“
I never dreamt there would be this much.”
“
This could be all we’ll have, love, until I have found the way to claim you.”
“
Conan,” she started, perplexed,
“
if you truly love me as you say, why have you chosen war?”
“
What will Tedric do while I am in England? While I am able to protect my possessions? He would hold you fast and take pleasure in my envious stare. But if I am gone from here, holding you from me will lose its flavor. When I return we will set this troubled destiny aright.”
“
You must return, Conan,” she breathed.
“
Do you think even the angel of death could keep me from you now?”
“
Please,” she begged.
“
Go quickly.”
He rose to find his clothing, carelessly scattered, and donned the chausses, mail and tunic as quickly as he could. He returned to her side to place a soft kiss on her lips.
“
The wood,” he breathed.
“
The wood,” she murmured.
She watched him go through the door that would lead to the lord’s chamber and then to the balcony. She went quickly to her own balcony, the breeze from the sea chilling her naked body. When he appeared on the opposite balcony she raised a hand to him. She watched as he climbed carefully over the balustrade and clung like a spider to the ridges in the stone wall of Cordell Keep. From there he would have to scale a thin and delicate ridge of rock high above a still inlet of water. She could not see him because of the darkness and would not hear him if he fell because of the noise of the sea below. She would not consider that he might not succeed. She sighed deeply and returned to her bed.
***
There was a new flush on Chandra’s cheeks. She was careful not to smile more quickly than usual at the villagers. In the forest, no fire could be made to warm the night. A meager hut, an inadequate tent covered with branches, was
t
he easily hidden home for their clandestine meetings. With Wynne as her accomplice, Chandra drew no notice to her absence at night. The maid closed the lady’s door early in the evening and took a place in the large and comfortable bed. At morning’s first dawning, before all the castle folk had risen, Wynne would walk the distance to her father’s house with a basket on her arm. Within, there would be a clean kirtle, of a color noticeably different from the one Chandra had worn the day before. Before the inhabitants of the keep would join together to break the fast, Chandra would have returned.
The bed they shared was the ground, the closeness natural. When the sounds from the forest animals warned that dawn would be breaking, Chandra would slowly rouse. Most often she would find Conan’s eyes already on her, the cover of animal skins that kept them warm pulled away.
“
You never sleep,” she accused.
“
Nay. There is no time for sleep. I study you. I must remember the way your eyes look when you awake, the way your skin glows in the darkness, and especially the way you reach for me. I must never forget that even in your sleep you reach for me.”
“
It is morning, Conan. Will you walk with me to the stream?”
“
I watched you once as you washed beside a stream.”
She questioned him with her eyes.
“
When we journeyed to Cordell from Phalen. The one night that we made camp I rose early and followed the sounds of your women. They helped to conceal you with a linen wrap, but from where I stood their cover did no good. I could not find the will to turn away.”
“
Conan,” she scolded.
“
You spied on me!”
He leaned back and put a hand to his brow.
“
Aye, and the sight caused me to ache for days. What torture the sight of you brought me.”
She pulled herself to her feet, trying to suppress a laugh, and picked up the cover of skins to keep herself warm as she walked to the stream.
“
‘Twas a misery of your own making,” she said playfully.
“
You should not have been spying.”
She moved away from their shelter and through some shrubs to reach for her basket. When she knelt to retrieve it she felt Conan’s presence close behind her.
“
William is a good servant,” Conan said.
“
I do not hear him come or go.”
She stood, but her eyes were downcast.
“
I am certain it is a hateful task for him,” she said softly.
“
William would not easily be drawn into such a sin.”
Conan lifted her chin with a finger.
“
He showed me the way to reach your chamber. He offered his aid, love, and will not remember seeing a strange knight in the wood.”
“
I cannot bear to see it end,” she said.
“
I knew it long ago: that a fine manor and wealth meant nothing. I have known more joy sleeping on the ground than I have ever felt in the warmth of my chamber. Conan, without this, there would be nothing for me; there would be no way I could hope.”
“
Be thankful this once that King Richard and King Philip quarrel so often. At least we do not leave from France at Easter. B
ut soon. And I must return to Ve
zelay to be ready.”
“
Had Edwina lived, you would not go,” she said.
“
Perhaps not,” he admitted.
“
But to fight well for Richard can in no manner hurt me. He is not fond of men with no taste for fighting.”
Chandra looked at the modest hut in the wood. Mars was tied to the perch within and Orion was tethered to a bush outside. It was the meagerest dwelling she’d ever visited, but it would have contented her for the rest of her days. She touched his cheek.
