The Believer (12 page)

"I spent the day stirring apple butter, and the heat of the stove stays with me,' she said almost as an apology. "It is warm for October"

"I left the sugar there for the morrow," Issachar said before he looked at Elizabeth and Hannah. "Have patience, young sisters. And courage"

Everything happened too quickly after that. Payton went with Issachar into the men's side of the house. Payton glanced back at Elizabeth. She saw his worry, but there was nothing she could do. She had chosen this path for them. But it wasn't until Ruth took hold of Hannah to pull her away from Elizabeth's side that she truly questioned the wisdom of her decision. Hannah clung to Elizabeth's hand.

"Can we not stay together this night?" Elizabeth asked.

"Nay;" the woman said. "It is better to begin the Believer's way at once. Do not let her hold to you" She yanked Hannah's hand away from Elizabeth.

"Izzy," Hannah screamed. It had been years since she had called Elizabeth that. She jerked loose from Ruth and wrapped her arms around Elizabeth's waist. She held on so tightly that Elizabeth could barely breathe. Sister Ruth put her hands on Hannah's shoulders, and Hannah screamed again. "Izzy, don't let them take me:"

"Please, let me talk to her," Elizabeth begged the woman. "Please"

Ruth did not want to give in to Elizabeth's request, but Nola put a hand on Ruth's shoulder. "Give the children a moment"

"She's not a baby;" Ruth said. "There's no reason for her screams

"Just a few minutes;' Nola said softly.

"Very well. A moment only." Ruth turned loose of Hannah, but she didn't look pleased.

Elizabeth sat down on the stone steps into the house and pulled Hannah down beside her. Nola took Ruth's arm and moved her a few feet away to give them some privacy.

"I don't want to go with her," Hannah said. "I want to stay with you"

"I want you to stay with me:' Elizabeth put her arm around Hannah and pulled her close. "But that must not be the Shaker way.

"Then I don't like the Shaker way"

"It does seem strange to us, but we must try to accept their ways at least for a little while" Elizabeth tipped Hannah's face up until she was looking directly into her eyes. The panic there made her heart hurt. "We can do this, Hannah. We must do this. At least until spring. Can you try to do that? For me?"

"And when spring comes?"

"We'll leave if you remain unhappy with their ways."

"Do you promise?" Hannah dug her fingers into Elizabeth's arm as she waited for her answer.

"Yes, I promise:" Elizabeth didn't want to think of what that promise might mean or what she might have to do to keep it, but she made the promise anyway. "Do you promise in return?"

"I will go with the mean one if you say I must" Her shoulders drooped as she let her hand fall off Elizabeth's arm.

Elizabeth glanced over at the sisters, hoping they hadn't overheard Hannah's words. "She is not mean;' she said softly. "Only stern. She has rules we must follow"

"I don't like rules:' The panic in Hannah's eyes changed to rebellion.

"I know, but you will listen and do as they ask. You promised me:" Elizabeth looked at Hannah steadily until the rebellion faded from her eyes and she only looked sad. Very sad and a little frightened. Elizabeth put her hand on Hannah's heart as she had earlier at the cabin. "Remember, my love is always in your heart:"

"But my heart hurts, Elizabeth. I'm afraid it will break apart and all the love will spill out:"

"That can never happen. Not with my love or our mother's and father's love. It's here:" Elizabeth pressed down on Hannah's chest. "Always. Forever."

"I believe you, Elizabeth, but I wish I could run into the woods:" Hannah looked past Elizabeth toward the trees that grew in the distance behind the houses.

"That you cannot do;' Elizabeth said firmly. "You promised:"

Hannah sighed heavily. "I wish I hadn't:"

"But you did:" Elizabeth didn't look over at the two women waiting for them, but she could feel them watching them. She couldn't put off the parting any longer. "Now it is time to do as they want"

They stood up and Hannah faced the two women as if waiting for some dire punishment as the two sisters moved toward them.

