The Balance of Silence (12 page)

“Wait a moment, please.”

He was halfway to the door, back stiff, when the last word froze him in place. “What?”

“I’m sure that you mean Pryce no conscious harm. Your attitude towards the treatment he’s participating in here, however, could be very detrimental to his willingness to keep trying. I truly believe that we can offer Pryce a way back to himself, and I hope that you’ll consider that before dismissing us when you speak to him.”

The long pause was enough to make Riv clench his jaw. “Fine, okay, just…don’t expect me to sing the praises of psychiatrists.”

“I would expect nothing of the sort, but I would certainly hope that your care and concern for my patient would extend to not maligning the very difficult work he is doing. Feelings about those of your father’s profession aside,” he said mildly, the seemingly benevolent expression doing little to hide the sharp, knowing look. “Have a nice day. Don’t get too much sun while you’re out.”

Pryce was waiting for him when he ducked out of Dr. Terrell’s office. Riv didn’t do angry well. He channeled his anger into work, into meditation. He understood his anger, acknowledged his anger—did anything he could, really, to avoid actually
feeling
angry. Anger brought pain.

Some of it must have shown when he came out the door, though, no matter how hard he tried to breathe it away. Ducks backed away from him for a second, then tentatively reached out, putting a hand on his arm. He didn’t reach for the pad, letting his expression ask what was wrong and his touch say that he wasn’t alarmed.

“My dad was a shrink, a really well-known one here. Terrell knows him, tossed that fact up in the conversation.” He never talked about his father, but Ducks just nodded and quirked a corner of his mouth up. “Never did get along with them. He…hell, it doesn’t matter. But I want you to know, I’m not here for

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S. Reesa Herberth and Michelle Moore

some unselfish reason. I’m not interested in saving you. I’m here for the entirely self-serving goal of seeing if I can tempt you into wanting me. Okay?” He let go of another explosive breath, then shook his head.

The snicker was a welcome sound, and some of the tension eased out of his shoulders. Ducks dropped his hand and lifted the pad.
I’m okay with that.

“That’s good, since Terrell thinks I’m here because of some misguided need to save you and boost my ego.”

Don’t see a white charger anywhere. And where’s the shining armor?

“I guess you’ll have to settle for a tram and a bathing suit. Will you be horribly disappointed?” Riv found a sudden intense interest in his feet.

He jerked his head up at the heavy sigh, irrationally scared. And grinned when he saw the pad.
I
suppose I’ll survive. If the bathing suit’s appropriate.
Ducks waited until he was sure Riv had seen the words before he continued.
Appropriately revealing.

“I think I can manage that. Especially since the one I’ve got is the one I had as a kid. I’ll be lucky if I’m not falling out of it.”

Conceited much?

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The air conditioning was out on the tram taking them to the beach, and Riv leaned over Ducks to pull down the window. Plopping back down on the hot vinyl seat, he wiped a sleeve across his face. “Funny how the heat never bothered me as a kid. And it figures that we’re going all the way to the last stop.”

Ducks shrugged philosophically.
At least it’s not Maltana.
He grinned, then continued writing.
Less
bugs.

“Small comfort.”

For you maybe.
He set the pad on his lap, freeing a hand to pull up his sleeve so that he could stare pointedly at the line of scarring down one arm.

“If you wouldn’t scratch…” Riv snickered and ducked the swat. “S’what Mum always used to tell me, anyway. Not that it ever stopped me.”

It ITCHED!
Now the accusing stare was directed at Riv.

“I guess the bugs thought you tasted good,” he said, leaning closer. “I’d have to agree.”

You’re hopeless.
Ducks rolled his eyes and pushed him away, laughing the whole time. A tap on the corner of the screen wiped it clear, and Riv saw that as he wrote, the tablet offered up possible words that he could choose instead of writing it all out.
Thank you for talking to Dr. Terrell. I’m sorry it didn’t go
well.

“Not your fault. I guess I just wasn’t expecting to be accused of leading innocents astray.”

Ducks nudged him, his grin teasing.
He really accused you of leading me astray? I don’t remember
being THAT innocent.

