She laughed softly, the tears more controlled now.
“
I greatly feared you would find me aged and ugly,” she murmured.
“
You are beautiful,” he said. He frowned slightly as he looked at her.
“
You have suffered through this war.” There was a bitter quality to his voice, as if something within gnawed at him.
“
I had to tell myself daily that you would survive.” She tilted her head to hear his coarse whisper, for his voice seemed to lack strength.
“
Oh, Conan, I too have longed for this day, but you are tired and I think unwell. You need rest and time away from
f
ighting. I wish that I could soothe you, but even now I fear for you.”
“
Seeing you, alive and well, is comfort enough. Chandra, you must understand
--
you must forgive me for leaving you. It was the only way.”
She reached up to touch his cheek, and she smiled into his tired eyes.
“
Conan, there was never anything you could do to help me. And you see: I am well enough.” She paused a moment, and when she spoke again the tears threatened.
“
Conan, my father is dead.”
“
I know what Tedric has done,” he said bitterly.
Chandra’s cheeks flamed and she looked down at her hands.
“
I do not hold you responsible. I know there was no way you could stay him. And he alone will pay.”
“
Conan, he threatened to have me killed if my father did not yield Phalen. My father was not well,” she wept.
“
He should have refused, for Tedric would not have carried out his threats.”
“
I know why he keeps you alive, why he keeps you here. There was nothing else Medwin could do
--
nothing else that I could do.”
“
He has strong allies now,” she said.
“
He is a friend to Count John, and Theodoric still supports him, even against you. He has not changed, Conan. He swears to his father that he is loyal to the king, yet much of his money and men come from John.”
“
Richard will take care of John, but the king travels by land rather than sea and has not yet arrived.”
“
Conan, I fear Tedric will prove difficult to roust from Phalen. He has planted a grand army within those walls.”
“
But he will not fight,” Conan said with a rueful laugh.
“
As always, Tedric plots my death without meeting me in fair battle.”
Chandra looked away, for she could not stand the distance in his eyes. He, in turn, moved away from her.
“
You will regain what is rightfully yours, Conan,” she said softly.
“
But you are right to beware of Tedric: he will never meet you honestly.” The inner pain and exhaustion that seemed to consume him did not give the picture of the glorious returning warrior that Tedric seemed to envision. He was not the same man, Chandra thought.
“
You must not
t
hink of me as you battle Tedric. Do whatever you must, Conan.”
Conan looked at her.
“
You must forgive me,” he said quietly.
“
You must not hate me for leaving you here, with him. It was the only way.”
“
Hate you? It is not within my being to hate you.”
“
Chandra, under my watchful eye, Tedric would not have dared so much, though there would never have been a way to stop him completely.”
“
Conan, I have never questioned your leaving. You need not explain to me now.”
“
Had my promises meant anything, I would have done a better job of protecting you.”
“
I would not hold you to promises made in a moment of passion, Conan. You are not beholden to me.”
She looked at the shock registered on his face.
“
I beg forgiveness, Chandra, for seeing to you so poorly, but I do not decline promises made! Chandra, I have been fouled by a long war: now you want none of me?”
“
Oh, nay,” she whispered, tears smarting in her eyes.
“
Oh, love, never that! But you are tired,” she breathed.
“
You must not in a hasty moment meet Tedric
--
not for me, not for anyone! It has been a long time, mon cher. England has changed. You have changed! I cannot have you come home to more burdens. I cannot have you
--
”
“
I had to go,” he said.
“
I went for us. It was the only way; though I knew I would return to see how you had suffered as his wife.”
He moved toward her, dragging one foot as he moved. She stared at the afflicted member, trying to conceal her horror.
“
A heathen blade,” he said sourly.
“
Chandra,” he whis
pered,
“
Chandra, tell me that you love me before I live another moment.”
She came to him slowly, placing her hands on his chest and trying to smile through tears of pain and joy.
“
Conan, my love, never doubt my love. It was the only thing that gave me hope. But do not let love blind you. Beware of Tedric. He hopes that you love me; he hopes that will help him cut you down. I could not live
--
”
He grabbed her fiercely, holding her close to him, burying his face in her hair and taking in the fresh womanly scent of her.
“
The nights were so long,” he muttered, his voice
c
racking.
“
The days were hellish, and had a vision of you not been foremost on my mind, I would have perished. Twice I fell from my horse, not able to rise on my own mettle. I feared I would not hold you again. And now,” he stopped and laughed ruefully.
“
Now I am grateful that Tedric’s presence presses me on.”
Chandra did not respond, but rested her head on his chest. It was the only comfort she would have until this feud was resolved.
“
England has changed,” Conan remarked.
“
I have changed, that is true.”
