I wanted to be alone with Sebastian, just that it was long drive to Mandy’s. She’d be fine in a cab.

I closed my eyes. Someone had put a blanket over me, and I pulled it up under my chin.

I heard more footsteps. ‘Now, Sebastian, I’ll just leave the rest of these brownies here. You can have them later. And I’ll pop around during the week and get the plate.’

‘
No, that’s okay Pam. They were delicious but really I should watch my weight. At my age especially.’

‘
Are you sure? You don’t look like you need to worry. You don’t have to eat them all at once, you know. You can freeze them.’

‘
Oh, okay then. I’ll just rinse your plate though. You don’t want to leave it around me; I’m such a klutz.’

Ha, that would teach Pam. Her and her little domestic ways. He didn
’t want her popping around. I could hear the click of Pam’s heels on the floor boards along the hallway, then the front door close. Sebastian walked back in and ran water in the sink.

I opened my eyes. He sure looked good in that t-shirt. As he loaded plates into the dishwasher, he whistled to himself.

I sat up and watched him, wondering if I should say something or cough or yawn. But before I could do anything, he turned around. He had Pam’s brownies in his hand and his foot on the pedal for the bin. He looked over at me.

‘
So you’re awake?’ he said. ‘Don’t you dare tell Pam on me.’

‘
Of course not.’

‘
You looked so snug there. I thought you were going to have to stay the night.’

Did he now? Well he could forget about that.

‘I don’t think so.’ I picked up my shoes from the floor and put them on. ‘I’ll be going home now.’ I stood up but swayed.

‘
Sit down, Beth. You don’t look well and you must be starving. At least have a coffee and something to eat. I can’t have you swooning in my hallway, can I?’

He had a point. I sat back down.

‘Now, how about some this cheese you were eyeing off in my fridge?’

‘
I wasn’t…’ No point in denying it. ‘Yeah, please. That would be nice.’

A few moments later, he sat a plate in front of me. Cheese and crackers and some fruit. I didn
’t want to look like a pig, but boy, was I starving. I’d polished most of it off before he got back with the coffee. He sat down beside me. I moved across, putting some distance between us, and waited for him to talk. I thought he’d try to make a move on me or start asking awkward questions again. Instead, he asked me about the project I was working on.

‘
So, why have you limited it to just the local area? I’d have thought it had national scope.’

I turned to him.
‘Exactly. That’s what I’ve been trying to tell everyone. But they’re so cautious. It drives me mad. I’ve said all along that we should strike on this one while it’s hot. I mean, you can hold back for too long.’

He nodded while I reached out for some more brie. Suddenly, my knee touched his. But that didn
’t mean anything. It was just knees. It would look stupid if I pulled away.

‘
I agree. You have some really good ideas, Beth. I think you should put a proposal together and get it to me on Monday. Now enough shop talk. I want to know some more about you.’

It had gotten warm in here and I was having trouble thinking and his knee was still against mine.

‘Me?’ I said. ‘I’m pretty… ordinary.’

He looked at me for a minute.
‘Far from it, I’d say.’

I edged back, not sure what he was implying.

‘Damn, I’m making you nervous again. Sorry, Beth. I just meant you fascinate me.’

I thought for a moment, not sure what to say. He thought the Bad Girls
’ Club Beth was fascinating but I wasn’t that Beth. Not any more. If he wanted that Beth, he was going to be disappointed.

‘
So, what do you do outside of work?’ he asked.

What did I do outside of work? When I thought about it, my life was pretty boring.

‘I like cooking,’ I said.

‘
Really?’ he said. ‘I don’t mind getting in the kitchen myself. I don’t know how skilled I am, but I enjoy it.’

‘
Yeah, I noticed the…’ I nodded at the fridge.

He laughed.

‘Hey, life’s short. Too short to eat bad cheese. Or Pam’s brownies. But I can imagine you’re a great cook.’

I don
’t know why but I could feel myself blushing.

‘
What makes you say that?’ I reached out for some more brie. He reached out at the same time and his fingers grazed mine. But it was nothing. It was only fingers. It didn’t mean anything.

‘
Well you’re adventurous and creative. And you obviously love food.’ He looked at the almost empty plate. I had been a bit of a guts.

‘
You can be so straight-laced and conservative, like a ‘50s housewife but then you can be so sensual.’

‘
I’m not usually… well, I was drunk…’

‘
So was I, but I don’t just mean that. You have a wild side hidden away. Those little things you do – the way you hold your mouth when you think no one is looking, the way you are licking that melted cheese off your fingers. All those little things. I bet you’re wearing silk lingerie under that prim outfit.’

‘
I’m not like that at all.’

‘
Really?’

I wished I could think straight and work out what was going on here. If he
’d stop looking at me. For a moment I felt like letting go. It was so cosy here, he was so comfortable. I could stay a while, flirt a little. We’d make a wonderful couple. He had impeccable taste in cheeses and a gorgeous house and, when he smiled, he melted my insides. What was I thinking? He was my boss. The sun must have addled my brain.