“Yeah, I guess I look suitably debauched.” Riv attempted a leer and an evil laugh. “Don’t you fear for your virtue? I’ll be really disappointed if you don’t.”

Lot of things I’m afraid for. My virtue isn’t one of them though.

“Really? Like what?”

It was the other man’s turn to shiver, and he stared out the window for several long seconds, light mood suddenly broken.
My sanity?

Not a statement that could be dismissed with his usual flippancy. Riv was silent for a moment. “I don’t think that’s a worry now. Before…” He grinned wryly. “Before I was a little concerned; I’d be lying if I said otherwise. But you’re okay now. Despite having to deal with Terrell. Because that would definitely push the limits of
my
sanity.”

S. Reesa Herberth and Michelle Moore

You really didn’t like him. Is it because of your dad?
Ducks’ face held nothing but innocent curiosity, but that didn’t stop Riv from wincing at his question.

“My dad used everything he knew about people’s brains to mess with my mom and me for years. I’m not really comfortable letting anyone else twist everything I say until I don’t even recognize what I’m thinking anymore.” He stopped himself, looking sideways at Ducks in the seat. “I don’t really think they all do that. I don’t think that’s what’s happening for you. But it gives me the creeps.”

I can see why. This is us, right?

Mercifully, it was. They shuffled off the tram in a knot of people with towels, Ducks flinching every time one of them accidentally brushed against him, and Riv trying to jockey everyone far enough away that it wouldn’t happen. The farther from the station they got, the thinner the throng grew, with most of the tourists opting for the stretches of beach linked with boardwalks. The sprawl of stores selling everything from sand castles to condoms was longer than he remembered, but a good twenty-minute walk took them far enough away that the greasy fried-food smells faded, and the pungent meld of sea and hot sand took up residence instead.

Ducks had shoved the pad into a waterproof case that hung from the waist of his swim trunks, and had tossed a towel over his shoulder in imitation of Riv. As they drew farther and farther from the crowds, his hand crept out and caught Riv’s, giving a squeeze.

It was still there when they crossed the last dune, the sand hot under Riv’s sandaled feet. When Ducks hesitated, glancing between their hands and the group obviously waiting for them next to the water, Riv grinned and swung their joined hands back and forth teasingly. “Unless you’re embarrassed to be seen with me?”

The emphatic nod was belied by the snicker and the quick press of linked fingers.

“I would be. But you’re a better man than me.”

Del was the first one to her feet, beating even his mum. “Finally,” she said accusingly. “How much later can you run today?” The welcoming smile was turned solely on Ducks. “Hi. I was starting to think we weren’t going to get to meet you today. Riv’s been incredibly slow. I could barely drag his ass out of bed this morning.”

“Del, this is Pryce,” he interrupted.

She rolled her eyes and raised her voice to talk right over him. “I would never have guessed. Anyway, Pryce, come meet everyone else, since Riv will probably never get around to it.”

Pushing between them, Del reached for Ducks’ hand, and Riv’s heart lurched. He’d told her about Ducks not liking to be touched, hadn’t he?

It was only a millisecond, but it seemed like the tableau between the two of them went on for minutes.

Riv drew a deep breath, meaning to speak, but suddenly Ducks and Del were drawing apart, staring at each 64

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The Balance of Silence

other, eyes wide. Ducks’ face was solemn, but he slowly extended his hand to Del, and Riv was pretty sure that he was the only one who saw the slight tremble.

Hovering protectively, Riv was close on their heels as Del led Ducks towards the rest of the group.

“Are you okay?” he asked softly, pitching his voice so that only Ducks could hear.

The slow nod went a long way towards easing Riv’s nervousness, and he ran his hand through the still-spiky blond hair, caressing Ducks’ neck. “If you’re sure. Because that was just…just weird somehow.

What the hell happened?”

Ducks shrugged helplessly, jerking his chin towards the pad hanging at his waist.

“Yeah, later. As long as you’re sure you’re okay.”

The smile was a lot more reassuring, and Riv tucked the question away for later, when they could talk alone. Or when he could corner Del and get her take on it.

