The Best of Times: A Dicken's Inn Novel (17 page)

Jackson straightened his back and sighed. If this was nothing more than an innocent mistake, he had no right to be angry with anyone. Still, he felt so angry! “What did she say?” he asked in a voice that felt was thick with hypocrisy.

Chas repeated the gist of the conversation while he pushed his hands into the pockets of his jeans and hung his head. He tried to imagine how to handle this and realized that he couldn’t. He couldn’t handle it at all.

“I can’t deal with this, Chas. Not now; not like this.”

“I’m not going to lie for you, if that’s what you’re asking.”

“Then I need to leave and come back when they’re gone.”

“Don’t be absurd!” she said, coming around the desk. “It’s your mother and sister, Jackson. Twenty-six years? How can a man go twenty-six years without even having a conversation with his mother? She’s your mother. If nothing else, she deserves your respect for giving you life.”

Jackson’s anger deepened. “I already explained that to you, and you can’t possibly judge where I’m coming from.”

“No, I can’t judge that. But I can see that you’re trying to run from something that will never stop chasing you. If you just stop and . . . face it, maybe you can stop running.”

“I don’t need this right now,” he snarled, sounding suddenly angry. “Not from you, not from them. I’m leaving. You can deal with the—”

Chas grabbed his arm to keep him from leaving the room. “They’ve come a long way, Jackson. Surely you can just give them an hour and hear what they have to say. It’s been twenty-six years.”

“It doesn’t matter how long it’s been. People don’t change, Chas.”

“You have. Stand there and try to tell me that you’re the same person who left your family to join the Marines. You don’t even talk the way they do.”

“No, I do not.”

“How does a man get rid of an accent like that?”

“It wasn’t easy.”

“So, you think that you’ve changed and everything else has remained the same? I know you’re not that naive, which means you’re just being stubborn. I don’t know what you’re afraid of, but I think it’s time you faced up to it. Maybe this is a blessing in disguise.”

“A blessing?” He made a scoffing sound. “This is a disaster. I
am
hiding, Chas. That’s why I came here, remember? And now it’s all going to be . . . tainted . . . poisoned.”

“How?”

“You don’t know what they’re like. You don’t know what you’re saying.”

“Are you afraid I’ll think less of you when I meet your family? Do you think I’ll judge you according to their behavior, or their problems?”

“Maybe,” he admitted.

“Well, I won’t. What’s between you and me is between you and me. Just . . . talk to them.” He sighed again, and she knew she was wearing him down. “Listen,” she said more gently, taking hold of his arms, “they’ll be having supper here. I’ll tell them you’ll meet them in the parlor at five-thirty, and we’ll have supper with them, and then if you want to go hide in your room, I’ll keep them at bay for you. If it turns out to be a disaster, I’ll take responsibility for it and get rid of them as soon as possible.”

Jackson blew out a long, loud breath, then he surprised Chas by taking her in his arms and holding her fiercely. “You can’t leave me alone with them.”

“What if I need a potty break, or Granny needs me?”

“Okay, you can’t leave me alone with them for more than five minutes.”

“Deal.”

“Oh,” he groaned, then cursed. “I can’t believe this is happening. Why does Polly have to be so blasted efficient?”

“Why would I keep her around if she weren’t? It’s going to be okay, Jackson. And maybe it will be more than okay. Maybe you’ll be glad this happened.” He scowled at her. “Have a little faith,” she added with a smile. “You never know what can happen with just a little faith.”

CHAPTER 11

Chas sent Jackson upstairs to try to mentally prepare for this unexpected turn of events, while she went to explain it to her grandmother and do some preliminary dinner preparations. She called Polly and explained the situation, asking if she could come in just a little earlier than she’d been planning because Chas needed to be focused on the family reunion.

“I feel awful,” Polly said. “Does he hate me?”

“No, of course not. It was an innocent mistake, and not really a mistake at all. He should have told you
not
to put the return address on instead of just assuming you wouldn’t. It doesn’t matter now. I think it’s a good thing anyway, so I’m glad you did it. Even if it’s a disaster, he’ll have faced his family and he can get on with his life.”

