The Boy Who Knew Me When (From Boys to men Trilogy) (5 page)

“Jemma, my name isn’t Ford, I mean, it is Ford but Ford is actually my middle name.”

 
Then he reached for the photo on his nightstand and turned it over to show me what lie inside. In the simple black frame was a photo of a little boy and his parents, faces I had spent many days with as a child. The faces of two people who were long dead and gone, Howard and Victoria Ackles, the two people who were murdered along with my brother, and my brother;s best friend Julian who I had not seen since I was a little girl. And then it registered in my head, Ford, Julian Ford Ackles.

 
It had been so long since I laid eyes on the man before me, a time long before the stubble on his face set in and his voice changed into something forceful and domineering. I looked up at him from the picture with tears falling down my cheeks.

“Julian” I whispered as he reached his hand to my face brushing my tears away with his thumb.

“People don’t call me that anymore sweetheart. When I went to live with my gran in San Juan I asked her to tell everyone my name was Ford. I couldn’t live with everything that had happened and I needed closure. So it’s Ford now if you don’t mind?”

 
Never taking his eyes off of mine I nodded with reassurance that I would keep his past in the past just where I wanted my past to remain.

 
Ford stood up off the bed and ran his fingers through his hair. “Wow, well….”

 
I stared up at him from his bed and cutting him off I took his hand and pulled him back down beside me. I don’t understand what came over me, maybe it was nostalgia. Julian was my first puppy crush; after he left, I was heartbroken and spent years longing to see him again. All I know is that I was overcome with a sudden maddening desire to kiss him. He must have felt it too because as soon as our eyes found each other again his breathing became heavy, my heart began to pound as if trying to push its way out of my chest and our lips made the connection.

 
Magically, it was as if the entire population of the world vanished before our eyes and he and I were the only two people left to inhabit it. My feet became light and my stomach started fluttering around like butterflies in lost in space.

 
Ford pulled away from my lips long enough to utter “You are not the same little girl I used to know.”

 
Then with a force I was unaware that I possessed I pressed my lips back to his, deepening the connection that was stirring inside of the two of us. Before we both knew it we were laying side by side with our hands and legs tangled up, our lips frantically moving together as if each of our lives depended on the other in order to breathe. Eventually it got to the point that a kiss was not enough. Not since the second night with Brandon had I felt so animalistic, only this time it was different. I was not closing a door, I was reopening one and this time the passion invaded the very depths of my soul on a level that could not be explained with mere words.

 
Giving into the desire I shoved Ford onto his back and climbed on top of him, grinding my body into his. He pulled my shirt over my head then sat up so I could help him out of his. I kissed him down his chest stopping just long enough to unbutton his jeans.

 
Once they were unzipped I climbed down and with his help yanked them from his body along with his boxers freeing his erection. I immediately noticed how long and thick he was, the sight of him seemed to bring my body to life in a way it had never been before.

 
He sat up on the bed and licked his lips.

“Stand up and take your clothes off sweetheart. I want to see every inch of you..”

  I pulled off my boots and socks then unbuttoned my skirt and let it drop to the floor.

“Oh Jesus help me, you are beautiful!” he exclaimed biting his lip, letting out a deep breath. “Take off your bra and panties.”

  He sounded as if it took every bit of air in his lungs to make the request but I did as he wanted. The throbbing of the warm heat between my legs was intense and I knew that if Ford did not take me soon every part of me was going to explode. For reasons I could not explain, I
needed
to have him inside of me. I stepped toward him but was stopped short by the dominating sound of his voice “Condom sweetheart, top drawer of the dresser”

 
I have no idea how he managed the thought, because there was no other thought in my head other than what I wanted him to do to me, but I am glad he did. I handed him the condom and watched as he unrolled it onto his massive shaft. Once in place he pulled me to him and into his lap, I followed his guidance, opening my legs and wrapping them around him. It didn’t take much for him to find his way inside of me; he was as hard as steel and I had been wet and ready since the moment we reunited.

 
He was so well endowed that it hurt at first but as he moved I moistened even more allowing our bodies to mold together like a perfectly fitted glove. I moved him inside out and of my quaking heat with the help of my hips while he worked his mouth over my lips, along my neck and down to my nipples where he flicked and played with them until my core began to tremble.

“Julian, I’m going to come.” I screamed barely able to force the thought but there was some alien part of me that had to communicate my need.

