The Billionaire's Mistress Complete Series: Alpha Billionaire Romance (22 page)

“
M
ama
.”

I laid my hand on her shoulder as I spoke. I’d deliberately walked into the kitchen with hard steps, making sure my footsteps struck the floor to alert her to my presence. She’d known I was there and had already been half-turning to meet me. She had a smile on her face, but it faded when she saw my face.

She cupped my face.
“Baby, what’s wrong?”

Instead of saying anything, I leaned in and put my head on her shoulder, needing the comfort. She wrapped her arms around me and for a few minutes, I just let her hold me, hoping it would do something to ease the ache inside me. I’d finally fallen asleep at Tao’s last night, had even slept in late, but once I woke up, it'd all come rushing back to me.

You act like you want to break things off, and then the second I look your way, you come running back to fuck with my head again. It’s one hell of a play, Allie. I'll give you that.

A play.

He thought I was playing with him. Fucking with his head.

That was the kind of woman he thought I was.

A sob caught in my throat. Mom brushed her hand down my hair and made soothing noises.

I didn’t feel soothed though. If anything, the sounds made me cry harder.

She didn't stop. Didn't even speak for several minutes, but when she finally did, she kept it simple.
“What's wrong, sweetheart?”

When she pulled back, I didn’t have any choice but to meet her direct look. It was a mother’s look, and I knew she would get the truth out of me one way or another. I needed to tell her.

“I’m such a fool, Mama.”

Her eyes went to my mouth since I hadn’t signed, and I'd kept my voice low. I didn't really feel the need to shout something that was so humiliating.

After a moment, she smiled and patted my cheek.
“Come on, baby. Let’s sit down, and you can tell me about it.”

I let her guide me to the table and sat, trying to figure out where to start.

But she made it easy on me.

“Who is he?”

I looked up, met her eyes.

“Oh, honey.”
She shook her head. Then, she signed. “
You’re my daughter. Do you think I don’t know when you’re in love?”

“I’m not.”
I signed back as well, but I needed to say the words. I wanted to say them, hoped I’d find the truth in them, but they sounded as false as they felt. Maybe I wasn’t
in
love yet – I sincerely hoped I wasn't – but I was damn close, and I hated it.

“If you’re not in love, then why are you hurting so much? Love is the only thing that will do that.”

I hadn’t quite cried myself dry yet, and a few more tears spilled free. Burying my face in my hands, I told myself
again
that I should have just walked away from anything and everything connected to Jal Lindstrom. Not that it mattered now. What was done was done. Lifting my head, I met Mom’s eyes.

“This guy…”
I took a deep breath, and then signed alone because I didn't trust my voice not to crack.
“I met him at the salon. He’s engaged, Mama.”

She closed her eyes. When she looked back at me, she shook her head. “
Baby, that’s bad news.”

I wanted to laugh but knew if I did, I'd never stop. I could feel myself on the edge and forced myself to keep on track. “
That’s only the beginning of it. Mama, he’s rich. Like–
”

I couldn't say it.

I surged upright and paced over to the window, staring outside. Clutching the edge of the counter, I stared at the thick, leaden clouds that had piled up over the course of the afternoon. It was brutally cold and ugly, making the thought of spring seem far away.

I had to get it all out, tell her everything. The whole, ugly story.

Turning back to face my mother, I began to sign.

I told her about how Jal came to the salon. How he left his coat and the ring. I told her about how he called the salon and told Alistair he’d pay me a thousand dollars if I’d get him the coat that next day.

Her features grew harder and harder to read as the story progressed, and more than once, she started to say something, only to stop and indicate that she wanted me to continue.

I told her about the first event he’d invited me to, the dress that had been the one Paisley had wanted, and for once,
I
was the one who was picked first.

She stopped me then. “
Honey…you were always first with me.”

“I know that.”
Or, rather, I knew that she thought that. I gave her a sad smile. Of all people, she should've understood how I felt. Then again, she'd eventually found Tyson. Had TJ.

