The Bootlegger Blues (6 page)

He tosses David a pair of track pants.

DAVID:

You can't be serious?

ANDREW:

Serious is the difference between a misdemeanor and a felony. (
Selects another piece
) This should help.

Martha enters.

MARTHA:

David, I ...

She spots David in his underwear. She hides her eyes.

MARTHA:

I didn't see anything, I didn't see anything.

DAVID:

Martha, it's okay. At least they're clean.

ANDREW:

What did you want, Mom?

MARTHA:

I just wanted to ask David about dropping off the money for the beer. I do not bootleg on the honor system, you know.

DAVID:

Don't worry about it, I'll wire you the money.

MARTHA:

Fine. (
To herself
) Whatever that means, but I trust him.

She exits as Andrew holds up a ratty-looking sweatshirt.

DAVID:

I'd rather go to jail than wear something like that.

Martha reenters the kitchen.

MARTHA:

Now where were we? Oh yes, is Maggie your aunt or not?

ANGIE:

Yes Ma'am, but …

MARTHA:

No buts. Cousins shouldn't be looking at each other that way. You two are related. It ain't right.

ANGIE:

But we're related by marriage only.

MARTHA:

Wait a minute, then … but where does your Aunt Peg fit into all this?

ANGIE:

I don't have an Aunt Peg.

MARTHA:

Must be my Aunt Peg then. Just a moment.

Martha draws some figures in the air, tracing relations and family trees.

MARTHA:

(
Happily
) Angie! Welcome!

ANGIE:

To me scratch.

MARTHA:

That's "ch'meegwetch." [Thank you very much.]

David is finished dressing.

ANDREW:

And the pieces of resistance, ta da.

Andrew pulls out a pair of rubber boots.

DAVID:

(
Resigned
) Why not?

ANDREW:

Better not get in a car accident, you'd be buried as John Doe.

DAVID:

I should be so lucky.

ANDREW:

Grab a few more cases and that should just about fill up your car.

DAVID:

Thank God, I gotta get out of here.

They enter the kitchen.

ANGIE:

David?! You look like a rummage sale exploded.

DAVID:

I know. Martha, can you look after my house while I'm gone? I don't know how long I'll be.

MARTHA:

Don't you worry about that, David, you just skedaddle.

DAVID:

Okay, thanks a lot. I'm outta here.

David almost makes it out the door before Martha calls him.

MARTHA:

The list, the list!

DAVID:

Right, the list.

Andrew hands David the list. David glances at it and laughs.

ANGLE:

What is it?

DAVID:

Frankie wants three cases of Blue.

ANDREW/ANGIE:

The band manager?!

DAVID:

Looks like my job will be waiting for me when I get back. Marianne, here I come. Noble, out you go.

David exits.

ANGIE:

Isn't that terribly romantic?

ANDREW:

Delivering beer?

ANGIE:

Why is it men never understand true romance?

ANDREW:

It gets in the way of good sex.

MARTHA:

It certainly has been a busy day. I expect to be beerless by dark, if all goes well and it gets hotter.

ANGIE:

So you and the church are saved.

MARTHA:

For now. We still got to worry about that new organ. That will cost a fortune. My goodness, look at the time. Do you want to stay for lunch, Angie?

ANGIE:

I'd love to.

ANDREW:

Oh Mom, that reminds me, while Angie and me were out earlier, we bumped into Marjorie. She wants to come over for dinner sometime this week. I told her I'd mention it to you.

MARTHA:

There is no way on God's green Earth that I will let that woman into my house.

ANDREW:

Mom, she's your sister.

MARTHA:

Only by blood. Enough about her, you and Angie go out to the garden and pick some fresh peas for me.

ANDREW:

Oh yeah, the garden. Marianne asked me to look after her half. Where exactly is it?

MARTHA:

Out back, to the right, by those sumach trees.

Andrew looks out, his eyes searching, then he discovers the garden. His eyes widen.

ANDREW:

Oh my god!

MARTHA:

That reminds me, Father Belaney was asking about you. Wants to know if you'd help in the organ drive.

ANGIE:

(
To Andrew
) What's wrong?

ANDREW:

(
Pointing
) Over there.

MARTHA:

What are you two mumbling about now?

ANGIE:

Is that what I think it is?

Martha closes the cash box.

MARTHA:

Not nearly enough for a down payment on an organ. That crazy Marjorie wants to get the most elaborate machine available. She always did have a fondness for big organs.

ANDREW:

Look at all of it!

Martha turns around, puzzled by their tone.

MARTHA:

What's so fascinating about my garden?

ANDREW:

Mom, that's grass.

MARTHA:

Imagine that in a backyard.

ANGIE:

No, we mean, like, weed.

MARTHA:

Blue, that's something you can do, weed the garden.

ANDREW:

Mom, that's pot out there, Mary Jane, marijuana.

MARTHA:

Oh, that Marianne and her strange herbs.

Andrew returns to look out the window as Martha ponders.

ANGIE:

There must be a fortune out there.

They've got Martha's attention finally.

MARTHA:

You can sell this stuff?

Andrew and Angie turn their heads slowly to look at Martha.

Lights go down.

THE END

 

 

 

 

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About the Author

Drew Hayden Taylor has been called "one of Canada's leading Native dramatists" by the
Montreal Gazette
. His last play,
The Bootlegger Blues
(published in 1991), won the Canadian Authors Association Award for Drama. His first book,
Toronto at Dreamer's Rock
and
Education Is Our Right: Two One Act Plays
, was published in 1990. The first play in that volume won Taylor a prestigious Chalmers Award in 1992 for the production by De-ba-jeh-mu-jig Theatre Group.

Drew Taylor is an Ojibway from the Curve Lake Reserve in Ontario. He writes drama for stage and screen and has contributed articles on Native arts and culture to many periodicals, including
Maclean's, Cinema Canada
, and
The Globe and Mail
. His play
Someday
first appeared as a short story on the front page of
The Globe and Mail
—the only piece of fiction ever to appear there—on Christmas Eve in 1990.