The Choosing (The Pruxnae Book 1) (19 page)

She stood
abruptly, knocking back her chair. “Please excuse me. I’m not feeling well.”

Alna stood, her
even features drawn into a frown, but Ziri waved her away. This was something
she had to deal with on her own, the way she’d dealt with the rejection of the
men she’d handfasted with. Those hadn’t taken either, had they, but with Ryn,
Ziri had thought it would be different. He’d been so kind to her, so gentle,
and he’d seemed to want her, enough to make love to her, enough to give her
hope.

She spun on the
ball of her foot and left, lurching into an unsteady run as soon as she was out
of sight of the curious stares of Alna and Gared’s guests. What had she done to
make Ryn change his mind? Had he discovered some flaw in her and decided she
wasn’t good enough, or had her inability to find her place soured his heart,
the way it had so many times before with other men?

She clamored up
the stairs and into her room, and buried her face in his pillow, her sorrow a
raw lump surrounding the bruised beat of her heart.

The morning of
the Choosing dawned under a cloud-covered sky. Snow swirled down around Ryn’s
cabin, the home he’d built when he’d still hoped finding a bride would be
simple. For a while, he’d thought Ziri would be the woman he’d bring there,
that she’d be the woman filling his bed at night and greeting him every morning,
that she would carry his children and breath joy into his lonely life. That
hope had died a painful death three nights ago, and now, he couldn’t remotely
imagine another woman taking her place.

He picked a
stack of her clothes up off the shelf in his closet and repacked them in a
cargo container on top of the yarn they’d bought during the last part of their
journey to Abyw. She’d want her things after the Choosing. Might as well get
everything ready for her. If his closet seemed too empty without her clothes
there, well, he’d get used to it.

Gared stuck his
head into the doorway of Ryn’s bedroom. “There you are, son. It’s almost time.”

Ryn cushioned
the shimmery sphere Llda had given him between the layers of Ziri’s shirts next
to the gift he’d bought for her while he was on Domor and closed the container.
“I’m ready.”

“Packing for the
trip to Tersi?”

Ryn shook his
head. “Ziri told me she’s choosing Enel today.”

Gared propped
his back against the wall next to the door, his bushy eyebrows lowered. “She
said it plain, did she?”

“Plain enough.
It’ll be easier if I have everything ready for her.”

“You won’t fight
for her?”

“It’s her
choice.”

“That it is, and
yours, too. You have the right to challenge Enel once the Choosing’s done.”

Ryn shrugged on
a thin jacket and fastened it up to his neck. “I won’t go against her on this. She
deserves a man she’ll be happy with.”

“And you think
Enel will give her that.”

“What I think
doesn’t matter. Her heart’s gone. Best I make peace with her decision.”

Ryn brushed past
Gared. His second father’s hand shot out, catching Ryn around his bicep,
drawing him to a halt. “It’s not like you to give up when you want something as
bad as you want her.”

“I want her
happiness more.” Ryn inhaled a shaky breath, released it slowly. “Seems like
the only thing she’s ever found with me is harm, so if being with another man
is what she wants, I won’t stand in her way.”

“All right
then.” Gared patted Ryn on the back, knocking him off balance. “She’s a good
woman. We’ll be sorry to see her go.”

Ryn’s heart
lurched in his chest. He had a feeling letting her go was the easiest part of
it. After, he still had to live without her, and he suspected he’d regret it for
the rest of his life.

They took the
hovercar to the Choosing field on the outskirts of Hrelum. A crowd had already
gathered around the outside of the circular area. The raid on Tersi had been only
one of a handful that had taken place recently. Single men and women from
across Abyw had participated in raids on several planets, bringing back one or
more candidates, waiting for the day Abyw’s moons aligned for the official
ritual, held on Choosing fields across the planet.

At least thirty
candidates had been gathered by hopefuls living in the area surrounding Hrelum.
They mingled inside the outer ring of the field, eyeing the hopefuls standing
in its center. Ryn spotted Ziri’s red-gold head huddled close to Alna’s and his
heart twisted in his chest. He deliberately trudged his way along the
snow-covered ground to the opposite side of the field and pushed his way to the
center from there, aligning himself in the inner ring with her position near
the outer one.

A large hand
fell on Ryn’s shoulder, and Enel drew even with Ryn. “Ziri says you’ll be
hauling wood to her home world for trade after the Choosing.”

Ziri, not Lady
Ziri as everybody had taken to calling her. Ryn shoved his gloved hands into
the roomy pockets of his jacket and stared straight ahead. “You have some you’d
like to include?”

“I do, enough to
fill a third of your cargo bay unless you’d rather trade with another.”

“Your wood will
bring the same profit as anybody’s,” Ryn said mildly.

Enel cupped his
hands around his mouth and blew into them. “Didn’t think you’d want to deal
with me after the way I’ve been courting Ziri.”

