Two
Cate met David at the University of Kansas when they were both freshmen and taking some of the same classes. Shortly after they met, David became the youth minister at Bethsaida Baptist Church, where Cate’s father was pastor.
From the very beginning, Cate liked David and he liked her. They had many things in common. He was a committed Christian, who reminded her of her father. After they began dating, many people thought David and Cate made a perfect couple, and everyone began to contemplate their marriage.
Cate and David knew that people had already paired them for life, and even though both suspected that they loved each other, they took things slowly. David wanted to be sure of God’s will in the matter, and though she never told David, Cate didn’t want to think about marriage at all. She liked being with David, and knew that she loved him, but she did
not
want to be a
pastor’s wife
. If she married David, not only would she be a pastor’s wife, but a missionary’s wife. If God wanted her in missions, He had never made that known to her.
The showdown between Cate and her submission to God came when David began to talk about marriage. She remembered the conversation vividly. David was visiting her in her parents’ home and she was painting her toenails as David began.
“Cate, we’ve dated for a while, and I think you know how much I love you.”
The seriousness of his tone caused her to pause from her task and listen intently to what he was saying. As she looked up, he continued.
“Cate, will you marry me?” he blurted out.
She knew he expected a “yes”, but she also knew that even though she loved him, she couldn’t say yes, at least not yet. She did
not
want to be a preacher’s wife. She had grown up in a pastor’s home and she knew what that was like. If anyone had asked her about growing up in a pastor’s home, she would have answered that for the most part it had been a wonderful experience. The clue that one would notice was ‘for the most part’. That experience colored her thinking, and when God asked her to submit her life to Him, even if it meant becoming a pastor’s wife, Cate rebelled.
When Cate thought about becoming a pastor’s wife, she remembered those times when people had not treated her father and mother well. She also remembered those times when her family had done without things that others took for granted. Her father and mother were the best Christians she knew. Dr. Johnathon and Carol Jones had sought all of their Christian lives to be, and to do, exactly what God called them to do. They lived their lives submitted to God; Cate knew that. But she also knew that through his years of ministry quite a few of her father’s parishioners had not treated him, or his wife, very Christ-like.
Those unchristian Christians had caused Cate to rebel against the idea of submitting even to the possibility of becoming a pastor’s wife, but there were other reasons. She knew what it was like to live in a “fish bowl”. The pastor, his wife and his children were always on display. Everyone expected them to be perfect. People expected the pastor’s children always to be happy, well mannered, and well behaved. She didn’t want to live the rest of her life in a fish bowl. She told herself that since she had submitted in every other way that surely God would understand her lack of submission in that area, but David did not.
“David, I know that you want me to say yes, but I just can’t right now,” Cate said.
“Why not marry me? I know that you love me.”
“Yes, I do, but you’re going in the ministry. If God’s ever called me to be a minister’s wife,” she shrugged, “I don’t know about it.”
“But, Cate-,” he tried to protest further, but she cut him off.
“Are you absolutely sure of your calling to the ministry?”
“Yes, I am. Won’t you please think about marrying me?” he pleaded.
“Sure, I will. I love you very much, but I just don’t know about being a minister’s wife.”
Because he knew of her commitment as a Christian and her willingness to follow God’s will for her life, he thought she was simply nervous. “Cate, you’d make a great minister’s wife, and I’m sure that you’d be a perfect wife for me,” he assured her. “Please pray about it and let the Lord guide you in this.”
Because he was such a good man and she loved him, Cate reluctantly agreed to pray about the marriage. David was thrilled; Cate was not, but she had agreed to pray about it so pray she would. Over the weeks that followed, she prayed and she agreed to try missions.
The trial mission assignment was David’s idea. He encouraged her to give God the opportunity to use her and to speak to her in the process. She found a summer mission opportunity at a children’s camp near Lake Tahoe.
*****
When she arrived at Tahoe, she intended to complete the summer mission service while giving God the opportunity to guide her as to His will concerning missions and David. However, things changed drastically when she met Justin Timmons. Like Cate, Justin was there for the summer. He was in charge of the camp recreational activities, a handsome, funny, mischievous and charming counselor. Cate was immediately attracted to him and he was attracted to Cate. She remembered the first thing he said to her.
The second day at the camp, he singled her out and with a wink and a grin said,
“Hello there beautiful.”
Cate blushed.
Wow! I can’t believe he thinks I’m beautiful.
Intrigued, she smiled
.
“Hello yourself,”
I can’t believe I’m flirting.
“How would you like to take a walk with me this afternoon?”
“I–I don’t know.”
“I can assure you. I’m a good guy.”
“And modest too.”
I can’t believe it; I’m really flirting.
“Uh, I’m just trying to put your mind at ease. I’m asking you for a walk, nothing more.”
“I guess a walk can’t hurt.”
“Not at all. You might even discover that I
am
a nice guy.”
After that first walk, she was hooked. Without even realizing it, Cate’s priority became Justin, not finding God’s will concerning David or missions. In fact, Cate’s feelings took over. Instead of growing closer to God, without realizing it, she moved away. She went through the motions of Bible study and prayer, but her heart wasn’t in it. Justin was drawing her heart to him.
She found herself spending most of her free time with Justin. They went on long walks where they talked.
“So, your dad’s a pastor?”
“Yep”
“How is that?”
