The Beginning of Us (216 page)

I slowly open my mouth letting him in. The chills run through my body and down to my legs. I start shaking, the excitement hitting my very core. Shit this is hot. I bury my fingers in his hair, groaning and pushing my body against his. He holds me tight letting me know he wants more. The club’s dark and I’m feeling frisky. I slowly open my eyes and notice that we’re alone in the VIP booth.
Thank you Alexis!

I take his hand and bring it down in between my legs. His body tenses. I grab his hair letting him know this is what I want and it’s okay. He relaxes and takes control. “You’re still wet baby,” he kisses my neck. “You want more?”

“Yes,” I answer breathlessly.

His lips are back on mine as we continue our erotic dance. He plays with my wet clit making me come apart again and again. I hold onto him tighter wanting more. Shit it feels so good. He inserts a finger in me, pulling away, looking into my eyes.

“Tell me you want me to keep going. I need to hear you say it.”

“Make me come Nicholas. Please. I need you so bad.”

And that’s all he needs to hear. He inserts another finger inside me while using his thumb to play with my clit. The feeling is too much and I feel myself ready to let go. My chest quickly rises and falls.

“Nicholas,” I finally let out. My hips thrust against his hand. He speeds up his pace. I throw my head back letting out a loud moan. “Yes. Oh my God!”

“You’re so beautiful, Karly. Damn.” He kisses my lips down to my neck. I giggle with the feel of his lips on me.

“Whoa that was hot.” I quickly look over and see Larry sipping his drink. “Don’t worry I haven’t been here long,” he drunkenly states. “That’s my boy Hayes.”

“Oh shit,” I mutter against his chest.

He kisses the top of my head, “No regrets?”

“None.”

By the end of the night my feet are killing me and all I want is my bed. Daniel picks us up in the front of the club. I’m leaning against Nicholas, exhausted and totally drunk. Alexis is passed out by the time we get in and I take off my heels moaning in relief. Leaning back I look out the window, and watch the city lights pass us.

“What are you thinking about?” Nicholas asks stroking my hand and drawing lazy circles.

“You,” I giggle. I move closer to him and rest my head on his shoulder. “I fit perfectly against you.”

“You do,” he kisses the top of my head again.

* * * * *

Since being back from California I haven’t heard from Neil. We have everything set up with a rehab center here in town. They faxed the paperwork to Doctor Prince and received the ‘okay’ to bring him home. I pace around the living room waiting for his call. It’s almost four in the afternoon so it’s not too late over in California. “What the hell is taking so long?”

Suddenly my phone rings. I jump, quickly picking up the call.

“Hello?” I slowly sit down and try to calm myself down. There’s urgency and longing in my voice. I need to hear that Neil’s okay.

“Karly?”

I hesitate, “Yes this is she.”

“Hi Karly, it’s Doctor Prince. I’m sorry to have to tell you this, but Neil has passed away. We found him just a few minutes ago.” My heart stops. I feel my walls crumbling down. My face goes pale. This isn’t happening. “Karly?”

“I’m ah still here.”

“I’m sorry for your loss.”

I can’t breathe and the tears threaten my eyes. “What do I need to do? What happened? I thought everything was fine! Doctor Prince you promised me…PROMISED ME that everything was going to be okay!”

“Karly,” he starts to say, “I know this is hard and I’m sorry.” He pauses and I hear him sigh. “We found a homemade blade in his room.”

“No,” I slowly say. This isn’t happening. Why would Neil do this? I close my eyes and remember his brilliance in his smile. I remember his voice and how happy he was when we were together. I can’t believe he’s gone. This isn’t happening.

“I am sorry. We did everything we could.”

“I know,” is all I can say.

“What would you like us to do?”

I’ve never thought of this. I’m not sure of the answer. “I’m um not sure. His parents aren’t in his life anymore so I guess it’s up to me huh?”

“I understand this is a shock and I do apologize. Why don’t you call me later and we can discuss further.”