  And come I did, harder than I ever had before. After my lips stopped pulsating around his unrelenting staff he flipped me over onto my back pulling my legs and feet over his head deepening his decent into my body.

“Oh fuck! You feel so fucking good sweet heart. Tell me you want
me baby.”

My eyes widened as his thrust slowed down to tease me. I whispered “Fuck me Julian!” 

“Who do you want to fuck you sweetheart?”

 
I gasped as he shoved himself inside of me with force and I screamed. I suddenly realized that I had been calling him the name of a boy he longed to forget but I so desperately wanted to know.

“Ford!” I screamed. “I want you to fuck me Ford.” He slammed into me again, over and over again and again and left me screaming his name as I my sex tightened, releasing my wetness around his s
haft for the second time. A few seconds later I felt his hardness peak, he grew hot and with a loud grunt his body collapsed on top of me. I could feel the pulsating of his desire as he found his release inside of me.

 
Ford pulled his lips to mine without moving his still hard shaft from the inside of my body. 

“You are so beautiful Jemma Hale. It feels so fucking good being inside of you.”

  And with that I felt him get even harder. There was no way the two of us were done. We were getting to know each other again and the introductions were not even close to being over.

“More,” I whispered into his mouth. His body began to move again with perfect rhythm. We shut  out every noise of the party happening on the other side of his door and ended up giving ourselves to each other two more times before passing out in each other’s arms until we were awakened by a loud knock at the door. 

“FORD, there is a girl out here looking for her friend. She says she was with a big black haired ape and as I am a stud and the rest of the guys are monkeys, that leaves you. Open up man!” The voice on the other side of the door pleaded.

Ford looked over to me and smiled. “Is that friend yours?” I nodded my head “Probably”. I was too tired, give out and perfectly satisfied to even dream of moving.

“Want me to get rid of her? I can take you home in the morning. We can have breakfast.” He leaned down and pressed a kiss to my lips.

“Perfect” I managed sleepily.

  Pulling a towel off of his desk and wrapping it around his lower half he glided to the door. Ford muttered a few words then shut the door and locked it behind him. He climbed back into bed and after a few minutes of kissing me we were ready for round four.

Chapter Four

  Ford and I woke up around eight and after fooling around for a few minutes we showered together and made our way to IHOP for breakfast.

“What yah having? Whatever you want, it’s yours” He asked.

  We both ended up agreeing to the chocolate chip pancakes and coffee. We sat in silence not really knowing what to say after the extremely unexpected events of the night before. “It was good seeing you again Juli...I mean...Ford...Sorry; it’s hard not to call you Julian.”

 
A wicked smile flashed across his face, completely ignoring my slip up. “Good? I would not exactly say it was
good
to see you again Jemma.” 

I frowned at his admission but he took my hand reassuringly.

“I wasn’t done sweetheart. There was nothing good about last night, last night was great, off the charts, out of this world, amazing, mind-blowing but nothing as simple as good.” I giggled like a twelve year old again and agreed with him.

“So what now?” I asked. “I mean, we really don’t know each other. Yeah, the sex was amazing but we don’t know anything about each other. I have never done anything like that before. Who are you Ford?”

  I could tell my questioning made him uncomfortable. His smile faded and he looked away from me, I feared he was running away to hide again.

“Look, Jemma, last night, I have never felt that type of connection with anyone before. I don’t know what it was but I know I am not ready for it.”

  I suddenly felt all of the color drain from my face; he seemed to sense the life draining out of me so he grabbed my hand and tightly took hold.

“Don’t get upset OK, I’m not saying I don’t want to see you again. I just need to figure out what is going on in my head. You are so close to everything that I have spent half my life running from, I don’t know what to do with that.”

  What exactly was he saying, was he blowing me off, letting me down easy? I was not just some stranger that he met on the street. He knew me, it had been a long time since we have seen each other but there was a time that we were as good as family. I did not expect him to want to spend his life with me after one night but I also did not expect to be
let down easily.

“So you’re blowing me off? You spend the night fucking your best friends little sister and then you fuck off, is that it? Do you want me to tell you to fuck off Ford?”

  His face reddens, his teeth begin to grind against one another and I watch his hands started frantically moving through his hair like he was trying to rub every inch of it off of his head.