I had Tao, but I knew that, someday, he'd find the person who'd make him happy – okay, maybe more than one knowing Tao – and I'd become second in his life. I wanted Tao to be happy, so I was okay with that, but it still hurt knowing that the one person with whom I still came first, I would eventually lose.

Mom clapped her hands, startling me.

“Please tell me that you don't want this man because he’s with your sister!”

The accusation stung. Glaring at her, I said,
“I didn’t even know who he was engaged to until we’d already started spending time together. How could you think I'd be so petty?”

I tried to hide how much her words bothered me, but I knew she saw it. Her face softened, and she moved toward me.

I backed up. I was struggling to keep the anger and pain back, but a touch from her would undo me.

Her shoulders slumped, and she stopped. “
Allie, honey…I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. But you can’t live your life comparing yourself to Kendrick’s other daughters. Your life isn’t theirs. I can’t give you the things Diamond and Kendrick can give Paisley and Mallory.”

“It’s not about things.”
Pressing my fingers to my eyes, I tried to find a way to explain, but I didn’t know how.
“You don’t get it, Mama. You just don’t.”

I started signing before I looked up at her, the words coming sharp and fast.

“You fit. I don’t. I never have. Kendrick loved you more than me. He gave me money and taught me things, but as soon as Diamond or his
real
daughters showed up, he was done with me. I didn't belong there. Tyson's a great step-father, and I love TJ, but I've never been a part of the same world as the rest of you. I don’t
fit
. Not anywhere. But for a few minutes, with Jal...I almost did.”

My heart lurched, twisted. Shaking my head, I skipped to the rest of it.

“It doesn't matter now. It’s over. Diamond was at the party last night. So was Paisley. They saw me dancing with Jal. You can imagine how well that went over. Diamond demanded to know what was going on, and when he asked her why she wanted to know, she told him to ask me. And he did.”

My anger shifted to Jal.

“And guess what…I’m the one who was manipulating him. I’m gaming him, playing him the fool. There's a surprise, right? That it's my fault? Apparently, he’d told Paisley he needed time, and it’s my fault. I’ve been using him, somehow setting this whole thing up. Because that's the sort of woman he thinks I am.”

Mom started to sign something, but I shook my head and turned away. I didn’t want to talk anymore. I didn't want to cry. I wanted to hit something, hurt something. I was tired of being the odd one out, never fitting in, never belonging.

I
had been played. Played my whole fucking life, and Jal was no different. Maybe he hadn’t done it intentionally, but it happened anyway.

“Honey.”

A lifetime of respect had me turning to face her.

She brushed my hair away from my face, her milk chocolate eyes full of concern and love.
“I can see that you care about him. But if he’d think you would do that sort of thing, then he’s definitely not good for you. Never mind the fact that he’s engaged. Forget your sister, even. We won’t even discuss the fact that the sort of men the Paisley Hedges of the world go after don’t marry girls like you.”

I managed not to flinch, no matter how much her words hurt. She was only saying them because they were true, but that didn't make them any softer, any kinder.

She continued,
“He doesn't deserve you, Allie.”

That may have been true, but it didn't stop me from wanting him, even now.

T
he time
I’d spent talking to Kendrick, and then the time I’d spent thinking over everything I’d learned over the past couple days, was enough to give me a headache. Thinking about what I’d said to Allie was enough to make me a little sick.

Despite all of that, I'd managed to come to a few conclusions.

First and foremost, I was an asshole. I’d had an easy life. Both of my parents loved me, although my mother spent way too much of her time trying to control me and make me into who she wanted me to be. But still, she loved me. Things had always come easily for me too. Work. School. Women. I'd always thought I was smart, people savvy, but I could see now that it was arrogance. All of those things came together to make me blind. Blind and careless.

Aside from the realization that I was an asshole, I’d also accepted the fact that I was more easily manipulated than I cared to admit, particularly when it was easier to give in than to fight. And with Paisley, it'd been easy to give in just like I did with my mom.