“Okay,” I let out.

I hang up the phone and fall to the ground. Nicholas tells Emma to go to her room. She whines and asks if I’m okay. Nicholas takes me in his arms and I let everything out. I scream for Neil and keep asking why. I never got to say goodbye or anything. He’s gone. It’s like a knife is in my heart twisting and turning. My best friend is gone and I have no idea what to do.

The next few days go by in a haze. Thankfully Patricia is able to take Emma as I sort through everything I need to for Neil. I called his parents but they told me not to call again and hung up on me. I couldn’t believe they didn’t care that their only son passed away.

Each night I cry myself to sleep. Nicholas holds me and tells me that he’s here for me. I don’t know what I’d do without him as my rock. He’s been great, but I’ve been neglecting him and everyone else around me. I keep looking through my phone at the picture of us and my heart breaks each time. His smile. His eyes. His love of life. I hear his voice in my head all the time. I can’t let him go. Not yet.

The rehab center prepared everything and his body is now at the morgue preparing for his funeral. I had to go there and pick up some things that were addressed to me. Luckily Nicholas is home and able to take me because I’m not sure if I’d be okay to drive.

When I get back in the car I pull out an envelope. It’s addressed to me in Neil’s handwriting. I start shaking. I’m so scared.

“It’s okay baby. You can do this.”

I let out a sigh and open the envelope.

Baby Girl,

You must hate me huh? I’m sorry that I lied to you, but I couldn’t tell anyone what was going on. I had to try and get better. Thank you for believing in me and visiting me. You gave me hope, but when I was alone that’s when it was bad. I thought about everything and I couldn’t accept my life. I’m sorry that I took the easy way out.

I know you’re blaming yourself but please don’t. I wasn’t strong enough baby girl. As I’m sitting here writing this letter to you, I can’t help but smile because you gave my life meaning and purpose. I’ll never forget you and all I want is the best for you. You’ll always have my heart baby girl and no matter where I am I’ll be right next to you. Don’t cry because I’m gone smile because we met, fell in love and imprinted a piece of us on each other’s hearts. You’re the best thing that ever happened to me. Tell Nicholas to take care of you and love you because you deserve it.

This is my goodbye to you. I love you so much and one day we’ll be together again in a place where there’s no such thing as pain or heart break. It’ll just be us.

Remember to always love and live your life. You matter, Karly Lynn Erikson. Be happy and never forget me.

I love you always,

Neil

I finish the last line and read the letter over and over again. I bang my fist against the dashboard and kick and scream. “Why the fuck would he leave me this?” I hit the dashboard again until Nicholas brings me in his arms.

“Baby shhhh, it’s okay.” I cry into his chest and scream for Neil. Scream that he’s okay and he’s in that happy place where he doesn’t feel pain or heart break.

* * * * *

The funeral was beautiful. Everyone who knew Neil came and gave their respects. Nicholas held my hand and comforted me as the Priest talked about his life and the lives he touched. I kept seeing his face. Seeing his smile and hearing his voice in my head. I still couldn’t believe he was gone. It was hard to accept. It was raining when we got to the cemetery. Nicholas held the umbrella; the sounds of rain pattering took over. I wasn’t ready to say goodbye. I wasn’t ready to never see him again. My mind was reeling from the heartbreak in my chest. I couldn’t control my emotions. I let everything out. Nicholas held me tighter. I thanked everyone for coming and as they left one by one. After everyone left, it was just me and Nicholas with Neil’s casket. I set the rose on top and kissed it. I wasn’t ready to let go yet. I threw my body on top of the casket and screamed for Neil. I wanted my best friend back. I just wanted Neil.

* * * * *

It’s been over a month and his death is still with me. Emma’s been with Patricia and Dan and my heart breaks because I can’t give Nicholas what he needs. Every night I’m waking up in a pool of sweat, screaming for Neil, begging for him to come back. Nicholas keeps telling me that everything will be okay, but I don’t believe him. It’s like a piece of my heart is gone and I’ll never get it back.

