The Beginning of Us (59 page)

“Lex, I’m sorry! I knew it would be chaos at the airport. I should’ve warned you. I should’ve put you guys on a different flight. I should’ve done this all differently, but I was selfish and wanted you beside me as long as possible, instead of arriving separately. I screwed up, babe. I get it.” He’s right in front of me, taking every dagger I’m throwing, face to face. “On top of that, Lex, I don’t know what the hell I’m doing. I don’t understand relationships. I’m trying and you said you’d give me a chance…Please?”

“Why yes, you jackass, that was a brilliant plan! Are you pleased with what went down? Are you worried we’d destroy your sex symbol image? You couldn’t be bothered to let me know what was going on before you rushed out to greet your adoring fans? And this place…you said we were going to your home. This is a damn palace. And don’t even get me started on the guys in monkey suits. You said we’d have security at the concert, not the minute we got off the plane!” I’m ranting and not quietly.

He leans in closer. “Are you done now?” he asks with a calm, even toned voice which only enrages me more.

“No you, asshole! I’m not done!” I yell, pounding my fists into his chest. I’m frustrated beyond belief, and he sits there calmly taking every single blow I deliver.

“Do your best, baby, get it all out, so we can make up.” He says in a strangled voice and that’s all it takes. I’m done. I’ve exhausted myself, and now I’m crying huge angry frustrated tears. I lay myself down on the pillow and close my eyes, crying myself to sleep. He lies beside me, but doesn’t touch me or speak to me. He hates me.

When I wake the next morning the room is still dark, but I see the time on the clock sitting on the nightstand. It’s after 9:30. I haven’t slept this late in years. I look around the room and no one is here. I look at the baby monitor screen and it’s been switched off. I jump out of the bed and run down the hall to Sierra’s room. She’s not there. Then I hear it – a guitar and her sweet, precious voice. They’re singing…together. I sit on the top of the stairs to listen. I don’t want to disturb the peace, and after what happened last night I’m sure tensions will be high when I enter the room. I stand up and start walking to the room Sierra spent the night in to start organizing our things to go home today. I’m not sure what time our flight is, but I’m sure after the way I acted he’ll have us out of here as soon as possible.

As I’m laying clothes out for today, Whit comes into the room. “Good morning, sunshine. Feeling better?” she asks way too cheerfully for the situation.

I turn to her, feeling extremely remorseful. She’s my best friend in the world. She didn’t deserve the things I said last night. “I’m so sorry, Whit. I hope you know I didn’t mean anything I said to you. You just happened to be in my line of fire.” I jump up and wrap my arms around her shoulders. “Please, dear God, don’t be mad at me. Forgive me?”

She looks at me with a big grin and a chuckle. “Like you even have to ask? I forgave you the minute it happened. Lex, I know you well enough to know when you’re spewing crap you don’t mean. What are you doing now?” she asks, arching her eyebrow.

“Packing. We’re going back home today. I can’t stay here. Not like this,” I say to my best friend, willing her to understand and not question my motives.

“Lex, you have got to stop running away from him every time things get hard, or when fans, photographers, air planes, or whatever else scares you happens. Eventually, he'll stop chasing you and that's really going to suck, sweets”.

“I know…maybe this time he won’t chase me. We’d both be better off, I think,” I say quietly.

“You think, huh? Maybe you should go downstairs and see the man who is consumed with worry over you. Yet, instead of sitting in the corner waiting for you to scream at him, again, he’s taken every measure known to man to make sure you sleep as long as possible, and that Sierra is taken care of like a little princess and that I, your best friend, am comfortable and happy in his home. Do you really think for one minute he’s doing any of that to benefit anyone other than you?

“Alexis, wake up! This man is jumping through every flaming hoop you place in his path, and yet, it’s not enough for you. You really need to sit down and think this through before you throw away what could be the best thing in the world for you and Sierra,” she says in a huff, before walking out of the room. “Let me know if I need to pack my stuff, Lex! I’ll be in my room taking a bath and reading. Send Sierra up to my room if you need time to chat with Garrett.”

I guess it’s time to face the music. I walk down the hallway to the staircase and descend at a snail’s pace. I’m scared to death of what I’m going to be faced with. As soon as I reach the bottom my little girls spies me and says, “Good morning, Mama. You were very sleepy.”