“
And you have a strong penchant for fighting.”
“
Nay,” he said.
“
For winning.”
***
On a crisp morning after the most rudimentary tasks had been accomplished within the great stone house, Chandra went to the garden to inspect the clearing and pruning she had ordered done. Her heart raced in anticipation of the evening. Every nighttime flight into the wood she feared would be her last. Though they had both refused to shorten the beauty of the moment with promises or farewells, she knew there would be no denying the necessity of parting phrases. Three days would bring Easter. The morrow was Good Friday. Tedric would likely return and Conan would have to go.
In his coming,
she thought,
he has given me reason to endure and to hope. He has delivered me the love I have been wanting and he has risked his life to secure what moments
c
ould be ours
--
perhaps the only ones in all of eternity. He must know I am grateful. He must know he has been the only joy I have known. And though it will hurt me to tell him, he must know that I will not bind him to what has passed between us. He has made no promise to free me from Tedric’s bonds, and if I am to be forever tied to that unworthy knight, what we have shared will be enough.
I will not cry, nor will I cling to him. He goes to do what he must, what he has been bred and trained to do. I must tell him that I trust his life to God, that I am not afraid. Even, heaven help me, even if he is snatched from me now, I have had that which I longed for, and my life is richer and fuller because of it. I will make him believe in my strength as he believes in his own, and in a moment of heated battle he will not be plagued by fear that I cannot survive his absence.
Before another day is spent, I will tell him all that I feel. I will give him words of hope and love to carry onto a field of battle. I will bid him farewell and promise that come what may, he will have my heart and my prayers. Before another day
--
“
Lady,” Wynne’s gentle voice beckoned.
She looked up, startled, wondering if she had been talking aloud.
“
Sir Tedric, lady. His banner approaches.”
She jumped to her feet and raced to the hall. Through the galleries and chambers she flew to the door of the keep. She could see the soldiers, some twelve
perhaps, who had ridden with Te
dric. She twisted her hands into her gunna and looked toward the wood for some sign of Conan, but of course there was none. In a panic, she felt the urge to flee to him quickly before Tedric was upon her. She could travel with him to the ends of the earth; a bed on the ground with him would be more desirable than a fine bed with Tedric. Enduring war would be easier than living with Sir Tedric. She could stay in France, perhaps, and await his return
...
But even before the knight’s party was near enough to see her standing in the door, she realized it was impossible for her to leave. She could not turn her back on the people here. She was their only protection from Tedric. Without her to stay him, he would leave nothing but a wasted land where a thriving village had once stood.
She fought for composure. She was not a fool. She did not
s
mile as Tedric dismounted and came near her. He would not be impressed by such a show, and by the looks of him it was plain he was not pleased to see her.
“
Did you see your father?”
His grimace was sour, his manner angry.
“
Never mind my business, dear lady. Just be glad that I am home.”
“
Whatever, it must have been an unpleasant chore,” she ventured, more than a little suspicious as to what Tedric might be up to now. But he would not stand for her questioning of him. He brushed past her and his men followed.
She looked down the road, past the houses and fields toward the wood, straining to catch a glimpse of a horse and rider, or even a man standing alone among the trees. And then her eyes found the message she sought. The falcon soared high into the air, and a whistle, shrill and loud, split through the trees. The great wings of the bird folded, and it dove into the wood, disappearing from sight. Just as Mars signaled her that Conan had come, so he signaled his departure.
A tear fell from her eye.
“
Be safe,” she breathed, the ache in her chest leaving her barely enough strength to return to the hall.
Chapter 17
The scent of Easter flowers filled the air. The mass was sung and the villeins brought eggs to their lord as was the custom. From Easter until Hocktide, a week following, the villagers were freed from their labors. They ceased their farming and fishing chores. Other duties, however, were worked out in the privacy of village homes late at night. Master William brought tidings of his plans to the lady of the manor.
“
We’ve begun to move men into the forest, lady. Younger men that could wait another year plan to go, unless you bid me otherwise.”
“
As long as the fields can be worked, take the number of men you deem necessary. Make their numbers unknown, as far as that is possible.”
“
What will your reward be for deceiving him?” William asked.
Chandra took a deep breath and looked directly into his eyes.
“
I imagine he will beat me soundly.”
“
There needs to be protection for you in this hall
--
”
“
But there is not. Just protect our town from the wood.”