Nicholas is at work but told me to call him if I needed anything. I sit up in our bed and look around the room. I slowly get out and go to the closet to pull out the box that holds everything about Neil.
My Neil.

I open the letters and read each one. For our one-year anniversary he made me a photo book with all of our pictures. Those were the days when everything was good and happy. I stare at his smile and start crying again. When I flip the page something falls out. I pick up the piece of paper and unfold it.

There are moments that I’ll always cherish. Not because those moments made me happy, but each of those cherished memories are with you. I’ll never cry because it’s over, I’ll smile because we shared a magical love that’ll never go away. One day we’ll look back and smile through the tears. No matter where I am you’ll be here with me. Next to me. Always.

I read the note over and over again. Something in me lights up and it’s as though Neil’s talking to me again. His voice plays in my head, reading the note back to me. The pain lifts from my shoulders and heart. As much as I miss him I know this is his way of telling me it’s okay to live again because he’ll never leave my side.

I’ve been unfair to the people that mean the most to me. I hate being in my bubble when everyone else is walking on eggshells around me. I get up from my bedroom floor and get ready. I need to show my special someone how much I miss him.

I take the elevator to the tenth floor. This is my first time at Nicholas’ firm. I called his personal assistant and he has some free time today. I nervously play with my necklace and take one last look in the mirror before getting off the elevator.

“Hi Miss. Erikson,” Danielle, his personal assistant, says.

“Hi Leslie. He doesn’t know I’m here right?”

She shakes his head. “I’m sorry again for your loss.”

“Thank you so much. That means a lot. Can you hold his calls for me?”

“Sure will,” she smiles getting back to her work.

Without knocking I enter his office and close the door. Nicholas doesn’t look up from his pile of work.

“Leslie can you call in lunch for me. I’m swamped with all of these reports.”

“Sushi okay?” I lift up the bag and give him his smile that he loves.

Nicholas’ face lights up. I haven’t seen him smile in so long. I miss him. So much. “Baby? Are you okay?” He rounds the table and walks to me. “What’s going on?”

I wrap an arm around his neck and kiss him with everything I have. Our lips touch and without waiting our tongues invade each other mouths. Oh God I miss him so much. My heart slams against my chest, his hands in my hair, moaning to the feel of our lips touching. I want to give my all to Nicholas; he deserves it.

Nicholas pushes me back against the sofa. I start cheering on the inside, yes this is what I want! He slides my dress up and smiles, “No panties,” he winks. “You’re killing me baby.”

“Mmmm God Nicholas.”

He sticks out his tongue, running it over my clit. I grab his hair pushing me deeper in. I love how he makes this feel.

“God I’ve missed you.” He pulls my clit in his mouth and sucks me hard. The feeling is amazing. His talented tongue takes me to the edge of always wanting more. The connection between us gets stronger.

My grip of his hair tightens. Nicholas moves my hands above my head and holds it tightly together. The violent assault of his tongue on me brings me to the brink of pleasure that I’ve never felt. His tongue quickly moves everywhere in me, “Nicholas! Ugh.”

We sit on the floor of his office, eating lunch and smiling…Together. I can’t get enough of him and I know I have so much to make up for. I’m thankful he stood by my side when I needed him most.

“Thanks for everything. I’m sorry that things have been like this.”

“Baby it’s okay. I love you and I’ll always support you. You lost your best friend and it was a terrible time,” he grabs my knee and squeezes it. “I told you I’d always be here for you,” he kisses the tip of my nose.

The next person I have to make up for is my Princess Emma. I head over to the Hayes to pick her up.

“Karly!” She yells leaping in my arms.

“Hi Princess!”

“You’re smiling now. I’m glad.”

I hug her tighter. “Come on Princess let’s go spend the day together.” We go inside and say bye to Patricia and Dan.