Read The Boyfriend Bylaws Online
Authors: Susan Hatler
“Noon?” He smirked and the adorable dimple on the left side of his mouth popped out.
“A nooner’s perfect.” My eyes widened at my unfortunate choice of words and my face flamed. “Um, I mean, sure, noon works.”
“Noon then.” He nodded, then held his arm out to let me pass through the doorway first.
Total gentleman. Wow.
I hauled booty to the aerobics room, unzipping my pink hooded sweatshirt as I ran.
I couldn’t help thinking of Matt and how I’d screwed up our friendship.
But, maybe this lunch would turn my life in a different direction.
****
It wasn’t an evening at The Boat House. I would’ve rather met Nick somewhere nicer—somewhere the ketchup didn’t come out of a group container with a plastic pump—but at least the little burger joint Nick took me to was in walking distance from the gym. If needed, it would take less convincing for Patti to think this lunch was solely business-related.
Nick carried our tray to a metal table in the corner. At first, it felt awkward, just as first dates often are. Thankfully, I knew how to steer conversations with men. Career guys enjoy talking about their accomplishments. It seemed calculated, but I figured it might help break the ice.
“So, owning your own business—wow.” Compliments didn’t hurt either. “Do you own any other gyms besides Totally Fit?”
Nick smiled, obviously happy with the topic I’d chosen. “I just moved up here from L.A. and have a couple restaurants there.”
“Impressive,” I said, wondering if by “restaurants” he meant burger joints similar to this one.
He cupped his chin, smiled again, but didn’t say anything.
Getting a conversation going with him was proving to be a challenge.
“Seems like you’ve been working so hard.” More praise. Not a lie though. He’d apparently beat all of us to the gym today. Rudy rarely showed up before noon. “Have you had a chance to see much of Sacramento yet?”
“Not really.” He reached for a handful of fries and managed to stuff them all in his mouth without any falling out. “Work’s keeping me pretty busy.”
I stared at him in amazement. Had he actually swallowed all those fries without chewing?
“Which is what I wanted to talk to you about.”
“Work?” I asked. “Really? Is that why you asked me to lunch?” Funny, I didn’t sound that disappointed. I didn’t feel that disappointed either.
“Mostly.” He reached down to the floor, snapped open his briefcase and pulled out a pad of paper, which he set on the table. “You’ve been an aerobics instructor at Totally Fit for a couple years now. How do you think it’s going?”
Great, until two days ago. Now it felt like an inquisition. “Fine, I guess.”
“And you teach.…”
It was all I could do not to sigh. Didn’t Rudy have this written down somewhere? “Hip-hop, step, kick-boxing.”
“Do you think there’s a pattern to how many people show up for a class?”
“Pretty much,” I said, feeling like I should be on the payroll right now. Seriously, this was the most boring semi-date of my life. I couldn’t even think of a compliment to throw at him. Having lost my appetite, I checked my watch. “Friday nights are pretty dead.” I looked at him meaningfully. “With it being date night and all.”
He held my gaze a moment, then turned back to his paper and began writing. “Are Saturdays dead, too?”
“Yes.” I sighed, bored to death of the work talk. “Why don’t you tell me something about yourself?”
He looked up at me and stared, apparently mute.
“You know.” I gestured with my hand. “Like…what do you do for fun?”
He leaned back in his seat, but didn’t drop the pen. “Once the snow drops, I plan to hit the slopes in Tahoe.”
“Oh, I love to ski.” Progress. Now we were getting somewhere. “What do you do for fun before it snows? You know, in the fall.” Sometimes you had to spell it out for men. “Like now.”
He watched me bite my hamburger.
I made a special point of chewing carefully, hoping he’d follow my lead. Maybe it’d help him avoid receiving the Heimlich one day.
He gave that dimpled half-smile, again. “Most women I know with a figure like yours just graze on salad. Dressing on the side.”
