The Beginning of Us (16 page)

My head snaps up, and I meet his eyes. He looks like he hasn’t slept in forever. “I don’t know the hell you have been through?! You betrayed me! You lied to me! You broke my heart! Don’t fucking tell me I don’t get it!” I walk toward the car.

“Please. I love you.”

I flinch from those words. When I open the door to Lo’s car I turn back toward him. “Deception isn’t love. How could I love you? I don’t even know you.” I sit down in the car and close the door.

There is a knock at the window and I look up at the man who haunts my every thought. He is holding a white envelope in his hand and I roll down the window. “I know that you may not be ready to read this anytime soon, Jessie. Just promise me that you won’t throw it away. Hold onto it and when you are ready, read it.”

I take it from him before rolling the window back up. Lo drives away and I stare at Damon in the side mirror until he disappears.

When I can’t see him any longer I break down. I thought I could handle today. I thought that I could see him, but it was so much harder then I imagined. We pull up to the apartment and I don’t make a move to get out of the car.

“I can’t say I get it, Jess, cause I don’t, but maybe if you just—”

“No. The only thing I need to do is get the hell out of here.” Lo and I were moving to Langhorne, which was a small town right outside of Philadelphia. The luckiest thing happened and we both managed to get jobs in the same district. We had already found a house to rent and just had to load the last boxes into our car.

Lo and I managed to fit all of the boxes in our cars yesterday so that we could leave as soon as I was done today. As I pull away from the apartment I say a silent goodbye.

A goodbye to the apartment.

A goodbye to Damon.

A goodbye to the stupid girl who believed in love.

Epilogue

Six months later

Lo and I have been teaching for a few months now, and it’s been going pretty good. I like my kids, and the district is great but nothing I do is filling the hole that Damon drilled into my heart. I still wake up in the middle of night thinking that he will be next to me. I miss him so much and it hasn’t lessened with time.

Lo keeps telling me I should reach out to him, but I can’t. Even if I could forgive him, I could never forget how he was able to so easily lie to me. Today is the day before Thanksgiving and I’m prepping food for tomorrow. Lo wanted me to come home with her, but I just didn’t have it in me. I tried to get her to go without me, but like the amazing friend she is, she refused.

“Listen, Jess, are we just going to keep pretending like you aren’t miserable? I mean, you walk around like a zombie. I know you think I don’t, but I hear you crying in your damn room every night. Stop being such a stubborn bitch and talk to him. Shit, at least read that letter he gave you. I know that you keep it under your pillow.”

I turn toward her. “I need to put him behind me, Lo. There is no way after everything that happened, I can possibly open myself back up to him. Whatever we had, he broke.”

She just shakes her head and walks toward the living room. Thoughts of Damon invade my mind. I don’t know why I can’t shake him. There was just something about the look in his eye when we last saw each other.

I’m prepping the spinach dip when I hear Lo scream from the living room. “Jessie!” I go racing in to see what the hell happened. She has the TV paused on the news, and when I come in she presses play.

“Today’s top story is the small plane crash that happened in Eastern Pennsylvania. Details are finally starting to roll in; apparently there were twenty people on board. Some of the victim’s names and pictures have been released and more will come as the family members are notified.”

“Lo, why the hell did you scream? I mean, I get that it’s sad but you almost gave me a heart attack.”

She grabs my hand. “Shut the fuck up and just know that I’m here for you.”

The reporter has started to name the victims of the crash. “Lo, what the—“

“Nicholas Lanutti.”

My heart stops. I look up at the screen to see Damon’s picture. No. This can’t be real. I stare at the TV in a catatonic state. This isn’t happening. He can’t be gone. My choice to stay away from him or reach out to him was just ripped away from me. The hole in my heart is now gone, but that is because my heart has shattered. It is in a million pieces and there is no way I will ever be able to fix it.

I run to my room in a frantic state ripping the letter from under my pillow and shredding it into a million pieces. I can’t read it now knowing that whatever it says will haunt me. I collapse in the shards of paper scattering my floor.

I will never get the chance to see him again.

I can never yell at him,or fight with him.

I can never tell him that after all this time……

I love him, too.

Jessie,

If you’re reading this then maybe it means I still have a chance. I love you with every single inch of my soul. Not having you around is like never being able to take a full breath. You are my life, and without you it’s like I’m just going through the motions. I need you more than you could ever imagine and I pray for the day that you will look at me without betrayal in your eyes. It killed me to lie to you like I did, but I did it to keep you safe. I told you when we first met that I wouldn’t be good for you, but I also couldn’t stay away from you. It was like this invisible force was pulling me to you no matter how much I fought it.

I know that I have taken away any faith in people that I helped to restore but don’t shut down again. You are too beautiful inside to shut out the world. If everyone was able to see the girl that I did they would know how amazing you really are. I knew from the very first time I saw you, and you gave me that sideways bitchy look. I know that I don’t deserve your forgiveness, but I’m asking for it anyway. I’m asking for it because without you, I am a ghost of who I used to be. Please consider letting me back in, even if it is only as a friend. I need your smile, and your sarcastic personality back in my life. Most of all I just need you.

If you choose to wait to read this letter until further down the road, then I need to warn you. Something will happen to make you think I’m gone. Don’t believe it. There are so many things that you don’t understand and I can’t explain to you in a letter. I will always be around and waiting. Waiting for the day I see a shred of hope for us. Waiting to finally be whole again.