“
When my father died,” she told him,
“
Alaric traveled to Phalen and left behind one of your letters. He hid it in my mother’s jewel coffer, the one I was meant to have. I read the letter, Conan. It was the only news
I had of you in two years. And
--
Tedric discovered me. He holds your letter now.”
“
And how did he punish you?” Conan asked with a bitterness in his voice.
“
He did not. He gloats in his possession. He considers the letter proof that you want me.”
“
And you deny it?” he asked.
Chandra laughed apologetically.
“
You have more use for a woman alive than a corpse, have you not? Yea, I deny it. And then I confess an impure love and lies. It has been thus for years.”
“
Have you changed?” he asked softly.
Chandra pushed herself away from him so that she could look into his eyes.
“
Yea, Conan,” she said.
“
I am no longer that tender lass that pursued you years ago.”
“
Has everything changed, Chandra?”
“
Nay, love. There are some things that go on through all eternity.”
There was a tapping at the door, and Conan scowled at the interruption. They both knew the time had come to part again. She quickly reached for him, for one more touch to hold dear.
“
Some things will never change, Conan: my love for you, m
y hope for a better day
...”
“
There will be a better day,” he whispered.
“
My sins have been many, but I will not add one more to a very long list. I must ask that you spare Tedric’s life, if you can.”
“
And will you hate me if I kill him?”
She looked into his eyes again, the cold blue glistening. She knew in her heart what Tedric’s last sight would be. She shook her head.
“
God help me, I could not hate you for any reason.”
“
Tell me you love me,” he insisted again.
“
I love you, Conan,” she breathed.
“
I love you more than life.”
Again there was the tapping, more insistent, rapid. She knew she would not see him until
--
or would she ever see him again? How would it end?
“
Do not meet him too soon,” she begged.
“
Rest and regain your strength. And do not fear for me: I will be safe
--
”
He silenced her in a kiss that did not hold the passion she remembered, but warmed her through and through just the same. She clung to him, tasting his mouth, holding him closely. Then she broke away from him at the sound of more knocking on the door.
“
I will love you again, Chandra. And you will not doubt
m
e.
”
“
Go quickly,” she urged, tears threatening.
“
I would take you now if it could be done safely.”
“
Go,” she choked, trusting him, fearing him.
He folded his hands in front of him, concealing them beneath the heavy folds of the monk’s garb. He bent his head so that the hood would cover most of his face. Without, Father Merrick stood nervously twisting his hands and spoke softly, issuing his instructions for leaving. Just before making his final exit, Conan turned and looked at Chandra once more. There in the blue eyes, she saw a new light, the glow of a promise. It had not been there when she first met his eyes. Now, it was real. He was truly returned. Time alone could take away the sting of war, but she at least believed he would recover.
With a lift in her heart, she smiled at him, her eyes mirroring what his had told her. In time, for love and for honor, all wrongs would be set aright.
He bent his head again and was gone.
Chandra took herself to the chapel to kneel again before the altar. Her heart beat so fiercely she could hardly breathe properly. Within her there was a trembling she could not
c
ontrol, of a nature she could not define. It was perhaps excitement, perhaps fear. Seeing him here, on her own turf, under Tedric’s very nose, was alarming at the very least. He was certainly weak, and should he meet Tedric too soon, she feared he would not live through the day.
She let her face fall into her hands and wept.
“
Fear not, lady,” a soft voice comforted.
“
He is in good hands. He goes with a deputation of God.”
“
Will God aid him, Father?” Chandra choked out without looking at the priest.
“
God’s ways are a mystery, but His strength is well known. Sir Conan has come from a battle for the Cross. He is surely in God’s grace.”
Chandra looked up into the kindly eyes of the priest.
“
You helped him, Father,” she said, shaking her head in bewilder
ment as the impact of this hit her for the first time.
“
You have issued me penance for sinful thoughts of another man, and surely you know who that man must be. You have listened to my confession time and time again and you must know
--
”
Father Merrick shrugged and looked into Chandra’s moist eyes.
“
If God has a plan, I will see it to fruition. For that I will pray for direction.”
“
And you will not confide in my lord?” she asked shakily.
“
Not even in exchange for my l
ife.”
The tears threatened again.
“
There was so much I didn’t tell him,” she wept.
“
His sister has never been found; his father grows old; Hugh
--
” She stopped and looked guiltily up at the priest. That much she had not confessed. But Father Merrick only smiled.
“
Better he learns these things one at a time.”
“
You see him as our hope, too, Father?”
Father Merrick looked up at the altar.
“
I remember when there were rich articles there, replaced now with wooden implements since Sir Tedric’s coming.” He sighed.
“
I pray for Sir Tedric’s soul, lady. I cannot bring myself to pray for his life, God help me.”
“
How does Sir Conan leave, Father?”