“No, no, don’t say that! And don’t talk about
him or yourself like that
, I can’t bear to talk about him at all, haven’t been for a very long time. But it’s not that. I enjoyed every second of last night, all I could think about all night long was how much I wanted to drown myself in you but the next day it just feels like too much too fast. You of all people should understand.” 

 
And with that he had me. I did understand. I understood everything. I understood that when something horrible happens to you all you want to do is push everything good in your life away for fear that you will have to watch it deteriorate before your eyes. I have a feeling that is how Ford has been living his life, pushing and hiding. He did not expect me to come along and remind him of a time when he was full of life. A time when he danced around with his own pair of wings just like I did. 

“I do understand
Ford, I understand all of it, every last word.” Then I began to cry.

 
It seemed like all I have been doing lately was wiping tears out of my eyes. Just when they stopped and I began to feel whole again, Ford came along. Only for the first time in my life I did not fight the tears from falling. I allowed them to fall willingly, for Ford, the boy who had nearly died with my brother. He had to watch his own parents and best friend get brutally taken from this world and I could only imagine how helpless and broken that made him. Probably more broken and helpless than I ever was. I didn’t know if I could help him fight his demons but after the connection we found ourselves with I was desperate to try. For the first time I truly understood where Brandon was coming from loving me, how all he had wanted to do was make me better. I just prayed Ford and I did not share the same fate.

“I want to get to know you Ford. Can we start there? No strings, just two people who used to know each other coming together again. Can we do that?”

  Ford nodded his acceptance to the idea of friendship.

“That sounds perfect, Jemma,” was all he managed before the waitress placed our breakfast down in front of us. I smiled at the whipped cream smiley face on both of our pancakes.

“We usually only do that for the kiddos but y’all looked like y’all were in need of some smiles this mornin’,” the gray haired waitress gave Ford a wink and walked off letting us know to “Just holler if you need anything”.

 
Putting the serious conversation aside we gobbled down our pancakes sharing stories from our very different high school experiences and Ford filled me in about his frat brothers. I learned that at one point he had wanted to join the Army but in the end decided to go to college. His mom and dad had met on Austin’s University of Texas campus and it was always a dream of his dad that he would follow in the footsteps of old white and orange. He said that he felt it was a way to keep their memory alive.

“I try so hard to forget that day and focus on the good stuff, you know? So I figured, I would come here, get my degree and eventually I might join the police department or something. I haven’t completely made that decision yet. I’m not quite sure I could handle ever walking into a scene like the one in Dallas.”

  I watched him in awe as he played with a stray chocolate chip. He seemed so strong but I could see the broken boy that was hiding behind that strength.

“So,” he said, putting his fork down and meeting my eyes. “How are your parents holding up?”

  Choking I dropped my fork and knocked my half full cup of coffee all over my lap. 

“Oh shit, I’m so sorry!” I panicked feeling the vomit rising into my mouth and I was overcome with the need to run.

  I had not spoken about my parents to anyone but Brea and Brandon since I had decided to quit therapy. Brea was there when it all happened and it took me two years with Brandon to open up about the incident surrounding my parents’ upheaval from my life. A part of me wanted so badly to share everything with this boy who knew me when but I couldn’t bear to bring that world into this one.

 
Shakily I jumped up from the table, “I have to go, I have an appointment that completely slipped my mind. I’m so sorry Ford.”

 
Ford tried to run after me but the chair from the person sitting next to us was blocking his side of the booth so I was able to make a quick exit. Once outside I ran and didn’t stop until I slammed the door of my apartment behind me.

“Jesus, are you fucking OK?” Brea shouted as she came running out of the bathroom wearing nothing but a towel and a mouth covered in toothpaste.

  Not being able to say a single word, I bobbed my head up and down before bending over in an effort to catch my breath. I was seriously out of shape; my next stop definitely had to be the apartment gym.

“Oh girl, hold on a sec.” Brea ran back into the bathroom and came back wrapped in her hot pink robe with a freshly clean mouth.

“Do I need to kick someone’s ass?” She put her hand on my back and walked me over to the couch grabbing a bottle of water from the kitchen counter as we walked by.

  
We both sat, she popped the lid and told me to drink. “Was it that guy from last night? What did he do to you Jem?” I took a big gulp from the water bottle and shook my head back and forth at her still trying to catch my breath.

“Nothing, he was great…” I huffed. “It was all me Brea, you are not going to believe what happened. I don’t know what to make of it myself. But last night, was hands down the greatest night of my life.”