I paused mid-chew. The guy needed to be retrained on giving compliments. “We’re at a hamburger place, not Fresh Choice.”
He cleared his throat. “Anything else you can think of to explain your more popular classes?”
“No.” No, no, a hundred times no!
“So, who takes hip-hop?” His fries were gone, but his hamburger lay untouched on his plate. Interesting. “Women? Men?”
“Mostly women, but we do have two guys.” I studied him, wondering if he could dance. “Feel free to drop in sometime.”
Nick laughed. “Me? Hip-hop? I don’t think so.”
“Why not? Don’t you like to dance?”
“Sure.” He shrugged. “At a club or something. But I’m not a dance class kind of guy.”
“Well then.” I leaned forward in my seat, thinking that if we were dancing then we wouldn’t have to be talking. “I guess if I want to dance with you, it’ll have to be at a club.”
His eyes flicked to mine as if the idea had finally occurred to him. “Know of any good clubs around here?”
Jackpot. I kept my gaze on his. “Plenty.”
He considered my answer for a few seconds, then leaned forward in his chair. “How about this Friday?”
Finally, he’d asked me out on a real date. But, there was still Rule number two to contend with. “Why don’t you call me?”
“I will. By the way…” He finally reached for his burger, “Red’s a great color on you.”
“Thanks.” A decent compliment and a date even though I hadn’t officially accepted. Things were starting to look up.
So why did I still feel down?
“Thanks.” I tipped the pizza delivery gal and breathed in the yummy scent of pepperoni and cheese. I kicked the door closed and brought our dinner to the coffee table. “Pizza’s here!”
Patti came in from her room and flipped on the TV. “Aw, honey, you cooked.”
“Your turn tomorrow night.” I handed Patti a slice on a napkin and then noticed the red light blinking on my cell. I dialed into my voicemail to check my messages.
Hi, it’s Nick. Checking to see if we’re on for Friday night. I’ll try you again tomorrow. See you.
I glanced at Patti, wondering if she’d give me the thumbs up. Then, my phone announced message number two.
Hello, Melanie. It’s your mother. Ron and I are leaving tomorrow and will be gone for three weeks. We’ll be hiking and camping in the mountains so we won’t have cell reception. Just wanted to let you know. Call if you get a chance. Bye.
I hung up the phone and tossed it on the sofa chair, wondering who Ron was, how long she’d keep him around, and why my mom thought I’d call her after two years. Granted, the minute I’d heard her voice I’d wanted to dial her number, but she was the one who’d left us, not the other way around. I couldn’t just forget that.
“My mom’s going hiking for three weeks with some guy and she wants me to call her before she goes.”
Patti kept her eyes on the TV. “Are you going to?”
“I don’t know.” I took a bite of pizza and chewed hard. “We haven’t spoken in almost two years.”
“In her defense, she’s called…what? Five times or so? And, you’re the one who hasn’t called her back.”
I shrugged. “I don’t have anything to say to her.”
“Sure you do.” Patti turned to face me. “You have plenty to say to her, which is why you avoid calling.”
Ugh. I did not want to avoid anything anymore, but I didn’t want to think about my mom. “Nick’s officially asked me out,” I blurted, “and I need permission to say yes. You know, rule number two and all.”
“Ah, the Italian Stallion.” She wiggled her eyebrows.
“Ha ha.” I let her get her kicks out while I swallowed my bite. “So, can I go out with him?”
“No.” Patti’s voice went flat. “I already told you the ‘don’t date where you work’ rule.”
“What?” I’d played by her Boyfriend Bylaws and she was saying no? “That was not a rule. You merely said it in passing.”
Silence.
I felt like smacking Patti with the pizza box, but figured that wouldn’t help me achieve my goal. Part of me wondered why I was even trying, though. Did I really want to go out with Nick? Remembering his smile, I told myself of course I did.
“Nick is super nice.” It took all my effort to sound interested. “He has potential, really. So, per our agreement, I’m requesting permission to accept the date. Okay?”