“That’s one way of looking at it,” Polly said skeptically. “I’ll be there in twenty minutes. I can’t wait to see these people.”

While Chas hurried to get everything under control as much as possible, her mind tried to imagine how this might turn out. She fervently prayed that the outcome would be favorable, that hearts could be softened, and that forgiveness would take place. She’d felt concerned over Jackson’s attitude about his family right from the start, but it had been put on her mental list of things to deal with when their relationship became more established. Now it had been thrust upon them in a way that Chas couldn’t help believing had been guided by Divine Providence. She didn’t believe in coincidences. And this was just way too strange to ever be that.

Feeling a need to speak with Jackson again before his family arrived, she hurried up to his room and knocked on the door. He pulled it open and asked, “Are they here yet?”

“No. Polly’s here in case they come while I’m up here. She begs your forgiveness.”

He shrugged and said,
“Why
are you up here? You’ve already talked me into doing this. Did you come to see if I’d changed my mind?”

“Did you?”

“No, but it’s tempting. I really need a drink.”

“You do not
need
a drink. You want a drink. There’s a difference. I’ll stay with you. Everything will be fine.”

“You realize what you’re doing, don’t you?”

“What am I doing?”

“You’re just shifting my dependence on liquor to a dependence on you.”

“I’m better for you,” she said proudly.

“But what do I do when you’re not around to hold me together?”

“Just keep me around.”

He took her in his arms and held her close. “Oh, how I hope that will be possible.”

“Me too,” she said, then looked up at him. “Are you okay?”

“No, I’m not okay. I’m a wreck. This is . . . insane.”

“I know it’s difficult, Jackson. Just remember to . . . be kind.” He looked at her sharply and she added, “I don’t understand all the hurt that’s bottled up inside of you, but I do know that you shouldn’t take it out on your mother or sister. Later, when it’s over, you can rage and scream and vent all your anger and frustration on me if you have to. But be kind to them. Don’t say something you’ll regret later.”

Jackson almost felt afraid of how well she had him pegged. He hadn’t consciously considered what he might say to these people who had become strangers to him, but he felt certain that without Chas’s warning it would
not
have been kind. “In other words, behave like a Christian.”

“Yes, if you want to put it that way.”

“You want me to behave the way
you
would behave.” She looked unsure of what he meant, so he added, “That’s not a bad thing, Chas. In fact, it’s a very good thing. I appreciate the advice. I will do my best to be kind. But if they start tearing me to shreds, you have to protect me.”

“I’ll do my best,” she said. “And one more thing. Don’t tell them the return address label was a mistake.”

“Lie to them, you mean.”

“No, of course not!” Chas made a noise of disgust. “If one of them comes right out and asks if it was a mistake, tell them the truth, but do it kindly. If it doesn’t come up, don’t tell them.”

“Why?”

“I just . . . it seems like . . .”

“Spit it out, Chas.”

“I think they probably believe the address label was an indication that you wanted to be found, and—”

“But I
didn’t
want to be found.”

“Okay. Okay. Just . . . be kind. Enough said.”

“I’ll do my best,” he said.

She turned to leave, then added, “Forgiveness is a powerful thing, you know.”

“For them or me?”

“You have no control over whether they forgive you. Your burden lies in whether you will forgive them. You have no idea what life has been like through your mother’s eyes.”

Jackson felt stunned speechless. It’s not that the thought had never occurred to him. But seeing life through
Chas’s
eyes combined with the prospect of actually facing his mother made the concept sink deep into his soul.

