Chandra rose to her knees and clutched the cloth to her heaving bosom.
“
You will not cease, Tedric! As I lie here regretting that I hurt you by wrongly accusing you, you treat me with greater cruelty!”
“
Wrongly? Nay, love, the charges were not false. I did indeed kill the Jew. I chased him fairly an hour, and it was a strange twist of fate that I caught him be
neath your window. But then may
haps not so strange: you should have learned to fear me, at least.”
Without thinking, she cowered from him. How could she have doubted what she saw with her own eyes?
“
And your injury?”
He clicked his tongue and made a half frown.
“
It was
a wretched crowd that night..
.”
“
You are vile!”
“
Hush, cherie! While Conan is chivalrous enough to accuse me twice, Richard will not hear him twice. It would be more shame for that poor crippled falcon to bear.”
“
And you did borrow from the Jew?”
Tedric chuckled, b
ut there was a hardness to his e
yes that would frighten a
stronger maid.
“
In a manner, che
rie, but it will never be proved.”
He turned from her and began to remove his clothing, tossing it about the room carelessly. Chandra’s mind whirled with anger and fear, trying to think of an escape from him: a way she could resist him without bringing any more innocent protectors’ virtues to question and without gaining yet anoth
er reprimand for being an unwilling bride.
When he turned back to her, there was a feral gleam in his eyes.
“
Remove the shift, my love, or I shall tear it from you.”
She clutched it more fiercely to her bosom and bore through him with her eyes. He leaned closer and she felt the chill of his words.
“
It will not be easy to show you your master tonight without badly bruising your tender flesh, but I will find a way. We travel to Cordell soon where there is nothing to prevent me from beating you. The marriage is to be consummated here and now, and I do not make idle threats.”
Chandra felt the indecision for but a moment, and then with something of a haughty air, she pulled the shift from her body with one more tear and flung the thing away.
“
If you resist me
--
”
“
It was in my mind to meet you midway in this marriage, Tedric,” she spat.
“
I will not resist you, but it is not my own punishment I fear, but what you lay to others to make my suffering worse.”
He pushed her down onto the bed and covered her with his weight, drawing her arms up over her head and holding them there. Her earlier fears did not approach the terror she felt now. He did not condescend to give her even so much as one gentle caress. She willed herself to think of a faraway place and forced her body to become limp and lifeless so that she would show neither resistance nor encouragement.
“
Do not mistake this for fondness, my love,” Tedric said hoarsely.
“
Yet it is the only duty in our marriage that I will not despise.”
“
Do not mistake this for acceptance, love,” Chandra mimicked through gritted teeth.
“
I shall despise this duty of our marriage enough for both of us.”
For a moment Tedric looked into her eyes, his cold gray clearly showing hatred.
“
You are a bitch, Chandra, but you will learn.”
With an angry hand, Tedric parted her legs, and she felt the burning ache spread through her pelvis as he plunged himself into her resistant flesh. She could not suppress the gasp of pain and the faint whimper that escaped her. Tears she could no longer hold back spilled from her eyes as the blood of her virginity stained her thighs.
“
You will learn,” he laughed again, his pleasure increasing greatly with her agony in yielding.
“
You are mine, Chandra,” he finally said, rolling away from her.
“
You are mine, and you will never be allowed to forget that.”
Chandra felt the tears of her violation hot on her cheeks.
“
You claim me by right of law and strength, Tedric, but we will both always know that I am not yours! Never!”
***
By the time Edythe and Sir Mallory were ready to ex
change their vows, there were few family friends left in London. A grander affair could have been planned to take
p
lace in Anselm, but Edythe could not wait a day. She preferred the small, intimate gathering. And there was more joy in this ceremony than had been seen in any of the other family weddings over the years. Indeed, the glow in the eyes of the bride and groom made it the grandest wedding by far.
Even though there was gladness in this union, Conan’s mood was not light or gay. He was sullen and quiet, and Alaric grew more concerned with every passing day. It was not until Conan was alone in the stable tending to Orion that Alaric found the opportunity to speak to him.
“
Sir Mallory and your sister will not travel with us to Anselm. Mallory has taken a modest house in the city and will deliver Edythe to me when he is ready to meet Richard in France.”
“
What of Thurwell?” Conan asked with little enthusiasm.
“
Does he stay in London with the bride and groom?”
“
I hope not,” Alaric laughed.
“
I believe he intends to offer his services to you for a time.”
“
Good,” Conan replied.
“
I can use another man, even for a short time.”
Alaric stood back and watched his son move around the stable, gathering a feed bag, pitching hay into the stall, brushing Orion’s shiny coat. For a long time neither spoke.
“
You do not find much joy in your work,” Alaric finally said.
“
There is little challenge in it,” Conan replied.
“
I have not asked you to stay behind,” Alaric said.
“
But you allowed King Richard to think that as my father you chose to keep me in England to serve you,” Conan said, looking at his father now.
“
I could have urged you to go and did not,” Alaric replied.