‘
I think I should go,’ I said.

‘
Your stuff is over there.’ He nodded towards a chair with my cardigan and bag sitting on it. I walked toward the front door, waiting for his footsteps behind me.

He wasn
’t even going to see me out. I couldn’t believe it. I got to the end of the hall and fiddled with the door knob. The damn latch wouldn’t open. Great. I was stuck.

‘
Beth, wait.’ He walked up the hall behind me. ‘Are you really going?’

‘
Looks that way.’

‘
Oh, stay and finish your coffee at least. Did I say something wrong? I didn’t mean to.’

‘
No. This is just awkward…’

‘
Damn. I’ve made a mess of this, haven’t I?’ He ran his hand through his hair.

He
’d made a mess of it? What did he mean by that? If anyone was making a mess it was me.

‘
Look, Beth. I know we didn’t get off to the…’ He looked away, ‘… the best start. But I’d really like us to be friends.’ He reached out and stroked my arm.

This hallway suddenly seemed very small. I couldn
’t pull away or stop him; I didn’t want to try. And it was just my arm. It didn’t mean anything.

This was my chance, my chance to give him my carefully prepared speech about how I don
’t date work people and how we should keep our relationship professional. I could try to put a band-aid over the huge hole in my work reputation. But he smiled again.

I gulped.
‘We got off to a bad start. I think you see something in me that isn’t there. I’m not a bad girl.’

‘
A bad girl?’

‘
Look, maybe we could go out for a drink sometime. But just forget about the other stuff for now. I need to take things slowly.’

‘
Okay. One drink. I can do that. I can do slowly.’

He reached over and flicked the latch on the door. I opened it and lingered in the doorway for a minute.

‘I’ve got to go,’ I said.

‘
I guess you should.’

But we both stood there. Both looking at each other. Not knowing what to say next.

‘I do want to see you again. Only, I don’t want anyone to know. No one from work I mean. It would have to be… well… it’s just a drink.’

He nodded.
‘Of course.’

I stepped closer to him.

‘Just a drink. An innocent business drink.’ He moved closer too.

‘
And maybe dinner?’

‘
Dinner. A perfectly proper dinner.’

‘
Yes. Proper.’

Then my lips were on his. His on mine. But it was nothing. It was just lips. Just lips. It was nothing.

But my hips were grinding into his and my hands were on his chest. My lips moved down to his neck, snuggling to the smoky barbecue flavour. I wanted to wrap my legs around him and feel him thrusting against me. I wanted to taste him, lick every inch of his body. I wanted him to fuck me right here in the hallway. I pulled away.

‘
I have to go,’ I said. I had to. If I stayed, well, I’d end up staying. I’d end up… things would end up wrong. I didn’t want that. I didn’t know what I wanted but it wasn’t that.

I walked down the path and turned back for one last look. He stood in the doorway, smiling.

Going home to my empty apartment wasn’t appealing but I had nowhere else to go so I just drove around for a while, singing along to goofy songs on the radio, until my stomach decided for me. Even after that cheese, I was starving. And desperate. I could see the golden arches ahead and this was no time for being fussy. I ordered a Big Mac and fries then pulled into the car park to eat.

As I wolfed down my burger, I tried to think. It
’s not easy to think major thoughts about your life and your future and what the hell you are going to do on a Saturday night when you are parked beside a carload of acne-faced boys blaring Eminem or whoever it was young kids listened to today.

I wound down my window.

‘Turn it down,’ I yelled.

‘
Show us your tits,’ they yelled back.

I wound my window back up and turned up the radio. My stomach fluttered and it wasn
’t just from the overload of grease and sugar. I wanted to smile and hum. I wanted to tell someone, someone who’d shout with glee. Someone who’d tell me not be sensible and safe. Someone who’d be happy for me.

If only I was still talking to Imogen. Or Juliette. I thought about Imogen. She must be torn up about the fight. I could see it. She
’d be sitting in her room, curtains drawn, moping and feeling guilty. She’d probably gone on an eating binge and was as huge as a house now. She was probably hoeing into a Big Mac right now. Well okay, I couldn’t judge – but at least we could be hoeing into Maccas together.

I should go over. I could be magnanimous. After she
’d grovelled a bit. Hell, who was I kidding? She didn’t even need to grovel. Maybe some of this was my fault. I mean, what was the point of taking the moral high ground if it meant sitting on your own in Maccas car park on a Saturday night after the most momentous moment of your life? And I’d just had to see the look on her face when I told her about Daniel and Poppy.

I drove to Imogen
’s place. The light was on. All I had to do was walk in there. She’d be pleased to see me, I was almost sure. I mean, the fight had been her fault. She was the one who’d lied. But maybe I’d said too much. Juliette didn’t seem to think Imogen had done anything bad.