Authors: Kate Kray
Laughing and hugging the fur coat, Rosie watched her cousin sail into the kitchen, where she carried on like she had never been away.
‘When did you get here?’ Rosie asked, following her. ‘And where are you staying?’
‘I arrived at the crack of dawn this morning,’ she replied. ‘I’m staying at the Ritz.’
Stevie’s eyes were dancing as she popped the cork off the champagne bottle. She grinned and, after filling two glasses, handed one to Rosie.
‘Cheers! my dear. Here’s to you.’
Rosie smiled as they clinked glasses. Normally she wouldn’t have a drink so early in the day… especially when she had to go to work in an hour.
What the hell
, she thought, knocking it back. No sooner had she put her glass down, Stevie grabbed the bottle for a refill.
‘You took a risk coming unannounced,’ Rosie told her, as the champagne fizzed over her fingers.
‘Confession number one: I have just come from Mum’s, and she told me you’d be in.’ Rosie’s eyes narrowed slightly. Stevie continued, ‘She also brought me up to speed with everything that’s been happening with you, which doesn’t seem to have made your emails.’ Rosie’s frown deepened. ‘Why on earth didn’t you tell me you have been finding things so hard? You know very well I would’ve helped you out.’
‘Whatever Aunt Madge has told you, she’s exaggerating,’ Rosie said, defiantly. ‘Anyway, I sure as hell wasn’t going to fill my emails with sob stories, especially with you and Joe getting on so well. I’ve got my pride, you know.’ At that very moment she remembered how, last night, what little pride she had left she had shed along with her clothes at the Keyhole Club. Her spark faded. ‘Actually, I’m not sure if I
do
have my pride,’ she mumbled. ‘But don’t let’s go into that.’
‘No, let’s,’ Stevie insisted, pulling out a chair, and sitting at the table. ‘But before we go any further, you are going to let me give you the money for Ruby’s school trip.’
‘Aunt Madge had no business telling you about that,’ said Rosie, in a flash. ‘Anyway, it’s not a problem.’
‘Of course Mum was right to tell me!’ said Stevie. ‘Ruby’s my
goddaughter
. It’s my responsibility to help you out. So don’t argue. I haven’t forgotten the time you bailed
me
out, when I was broke, and you and Johnny were flush. Over a hundred quid, as I recall. It’s all relative and, anyway, as your best friend, I’m not going to let you dig yourself into a hole that you can’t get out of. The boot’s on the other foot now. It’s my turn to help you out… and, more to the point, I
want
to help.’ She took a sip of her drink before adding, in a quiet voice, ‘If you can’t rely on your family, then who can you rely on?’
‘I think I’m already in the hole,’ said Rosie, not sure whether she wanted to laugh or cry. ‘Not that I can’t get out of it, but I….’ Her voice trailed off as, once again, she remembered the night before and what she had done.
‘What is it?’
Even though she could talk to Stevie about anything, the words just wouldn’t come.
‘Come on, nothing’s that bad,’ Stevie prompted. ‘You know me, I’ve been around the block a couple of times. I’ve heard it all… seen it, done it. In fact, I’ve probably got the t-shirt somewhere.’
Rosie’s smile was fading. She stared at the floor. Her throat felt constricted and dry. She knew that once the words were out, it would, somehow, be more real, and she would have to face up to what had happened.
‘Last week,’ she began, staring at her drink, as if the words were hiding there at the bottom of the glass, ‘Ruby and I had a row and…’ She shook her head. ‘Well, not exactly a row… it’s just… the mortgage, the bills, the school fees, you know. Then, to top it all, this school trip came up. It was just the straw that broke the camel’s back. I tried to explain to Ruby that we couldn’t afford it. She got upset, and we had a… heated debate. I suppose it doesn’t have anything to do with Ruby, actually.’
Rosie took a deep breath and tried again.
‘An opportunity to earn good money – well, easy money – has been there for a while. The other girls do it… well, it’s their job. They know the score, and what’s expected of them. They’re fine with it.’ Looking up from her drink, Rosie saw her friend looking back, her eyes sympathetically urging her to continue. ‘Oh Stevie, am I rambling? I don’t know. I’m sorry.’
‘Can I take it that you’re talking about the Keyhole?’ said Stevie.
