Authors: Karen Kirst
Kate’s cheeks burned at the mention of childbirth. It wasn’t acceptable to speak of such things with a man, especially if that man was single and happened to have kissed you on more than one occasion. The way his gaze caressed her face didn’t help.
Being alone with Josh in his childhood home, sharing simple, everyday tasks, stirred up daydreams of him and her as husband and wife. Every fiber of her being longed for the dream to become reality.
Impossible. I’m not good enough for him.
Conflicting emotions tore at her, cutting up her peace. She loved Josh, loved his family and this town. She desperately wanted to stay forever, but being near him, knowing he was out of reach, would be bittersweet torture.
Her mother’s features, twisted in cold fury, flashed in her mind.
How dare you risk our family name…the Morgan reputation! You’d better hope Wesley doesn’t breathe a word of this to anyone. No man will want you now, Katerina! You understand you must never tell a living soul. And if you are with child, I will send you away. You will cease to exist in my mind.
Turning away, she blinked fast to stem the threatening tears, scooping up the carrot peelings and tossing them in the waste bucket. “Thanks for the offer,” she said, clearing her muddy throat, “but I’d feel more comfortable working on my own.”
“All right. I’ll be in the living room if you change your mind.”
“Okay.”
Wanting to avoid his perceptive gaze, Kate purposefully kept her back to him as he left the room.
Oh, Lord, I made a mistake coming here. I lost my heart to a man I can never have.
But no matter how difficult it would be to say goodbye, she’d rather live without him than see the expression on his face when she told him the truth.
Chapter Seventeen
T
he mouthwatering aroma of fried chicken wafted into the living room, eliciting an impatient growl from Josh’s stomach. Setting aside his book, he drifted into the dining room and surveyed the bounty. Sliced bread and a crock of butter, pickled beets, a white ceramic bowl of steaming carrots and green beans topped with what appeared to be chopped almonds.
Reaching out, he nabbed a carrot and stuck it in his mouth just as Kate turned the corner, a platter full of chicken in her hands. She cocked an eyebrow in his direction. He’d been caught.
Grinning, he swallowed the morsel glazed with honey and a spice he couldn’t identify. It was surprisingly tasty. Maybe he’d underestimated her abilities.
“Can I help you with anything?” he asked, rounding the table to pull out her chair.
“No, everything is ready.”
When she was seated, he returned to his chair opposite her. After they bowed their heads, he gave thanks for the meal and prayed for quick healing of his mother’s injuries. She was quiet as they dished out the food.
Josh bit into the chicken and closed his eyes in ecstasy. He’d been wrong. And he wasn’t too proud to admit it.
“This is delicious, Kate. You’re an excellent cook.”
“I’m glad you like it.”
“How did you learn to cook like this?” he said between bites.
He watched as she touched the corners of her mouth with her napkin and smoothed it onto her lap. Even with her tousled hair and flour-smudged blouse, she managed to retain her regal air. Her perfect manners went bone-deep.
“In the estate kitchens. The staff took time out of their busy schedules to instruct me.”
“I’m guessing your parents weren’t told about this?”
Her lashes drifted down. “No.”
She didn’t seem inclined to talk, so he concentrated on his food. When a team leading a wagon entered the lane, Josh dropped his napkin on the table and went to the door. It was his mother’s good friend, Betty Stanley, along with her youngest son, Leroy.
“Afternoon, Josh!” Betty greeted him anxiously. “Reverend Monroe announced what happened to Mary, and I wanted to check in on her.”
“That’s mighty nice of you, Mrs. Stanley, but Ma’s not here. Doc Owens kept her overnight for observation.” Spying the basket in Leroy’s arms, he stepped back. “Would you like to come in for a cup of coffee? Kate and I were just finishing up lunch.”
“Oh, I’m sorry I missed her. We won’t stay, but we brought some loaves of bread and jars of my apple butter your ma is so fond of.” Elbowing Leroy, she nodded toward Josh. Startled, the twelve-year-old handed over the basket.
“Thank you kindly, ma’am. I’m sure she’ll be home later today if you’d like to stop by again.”
“I’ll wait until tomorrow. She’ll need her rest.” She elbowed the boy again. “Let’s go, son.”
When he placed the basket on the end of the table, Kate’s brows rose in question.
“Mrs. Stanley dropped off fresh bread and apple butter.”
“How thoughtful.”
“I’d wager this is only the first contribution. People tend to wanna help each other out around here.”