“
If he lays a hand to you
--
”
“
If I am not here to give you orders,” she snapped, cutting him off,
“
you have my leave to do whatever you must to preserve Cordell.” She calmed her voice and went on with more composure.
“
Until that day, let us take care not to start a family war.”
William lowered his eyes and spoke softly.
“
You have reason to fear Tedric.”
“
I have reason to be wary, William. I do not fear him yet.”
“
Do you know where he was on his last journey?” William asked.
“
Nay, he would not say. Up to no good, I am certain.”
“
I cannot say that Sir Tedric played a part in it, but there was rioting in Bury Saint Edmunds on Palm Sunday. Many Jews were slain. There was great destruction.”
Chandra’s eyes grew large as she considered the possibility. Tedric would do anything, including being a party to murder and rioting, to ally himself with nobles he thought powerful. Should Theodoric learn of his association with such men, the family support would quickly vanish. On the other hand, for Chandra to bring such an accusation against him without proof would only make matters worse between them.
“
It chafes Tedric no small bit that the people of this village take their orders from me. Keep your suspicions quiet for now. Go, do your work, and bring your news to me here
--
when Tedric is not in the hall.”
The village was now divided between two armies: a man’s army to protect and serve him, and his wife’s army to do the same for her.
She stood in thought, watching the sea. Beyond its vastness Richard’s army would be bound. She knew not when. Per
haps they were already setting out. Perhaps there was yet another delay and they were still safe in France. She crossed herself and mumbled a quick prayer.
I must remember every word,
she thought, every touch.
I must not forget the smallest detail. You will be so far away, my love, and even if fate betrays us again, already I know that you live on
--
The door to her chamber opened and she whirled in anger at the intruder. It seemed she could not call the slightest moment her own, with all the problems laid upon her by so many people unable to think for themselves.
As Tedric stepped into the room she relaxed her scowl. He, of course, would not knock. It was not because she had invited him to come and go as he pleased, but because he used this aggravating habit to show his ownership.
“
What can I help you with, my lord?” she asked.
“
You can tell me when these churls will be working. Everywhere I look I see the lazy dolts leaning on fences and sleeping in the sun.”
Chandra turned back to the sea. She was grateful for this
m
uch: if she must be prisoner, at least she was being held in bondage in Cordell, where she had the sea, and the forest
...
“
Do you have an answer for me, madam?”
“
The answer is the same, Tedric. The villagers must be allowed their holidays, especially the church days and saints’ days. They are broken enough.”
“
They live like kings
--
”
She whirled back to him.
“
They live much more poorly than they were accustomed. True, this has been a rich burgh and the people have had more than many a poorer town, but you have already taken more from them than they are in the habit of giving.”
“
I cannot be blamed for the taxes that
--
”
“
Taxes? Or the high fee you pay to be allowed the luxury of resting on your manor while other nobles go to war to
--
”
A hand came out hard against her cheek, wrenching her neck and sending her reeling into the doorframe.
“
And tell me, my fine lass: what is England to do while all of its finest trot off to give their lives in a fruitless battle? And is a man not a man unless he loves war? Jackasses, all of them, for they will surely die. Indeed, few will survive the journey!”
She caught her breath and stared at him, her mind raging that it would not be so. They had a good cause and they were strong.
He laughed cruelly at her indignant stance.
“
Fear not, damsel,” he taunted.
“
I would rush to you with the word of Sir Conan’s death. We shouldn’t have to wait very long.”
She closed her eyes as if that would block out his words.
“
I shall have to leave you again, madam,” he said. Her eyes opened. Almost too happily, she gave him her attention, but there was a gnawing fear in her heart that she could not answer.
“
You look pleased, Chandra. Do you enjoy my absences so much?”
“
Where do you go now, Tedric?”
“
I go to Normandy for a meeting with Count John.”
Her heart skipped a beat. Tales were circling England about what John might be tempted to do while his royal brother fought the Crusade. It seemed that John’s reputation was fixed. He was known as a power-hungry liar and oppor
tunist. It would befit his reputation to begin making plans to
o
verthrow the kingdom before Richard was even gone from France.
“
Do you think it wise to
--
”
“
Align myself with John?” he asked, stealing her words from her.
“
With the heir? Wise and profitable, madam. I ask you again: do you think every soldier bitten by the war bug is protected by some heavenly force of arms? Many will die. Richard could well be among them. Being close to the man who will be king one day cannot hurt my cause.” He laughed at her horrified expression.
“
Do you think Cordell alone will be enough to satisfy me? Trust my plan, my love. There will be many a castle without a keeper when the stricken army returns. I plan to be prepared for lordship. I shall use my wit to gain a greater prize.”