"Worry not," the sister named Nola said to Elizabeth. "Sister Ruth is going to see to your needs, and I'll take care of young sister Hannah. She and I have much in common" Nola jerked off her cap and gray curls sprang out from her head. She touched Hannah's curls and smiled down at her. "See:"

Hannah peered at the woman's head and then reached over to softly touch her hair. "They are not as white as mine. Nor as springy."

"Nay, mine are much older. They've lost a good bit of their spring over the years" She smiled as she pushed her cap back down on her head. "Come, we'll find you a clean dress and some supper.

Hannah only looked back once at Elizabeth as she walked down the path away from her. And now it was Elizabeth who had to bite her lip to keep from crying out for her.

Ethan confessed to Brother Martin the strange feelings Elizabeth had awakened in him when he and Brother Issachar had picked the young woman and her sister and brother up on the road. He tried not to hold anything back. For true forgiveness, a Believer had need to confess his failings not only to the Eternal Father and Mother Ann but also to his designated confessor. For Ethan, that was Brother Martin, although there had been many times when he wished it could be Brother Issachar instead.

Both men were very dear to Ethan, but they were much different. Brother Martin never stopped teaching, never stopped trying to push the young brothers in his charge closer to the perfect life all Shakers sought. He labored zealously to keep Ethan from straying from the true way of the Believer into ways of the world that would surely land his feet on a slippery slope to destruction.

On the other hand, Brother Issachar had a way of accepting Ethan as he was while trusting he would seek out the right paths to walk on his own. Ethan could never remember Brother Issachar showing disapproval of any of the brothers or sisters. Not even when the wrong had been so obvious it had resulted in ostracism. That was why, Brother Martin said, that the Ministry did not appoint Brother Issachar as a confessor. A man had to notice fault before he could correct it.

Brother Martin had no problem noticing fault. It was obvious he saw much fault in the feelings the young woman had aroused in Ethan.

"You must not allow yourself to be led astray by a woman who has yet to learn the ways of a Believer such as yourself."

"She did nothing to entice me into wrong:" Ethan felt the need to make sure Elizabeth was not blamed for his own failure to control his emotions.

"She reeked of the world" Brother Martin stared at Ethan across the small table in the tiny room he used to work on the lessons for the boys in school. His face showed disappointment in Ethan's lapse of proper thought, but not surprise. A teacher of the young brethren for many years, he claimed there was little that could surprise him.

"She did seem different than the sisters I know here," Ethan admitted. "Weighted down with concern. Brother Issachar noticed as well and asked her about it"

"Did she answer him with truth?" Brother Martin's frown deepened as he waited for Ethan's answer.

"She avoided answering Brother Issachar's question, but I believe the younger sister spoke truth when she said her sister feared a man who wished to marry her." Ethan thought again of the strange eyes of the young child with the white curls. He started to say he didn't think the child could speak anything but truth, but there was no reason to stray from the words of his confession. The little sister had no part in the unsettled way the older girl had made him feel when he looked into her eyes.

"The worldly joining of man and woman in marriage causes much strife. That is why we live a life of purity here at Harmony Hill without the sin of matrimony to cause problems among us. How much better it would be if all could believe! Alas, many of the world are not ready to receive the truth" Brother Martin shook his head in sorrow at the wrongness of the world. "I suppose time will tell if these new novitiates will listen and learn the true way to life, but I would not be at all surprised if they turned out to be merely winter Shakers anxious to leave as soon as the sun warms in the spring"

A protest rose inside Ethan at the thought of the girl leaving the Shakers so soon, but he mashed it down. He surely only felt the same concern he would feel for any among their number who might too readily give up the Shaker way to go back to the world.

Brother Martin was watching him closely as if expecting some response. When Ethan remained silent, he said, "Do you not agree?"

"As you say, only time will tell," Ethan answered carefully. He didn't want to disappoint Brother Martin with a wrong word or thought. "But the girl claimed they had nowhere to go"

"A woman such as her always has an eye out for another way.

