Read The Boyfriend Bylaws Online
Authors: Susan Hatler
“What?” Erica Conner strode into Totally Fit and was at my side in an instant. A familiar comfort washed over me with the entire gang here this Saturday morning. “You didn’t snag that hottie who’s been giving me the eye all week, did you?”
“What?” My heart galloped into a panic. “Who’s been giving you the eye?”
“You know.” Erica gave me a “duh” look, shifted her curvy hip to the right and tapped her Adidas-covered foot. “He’s tall, gorgeous, and has muscles that Michelangelo himself couldn’t have sculpted better.”
Yes, that described Brad—and half the other guys that worked out here. A wandering eye would not be okay. My heart pounded against my ribcage. “I’m seeing Brad Jones. Is that the same guy?”
“Hmmmm. Brad. Brad.” Erica tapped a finger against her cheek and then dropped her smirk. “Nope, different guy.”
The tension released out of me.
Steve tossed his arm over my shoulder. “Why’s this yumzy date so important to you?”
“Yumzy?” Erica said, laughing.
“Word of the day.” Matt’s voice lacked any trace of enthusiasm and his eyes moved back to his novel.
“I think he’s it, you guys.” I thought about how Brad and I enjoyed the same things. How he always puts his firm arm around me when we walk. The way he kisses me like he never wants to stop. The way he….
“You’re blushing.” Matt crossed his arms and gave me a skeptical look. “What’s this guy have that I don’t have?”
Erica and I exchanged a look. Obviously, I couldn’t let on what Erica had confided in me. “Brad and I are just…on the same page. We’re in sync.” Except for last night when he’d wanted to take the next step and I’d been wearing my cotton brief back-ups instead of silky, slide-your-hands-over-this bikinis. Why, oh why, had I put off the laundry? “Haven’t you ever just known when it’s the right person?”
Steve gave me a quizzical look. “Didn’t you say that about the last guy you were dating?”
Erica dropped her chin onto her fist and nodded. “Paul.”
“You barely even know him, Mel.” Matt took on the role of a wise philosopher. “Face it. You’re in love with being in love.”
His words caused my entire body to tense. Of course, I’d always wanted to be in love—everlasting love, like in the movies. After my parents had split, I’d discarded the idea for a time. But, devouring one romance novel after another had given me hope again.
Suddenly, I became aware of everyone watching me. “Think what you will, my gut says Brad is The One.”
“Well, he’s a lucky guy to have you, Mel.” Steve mussed the front of my hair like a big brother might do.
I glared at Steve, but then laughed as I pushed away from him to check my reflection in the plastic-framed mirror on the wall next to the poster of a silver-haired man jogging in the breaking dawn. I combed my blond bangs into place with my fingers and caught Matt watching me in the mirror. He gave me a look that I couldn’t decipher.
“With that out of the way...” Erica did a drum roll on the counter top. “I have news.”
I spun around, my eyes widening. “You’re pregnant.”
“Uh, no.” Erica put her hands on her hips and raised a brow. “I don’t use three types of birth control for nothing.”
Steve held his palms up. “Too much information, Conner.”
My brain stuck on which three types of birth control she used at the same time. Condom, pill and…what else did a girl need?
“Get your minds out of the gutter.” Erica smiled, most likely enjoying the hot topic. “It’s about Totally Fit.”
“Safe subject.” Steve blew out a breath, gestured widely with his arm, then bowed to her. “You may continue.”
“The Big Cheese has an important meeting in his office tomorrow. Four o’clock.”
Matt turned toward Erica and wagged his finger. “You’ve been listening to Rudy’s conversations from the janitor’s closet again. That’s not very yumzy of you.”
“I needed a broom.” She shrugged, then cocked her perfectly curved hip to the left. “May I continue?”
“Please do,” I said, eager to know whether or not my job was secure. A couple months ago, I’d spent my life’s savings on a new car. My convertible Volkswagen Beetle. I’d named her Betty. With zip in savings now, it would be a terrible time to get laid off. In hindsight, maybe I should’ve financed a loan, but I couldn’t stomach paying all that interest when I had the money in my account.
