“See, it’s okay,” Kim said.
Throughout the conversation, David never looked at Cate. She was glad no one looked too closely; she was afraid of what they might see.
David swallowed hard and changed the subject, “Did anything happen while we were gone?”
“I’ve already asked and they said no,” Kim answered.
Matthew could see David seemed irritated with Kim so he intervened. “Pastor Luis will be glad that you’re back. He’s been anxious to hear about your trip.”
“And I’m anxious to tell him, but it’ll have to wait.” David relaxed at this new discussion, “I’m driving into Quito tomorrow to talk to Dr. Patterson.”
“Why, didn’t you talk to him before he left?” Kim asked.
“He needed to get home today. I asked if I could drive in tomorrow.” David’s answer to Kim was curt.
It was quite apparent to Matthew that Kim and David weren’t very happy with each other. He decided it was time for Cate and him to leave. “Cate, are you ready to go?”
“Yes, I’ll get my things.”
As Cate was getting her things from the bedroom, David came to the door. He avoided eye contact, “Can Sarah stay with you tomorrow while I’m in Quito?”
“Sure, she can.”
“Thanks,” David turned and walked back to the living room.
After they left, Kim tried to smooth things over with David, “Can I go with you to Quito tomorrow?”
“No, I’m sorry. I need to make this trip alone.”
“Why?”
David answered, obviously irritated, “I just do.”
“Why are you mad at me?”
“Kim, I’m not mad at you.”
“Well, it sure sounds like it.”
“I’m not mad. Could we please drop the subject?
“Are you angry about me telling Cate and Matthew?”
“Kim, please, can we just drop this whole thing.”
“David, we need to talk this out.”
“No, we don’t. Please, just leave it alone.”
“I don’t want to.”
David turned quickly and locked eyes with Kim, “Well, I do.”
Kim took a step back and bit her lip to keep it from quivering.
“I’m sorry, but I’m tired.” David reached out to touch her, “We’ll talk when I get back tomorrow.”
Kim backed further away, swallowed her tears, and stormed out the door. David didn’t follow.
Twenty Two
Early the next morning, David dropped Sarah off at Cate’s house and drove to Quito. He met Dr. Patterson at his church, and after the service, Dr. and Mrs. Patterson invited him to their home for lunch.
When lunch was finished David went with Dr. Patterson to the study. David paced the room, “Dr. Patterson, I don’t even know how to begin.”
“Begin anywhere you wish, my boy,” Dr. Patterson’s tone was fatherly.
“Dr. Patterson, I need your wisdom, and guidance. Even though the IMB frowns on dating on the mission field, Kim Davis and I have developed a, uh, close relationship.”
“You two have known each other from the beginning of your mission work. Isn’t that true?”
“Yes, sir, it is.”
“If you’re worried about violating IMB policy, Peguche does not lend itself to dating. Therefore, I don’t believe you have to worry.”
“The problem is Kim,” David stopped pacing and took a seat in the chair facing Dr. Patterson. “She, she wants to get married, but I don’t.”
“Hmm,” Dr. Patterson drummed the arm of his chair with his fingers. “Have you told her?”
“No, as a matter of fact, it seems I’ve let her think that I feel the same way.”
“Why would you do that?”
David threw up his hands, “Because I’m a coward.”
“My boy,” Dr. Patterson chuckled, “you’ll have to explain that.
“Kim is an attractive Christian woman, she’s a good person, and I
do
care about her, but not enough to marry her. I’ve tried to tell her tactfully.”
“Tact did not work?” Dr. Patterson studied David for a moment. “Sometimes we only see and hear what we want to. I take it Kim was not receptive to your hints?”
“No, sir.”
“Maybe, you should try the direct approach.”
“I’m not sure that’ll work. She wants to get married-to me. Anyway, I can’t bring myself to hurt her.”
“I see. It’s understandable, we don’t want to bring pain and grief into other’s lives. You’re a good person, David, of course you don’t want to hurt her.”
“But, that’s not all,” David took a deep breath. “I need your advice, about Matthew and Cate.”
“Matthew and Cate?” Dr. Patterson replied, with obvious perplexity.
“Dr. Patterson, I need to tell you something that no one else knows. I love Cate.”
“Cate? And how does she feel about you?”
“I don’t really know,” David answered. “I wish I did, then again…”
“If you love Cate, why are you involved with Kim?”
David shook his head, “I’m with Kim because I can’t be with Cate.”
“Why?”
“Because she’s divorced,”
“Really?”
“Yes sir, but it wasn’t her fault. Her husband abandoned her for another woman.”
Dr. Patterson was silent. As one accustomed to counseling others he knew that silence often prompted the other to open up more.
David squirmed in his chair, “There’s more. I was engaged to Cate, but she broke our engagement. She married this guy, Justin, and I married Jenny. When Jenny died and I went back home to Kansas, our paths crossed again. She helped Sarah deal with Jenny’s death, and we became friends again. When she told me God was calling her to serve as a teacher at a mission school and Matthew told me that he needed a teacher, I put them in touch with each other, and I asked her to be Sarah’s caretaker while I was away. Even before we got here I realized that I loved her now more than I ever did. But I asked God to take my feelings for her away, because I knew her divorce prevented us from having a future together.”
“So, this love for Cate is
not
a passing fancy,” Dr Patterson leaned forward, establishing a closer connection with David.
“No, it’s not. I’ve tried to get over her.” David sat back in his chair and stared out the window, “I even encouraged Matthew to pursue her.”
“And, you’re positive that you have no future together?”
“Dr. Patterson, you know the rules of the IMB.”
“Indeed I do.”
“I know for certain that God has called me to serve him as a missionary, and at this point as a church planter. If I married Cate, I’d lose the ministry that I have, and I can’t do that. Regardless of how I feel about Cate, I have to be faithful to God and His calling.”