I smile to her, “Thank you for letting me sleep. I was extra tired today.” I look at Garrett and his face is blank. I can’t read that look on his face, so I don’t say anything. I just look away.

Garrett

Chapter 25

She’s coming down the stairs. I can feel her getting closer. I feel so bad about everything that went down last night. I knew Alexis was feisty when she was riled up. I remember that about her from college. She’d trample anyone who messed with her friends. I never expected what happened last night. But damn, she got her frustrations out on my pecks, that’s for sure. I hated to see her that upset and frustrated. That was way worse than the actual physical side effects. My poor sweet girl…

Last night was a clusterfuck. When Dan stepped on the plane I immediately asked how it looked outside. I didn’t want to alarm Lex, so as quietly as possible I instructed, “Keep them on board. I’ll get off out here to distract the crowd. Pull the jet into the hanger, and then get them in the car. Once they’re safely inside pull up, and I’ll get in. I can’t figure out how they always know when I’m arriving.”

I thought I did the right thing to protect them from the madness. I thought Lex would appreciate the efforts to keep them from being exposed to the chaos, since she is adamant about keeping her life private. I don’t know what I did wrong.

She’s talking sweetly to Sierra, which is no surprise. She’d never take her frustrations out on a child. But she’s not saying anything to me. I’m paralyzed in fear that last night will be the tipping point that makes this all too much for her. I don’t want to do anything else that might upset her or make her want to leave. I need her here with me. I need to make up with her. I slept like shit last night. I just lay next to her, listening to her whimper for hours. Even after she fell asleep I was awake, watching her and searching for the right words to make this better.

When I woke this morning and found her still in bed with me, I counted my lucky stars. I closed all the blinds tightly, so it would be dark and peaceful in hopes that if she caught up on sleep she’d feel better, and then I snuck out of the room. She does look rested. I’m glad about that.

“Good morning, sweetheart,” I say, searching for any emotion on her face. She gives only a small smile, and it doesn’t even come close to bringing the sparkle to her eyes.

“Morning, Garrett.”

I turn on the television to morning cartoons for Sierra. She’s already had breakfast, so this should keep her still for a few minutes. I reach over to Lex. “Babe, come talk to me for a minute?” I tentatively ask. She nods her head.

We walk up the stairs to the master bedroom and she sits on the bed. Before she has the chance to say any of the things I know she’s thinking, I speak. “Lex, I know I’m not worthy of you and Sierra. My life is complicated and frustrating. I knew better than to bring you into that last night without warning, but I was being selfish. I did the best I could to protect y’all’s privacy when we arrived. I thought about trying to walk away a few weeks ago. But, sweetheart, I have these strings attached to my heart that are all wrapped up in you, and I just can't walk away without ripping out a vital organ. Babe, you now own my heart. What happens to it is up to you, and even if you try and give it back, I won’t take it. I’m still going to have to follow you everywhere in life because of these damn strings. Please, babe. Don’t push me away! Give me a chance to make this manageable for us. I love you both, so much.”

She doesn’t respond. She just sits there staring at me, dumbfounded, until finally she says, “You don’t want us to leave? After the way I acted yesterday? I’m challenging and bitchy! I’ve been a puddle of tears since the day this all started. Why, Garrett? Why me?”

Why her…because, I love her. I’ve only ever loved her. And I’d do anything to keep her. Anything.

“Sweetheart, you had every right to say the things you did last night. Most weren’t true, but I know you well enough to know you already know that. You’re perfectly challenging. You keep me alert and on my toes. It’s never boring! It’s one of the things I love most about you. And your tears…damn, babe, they really wreck me. But they also tell me what is going on in that pretty little head when you won’t talk to me.” She’s just staring at me and listening, but not touching me. “And, sweetheart, as for wanting you to stay…” He draws in a deep breath, “Babe, I always want you to be where I am. No matter how pissed you are at me. Please, stay with me. I love you,” I plead, again, in case it wasn’t clear enough the first time.

“I’m so sorry, Garrett. I was frustrated. You didn’t deserve the things I accused you of…I do know that. A little warning would’ve been nice. I really hate surprises. I love you a lot, but your life is complicated and foreign to me. I love you enough to stay while you try and make it manageable. I just need to know that Sierra won’t be harmed. Please, it’s my job to keep her safe, and right now I’m scared.”

