The Beginning of Us (12 page)

I think about everything Lo just said, she can’t be right though. It is way too soon for all of this. “Lo, we have known each other for two damn months. He is NOT in love with me.”

“Listen, we can debate this more later but we’re gonna be late. Just so you know though, you can try to ignore the way he is showing how he feels. You can’t ignore what your body is telling you that you feel.”

What the hell was that supposed to mean. I did not love Damon. I barely knew him. Did I like to be around him? Yes. Did I feel safe and secure enough to start opening up to him? Yes. Was he the only person I have ever let in other than Lo? Yes.

Shit.

***

I barely made it through my presentation because all my stupid fucking brain could focus on was Damon. He was consuming my every thought and it was really starting to piss me off. Maybe I’ve just been seeing him too much and I should back off a little. I take out my phone as I’m walking out of the building and see that I have a text from him.

Damon: Dinner tonight?

Me: Sorry I can’t.

Damon: You have other plans?

Me: No I just need to stay home and get some stuff done.

Damon: I’m calling bullshit. What’s up?

Me: nothing. I’ll talk to you later. I have to go.

I hop in my car and drive back to the apartment. I just need a few days to get a hold of myself and realize I don’t need him as much as I think I do. Lo gets home an hour after I do and when she sees me in the living room watching TV she gives me a weird look. “What are you doing home? I figured you would be out with man candy.”

“I told him I was busy tonight. I just needed a break from everything.” She shakes her head. “It’s not a big deal.”

“Whatever. Just don’t be the stupid predictable bitch that pushes away a guy she doesn’t think she is good enough for. That bitch ends up lonely, with sixty cats, and a house that smells like piss.”

She walks away and leaves me with my mouth hanging open. I had turned my phone on vibrate after I finished texting Damon. I knew he wouldn’t drop it and didn’t want to be tempted to change my mind. It is sitting out of sight in my purse but it’s like I can hear it calling my name. I know that there are texts from him and probably a zillion Facebook notifications. I very rarely have my phone away from me fearing that I’ll miss some huge event.

There is knock at the door and I go to open it assuming it’s the Chinese food that I ordered. When I open it I see Damon standing in front of me. Fuck.

“Why haven’t you been answering your phone?”

I look at the floor embarrassed not only because I’ve been ignoring him but because of the Tweety Bird pajamas I have on. “I turned it on vibrate and I forgot to check it.”

“Once again, I’m gonna call bullshit.” He catches me off guard and steps into the apartment.

“Oh, hey Damon!” Lo shouts as she walks out of her room. She better not say anything. “Did Jessie tell you how she is trying to push you away on purpose cause she’s a scared little bitch?”

I turn and give her a death look.

“Oh you didn’t, Jess? Oops.”

I lunge for her and she turns around and escapes into her room, locking the door. I refuse to turn back and look at Damon, even though I can feel his eyes on me. His hands circle my waist and I let out a breath I didn’t realize I was holding.

“Don’t. Run.”

I relax against him wanting to be okay with the pace we are moving, but I’m not. “It’s too much. It’s happening too fast. I’m not ready for this.”

His chins rests on my shoulder and I break out in goosebumps. “Ready for what, Jessie. I just want to be around you because you amaze me. You have been through so much shit, but you’re still one of the strongest people I’ve ever met. There is nothing wrong with enjoying spending time with someone. It doesn’t mean that you are making a lifelong commitment.”

I turn my face toward his enjoying the feeling of our skin touching. These moments right here are what scare me. Finding comfort in him scares me. “I don’t know what to say to you.”

“Then don’t say anything. I’m not asking you for anything more then to be around you, babe.” His term of endearment is not lost on me. “Just relax. Let down the walls.”

That statement breaks the haze around us. I pull away from him. “I don’t want to.”

“You don’t want to what?”

“I don’t want to let down my walls. I don’t want to trust you.”

“Why?”

“Because if I keep you out, then you can’t hurt me.” There I said it.

He takes a step toward me. “I will never intentionally hurt you.”