“It’s quite a dilemma. Isn’t it?” Dr. Patterson took out his handkerchief and cleaned his glasses. “You’re all good Christian people doing God’s work, and you all care for one another.”
“Yes, sir, it is. I never meant for things to turn out like this. I thought I could get over Cate with Kim, but it didn’t work. And now Matthew intends to ask Cate to marry him and if she says yes,” David ran his hands through his hair, “I don’t know what I’ll do.”
“What if Cate says no? Where would that leave her-and you?”
“What do you mean?”
“Are you going to tell Kim that you can’t marry her?” Dr. Patterson’s voice took on a new firmness, “are you going to continue to have Cate take care of your child and love her from afar? Just where do you see this whole thing going?”
“I don’t know. I guess I’ll wait to see what Cate and Matthew do, and then, I’ll- figure it out.”
Dr. Patterson furrowed his eyebrows and crinkled his nose. “Are you saying that you might marry Kim by default?”
“I’m saying, I don’t know.”
“David, you came to me for advice, so I’m going to give it to you, and it won’t be anything you don’t already know. God never meant for marriage to be a consolation prize. What you do about marrying Kim is your business, but you shouldn’t determine what you do, by what Cate and Matthew do. If you love Cate like you say, you shouldn’t marry Kim. It wouldn’t be fair to Kim.”
David knew that Dr. Patterson was advising him as a father would his son; he could sense his compassion. “You’re right. I knew you’d know what to say. I’ve been letting my emotions control me, and I do know better.”
“David, God has not only called you to missions. He’s called you to be Christ-like, even in this, and you must discern how He wants you to do that with Kim, Matthew and Cate. You’re not just deciding about
your
love life. You’re deciding about your life and theirs. No matter how tough it gets, be faithful to God and His leading, and He will bless you.”
“Yes, sir, thank you sir for reminding me.”
“Let me say one last thing. I’ve heard you say that you have tried to deal with all of this in various ways. I’ve heard you say you got involved with Kim because Cate was involved with Matthew. I’ve heard talk about loving Cate and praying that God would take it away. I’ve heard you say that you fixed her up with Matthew because you knew you couldn’t marry her. What I
haven’t
heard you say is that you have surrendered the matter to God. You’ve been trying to fix things, or tell God how to fix things. Why don’t you consider putting it into His hands and allowing Him to handle it however He sees fit.”
They ended their conversation with a time of prayer. David said goodbye to Mrs. Patterson and began his drive back to Peguche.
He arrived at Peguche in time for the evening service, and sat with Matthew, Cate, Sarah, Kim, and Miss Janet.
After the service, he asked Cate if she would watch Sarah a little longer, so he and Kim could go for a walk.
As they were walking, he tried to summon the courage to say the words he had practiced during his drive from Quito. He’d prayed that God would give him the wisdom and strength to tactfully and honestly explain to Kim his position on getting married.
Kim spoke first, “I’m sorry about last night.”
“Me too,”
“Did your visit with Dr. Patterson go well?”
“Very well.”
By his tone, manner, and the preoccupied look on his face, Kim knew things still weren’t right between them. She chose not to pursue it, deciding to let him tell her if he wanted to.
“How was the drive back?”
“It was fine,” he summoned his courage. “Kim, I need to confess something to you.”
Fearfully, Kim replied, “Okay,”
David paused, and sighed, as a tortured look overtook his face. He watched Kim brace herself for what was coming. He sighed heavily and paused before he spoke. “Kim, I owe you an apology.”
“For what?”
“For allowing you to think that I wanted to get married, I don’t.”
“You don’t?”
“I don’t.”
Kim wiped at her eyes, “Are you breaking up with me?”
“Not necessarily.”
“Not necessarily?” She shrugged her shoulders and threw her hands in the air, “What exactly does that mean?”
“We can still spend time together,” David said, “and go places together, but you need to understand that I don’t want to marry you.”
“Why? Is there something wrong with me? Something I can-”
“No. There’s
nothing
wrong with you.” David closed his eyes, searching for the courage and compassion to see this through. “I’m simply not interested in marriage.”
Kim was hurt and unhappy with his explanation. The desire to be married consumed her, and David’s words crushed her. She understood, but didn’t like it: he wanted the question of marriage off the table. “You’re saying you just want to be friends.”
“That’s right.”
“David, I’m not sure I can do that.”
“Kim, I’m sorry but that’s all that I’m prepared to offer.”
Silence followed. Neither one spoke as they walked toward her home. Everything had been said.
Upon arriving, she opened the front door, walked to her room and closed the door without saying goodnight. David went into the living room to retrieve Sarah.
Cate couldn’t miss the tension, “Is everything all right?”
“It will be,” David gathered up Sarah’s things. “Thank you for watching Sarah.”
“My pleasure, we had fun didn’t we little girl?”
“We sure did,” Sarah answered.
“I’m glad. Are you ready to go home?”
“Yeah, Daddy,”
“Tell Cate goodbye.”
“Goodbye, Cate. See you tomorrow,” Sarah took her daddy’s hand.
“Sweet dreams, Baby Girl.”
“Bye, Cate,” David said, as he walked toward the door.
“Bye, see you later.”
As David walked home that night, he felt great relief. He knew that Kim was upset with him, and he didn’t know if she would ever want his friendship again. But, he knew that he had been obedient to God, and he knew that he’d done Kim a favor. She was too nice a woman to be a consolation prize.
Twenty Three
The next day Cate was about to go in to breakfast when Miss Janet warned her that Kim was in a foul mood. “I don’t know what happened last night, but evidently there’s been trouble in paradise. I’d tread lightly.” Miss Janet nodded toward Kim’s bedroom, “She’s mad at the world.”