Chas gave him a quick kiss before she went back downstairs; then she left him to ponder, glad that their monumental guests had not yet arrived. Then she heard the back door open, and her heart began to pound. She said another quick prayer that she could handle all of this in the best possible way on Jackson’s behalf. As she came into the hall and neared the office, she saw two women coming through the back door from the parking lot. While the younger one helped her slow-moving mother come inside, Chas got a pretty good look at them. Jackson’s mother came across as plain and simple, with curly gray hair, a dark coat, a subdued floral-print dress that hung below her knees, support hose, and shoes that looked like they might serve some medical purpose. She carried a big purse and had no makeup on her careworn face. Her daughter was the opposite in every regard. Melinda Lafferty wore high heels that were impractical in any weather, but especially in Montana in the winter. Her jeans were tight, and the colors she wore were loud and attention-grabbing. Her blonde hair was styled big and fluffy. She wore too much makeup, and her nails were professionally done and painted bright pink. Chas would have never in a thousand years looked at either of these women and connected them to Jackson Leeds.

Chas heard Melinda say, “Let’s get you settled in so you can rest, Mama, and then I’ll get the bags.”

Chas hurried to the old woman’s side and took hold of her arm. “Here, let me help you,” she said, quite accustomed to offering such aid.

She turned surprised eyes toward Chas, then offered a smile that showed a resemblance to Jackson Leeds’s. “Thank you, dear,” she said, and Chas guided her to the comfortable chair in the office where Jackson had been sitting earlier. “This arthritis has sure slowed me down before my time.”

“How’s that?” Chas asked once she was seated.

“Very nice, thank you. What’s your name, dear?”

“Just call me Chas. And yes, it’s my real name.” She chuckled and took the old woman’s hand, asking just as she would with any guest, “And you are?”

“Melva Leeds,” she said. “You’re a very sweet girl.”

Chas smiled at her, then turned to Melinda, who asked, “Are you the woman I spoke to on the phone?”

“If you’re Melinda Lafferty, then I am.”

“Oh, marvelous!” Melinda said. “We’re so relieved to be here. It’s been a long day.”

“I can well imagine,” Chas said. “Now you can relax. We’ll take very good care of you.”

“She’s a very sweet girl,” Melva said to her daughter.

Melinda smiled at her mother and dug into her purse for a credit card, which she handed to Chas. “Have a seat,” Chas said, and Melinda gratefully complied.

While Chas ran the card through the system and had Melinda sign for the charges, she wondered and prayed for the right thing to say at the right moment. She sensed that Melva was nervous, and Melinda looked very tired. Melva finally spoke to her daughter in a loud whisper, as if that might keep Chas from hearing, or if it might imply that Chas shouldn’t listen. “This is all a waste of time. He won’t be here.”

“We had to try, Mama,” Melinda said with the barest hint of an edge, as if they’d had this conversation a hundred times today already.

Melva countered, “We should just—”

“He’s here,” Chas said, glad to be able to stop the disagreement. They both looked at her in astonishment. “I assume from everything you’ve told me that you must be looking for Jackson Leeds.” Melva gasped at the name and put a hand over her mouth. “He’s here. He was in the room when you called earlier. He knows you’re coming.”

“And he’s
still
here?” Melva asked as if the Red Sea had parted.

“I told you he’d be here, Mama,” Melinda said with the same tone. “He wouldn’t have given us a return address if he hadn’t wanted us to find him.” Chas couldn’t wait to repeat
that
to Jackson. To Chas she said, “Is he well?”

“He is,” she said, then corrected herself, adding, “other than some challenging things related to his job.”

“What does he do?” Melva asked.

“I think you should ask him that,” Chas said and hurried to get to the point. “He and I will be joining you for supper, if that’s all right.” Again Melva put a hand over her mouth, as if that were her standard response to news that was difficult to believe. Chas tried to imagine how she might feel to be in the place of either of these women, and she almost felt near tears. “Supper is at six, but he’ll be in the parlor at the front of the hall at five-thirty,” she said, pointing in that direction.

Melva broke down and wept. Melinda moved to her side and wrapped her arms around her. “It’s okay, Mama. Remember what we talked about? It’s going to be okay.”