“
I think, Tedric, that you would do anything for wealth and power,” she said softly.
He raised one brow, considering her statement. He turned and walked to a bench where a pitcher sat. He poured ale into the only goblet and drank. He would give no answer. He would divulge nothing. She was already aware of much more than he would have her know. He had murdered. He punished harshly in the village, collected more than his due in rents and taxes, snubbed his nose at the church and refused everyone their due.
“
Someday, Tedric, someone will stop you.”
“
Who?” he questioned blandly.
Chandra turned back to the balcony, rubbing her upper arms with her hands as if suddenly chilled. Who, indeed? The people would not dare. Chandra cautioned them to overlook his many shortcomings, and his crimes thus far were unpun
ished because of lack of proof. To fight him now would bring worse destruction than Tedric could deliver alone. As for the fact that he would strike her without thought and use her badly, she was his wife
--
his chattel. There was no law to protect her, no one to defend her. Who would stop him?
“
Where is Wynne?” he asked curtly.
“
I would have the lass with me before I leave again.”
Chandra turned back to him.
“
Wynne is with child, Tedric. She is not well. Spare her.”
“
Perhaps she will fight me less if she is ill,” he remarked, walking toward the door.
“
She has four brothers in this shire, Tedric. Her father is
m
y head huntsman and has served the lady of Cordell for many years. The family is held in high esteem by all who live here. I have stayed one blade from piercing your breast when you robbed her of her virtue and made her unsuitable for marriage. I stayed that blade another time when I had to tell her family she carries your child.” With a hand flung wide, she indicated all outside her chamber.
“
They do not love you here, Tedric. They serve you only because I caution them against the many deaths that would result if they should fight. Do not delude yourself that you would have an easy victory here.”
“
You warn me of a handful of farmers?”
“
Four hundred in all, all strong from their labors, the men skilled in the use of the bow and hunting knife, knowing the forest as well as they know their fields, and with a will to tear this keep to shreds rather than preserve it for someone who will deprive and torture them on any excuse. Tedric,” she snarled,
“
you are lord here only as long as I am lady. With a word, I could have you slain.”
“
And your reward for that would be to see this village and every living soul ground to meal. And you! You would not survive it!”
She smiled and met his eyes.
“
Neither of us would survive should we come to blows, Tedric. If you are killed, I will suffer the same fate. And if I am slain, hide yourself quickly. These people would prefer no village to a village such as you would have for them.”
He grunted and turned away from her, but she would not leave the matter as it stood.
“
We sit, you and I, high upon a wall, the wind blowing and tilting us from side to side. Your murder will bring mine. Mine, yours. Which of us will slip and fall first?”
His anger began to dissipate. His scowl relaxed and his eyes ceased to glitter.
“
Someday, my fine wife, you will regret having curbed this power in me now.”
He bowed briefly and smiled indulgently.
“
Have you won, fair Chandra? One battle for the lady? I will give Wynne rest for the moment, but I’ve developed a taste for her, so don’t plan to keep her under your wing for too very long.” He paced about the room restlessly.
“
I have no desire to cast about looking for a wench. You may have one sent to me.”
She lowered her eyes.
“
You have a wife,” she muttered.
She did not see his surprised expression, but his startled laugh came quickly to her ears.
“
Have I, now?” he asked.
“
You offer yourself, Chandra?”
She ground her teeth miserably, wondering how she could endure his touch, knowing she must. It had been a very long time since she had shared his bed.
“
If you want none of me, Tedric, then go. I will not find a wench for you to bed.”
He leaned against the wall and crossed his arms over his chest.
“
Let us see what you have to offer. Take off your clothes.”
Her blue eyes flashed as she looked at him, but there was no escape. He did not frequent her bed, knowing that if he used another woman to ease his need it chafed her the more. Yet she needed to submit
--
to protect herself. And others.
She closed her eyes as she removed her gunna, letting it fall to the floor. Next her kirtle fell and finally the light shift she wore under her garments. She did not hear him approach and she flinched as she felt his hand on her breast. Her eyes flew open to see him watching her closely, studying her every expression.
“
Let down your hair,” he commanded.
With trembling fingers, she plucked at the ribbons that held her small coil in place, and the lustrous golden locks fell over her shoulders and down her back. A chill breeze caused her to shiver. He gathered a handful of the silky gold in his hand.
“
Yea, Chandra, you are beautiful. It’s no wonder you create battles between men.”