Riv only felt something wrap around his ankle a second before he was pulled under the water, and he came up thrashing and spluttering. Ducks stood behind him trying to look innocent, his wet hair plastered to his face and the beginnings of a sunburn on the tip of his nose.

“Rat. See if I bring you to the beach again.” He sniffed in what he hoped was a mildly offended way, huffily slapping the water before he turned and threw himself at Pryce in a full-on assault. It was only as they both hit the water that he thought about what he was doing and flinched, but by then it was too late.

Ducks didn’t seem to be fighting too hard as they came up again, but he still worried.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to—” He was stopped by Pryce laying a finger over his mouth and rolling his eyes, then pressing the advantage of his height and wrapping an arm around Riv. They stood waist deep in the surf, kissing slowly, mouths tasting of brine and each other. It wasn’t the first time they’d paused for this kind of interlude.

Which was wonderful, and more than he’d imagined Ducks being willing to give, and yet every time they kissed, Terrell’s words wound their way slyly and insidiously through his mind. Self-doubt had been a constant enough companion since the… His mind shied away from it, but murder was the only appropriate word. But this was different. Just as damaging, but in new and inventive ways. Maybe he did have some sort of rescue complex. He had been drawn to Denny, and there was someone who’d certainly fit the bill for needing rescuing.

A tap on his shoulder pulled him back from the morose thoughts, and he turned to meet Pryce’s questioning look. Riv shrugged ruefully. “Sorry, I’m okay, just thinking.”

The disbelieving stare was meant to earn a laugh, and it did. “Just because I don’t
like
to doesn’t mean I can’t, smart-ass. And about something other than sex.”

This time he got a choked burst of laughter in return, Pryce rolling his eyes and stumbling backwards in the shallow water, clutching his heart. But it did much to lift the guilty weight off Riv’s shoulders, and

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grinning, he nudged the other man towards the beach. “Now food, that’s another matter entirely. And Mum brought a picnic basket big enough to feed twenty people…”

They trudged back towards shore, fighting the backwash of sand and water as the tide sucked out around their ankles. Del and Bin were already there, stretched out in the shade of an umbrella and looking disturbingly besotted as they fed each other bits of lunch. If they had noticed that they were the only two on the beach who weren’t partnered off with someone of the same sex, they didn’t seem much fazed by it.

“Want some fruit?” he asked Ducks, and was answered with a nod. He opened the cooler pack to see what he could find, and pulled out a container full of fruit salad.

They sat in silence, taking a bite now and then as the waves rolled across sand, until eventually Del looked over and spoke softly. “I can try for you, if you want, but I don’t know what I’ll be able to do. It won’t hurt.”

Bin’s hand brushed her shoulder and settled at the back of her head, pushing his fingertips into the thick curly mass of her hair in a gesture that Riv had seen a hundred times. It never failed to make him a little happier than he’d been the moment before, if only because the two of them together were so
right
.

This time she only relaxed for a second, but she didn’t shake him off as Ducks reached out, fingers extended towards her.

Although she’d done nothing to earn the attention, suddenly they were surrounded by curious faces.

Riv’s mum rested her book in her lap as Bird and Marc drifted up from the shoreline, faces inquisitive.

Del looked up and scowled fiercely. “What are you all staring at, do you think I’m putting on a show?

I’m not some freak from the circus.” Using their joined hands, she abruptly pulled Ducks to his feet.

“We weren’t exactly staring…” Riv began lamely, struggling to hold back a grin as Del, straight-backed, marched down the beach, dragging Ducks along in her wake.

Marc shoved him in the shoulder, snickering. “Yeah, you were. How rude.”

“Asshole.” Riv started to get to his feet, and then sighed, subsiding. Del’s body language had never been hard to read, and there was no mistaking the
back the fuck off
message she was relaying now.

“Let them be,” Bin said complacently. And unnecessarily, as it were. Riv had no intention of following them down the beach. He knew the effort it had cost Del to go through with this. Interrupting would be foolish.

Riv sighed and unclenched his hands, resting them against his thighs. He was putting a lot of hope into this.