Chas allowed them a few minutes while she tried to be discreet. She felt hard-pressed not to cry herself, and mildly angry with Jackson for creating this heartache. Recalling his description of his childhood, however, she had to keep in mind that he’d been deeply wounded. He’d chosen to remain unfindable for twenty-six years, but he hadn’t chosen the circumstances that preceded that decision. She simply hoped that healing would take place during this reunion, and that good things might happen in this family in the future. Focusing especially on Jackson’s mother, Chas couldn’t help thinking that she was very sweet. Of course, it was impossible to know the depth of a person’s character in just a few minutes. But what she saw now was a woman grieving over lost years without her only son. Chas wanted to burst in and say,
I’m really hoping to become your daughter-in-law.
She smiled to herself at such a silly thought, then gently interrupted them since Melva had become more calm.

“I can show you to your rooms, if you’d like, and you can get settled in and rest.”

“Thank you,” Melinda said. “You’ve been so nice.”

“You’re a very sweet girl,” Melva said again.

Chas helped Melva to her feet, thinking that this woman had to be at least twenty years younger than Granny, but she was almost as limited in her mobility. As they moved slowly up the hall toward the elevator, Chas said, “My grandmother lives here with me. I’d like you to meet her later. I’ll bet the two of you would have a lot to talk about.”

“Oh, that’s very nice,” Melva said, “but I’m sure she doesn’t want to be bothered with—”

“She likes it when guests visit her. Most people are in too big of a hurry, but if you want some company later, I’ll take you to meet her.”

“Oh, that’s very nice,” Melva repeated, and they stepped into the elevator.

* * * * *

Jackson sat at the top of the stairs on the third floor, where he knew he couldn’t possibly be seen from the floor below. He’d heard the distant, subtle noises of guests arriving, and voices that he couldn’t discern, as the guests got into the elevator. Now his heart pounded as he heard the elevator door open on the second floor. He only heard Chas’s voice at first, giving the usual spiel about breakfast, snacks, Internet, and where to find her if they needed anything. Then she said, “This is your room, Melva,” and he squeezed his eyes closed. The last time he’d heard that name spoken, it was being yelled by his father in a drunken voice.

“Oh, it’s lovely!” Melva said, and Jackson put a hand over his mouth to keep from whimpering. And that was the moment when he realized how much he had missed his mother. He also realized that the reasons he’d left home were not the same reasons he’d stayed away. Maybe he’d been afraid to feel what he was feeling now. Maybe he’d been afraid to acknowledge exactly what Chas had accused him of.
How could a man go twenty-six years and not call his own mother?
He felt like a fool. His anger melted into raw sorrow and regret, and tears trickled down his face while he wondered what he would ever say to them. The feelings only deepened when he heard his sister’s voice as well. He heard doors close and knew they were both in their rooms, but he wasn’t prepared to have Chas come up the stairs. She stopped when she saw him, but he didn’t have time to hide the tears. But she’d already seen a great deal of those from him. How was it possible to find the woman of your dreams at the exact time when your life was falling apart and you couldn’t keep yourself together? He couldn’t decide if that was a blessing or a curse. Then she sat beside him and took his hand, and he couldn’t deny it was the former.

“They both seem very sweet,” Chas said. “Your mother broke down and cried like a baby when I told her you were here.”

Jackson nodded, and more tears came. “Must run in the family.” He coughed to try to get some control. “I’ve been such a fool,” he said. “I don’t know what to say.”

“Say, ‘Hello, it’s good to see you; I’m so glad you came.’”

“What if they can’t forgive me? What if they’re angry?”

“Apologize and take it like a man. Listen with some humility and compassion to what they have to say. I don’t think we can ever go wrong with humility and compassion.”

Jackson pushed Chas’s hair back off her face. “Your grandmother told me I could learn a great deal from you. I didn’t know I would learn so much in so short a time.”

They heard a door come open, and Chas whispered, “I think Melinda is getting the luggage.”

Jackson thought about that for a second, wiped his face on his shirtsleeve, gave Chas a quick kiss, and hurried down the stairs. “Come with me,” he said. “You promised.”