“No.” Patti’s voice was gruff. “At least, not yet. I have some questions first.”
I hadn’t expected that one. “Fine.”
“How did he ask you out?”
I rolled my eyes. “We were talking about my dance classes and how we both liked clubs and then he asked if I was busy this weekend.”
“I see,” she said, making me wonder what the heck she saw. “He’s a clubber.”
“He’s not,” I said, excited to be able to say this. “Well, he hasn’t been to any clubs since he moved to Sac. I don’t know about when he lived in L.A.”
“Doesn’t sound like you know too much about him.” She gave me a skeptical look. “Do you like him?”
I mentally winced. Sometimes she was so insightful, it was scary. I thought about it. “He seems nice, but…” I remembered how hard it had been to keep a flowing conversation with him. “I guess I don’t know yet.”
Patti smiled. “Then he’s not The One.”
I picked up a pillow off the couch and smacked her with it.
She busted up laughing, grabbed another pillow, then hit me back. “But fine, Signorina Porter. You can have one date with the Italian Studmeister. But, you’d better get to know a lot more about him if you expect permission for another date.”
“Thanks, Patti.” I picked up a second slice of pizza. “I’ll even find out his shoe size.”
“Definitely find out his shoe size.” Patti laughed. “By verbal means only. Boyfriend Bylaw number four. ”
****
After my second aerobics class Tuesday morning, I strode toward the locker room to shower, then tensed at the familiar ring from my cell. Pressing my lips together tightly, I fumbled for the phone, and clicked the “talk” button.
I already had three voicemails from Kaitlin and it wasn’t even ten in the morning. “Hello?”
“Thank God I reached you.” Kaitlin’s panicked voice came through the line. “Please tell me you don’t have plans Friday night. I have a cake tasting appointment and I desperately need my maid of honor.”
A cake emergency. Great. “Isn’t that something you’d want to do with P-p….” His name stuck in my throat. “Your, uh, fiancé?”
“I asked him to come, but you know men.” Kaitlin laughed as if she’d said the funniest thing in the world.
“Not really.” It was so the truth. I hadn’t anticipated Brad dumping me. And Matt, who’d once thought the world of me, now acted like touching me would be infectious.
“So, you’ll be there?” Kaitlin sounded hopeful. “Six o’clock? I’ll treat you to dinner after. Somewhere nice.”
“Actually, I have class at six.” I breathed a sigh of relief. Going cake tasting for Paul and Kaitlin’s wedding ranked right up there with getting a spray tan in the middle of Arco Arena. “Sorry, but I can’t get out of work. It’s a set schedule every week.”
“No problem. I understand.” She sounded unusually agreeable. “I’ll change the appointment to seven-thirty.”
I kept the phone to my ear and stared at the ceiling. “Are they really open that late?”
“Meet me in front of Dreamy Delights at seven twenty-five with your taste buds ready. You’re the bestest sissy ever. Bye-bye.”
I stared at my cell phone screen. Call ended. Argh. I bit my bottom lip, flipped the phone shut and pounded on Nick’s office door. I really did want to be a good maid of honor for Kaitlin, but how could I with my ex as the groom-to-be? The cheating ex that had been two-timing me with the bride-to-be? Maybe Nick could help me decide what to do about Paul. If there was anything to do, that is.
“Come in.”
I entered, finding Nick sitting at his desk staring at his computer screen. “Hi,” I said.
“Hi.” Nick’s face lit up and he gestured to the chair across from him. “You’re just the person I wanted to see.”
“I am?” I slid into the chair and crossed my legs slowly.
His eyes dropped from my face to my legs. “I, uh, went by your class this morning.”
As I was listening, my eyes floated to a name plaque on his desk that read, “Nick Zambini.” My eyes widened. In the unlikely event that things worked out between us, I’d become Melanie Zambini? Ick. “Can I ask you something first. I need a man’s opinion.”