  Brea excused herself insisting that we would talk once her bare crotch wasn’t rubbing into the terry cloth of her robe. I have to give it to her, Brea was definitely the poster child for too much information.

 
Fifteen minutes later, after I composed myself and she was dressed I filled her in on everything that happened the night before. Omitting only the raunchy stuff like how his dick turned purple for a split second while the wetness pumped out of him and how his tongue felt rubbing along my walls and over my sensitive heat. Some things were better left to the imagination. Of course it didn’t mean that my mind didn’t silently fill in those details.

“When he asked about my parents I broke Brea, I couldn’t bear it. What am I going to do? I have to see him again. I have to!” She rubbed her hand up and down my arms like I was freezing and she was trying to warm me up.

“It’s OK, Jem, just show up at the house and tell him what happened. It’s been so long since you told anyone about it. If anyone could understand it would be him.” 

 
I truly wanted to tell him but how do you tell someone your dad put a bullet in your moms head and was rotting away in the nut house? My mother and father were two people that he loved as well and I was scared the revelation would be like losing his own parents all over again.

 
Suddenly there was an urgent knock on the door and Brea jumped up to answer it. Looking out the peep hole she turned my way and without peeling her eyes from my face she opened the door. Standing on the other side was Ford who caught sight of me the moment the door opened. He stepped inside walking over to where I was now standing, barely paying mind to the fact Brea was glaring at him.

“Why did you run off like that and don’t give me that appointment bullshit, I knew you were lying the moment you opened your mouth,” he reached for my hand but I pulled away.

  At my rejection I watched a wave of sadness wash over him, instantly feeling guilty I moved in closer until we were toe to toe.

“My dad...” I paused letting a breath escape, “...murdered my mother.”

  I didn’t really mean for it to come out like it did, I was still deciding how I was going to tell him, still deciding if I ever was going to tell him. But I could not stand to see the heartbroken image that I had caused play on his face. I had so much to learn about him and was terrified of losing the chance to learn about the man that I so desperately wanted to know again.

 
I could tell that the announcement caught him off guard. His mouth opened but he couldn’t manage to get any words out. I watched as Brea slipped out the front door holding her fingers up to her ear gesturing for me to call her and grabbing her purse from the dining table on the way out.

“I’m sorry; I didn’t mean it to just come out like that. I...”

  He grabbed my hand again only this time I did not pull away. Instead he pulled me to him, kissing my forehead before resting his chin atop my head.

“I’m so sorry.” he whispered. “Tell me what happened?” He gently pulled me down onto the couch and into his lap, keeping his chin to my head.

“I honestly do not know if I can Julian”

 
His hands reached down and urged my chin up to meet his face. Gripping me tighter he moved his lips to my cheeks one at a time planting tiny kisses on each one. Then his lips moved to mine, kissing them softly before whispering into my mouth

“You can tell me anything. I loved them too, please, I have to know.”

  I let out the breath I was not aware I was holding straight into his mouth. As the air between us collided I felt his tongue slip into my mouth. It guided along my teeth, moved out to my lips and back into my mouth where our tongues met up and danced with each other. After a few moments he gently guided my head back to his chest and moved his cheek back to the top of it.

 
Once again I let a long breath escape my mouth, pulled it back in and closed my eyes.

“I was asleep when it happened. I had just turned eleven; my dad had spent almost a year in and out of the hospital trying to get better. He literally went crazy after Nicolai...after...after he died.”

  I paused for a brief moment to catch myself from breaking down and Ford softly kissed my forehead again reassuring me he was listening.

“He started hearing and seeing things. For a long time all he ever saw was Nicolai covered in blood telling him that he missed him and needed to be with his family. And then he started seeing him, the guy from the restaurant.”

“Ignacio Hernandez,” Ford interrupted. I cringed that the sound of his name. I tried for so long to forget it, making it a point to never allow it to fall from my lips.

I looked up, “How can you bear to say his name?”

“People like him, they deserve to be remembered for being the monsters that they are. I make it a point to remember his name, it serves as a healthy reminder that everything that happened on the day my family died was out of anyone’s control. A single person cannot fight that kind of evil. It is an evil that won’t ever die; there is no point in trying to bury him.” He looked into my eyes as if he were trying to heal the invisible wound that had just appeared on my heart. “Continue, sweetheart.”