His lips press against mine as his hands reach up and grasp the sides of my head. I try to pull away but he holds me against him. The kiss is slow, sensual, and everything that freaks me the fuck out.

When he pulls away, his eyes are boring into mine and I can’t look away. “Now all I am asking is to hang out, eat, and watch a movie. Nothing more. Okay?”

I nod my head, finding it difficult to speak. There is another knock at the door. Now the damn Chinese food comes. Damon answers it and pays for the food. “You didn’t have to do that. I ordered it.”

He looks at me. “Shut up. Did you order enough food for the entire building?”

I laugh. “Hey, a girl likes to have options.”

He shakes his head at me as he puts the bag onto the table. I grab some plates and we fill them with a little bit of everything I ordered. Now that it is all in front of me, I realize that I definitely ordered too much food. I have always been an emotional eater, which is really dangerous. When I’m upset it’s not like I crave a damn salad, I usually want Chinese food, pizza, or an entire tub of ice cream. Stress for me is like a one-way ticket to fat kid city.

I am so not a formal person so I take my plate into the living room and sit on the floor placing my dish on the coffee table. Not only do I like to watch TV while I eat but I know it drives Lo crazy when I eat in here. We don’t talk much while we eat, he asks me about my classes and I ask him what he did all day.

Chapter Eighteen

After we are done eating I aimlessly flip through channels until I see one of my favorite movies of all time, Pitch Perfect. When I realize it just started I am so happy that I actually clap. Damon tugs my arm and pulls me to sit with him on the couch. I am lying against him and his arms are wrapped around me. As much as I try to push him away, this is where I want to be right now.

Half way through the movie, Damon leans his head down to whisper in my ear. “I can’t believe I’m actually watching this crap with you.”

I smile. “Don’t pretend like you aren’t enjoying it.”

His arms tighten around me. “Well, the chick is kinda hot, so at least there is something to keep my attention.”

I turn in his arms and land a punch on his chest. He rubs the spot and sticks his bottom lip out in a pout. “Oh, suck it up.”

We both laugh and I turn my attention back to the TV. I love that we can joke, and have fun with each other. Everything is so easy when we are together, I think that’s one thing that is keeping me away, too. I don’t want to get used to having him around. I get that I can’t just assume everyone will screw me over, but when it’s what you’re used to then it’s a hard habit to break.

The movie ends but neither of us move. After trying to push him away today, all I want him to do now is stay with me. The fact that it’s Tuesday and I’m going to be going back to work in a few days is freaking me out. How will Damon handle it? How will I handle it? I know I need to talk to him about this in more detail than we did the other day. I don’t want to ruin the way we are right now with something that will cause tension.

“What’s wrong?”

I turn my head to look at him. “What do you mean?”

“I mean your whole body just got tense, and I can tell something is on your mind. What’s up?”

“I’m nervous for Friday night. I don’t know how I will react when it’s time for me to go on my job. Last time I went on one you freaked out. I just don’t want this to turn into something volatile because of what I do.”

He is silent for the longest time and I have almost given up on him saying anything. “I can’t tell you that it will be easy, that I will be happy about it, or that I’m not going to get upset. What I can tell you is that I want you in whatever way I can get you. If the only way I can have you right now is working for Tasha on the weekends, then I’ll fucking take it. I’m not gonna lie to you and say it won’t drive me crazy when you’re out, but I will try to deal with it. I want you, Jessie, don’t think that I can’t accept you for who you are. You are an amazing person. I was pulled in from the start with you and I don’t intend to let my pride or jealousy fuck this shit up.”

I crush my mouth to his needing the connection we share after everything he just told me. The kiss immediately catches fire and both of us are stripping our clothes within minutes. I can tell from the frenzy that we are about to have the most animalistic, rough, hot ass sex that I have ever had in my life.

Once we are completely undressed, Damon turns me around and immediately drives into me forcing me to hang over the end of the couch, my waist presses against the arm of it. Damon unleashes on me leaving numerous handprints all over my ass, it is so possessive and dominating that even though I feel the sting of his hand, it makes me moan in pleasure. I push back on him and before he can respond, I turn around and pull him down so that he is now hovering over me.