“Thank you.” Erica paused for dramatic effect. “Well, looks like the Big Cheese might’ve found a way to keep Totally Fit from going under.”
“How?” I’d worried Rudy would lose the gym for sure. He’d already hawked the stereo system, leaving me to lug around my own portable for dance music during my classes. I knew how much Rudy loved Totally Fit. He was a total softy. It’d crush him to lose the gym. “What’d you find out?”
“I’m not sure exactly.” Erica’s face grew serious. “He just kept saying
grazie
to whoever was on the other end of the line and then told them to meet here, in his office, tomorrow at four o’clock.” She held her palms up. “That’s all I know.”
Steve tsk tsked. “You should’ve stayed to look for a dust pan while you were at it.”
Erica frowned. “Like you’d know squat around here if it wasn’t for me.”
“We appreciate all the dirt, Conner.” Matt patted Erica’s arm and she promptly perked up again. It amazed me how Erica didn’t hold a grudge against Matt for cheating on her. The way they acted, there didn’t seem to be any hard feelings between them.
“Great.” I sighed, trying not to ponder Erica and Matt’s odd relationship. “If I have to come at four, I’ll be arriving two hours before my six-thirty class. Might be a little suspicious, don’t you think?”
Matt opened his novel again.
What? No wise suggestion from The Bookworm?
“Hmmm.” I shrugged it off. With the perfect night dangling in the air, I didn’t need Matt to wreak havoc on my emotions—not to mention create worry lines before I hit thirty. “I hope Rudy has something good up his sleeve.”
“You and me both, sister.” Erica eased around the desk as the door dinged open and a chatter of voices floated into the lobby. “We’d better get our butts to work. I’ll see you all tomorrow, in the janitor’s closet, at four sharp.”
I picked up my sports bag, slung it over my shoulder and checked my watch. Thirteen hours and three minutes until my big date with Brad. Pushing the worry about work out of my mind, I pictured myself slipping into my sheer ruffled babydoll nightie. It was sexy, see-through and would encourage Brad to get right down to it. Talk about yumzy.
No point playing hard to get when I knew Brad was exactly what I needed.
I glanced back at Matt who was greeting a perky redhead who’d entered the lobby. For some reason it bothered me that he didn’t believe in Brad and me. His accusation that I was “in love with being in love” had even deflated my mood.
I knew I shouldn’t worry about what Matt thought. He was a philosopher, not a love guru. So, why was it bugging me so much?
****
After a romantic dinner at The Boat House in Old Sacramento, Brad and I went back to my apartment, hopped on my bed, and happily slid into second base. His mouth explored mine and I felt relieved to be with him—to not have to go through the roller coaster of emotions in dating anymore.
He found the blue spaghetti strap on my bare shoulder and slipped it off. Privacy between roommates didn’t happen often, but thankfully we hadn’t seen any signs of Patti when we’d come in. I crossed my fingers that she’d gone out for the evening. Things were about to progress to the next level.
Time to tell Brad how I felt about him.
“Brad.” My lips skimmed along his strong jawbone and I whispered in his ear. “I feel like we’re going to be so happy.”
He pulled back and gave me a look that told me he was happy now. “I can’t keep my hands off you.”
Looking him in the eyes, I nodded in agreement. “Believe me, I’m ready. This will be the first night of many in a long life together.”
His hands had reached around my back for the zipper, but he suddenly stopped short. “What’d you just say?”
I had to force a flirty smile since things had gone from hot to halt. “Just that this feels right. You and me. Like it will last.”
“Uh…” He adjusted the way he was sitting and took a deep breath. “Mel, it sounds like you’re asking for a ring or something.”
“Not a ring exactly.” I giggled nervously. “But, I guess now would be a good time to say how you’re feeling about me. About us.”
“Mel, you’re hot.” He eyed me up and down, then cleared his throat. “I thought we were having a good time.”
Uh-oh. This was so not going the way I’d imagined. “Me, too. Are you saying you want that to end one day?”
“Oh, man. I can’t believe we’re not on the same page.” He stood, adjusted his jeans, then held his arms out. “I’m not a ball and chain guy.” He put a fist to his broad chest. “I thought I made that clear.”