I loved my mother, but she looked at life as a battlefield, and she was the general. Granted, her battles were dinners and balls and galas and the social circles she’d chosen to move in, but she treated them like war. Everything she did, every move she made was one strategic choice on that battlefield.

I didn’t want to marry a woman who looked at life the same way.

I didn’t want to raise my child to view life the same way.

Paisley could be just like my mother if left unchecked, but what I didn't know was if she could be any other way.

I had to talk to her. That’s all there was to it.

I couldn't let Paisley see our child the way my mother saw me. A pawn in the giant chess game that women like my mother played.

The final realization, however, was the most brutal one, and that was saying something since none of them had been easy. But acknowledging this last one was taking the wind out of me, leaving me feeling more than a little empty.

I wasn't any better than Kendrick Hedges, and I despised what he'd done, both to his wife and the girls he'd had with her, as well as to Allie and her mother.

I didn't want to be like him. I didn't want to be the sort of man who pitted two women against each other, craving one to the point that I chained her to me, even while I married another.

I had to face my responsibilities when it came to Paisley, but I had to find a way to do that and balance the need I had for Allie…or let her go.

I didn’t know if I could let her go. Just the thought was tearing me apart.

“Shit.”

Leaning against the car, I stared out over the river and drew in a breath of cold air. The scent of rain was heavy in the air, and I knew once the downpour started, it was going to be miserable and freezing. If I were smart, I’d get in the car and haul my ass back to my place before that started, but I was still trying to think my way through what I needed to do.

Rather,
how
I needed to do it.

A cold fat drop of rain fell on my nose. Tipping my head back, I stared up at the sky just in time for another raindrop to hit me square on the chin. The sky opened up in the next moment, but I didn’t move.

The bracing cold felt…
good
.

After nearly a full minute, I finally shoved away from the car and moved around to the driver's side to get inside. I started the car and then blasted the heat, even though I knew it wouldn't really reach the cold deep inside me. I had to go see Paisley and in all likelihood, the conversation would be a pain in the ass. The two of us were going to have a heart to heart, and I doubted I’d like how it went.

I knew she wouldn’t like it either.

But it needed to happen.

Before I could talk myself out of it, I pulled out onto the street.

The rain didn’t let up for the entire drive, but I was glad because that meant I had to concentrate on what I was doing, which didn't leave much room for obsessing.

Once I reached the protective overhang in front of the townhouse, I tossed my keys to the valet and headed inside.

Even that warmth didn’t do much to penetrate the chill of my bones, but I’d spent the past fifteen minutes sitting in clothes that were soaked, so that didn't help much. Inside the elevator, I pushed my hands through my damp hair and attempted to straighten my clothes.

Not that there was much point.

A hot shower, some strong coffee and a change of clothes were the first things I had in mind. Then I’d confront Paisley.

Confront.

Even thinking it made my skin feel tight, but it had to be done, and the longer I put it off, the worse it was going to be.

The longer it would be before I could figure out how to deal with things with Allie.

Allie.

That made it easier to focus as I strode off the elevator.

So I kept her front and center in my mind as I headed for the door and unlocked it. Absently, I noticed that the alarm system wasn’t on, and I shook my head. I’d have to remind Paisley to set it – again.

Striding down the hall, mind focused on the hot shower, I almost didn’t notice her.

She definitely didn’t notice me.

Of course, if she hadn’t been staring down into a nearly empty glass of wine, if there hadn't been a half empty bottle next to her, maybe she would have been a little more aware.

Wine.

What the fuck?

My gaze locked on the glass and I stared at it for the longest time.

Blood roared in my ears.

I wasn't sure if I'd spoken, or if she just felt me looking at her, but suddenly she was turning toward me.

“Jal.” A guilty flush danced across her cheeks. Her hand fluttered to her throat, and she looked down at the glass, pushed it out of the way as if that would hide what she’d been doing.

“You’re drinking.” Shrugging out of my overcoat, I threw it on the nearest chair and strode over to her.