My hands run up his chest noticing how heavy he is breathing, when I grip his hair and pull his mouth to mine he crashes into me again. I reciprocate his roughness with me earlier by dragging my fingernails down his back knowing I probably left a mark. He doesn’t falter though, keeping his pace and making me scream his name. It has never been like this between us and it seems like there is so much left unsaid between us that we are trying to express in our physical actions.

I remember what Lo said to me the other night about not being able to fight the way I feel about him. I may not be able to verbally tell Damon the way he makes me feel, but I sure as hell can show him. I push him off of me once again, standing up and straddling his lap before slamming down on him. His hands grasp my hair at its roots pulling my hair back so my chest arches toward him. He takes my nipple into his mouth biting down on it and sending me spiraling into a mind-blowing orgasm.

I’m still not able to move another inch after coming down from my high, but Damon isn’t done yet and he starts to thrust himself up into me. In this position, he is hitting my g-spot with every single drive and it’s regenerating my need for him. His mouth moves to my other breast and I moan as he attacks it using the same skills he did on the other.

“Fuck. You are sexy as hell, baby.” He releases my nipple just to let his tongue travel up slowly from between my breasts to the base of my neck. “I want to see you touch yourself. Let me see you play with that beautiful fucking pussy.”

I’m panting now, and my limbs feel like jelly. “I can’t. Fuck, I think I’m building again.”

“I know you are.” Damon’s entire body stills and I glance down at him as best I can because he still has a hold on me. “I’m not gonna let you get there until you give me what I want.”

I take a deep breath and slowly slide my hands down my body until I reach my pussy. I feel so awkward as I begin to rub my clit under his penetrating gaze, until he starts moving again. Having him pushing into me as I am rubbing and pressing down on my already sensitive area has my legs starting to shake.

“I can feel you, baby. I know you’re close, and once I feel that sexy ass pussy squeezing my dick, I’m gonna fuck you until I come in it.”

His words set me off and I scream once again. His hands release my hair and I collapse onto his chest. Damon drives into me a few more times until he groans my name. We just sit there and try to catch our breath.

“That was fucking amazing. I need a damn shower now.”

I laugh and climb off of him. “I’ll grab our clothes and meet you in there.” He smiles at me, smacking my butt as he gets up and walks into my bedroom. I smile as I pick up all of the clothing thrown around the living room. I hear a giggle as I bend down to pick up Damon’s shirt.

Shit.

Lo was home.

“You heard that didn’t you?”

Her door opens and she is standing there with the biggest grin on her face. “I didn’t just hear it. I have to say if a guy pulled my hair like that I would totally be into it, too.” I run toward her wanting to kill her, but she shuts her bedroom door.

“I can’t believe you watched us!” I yell through her door.

She shouts back, “Maybe if you weren’t so damn horny that you couldn’t make it to the bedroom I wouldn’t have seen anything!”

I let out a yell of frustration as I stomp away. When I get to my room I throw all of the clothes down and head into the bathroom. I immediately lock Lo’s door for the bathroom so there are no surprises, then I slam mine in frustration. When I step into the shower Damon arches his eyebrow at me. “Don’t ask.”

“Okayyyyy.” Damon steps to the side making room for me under the shower’s stream. We both get washed off and then shut off the water. “So what was all that about?”

“Nothing!”

“She’s just mad cause I saw you guys fucking like rabbits!” Lo yells from the other side of the door. I will end up in jail for her death one day.

Damon starts to laugh. “It is not funny!”

“It’s okay, Damon if she starts getting smart with you just pull her hair!”

That’s it. I wrap the towel around my body, unlock the door, and throw it open. Lo is standing there with the biggest grin on her face.

Once she sees me her mouth drops once. “Oh shit.” She runs away from me but this time I chase her. I almost catch her but she makes it to the front door and stands in the hallway mocking me. “Come and get me, Jezebel.”

I want to run after her but I can hear other people out there, rolling around on the floor with Lo in a towel would not go over well with the neighbors. “I’ll fucking get you soon, bitch.”