My heart clenched, forcing air out of my lungs. “When did you make that clear?” I racked my panic-filled brain for some hint I’d missed, but he seemed in a massive hurry to get out of here. “Shouldn’t we discuss this?”
He reached into his pocket, pulled out the keys to his yellow Roadster and managed to slink his arm out of my pathetic grasp. “I’m not a ‘discuss it’ kind of guy either. Sorry if I gave the wrong impression. You’re great, Mel. Really.”
My jaw dropped as he slipped out the bedroom door. But…he’d seemed like he could be The One. There had to be a way to convince him to talk it out. Readjusting the straps on my dress, I hurried out of the bedroom and across the living room where Brad was already turning the front door knob.
I put my hand over his. “Can’t we talk about this?”
“No can do.” He shook his head and stepped out onto the front porch. When the door was only inches from closing, it stopped, then swung halfway open again. My heart leapt as he popped his head back in. “I’ll, uh, see you at the gym.”
The door shut in my face.
My heart sank and I squeezed my eyes closed, fighting tears as I leaned back against the door. Brad hadn’t wanted a relationship after all. How had I misjudged that?
“That display was too pathetic for words.”
I jumped at the sound of my roommate’s voice. Patti stood there in the kitchen, holding a mug, and had apparently witnessed Brad’s hasty exit. I cursed the fact that she was a homebody.
“He just left.” The pain of being abandoned hit me so hard I wanted to crawl in a hole. I put my hand over my nose as a sob escaped. “Ran out because I said I thought we would last. I thought he was The One.”
“I hate to break this to you, Mel.” Patti’s hand was on her hip, her short dark hair stuck out in all directions and her Salvador Dalí t-shirt half tucked into black boxer shorts. “But you think every guy’s The One.”
My throat tightened. “No, I don’t.”
Patti was obviously not in a sympathetic mood at this late hour of the night—not that she would’ve been more compassionate at any other time of day. Expecting sympathy from Patti was like expecting a dog to meow.
She raised her hand and counted on each finger. “Brad. Paul. Mike. Marcus—”
“Enough.” I sniffed, unable to argue with the numbers. Matt had said earlier that I was in love with being in love. Patti had just confirmed it. “So, what? You’re saying it’s my fault none of my relationships work out?”
“Yes.” Patti’s eyes scrunched as she yanked at her short hair in exasperation. “And I can’t begin to explain how frustrating it is watching you do this to yourself!”
With Patti’s white-knuckled grasp on her hair, it was a wonder it didn’t all come out by the roots. “You fall for each guy before you’ve even gotten to know him, Mel. Your focus is preventing him from leaving and you skip the most important question: Do you want to be with him?”
A tear slipped down my cheek. “Oh, my….”
“It’s a definitive pattern.” Patti dropped her hands, took a breath, then reached for her mug again.
“Apparently so.” I sniffed.
“I love you, Mel.” Patti sounded uncharacteristically soft. “I don’t want to watch you go through this again.”
This was too much to handle. I dropped onto our living room sofa and let the tears flow. I’d just turned twenty-five and had yet to make a relationship stick. I gulped a sob, wondering if I had too much of my mom in me to ever make one work.
No way. Huh-uh. I shook my head, wiped my nose, and sniffed. Brad had left, not me. I’d never be my mother. No way I’d wind up alone. I peeked up at Patti who raised an eyebrow, looking uncomfortable with my display of emotion.
She finally came around the couch, sat, and awkwardly put her arm around me. “Bawling your head off is not the answer.”
I leaned my head on her shoulder. “How do you expect me to act when I find out my broken hearts are basically my own doing?” It’s not like I thrived off singleton status the way Patti did. I’d love to be married with kids already. “I can’t live like you and be a hermit the rest of my life.”
“Hey, I date when the mood strikes.” Patti shrugged. “Works for me. But you….” She pointed an unpolished nail. “You’ve gone through practically every available man in Sacramento.”
I thought of Matt who was available, lived in Sacramento, and had asked me out. He was sweet, smart beyond belief, and gave me goose bumps at the faintest touch on my hands.
I cleared my thoughts of Matt, straightened my spine, and stared at Patti. “You think you have all the answers, don’t you?”
She patted my head. “I can see the obvious.”