Her eyes warmed with appreciation. “I like that tradition.”
He glanced out the window behind her and spotted his aunt and cousin coming down the lane. They’d just been to see his mother. Going to the door, he searched their faces as they approached, muscles loosening when he didn’t detect concern or worry in their expressions.
“Josh.” His aunt greeted soberly as she climbed the steps. Megan trailed behind her.
“How’s Ma?”
Alice stopped to catch her breath, her kind eyes peering up at him. Five years older than her sister-in-law, her brown hair was streaked with silver and there were more pronounced worry lines on her forehead.
“A little pale for my liking, but she insists she’s fine. She wants to come home this afternoon.”
“Is Doc Owens going to allow it?”
“He’s leaving that up to your ma and pa.”
Megan piped up. “I think Uncle Sam wants her to stay another night, but she’s certain she’ll rest better here.”
Alice shrugged. “That’s probably true. And it’s at most a ten-minute ride, so as long as they take it slow and keep her leg steady it shouldn’t cause any harm.”
Josh opened the door wide for them to enter. “Do they need me over there?”
“I don’t see why. Between the three of them, they should be able to get her into the back of the wagon without any trouble. Sam can sit with her while Nathan leads the team.”
While Josh was conversing with his aunt, Kate entered the living room. A tentative smile hovered about her mouth, but her manner was subdued. What was she thinking? Was she reconsidering her decision to leave? He knew how much Megan and the girls meant to her.
Megan’s gaze strayed to the dining room. “It smells delicious. Josh, did you cook all this?”
“Actually, Kate prepared it.” Meeting her shadowed gaze beyond Megan’s shoulder, he said, “Turns out she’s an excellent cook.”
“Oh? You’ve been keeping secrets from us?”
Megan’s voice was full of teasing, so Kate’s reaction confused him. Her body jerked, as if startled, the color leeching from her face. “That wasn’t my intention—”
“Relax.” Megan patted her shoulder. “I was teasing.”
Josh interrupted. “If neither of you have eaten, I’ll bring extra plates. There’s plenty.”
“That would be wonderful,” said Megan. “I’m eager to try your cooking, Kate. Who taught you?”
Her knuckles showed white where she clenched her hands together at her waist. “The estate chefs.”
“That sounds like an amazing experience.” She went around to sit beside Kate’s empty place. “Are you hungry, Mother?”
A smile brightened the older woman’s face. “Even if I wasn’t, the smells alone would tempt me.” Moving toward the table, she said, “I see we’ve interrupted your meal. Kate, come and finish. You look like a stiff wind would blow you away.”
Kate’s face felt like a frozen mask. How much longer she could maintain this facade of contentment she hadn’t a clue, but it felt dangerously close to slipping. She’d somehow managed to get through the excruciating meal by taking frequent small bites. Her rationale? With a full mouth, she wouldn’t be expected to contribute to the conversation.
Only, she hadn’t been even slightly hungry to begin with. And now it felt like a rock had been wedged beneath her rib cage. Perched on the sofa beside Megan, she sat straight and tall and resisted the urge to press a hand against her upset stomach.
Megan’s comment about secrets had rattled her. Megan had no way of knowing the truth, of course. Only a handful of people knew about Kate’s indiscretion and not one of them was here in Tennessee.
This only confirmed her decision to leave. Her secret, if it should be revealed, would splinter Josh’s good opinion of her. No longer would he look at her with kindness and admiration but with scorn and disgust. Kate wasn’t certain she could survive that.
Across from her, Josh looked tense. He couldn’t seem to sit still. First he’d lean forward, resting his elbows on his knees and fingering his goatee. Then he’d slump back against the cushions. When he rose to pace near the front door, his aunt commented on his apparent unease.
“What’s bothering you, dear?”
“Just restless is all.”
“You’re going to give me indigestion,” she scolded good-naturedly. “Where is your brother Caleb? I haven’t seen that boy in ages.”
Kate watched Josh’s expression closely. The corners of his mouth turned down in a worried frown.
He stopped to stare out the window, his fingers gripping the sill. “I haven’t seen him since yesterday. He left as soon as he learned the extent of Ma’s injuries.”
“I hope he hasn’t gone and gotten himself into trouble.”
“Me, too.”
His gut-deep sigh spoke volumes. This obviously wasn’t the first time the youngest O’Malley had been a source of concern. Kate offered up a quick prayer for Caleb’s safety and the mending of his internal wounds, both past and present.
“They’re here.”