Rosie nodded, then blurted out, ‘So I did it. Last Friday. I guess I hit rock bottom. I don’t really know what was going through my head… I lost my mind. I had this feeling that my world was collapsing around me, like a pack of cards, and if I could just
do
something then and there, right away, to make some money, it would make it better. And if that’s not enough, I told Johnny that I didn’t want to be with him any more –’
‘About time. Good on you,’ Stevie muttered, quick as a flash.
‘He was angry, ’ Rosie continued. ‘Bloody livid, he was. He’s even threatened to set one of his heavies on me. I got these phone calls. Oh, Stevie, I’m so tired. I’m… I’m sick of trying. I work so hard, and still I’ve got nothing.’
Rosie took a long, unsteady breath, swallowing hard. Her hands were locked together so tightly that her nails were cutting into her palms.
‘And?’
‘The answer was right there in front of me. It wasn’t even that difficult in the end, all I had to do was act. It didn’t have to be
me
. It was… “Luscious Lena the Hoochie Momma”.’ Rosie made a sound something between a laugh and a sob. ‘It was someone else who went into the private dining room, carrying food and drinks to a bunch of drunken toffs.
‘I became this other person – so when they grabbed me, I just giggled and squirmed. because that’s what Luscious Lena would do.
‘I earned good tips, enough to pay for Ruby’s trip, anyway. But I knew, deep down, that it wasn’t me. This one man – horrible, he was – offered me two thousand pounds if I’d go back to his hotel room for the night… It seemed like so much money and I knew, if I could just stay as Luscious Lena… But I felt like a part of me was rotting inside me. My mask was slipping, you know? Cracks were starting to appear. I just wanted to get out of there. It was bad enough – what I
had
done – and, when I found myself even considering this man’s offer, I felt like this alter ego might take over. Like next time she
would
go to the hotel room. It was horrible.’
Rosie had thought that sharing this would make her feel better, but, looking at her friend, all she felt was misery and shame.
‘That’s how low I’ve sunk’ she mumbled, attempting a smile. ‘That’s how I’m using all that drama training, all those hours that I spent learning how to act, working hard trying to be the best actress I possibly could. Here I am, hiding behind an ugly mask, trying to –’
‘Stop! Stop!’ Stevie broke in. ‘Goodness me! Rosie, Rosie, listen to yourself! Anyone would think you had been working street corners or something, or committed some terrible, heinous crime. All you did was let a few blokes see your wobbly bits! Darling, it happens all the time – on beaches, in magazines…’
‘But I let them
touch
me.’
Stevie rolled her eyes, and proclaimed sarcastically, ‘Well, let’s take you directly to the gallows and hang you! Or do you want me to drag you off to the market square, put you in the stocks, and start chucking rotten tomatoes?’ She reached over and squeezed Rosie’s hand. ‘Come on! Get real. We’ve
all
done things that we’ve regretted the next morning. A few blokes grabbing your boobs is pretty low down the scale.’
‘It may be to you!’Rosie exclaimed. ‘But for me it was like I had crossed some invisible line.’
It was all too much, and she burst into tears. Stevie put down her drink, and wrapped her up in a reassuring bear hug.
‘Okay,’ she whispered, ‘I get the picture. It’s not who you are or what you wanted to do. I’m just trying to put it into some kind of perspective. You did what you had to do to keep the wolf from the door, like anyone else would have done. You’ve got to remember, when it came right down to it, you
didn’t
go back to that hotel room. You’re still you, huh?’
‘But, next time, I
might
. That’s what scares me.’
‘Well, there won’t be a next time, will there,’ said Stevie, handing Rosie her drink. ‘Look how it’s made you feel. No, no more – it’s done, finished. Just put it behind you. Come on, you know what I think?’
‘What?’ said Rosie, her breathing finally returning to normal.
‘All right, it wasn’t a great experience, but you’ve had worse. I
know
you, Rosie. I think that that you’re focusing all of your energy on what happened at the Keyhole, and not telling me what the real problem is.’ She topped up their drinks before asking the question: ‘What happened with Johnny?’
Rosie stopped dead. Yes,
what about Johnny?
She took a long drink before she began to speak.
‘I went to see him, down in Maidstone, and I told him that it was over. It’s been five years of prison visits… and for what? It’s not like the marriage was working on the outside, so I don’t know what I was trying to achieve.’