About The Author

Alexis Noelle lives in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, with her husband, three kids, and dog. On top of starting a writing career, she is a full-time student and a full-time mom. She loves to spend her free time with her kids, although she has to hide the computer from them when she is writing!

She loves to read romance books! The books she likes to read and write are be ones that make you feel for the characters. She believes you should have an opinion on every character in a book whether you love them, hate them, or think they are up to something.

She has always thought that the most important critic is the reader, so she would love to hear from you. If you read the book and loved it or hated it, let her know. As long as it is in a constructive way, she will always answer and interact with you. She wants fans to feel free to tell her what they want for the characters in the story, and what they want to see happen.

Please visit my facebook page at:

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Mirage

Book One of
The Destined Series

by Ashley Suzanne

Copyright 2013 Ashley Suzanne

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This eBook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to the author and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

Cover Designed By:

Toski Covey – Photography

Sommer Stein – Design

http://www.facebook.com/AshleySuzanneBooks

Prologue

The picture frames that once lined the table in the hallway are now scattered across the floor, in shambles, like the pieces of my heart. Anger and sadness flow through my veins as I look at the broken glass, shattered like my soul. I’m sitting on the cool hardwood floor with my back to the couch and hands tangled in my hair. Tears stream from my eyes and my chest heaves up and down as I try to catch my breath. All I can do is think back to the best day of my life and try to figure out how it completely fell apart.

“You’re it for me, Pea,” Danny said. “I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you. We’re going to be so disgustingly happy, our friends are going to hate us
,
” he joked.

“Don’t I know it! I already see the girls making faces when we’re together. This is going to push them over the edge,” I teased. “Do you think we should make a group announcement? Head out on Saturday night, like usual, then BAM, look at my ring, we’re getting married.” I was going to get my fairy tale happily ever after and I couldn’t wait to tell everyone and show off my ring, a classic princess cut ¾ carat diamond on a white gold band.

“We can do it however you want, Pea, as long as you promise me forever and always.” How could I not swoon when he said stuff like that
?

“I’m yours as long as you’ll have me,” I said as I crashed into him
,
pulling him in for the most passionate kiss of my life. Even though I instigated the kiss, it wasn’t long until Danny took control, claiming my mouth for his own, just like he did my heart.

In that moment I thought to myself, ‘I’m hopelessly in love with this man. Please dear God, don’t break my heart.’

I can’t remember his voice. I have been calling Danny’s phone just to hear his greeting and his sultry timbre and now I can’t. Why can’t I remember? The way he would say my name would send me into a frenzy. I’ll never hear those words come from his lips ever again. If I would have known how short our time would be, I would have burned every event to memory. Now I only get bits and pieces. As much as I want everything all at once, I’ll take what I can get just to see him in my mind.

We finally reached the night of our college graduation. I was in my apartment with a few girlfriends, Kylee, Marisol and Lena, getting ready to hit the after party. Knowing Danny would be here soon, I decided to wear something that would tease him in just the right way. My Danny is a boob man, so I put on my black lace corset top that was meant more for lingerie, but God I looked amazing in it. I paired the top with a pair of dark washed jeans and my favorite black peek toe pumps. I was ready to celebrate the end of four years of study groups, aggravating professors, finals, midterms, and lack of sleep with my friends and my man. This was the beginning of the rest of my life …

Danny shows up a little after nine on his bike. “Hey Pea, you ready to go?” he calls from the hallway leading to my apartment.

“Yeah, I heard you pull up. I guess since we’re on the bike, I’m not bringing a purse.”

“You know the rules, Pea. No purses or heels on the bike. Change your shoes, please. You can put your heels in my backpack, if you want,” Danny says annoyed.

I headed back into my room, exchanging my pumps for a pair of black leather knee high boots that fit perfectly over my jeans. Looking at myself in the mirror, I was surprised. I don’t know why I didn’t think of this earlier. This looks so much hotter. “Damn, Mira,” I said to myself.

I grabbed a thin black hair tie from my dresser and used my fingers to brush back my long brown hair and place it in a low ponytail. I was glad I decided to curl my hair tonight because the wind would have really mess up my hair and knotted it if I would have straightened it.

Giving myself one more glance in the floor length mirror on the back of my bedroom door, I walked out of my room and shut the door behind me, “I’m coming.” I slipped on my leather riding jacket and left the apartment, walking downstairs.

Danny was waiting for me on the front stoop of my apartment building. I don’t know if it was just an emotional day or what, but Danny looked somewhat more mature. He was wearing light faded jeans and an all black button up shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows, exposing the tattoo on his right forearm.

Last summer Danny and Skylar got matching tattoos. Danny’s right forearm displays the word ‘Smash’ in Old English lettering. Skylar’s is in the same spot and says ‘Axe’ in the same lettering. Skylar’s uncle used to call them Smash and Axe while they were growing up. Boys will be boys. I think it’s silly, but these boys are two peas in a pod. I’m surprised I’m not dating both of them.

Kylee had just finished putting her helmet on and climbed onto the back of Skylar’s bike when I reach where Danny’s bike was parked. Danny was riding his beloved GSX-R. Again, the boys have matching bikes. I swear these two did everything together. The only difference in Danny and Skylar’s bikes is the color of the seats. Where Sky’s was purple, Danny’s is a dark midnight blue. Everything else was all black. I think the boys call it “murdered out” but I have no clue what that means. It’s just looks like flat black paint to me.