Straightening, Josh breezed through the door. Kate followed, eager to see Mary for the first time since the accident. Nathan, in his extraordinary way with animals, coaxed and cajoled the team to move with extra care. It was as if the horses understood they were carrying valuable, fragile cargo.
Vaulting to the ground, Josh was in the yard and striding toward the wagon even before it eased to a stop. Kate hung back.
She was struck by Mary’s vulnerable appearance. This energetic, full-of-life matriarch who toiled dawn to dusk, taking care of her family without complaint, was being tended to by grown men as if the slightest movement might break her. Seeing the older woman’s pale face, the pain she tried so valiantly to mask, Kate battled back tears. She loved Mary like a mother.
Her gaze sought Josh’s face. His lips were pressed in a grim line, jaw rigid with emotion. How she longed to press her hand there, to smooth away his worry. He was a man of deep feeling and sensitivity to others’ suffering.
But already she’d begun to withdraw, to dam the tide of love flowing from her heart. She’d stay until Mary didn’t need her. Then she’d return to New York City.
“How’s that, Ma?” Josh tucked the quilt around her shoulders and dropped a kiss on her forehead before standing back to study her. Color bloomed once again in her cheeks, and the lines of pain bracketing her mouth appeared less often. Thank God, she was on the mend.
In the six days since she’d been home, she had yet to leave her bedroom. Not that she hadn’t protested that fact. But the O’Malley men were a stubborn lot. Overly protective, too, of their loved ones. His mother was being coddled by all of them. Kate, too.
“I’m warm now that you’ve stoked up the fire.” She settled more firmly against the pillows. “You look tired. Why don’t you go downstairs and rescue Kate from the kitchen? The two of you have been working yourselves to death ever since the accident. You deserve to relax. Play a card game. Go for a walk if it isn’t too cold.”
He massaged the back of his neck. “Good suggestions, but she’s not one to leave work undone.”
Besides, I’m fairly certain she’s avoiding me.
“She surprised us all, didn’t she?”
“If you mean that she’s practically stepped in and taken your place, then yeah. Don’t be surprised if she approaches you to teach her how to sew. I heard her asking Nathan today if he had any mending he needed done.”
He’d walked in on their conversation that morning before breakfast. Nathan had greeted him as usual. Kate, on the other hand, had barely acknowledged his presence. Apparently she preferred his brother’s company to his now. He’d kept his expression blank, unwilling to let her see the depth of his hurt.
Strangely, he didn’t have a clue as to what he’d done wrong.
Mary chuckled. “Sam told me she’s becoming quite the laundress.”
“I offered to help her, but she waved me away.”
Her humor faded. “I wish she would stay. I’m going to miss her sweet spirit and ready smile. For a time, I’d hoped…well, that the two of you would end up together.”
Her words pierced his heart. “It wouldn’t work, Ma.”
“Why not? Is it because she’s wealthy? Is that what’s bothering you?”
“Kate is accustomed to a far different lifestyle than we have here. A month in the mountains isn’t enough time for her to make a sound decision about whether or not she wants to make this her permanent home.”
“I don’t know. She’s an intelligent woman. I trust her to know her own mind. And besides, if she loved you, it wouldn’t matter where she lived as long as it was with you.”
Kate? Love him? The idea settled like a warm blanket over his soul.
No. He was positive she saw him only as a friend. As Ma said, if she loved him, she wouldn’t leave.
“Well, she doesn’t, so it doesn’t matter.” He moved toward the door. “Do you need anything else? More water? A snack?”
“I can see you aren’t in the mood to discuss it,” she said drily. “Can you find your pa and send him up here? I’d like for him to read the Scriptures to me, if he has time.”
“He always has time for you.”
His hand on the doorframe, she spoke softly, “Your father and I have been blessed with an extraordinary marriage. We want the same for all three of you.”
“I know.”
“I’m praying for you. And Kate, too.”
He turned back with a grateful smile. “Love you, Ma. Good night.”
“I love you, Joshua. Good night.”
He took the stairs two at a time, pausing in the living room long enough to relay his ma’s message to his father before heading for the kitchen. Kate stood at the dry sink washing the supper dishes, her back to him. At the sound of footsteps, she glanced over her shoulder. Did her eyes brighten at the sight of him or was it a trick of the light?
Whatever the case, it didn’t last. Her expression quickly sobered.
“How’s Mary?” She turned her attention back to her work. “Does she want anything else to eat? If so, it wouldn’t take me long to fix something.”