“
And if I go, what then? What of Stoddard? There is little time to find a vassal for that land. Medwin grows less capable with every day
--
what of Phalen? And Edwina
--
she tells me there is life within her womb: a son? How would she fare in my absence?”
“
She would live. And Medwin has another son by marriage to give him aid.”
“
I should trust Tedric to manage lands that will be mine?”
“
Would you trust me?” Alaric asked.
“
My lord, I would trust you in all things, but you need no more burdens. You carry more than is fair now.”
“
Who makes me out to be so weak of body and mind?” Alaric blustered.
“
By the rood, I am capable still, and should I learn that I am your excuse, I will show you by my own hand whom you call old and weak!”
“
You alone? Nay, Father, but a host of others that make me feel the ties of England, and they are strong ties. I doubt Edwina could bear the separation. She is not strong
--
”
“
How you deal with your wife is none of my concern, but I could see to her welfare. I am to tend a house filled with complaining women in any event; one more will not tilt the cart.”
Conan straightened and looked at his father.
“
I have given madam, my mother, my word that I would not go to war. She fears for my life and the estate that should fall to me.”
Alaric stood erect and quiet for a moment.
“
That is her reason?” he finally asked.
“
And that there will be estates left floundering by nobles who do not return. She is right: it could add plentifully to our lands.”
“
Is that wisdom
--
or greed?” Alaric asked softly.
“
Her motives are not selfish. Too many lean upon me for me to leave them to fulfill a private desire. There will be wars enough that I cannot avoid.”
Alaric did not know how to advise his son. Conan would be no less a man for not going on the Crusade. He would still be a powerful lord in his own time, and he would not forget the ways of fighting. But a broken spirit would hinder his future, and that was what Alaric feared.
“
You are an honorable man, Conan,” Alaric said.
“
There is only one thing I have not been able to teach you. I shall never be able to teach you.”
Conan looked at Alaric with a quizzical expression.
“
There comes a time in every man’s life when he can no longer meet all of his obligations, when his loyalties are too far-reaching for him to maintain them properly. It is as precarious as scaling a high wall, his own desires causing him to lean one way and the needs of others forcing him to lean the other way. To and fro he stumbles, balancing the weights.”
“
Until he falls?” Conan asked with little enthusiasm.
“
You scale that wall now. The wants of those you’ve
p
ledged to support could be confused in your mind with needs.”
“
I can abandon those who depend on me and seek my own adventures, but will I find happiness in breaking my word?” Conan asked sullenly.
Alaric chuckled. Although Conan was not yet twenty-five years old and had already burdened himself with many demanding dependents, that was not the cause of his misery. Rather, it was his reluctance to stand up for his own desires, to choose the best direction for his own life.
“
When all these that you serve are gone, who will you serve then?” Alaric asked.
“
There will be others,” he replied testily, aggravated with his father’s riddles. It was a habit of Alaric’s to weave these little webs and let Conan struggle for the answers. He could never just give his advice and be finished.
“
Ah, there will be others,” Alaric confirmed.
“
For as long as you are so willing to please, there will be many to offer you the chance to do them service. But there is only one man, I think, who can reward you justly for your honor.”
“
The king? When he thinks me a coward and a fool?”
“
Not the king,” Alaric said.
“
Who then?” Conan demanded impatiently.
“
When you find him, son, and begin to serve his needs faithfully, you will find the burdens others would have you carry just a bit easier to bear.”
On the day before Tedric and Chandra were to depart from the city, Tedric took Chandra to Alaric’s home to visit Edwina. It was a gesture of goodwill that amazed both Chandra and Medwin.
Once there, he spoke to Alaric.
“
My lord,” he said humbly,
“
it sits ill with me that I have angered you. If my ways were roguish, I pray you forgive me.”
Alaric was taken aback by the apology and looked at Tedric skeptically.
“
A once-fond friendship has been rent apart,” he said.
“
The door between your father and me is closed.”
“
I cannot accept blame for that,” Tedric said.
“
You would have closed that door had I falsely accused Conan. But our wives are sisters. There must be a peace that is at least livable.”
Alaric nodded once.
“
I will not close my house to you when
y
ou seek only to reunite family. But Tedric, I will not try to mend this break with Theodoric. And I cannot speak to Conan for you.”
Tedric smiled and bowed, excusing the old gentleman. Conan would not stay in the hall and left immediately after wishing Chandra well, without a word to Tedric.
Udele would have escaped also, for she, most of all, wished to avoid Tedric. But when he begged a moment of her time she could not refuse him, fearing he would state his business while others were near enough to hear.
“
Your debt is free, lady,” he said in a hushed whisper.
“
So you show your true colors,” she hissed.
“
I should have known you did not come here on a mission of kindness!”
“
Richard has claimed the records of the lender’s debts,” he advised her.
“
Yours will be included, I suspect. Though the king might not easily find the man who borrowed for you, I could help him. A bauble or two will keep me quiet a while longer,” Tedric whispered.