"A woman such as her?" Brother Martin's words bothered Ethan. He didn't know why he felt such a compulsion to defend this new sister he barely knew.

"You are young, Brother Ethan. You have only had acquaintance with our gentle sisters here at Harmony Hill, but not all women are such. Some from the world have wrong thoughts and sow strife wherever they go'

Ethan knew he should nod and stay silent, but he couldn't stop his mouth from asking, "How can you tell she has wrong thoughts?"

Irritation flashed across Brother Martin's face. He did not expect Ethan to question him, but simply to listen and accept the truths he taught. He removed his wire spectacles and pinched his broad nose in thought for a moment before answering, "I have helped many learn the Believer's way. My eye is practiced in seeing right motives:' Brother Martin tapped the frames of his spectacles on the table as he stared at Ethan. "Just as now I see your curiosity about the world, Brother Ethan, and it worries me. I fear it may draw you away from us:"

Ethan was shocked at his words. "Nay, that could not be:"

I have hope it is not and I will pray for you, my brother. But you must fight this seeking after the ways of the world'

Ethan stared down at his hands a moment before answering truthfully. "I do not seek such. I only wonder"

"Perhaps it would be better if you did not go on any more trading trips with Brother Issachar until this confusion in your mind clears up:"

Ethan's eyes jerked up to Brother Martin's face. "But I had hoped to go on a winter trading trip down the river."

Brother Martin was silent for a long moment as his eyes probed Ethan's face. "You came to us on the river. We would not wish to lose you in the same way. On the other hand, there might be good in letting you see more of the world to ease your wonderment of it. While we Believers are apart from the world, our village isn't a prison without doors. You have already made your decision to be a Believer. You have signed the Covenant and become a full member of our Society. You are a Believer. A brother in good standing deserves trust:'

"Yea, I wish it so, Brother Martin" Ethan looked down at his hands in his lap again. "I will reread the Millennial Laws so that I may keep in mind the proper behavior expected of a true Believer."

"That would serve you well, my brother." Brother Martin put his hands flat on the table and pushed himself up to his feet. "We all should keep in mind Mother Ann's teachings. We must labor with our hands and not allow our minds to be idle, for an idle mind is the devil's workshop"

In the days that followed, Ethan did his best to push away all thought of the young woman he and Brother Issachar had found on the road as he buried himself in the duties assigned to him. He did not see the new sisters and brother again until they were introduced in the meetinghouse the next Sunday. It was obvious they had yet to fit themselves into the Shaker way even though they were dressed in like clothing with all the sisters and brethren. The little girl with her white curls mostly hidden by her Shaker cap looked small and sad while the young brother let no expression sit on his face.

The older girl, Sister Elizabeth, the one whose hand on his had set a fire racing through his soul that continued to smolder somewhere inside him in spite of his every effort to quench it, looked weary and uncertain. She felt his eyes upon her and looked across the room at him. Her lips lifted in a smile of recognition before he hastily turned his eyes from her face. He stared down at the floor for a long moment before he furtively slid his eyes back her way. She looked even more uncertain with some of the same sadness as the younger sister now.

He wished Brother Issachar was there at meeting to gift her with his kind smile, but he had gone to Louisville to get building supplies for a new barn. He had taken another young brother with him after Brother Martin had spoken against Ethan accompanying him.

During the meeting, many sought out the new sisters and brother to welcome them into the village, but Ethan did not. He stayed far from them, for he felt Brother Martin watching him. It was better to not encourage the wrong feelings that were trying to grow inside him. Better for both him and the young sister, for he didn't want to hinder her quest to become a Believer. Even so, he desired to speak with her, to find out how she was adjusting to life in the village. He wanted to move close enough to her to see the flecks of gold in her green eyes. He wanted to say something to her to bring back the smile to her face and chase away her sadness. And he had to admit he was feeling worldly temptations he had never known before.