‘Well, it was for Ruby, wasn’t it?’
‘Yeah. He loves her… in his own way. But that’s not a good enough reason to carry on. I’ve had a gutful of his demands.“Do this”, “do that”. He thinks that a two-hour visit is just that, but it’s not. It’s all day, travelling there and back, to whatever desolate prison he’s in.
‘Then when I finally make it to the visit, he barks orders at me. “Get me this”, “get me that”. And then he wonders why I don’t bring Ruby! It’s all about Johnny and
his
needs, and to hell with anyone else. And for what? Like it’s going to be roses when he gets out? Whatever happens, I know I just don’t want that life anymore.’
Rosie stared out of the window at the rain that had started to drum a gentle beat against the window. ‘But you know what they’re all like. They can’t let it go. And that phone call scared me half to death. Johnny’s capable of anything. I just don’t know what to expect. I knew who he was when I married him, so it’s my own stupid fault, I suppose. But I just can’t
take
it any more, I really can’t, Stevie.’
Stevie leaned back in her chair and thought for a moment. ‘Oooh, now, getting away from Johnny – that is a biggie. But where there’s a will, there’s a way.’
‘There was something else at the club, Stevie.’
‘Come on!’ said Stevie, exasperated. ‘Focus, girl!’
‘No, something I saw. Something that I wasn’t going to tell anyone.’
‘Look,’ exclaimed Stevie, throwing her arms in the air. ‘I know lots of horrible stuff goes on there, but let’s –’
‘No,’ Rosie snapped loudly, cutting her off. ‘Something… to do with Johnny. It’s a bit… well, complicated. It could seriously kick things off.’
Stevie’s ears pricked up. ‘Do tell.’
Lowering her voice, Rosie continued, ‘Well, you won’t believe this, but Eddie was at the club last night –’
‘Eddie?’
‘Yeah. I saw him… with one of the young boys there. I saw him but he didn’t see me.’
Stevie laughed a belly laugh. ‘You mean,
with
a boy?’
‘Yeah, this young lad, Pascal, who works there.’
‘You are
joking
. But he’s married to Sylvia. The dirty swine!’ Stevie sunk back into her chair. ‘Bingo… got him, bang to rights.’
‘Honestly? I wish I hadn’t seen it.’
‘What are talking about!’ Stevie said, jumping up, and pacing. ‘We’ll blackmail Eddie. They’ll
have
to leave you alone. Johnny will start paying maintenance again – how long has that been? Four years?’
‘You know what they’re like! That’s a dangerous game.’
‘You’ve got to fight fire with fire!’ said Stevie, turning to Rosie. ‘We’ll be as devious as that creep is. After all, can you imagine if Sylvia found out? All of his golfing bods? Eddie would be
mortified
.
‘Can you imagine?’
‘Are you sure he didn’t see you?
Rosie nodded. ‘I’m sure.’
‘So that’s sorted then!’ said Stevie, bringing her hands together with a loud clap. ‘We’ll blackmail Eddie – he’ll stop grassing your every movement to Johnny. They’ll call off their hounds. You’ll get support, Ruby will be sorted, and you’ll live happily every after.’
As a plan, it sounded perfect. But Rosie had made plans before, and she knew that, however simple they seemed in theory, they had a habit of going badly wrong in practice. Not that Stevie seemed to be worried. She poured the last drops of the champagne and gave Rosie a wink.
‘Okay, sweetie? Stevie’s home now, so
everything
will be fine. Now, drink up.’
T
he menswear department in Harrods wasn’t Rosie’s usual stomping ground, but Pascal had told her he needed to buy a new outfit, and insisted that they should meet there.
Pascal was a boy in a hurry, a boy who was looking for action. He oozed confidence – a young man with places to go and people to see. He was, as he frequently reminded everyone, ‘the next Jean-Claude Van Damme’, and was only working at the Keyhole until his acting career took off. When he wasn’t doing a shift in the Hard-On Room, he was busy reading scripts, pestering agents, or working out at the gym. Not that he was ever short of shifts, mind. Roberto, the owner, had a real soft spot for Pascal, and Rosie had frequently heard about them ‘sharing a cab’ at the end of the night.