“No.” She picked up the glass, then lowered it. “I…well. Jal, it’s just a glass of wine. Really.”

“
A
glass?” I grabbed the bottle and lifted it, studying the bottle for a moment before turning it back to her. “Funny, this bottle was full when I noticed it earlier.”

Again, her eyes fell guiltily away.

The anger inside me bubbled up, and I struggled to keep myself from shouting. “How often have you been drinking?”

“Don't worry about it.” Paisley got up and carried her glass over to the sink. She tossed back the rest.

“Dammit, Paisley!”

She put the glass in the sink and turned back to me. “It’s wine, Jal. A glass or two never hurt anybody!”

“It can hurt the baby!”

“The baby, the baby! That’s all you care about!” she shouted, throwing her arms wide. “It’s not
me
. You wouldn’t even be marrying me if it wasn’t for the baby, would you?”

I didn't even hesitate. “No.”

Her jaw dropped, eyes widening. “You can just say that so easily? Don’t you even care about me at all?”

I sighed, trying to stay honest without hurting her. “I care about you. But that doesn’t mean I ever planned on marrying you, Paisley.”

She threw back her head and laughed. “This…oh, this. It’s just rich. First, I find out you’ve been seeing my little bastard half-sister behind my back.”

“Hey–” I took a step toward her.

She spun and grabbed an apple from the fruit basket and hurled it at me. She missed by a mile, but it was so out of character that I lapsed into silence, and she continued, her voice shaking. “Then you disappear for hours, leaving me alone, and you’re actually
angry
with me because I needed a glass of wine?”

“You drank half the fucking bottle, Paisley!” I shouted. “That's a hell of a lot more than a glass!”

“So what!” She stormed over and jammed me in the chest with a fingernail painted a harsh, wicked red. “Let me guess…you’re worried about the
baby
!”

I grabbed her wrist. “Newsflash, Paisley. Alcohol isn’t good for a baby. The baby inside you doesn’t need that fucking wine.”

“I need the fucking wine!” She jerked away from me and took a step forward. She grabbed the bottle from the counter and spun around, glaring at me.

“Give me that bottle.” I strode over to her, but before I could grab it, she circled around the island and smacked a hand down on it.

“I’ll drink the whole damn thing if I want.” Her eyes narrowed on my face. “You know what? I’m tired of this…tired of this…this…this
bullshit
. I don’t even know why I’m doing this anymore. You’re all moon-eyed over my trampish little sister. She’s going to be just like her mother, but
I
will
not
be like mine. I’m tired of this, do you hear me?”

“Give me the damn bottle and stop your ranting, Paisley!”

“No.” She brought the bottle to her lips and started to drink, lowering it with a sigh. As I came around the island, she held it out to me. “Here…have a drink. You might want one after I’m done.”

The glint in her eyes had a chill of trepidation racing down my spine.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I demanded.

“You want a drink or not?”

I hesitated a moment too long because she spun away and sauntered off, lifting the bottle for another long swallow.

She turned back to me once she’d reached the doorway. “What, aren’t you going to rant on me some more? She took another drink. The bottle more than half empty now.”

“What’s going on, Paisley?” I approached her slowly, unable to figure out what the hell was going on. “You’re up to something.”

“No. Not really. I’m just…well, let’s just say I’m going to come clean.” She wagged the bottle. “After all, I don’t want you fretting over a baby and booze. That wouldn’t be very kind of me, now would it?”

“Paisley. Enough.”

She sighed, tipping her head back. “Why did I ever even bother with you?”

Then she looked at me, lifting the bottle to her lips. She didn’t drink though. She just stared at me over it. The ring I’d given her sparkled on her hand, cold, bright…lifeless.

Her voice was flat, emotionless as she spoke, “I’m not pregnant, Jal. So, here’s to me. Bottom’s up!”

She tipped the bottle back, and without pause, drained it while I stood there, trying to absorb what she’d just said.

I’m not pregnant…