This is the part I hate, because, damn…I’m scared, too. I don’t want anything to ruin what I’ve got right here. “Sweetheart, I’ve learned my lesson. What happened last night won’t happen that way again. I’ll be prepared and you girls will be safe with me. It’s my job, Lex, to keep you both safe, and I promise I will.” We’ll quadruple the damn security if we have to. I reach for her and she comes to me willingly. I kiss her face and spend the next few minutes just holding her. I’m a lucky bastard.

We spend the rest of the morning and afternoon touring the ranch. I’m glad Whitney came along. She calms Alexis and keeps Sierra busy every once in a while, so I can steal a few kisses. She’s leaving tomorrow afternoon and that’s fine, because I plan on spending the week in Nashville doing family things. Tonight is the benefit concert. I’ll be leaving soon for the sound check.

“Sweetheart, I’ll need to leave soon for the arena. Do you want to go for the sound check, or should I send a car back for you?” I ask. I planned for the girls to come to the sound check, but I don’t want to assume that she’s okay with anything after last night. I’m walking on eggshells, and that’s okay, if it makes her feel more secure.

She looks to Whitney and Sierra walking ahead of us. “I’d rather go with you. I’m afraid we won’t be able to get to you later if people don’t know who we are,” she says, being sincere.

I laugh. “Baby, no one will ever be able to keep you away from me. But I’d feel better if you went with me, too. I need you close to me after last night. I hate when you’re mad at me,” I say as I pick her up and swing her around onto my back for a piggy-back ride. She nibbles my ear, we keep walking and following Sierra, who’s trying to find the horses.

“Sierra, we need to head back toward the house to get dressed, love bug!” Lex calls out.

Sierra turns around, sees her Mama on my back and comes running. “I want up, too, Garrett. Hold me, too,” she says, so I pick her up and haul the both of them, with Whitney in tow laughing her ass off.

We’re all dressed and ready to leave. I decide to drive us to the show and have security follow. I’ll have four security guys with the girls tonight. They’ll be back stage. I don’t really expect any issues, but I’d rather be prepared, and I think these guys will give Lex some confidence.

When we arrive at the stadium in my Land Rover, the band manger meets me at the back door. He’s pissed off. I knew he would be. He has a folder with what I’m sure is a stack of internet articles he’s printed. I already saw them all this morning, so I know what’s coming. I see right away that he wants to talk. He’s called several times, but I’ve been busy with my girls.

“Hey, Charles. Now’s not good. We’ll talk later,” I say carrying my princess, walking right past him towards the room where the band members are hanging out. Charles follows, he’s persistent. He better not start any shit that upsets Lex. I’ll kill him right after I fire his ass.

“Garrett, we need to talk.” He looks over to Lex with contempt. “Privately… Now!”  He says.

I pass Sierra off to Lex and kiss them both. “Give me a minute. I’ll be right back,” I say to them. He and I walk a little way down the corridor to assure a bit of privacy, but I’m keeping my girls in sight.

“Garrett, what the fuck do you think you’re doing?” Charles asks. “You’re Garrett Fucking McKenna. You don’t have time to be playing family man. I don’t even want to think about what your fan base will think if they see that you have a girlfriend. This is a successful tour and we don’t need any damn distractions. Look at this shit.” He shoves the articles printed from various gossip sites in my face. They have various titles, ‘The Elusive Bachelor Captured…Finally’ ‘Baby Mama’s Back’ ‘Garrett’s child…paternity revealed.’ What stupid shit this is? There are low quality pictures of us when we picked Sierra up from school yesterday.

Did Charles just call Lex a distraction? I don’t want to make a scene right here, but I need Charles to settle his ass down. “Let me tell you something right now, Charles. You’ll take care of this fucking tour and band like you’ve always done and keep your fucking nose out of my personal life. If you ever call either of those girls a fucking distraction again, you’ll have much bigger problems to deal with. I promise you that!” I say, throwing the papers at him and walking back toward my girls. I’m pissed, and not just at Charles, the damn gossip sites are insane. I wish for once they’d print something real, but, no, that’s too much to ask for these days.