“It’s not bad, most of the time.”
He stopped, took her hand and looked her in the eye. “Sometimes it’s not so hot huh?”
Her face took on a serious look, afraid that she had been disloyal to her father’s calling. “It’s like anything else. You take the bad with the good, and the good usually outweighs the bad.”
He raised her hand to his lips and kissed it. “You don’t sound very convincing.”
Embarrassed, Cate bite her lip and looked at the ground. “I promise; being a pastor’s daughter is okay. My dad and mom are wonderful.”
“They must be to have a
daughter,
like you.” He raised her chin and gently kissed her.
Cate backed away.
Wow! I can’t believe I let that happen
and–I can’t believe I liked it so much.
She stood silent for a moment, furrowed brow, eyes darting back and forth, as she tried to say what needed to be said.
“Justin. I–I’m engaged.”
He cocked his head and narrowed his eyes. “You’re
engaged
.”
“Well, sort of.”
His head straightened, his eyes widened and his mouth opened slightly. “You’ll have to explain that.”
“I’ve been dating a guy back home for about a year and he’s asked me to marry him?”
“And, you said?”
“I didn’t say
no
.”
“Ah... But, you didn’t say
yes
?”
Cate shook her head. “I told him that I’d pray about it.”
Justin smiled. “So you weren’t sure.”
“No, I wasn’t sure. I’m not sure I want to be a preacher’s wife.”
“So, marry me,” Justin winked.
Cate’s mouth flew open. “Justin, I like you, but—“
“Okay, if you won’t marry me, just walk with me,” Justin laughed.
Cate punched him. “That’s not funny.”
“Really, I thought it was,” he joked. “You were being way too serious. Let’s just have fun this summer. That’s all I’m asking—a little fun.”
“Fun?”
“Yeah, fun. Do you know what that is Miss Preacher’s Daughter?”
Cate pursed her lips and folded her arms. “I know what that is.”
“So, do we have a deal? Will you be my partner in fun?”
She cocked her head, and considered his request. “It’s a deal.” She offered her hand for a shake. He grabbed her hand, pulled her close, kissed her and she surrendered.
Cate told Justin about David, but not David about Justin. She did everything she could to make sure that he never found out. Because she was afraid that he might hear something in her voice, or ask her a question that she couldn’t answer, she came up with a plan to avoid phone conversations. Rather than talk to him on the phone everyday as they had planned, she persuaded David that they should correspond by letters and email.
David was supposed to visit her at Tahoe. However, Cate volunteered to work the weekend he was supposed to come so she would be able to tell him that if he came she wouldn’t be able to spend time with him. He was disappointed and even more disappointed when he was unable to arrange another time for his visit.
Cate’s parents did visit her, and she introduced them to Justin. Dr. and Mrs. Jones seemed to like Justin very much. Because of that, Cate felt more comfortable continuing her relationship with him.
Justin and Cate’s relationship progressed steadily over the summer. She was sure that she loved Justin, not David. The catch was if Justin had real feelings for her, he never said so.
As the summer ended, Cate was in turmoil. She was about to go home, where she knew that David would be anxiously awaiting her arrival, and knew he would be expecting to hear what she felt God’s will was concerning them. Cate shared some details about camp, though nothing about Justin. She assured David she had been seeking God’s will, and in her own way, she had. The key words were
in her own way
. The feelings she had for David in no way compared with the feelings she had for Justin, and she decided that marrying David could not be God’s will-for her. She was sure that Justin had to be God’s choice for her. However, if that was true, Justin didn’t seem to realize it. He never even told her that he loved her.
The day before Cate left Tahoe to go back home to Kansas City, she met Justin at
their spot
to say goodbye. She hoped Justin would finally declare his love for her.
“Justin, this has been the best summer of my life, and you’re the main reason for that.”
“I could say the same thing to you.” Justin took her hand and smiled as he looked into her eyes.
“Then, say it. Girls like to hear things like that.”
“They do, do they?”
“This one does.” Cate looked deeply into his eyes to see what feelings were there.
“I’d say it if you were my girl, but—you’re not—are you.” He was making a statement rather than asking a question.
Cate looked away. “No; I guess not.”
“I will say it’s been
fun
. David Barnes is a lucky guy.”
“Yeah”
He pulled her close. “We probably won’t see each other tomorrow. I hope you have a great flight home.”
Cate was stunned. “Yeah, you too.”
He kissed her, “Cate I’m sorry, but I’ve got one more activity to lead tonight. I’m sure we’ll see each other again some time.”
Cate was confused. “I hope so.”
“Got to go”
“Justin!”
“I’m sorry. I’m late now. Got to go.”
Cate watched him walk quickly away.
Oh, I am such a fool! How could I have been such a fool?”
For the rest of the night and all the way home, Cate reproached herself for falling in love with a man who apparently did not share her feelings. She had no desire to continue unrequited love, but she also knew that she also had no desire to marry a pastor. Even though she would not be marrying Justin, she could not marry David.
She knew what she did
not
want, and what she
did
want, she couldn’t have. She didn’t know how to tell David. Though she loved Justin, she cared about David too. David was a good man and she knew he loved her unconditionally. She didn’t want to hurt him, and so she decided not to tell him anything-for a while. She’d go home, pick up where they left off, and wait for an opportune time to tell him that she could not marry him.