Ryn grunted. He
hadn’t liked it, not a bit, but what could he have done to stop it? Considering
how things had turned out, maybe he should’ve tried. Across the way, Gared
joined Ziri and Alna slipped away, pushing her way through the crowd to the
thin circle outside the inner ring where Tyelu waited six ceg away from Ryn.
His sister twisted around and grinned, and he sighed. At least Tyelu would be
happy with the day’s outcome.

Enel nudged
Ryn’s arm and jerked his chin toward another section of the field. “It’s time.
I’ll catch up with you later.”

Ryn nodded and
strode toward Alna and Tyelu. They waited for him, Tyelu with a smug smirk
fixed on her delicate features, Alna frowning. When he drew near, his second
mother said, “Where have you been? We’ve missed you the past few days.”

“I was busy.”

“So you say.”
Her eyes narrowed on him. “Ziri waited for you.”

He glanced away,
hiding the hurt throbbing through him. “She shouldn’t have. I told her I
wouldn’t be back before the Choosing.”

“And you haven’t
been.” Alna tilted her head, regarding him with the stare that had cut straight
to his core from the first time they’d met. “She hasn’t come out of her room except
to eat since you returned home. I’d think that would concern you, since you
brought her here and forced her into the Choosing.”

Tyelu snorted.
“Leave it be. If he doesn’t want her, good for him. He could do better anyhow.”

Alna swung
around to her daughter. “You’ve said enough, Tyelu. Ziri told me what you said
to her, that she wasn’t good enough for Ryn and would never make him happy. If
she chooses another today and breaks your brother’s heart, it will rest
entirely on your head.”

“Yeah?” Tyelu
crossed her arms over her chest and glared at Alna. “If his heart’s so
involved, how come he hasn’t been by to see her?”

“That’s his
business to attend, not yours, but I’m telling you now, daughter. I’ll never
forgive you for driving her away.”

The color
leached from Tyelu’s skin. “Mama, I—”

“Not another
word.” Alna turned her back on Tyelu and cupped Ryn’s cheeks in her icy hands.
“I don’t know what’s going on between you and Ziri, but I hope you’ll find a
way to put it behind you once the Choosing’s done.”

The urge to tell
his second mother exactly what was wrong punched at Ryn. For so long, she’d
been his rock, his comfort, her love the guiding force in his life. She’d
soothed his broken heart once before, helped him find himself when anybody else
would’ve given up. It wasn’t fair to settle that burden on her shoulders again,
not even to ease the jagged pain gnawing into him now.

“Positions,
please,” a loud voice cried, and the word was passed around in soft murmurs from
neighbor to neighbor. Ryn stepped behind the line delineating the inner circle
and crouched on the frozen ground. It wouldn’t be long now and the Choosing
would be over, and after, he could search for a way to live with the hole Ziri
had carved into his heart.

* * *

Ziri bounced
from foot to foot as subtly as she could. She had never in all her life been as
cold as she was right then, and it was only going to get worse. Snow was
falling at a steady pace and the wind had kicked up a notch, biting through the
thin layers she wore as easily as a knife.

Alna wrapped her
arms around Ziri and scrubbed her hands up and down Ziri’s back. “There now,
daughter. You’re not used to our weather yet.”

Ziri huffed out
a laugh. “Who could be? This has to be the coldest planet in the galaxy.”

“Not quite.”

“The next
coldest, then. Are you sure there’s a sky up there behind the clouds?”

“Positive.” Alna
squeezed tight, then let her arms fall away. “Have you made your decision?”

“No.” Ziri
clenched her teeth together, as much from frustration as to still their
chatter. Ryn hadn’t come back, and though it had cut her to the bone, she had
to face the fact that maybe he’d lost interest in her. Maybe she should choose
another man instead of going after one that didn’t want her anymore. “I think
Enel would take me.”

“He would,” Alna
agreed mildly. “Have you no care for Ryn?”

Ziri closed her
eyes against the misery she’d lived with since his return three long days ago.
“I don’t think he wants me anymore, and I’m not sure I want to be with a man
who felt free to kidnap me from my own home.”

“It’s our way.”

“It’s
their
way, Alna, not mine, not yours.”

Ryn appeared in
the distance beyond Alna’s shoulder, and a helpless jumble of emotions swirled
through Ziri. They’d been so close to being friends, so close to finding
something else, and she missed that, missed
him.
After everything he’d
put her through, she still wanted his friendship, still wanted his warmth and
strength and the kind heart he’d hidden so carefully behind a stoic mask.

Hard anger rose
inside her, muting out everything else, the misery and sorrow, the longing to
find her place and make a home of her own, surrounded by people who loved her. For
a while, before she’d learned about the Choosing, she’d hoped she could have
that with Ryn, and then Alna had explained everything and Ziri had been lost.

Gared pressed
through the knots of people scattered across the field and sidled up to Alna.
“There’re my girls. It’s a great day for a Choosing.”

Ziri snorted out
a laugh. “I don’t think there’s enough snow yet.”

Alna grinned.
“And you were just complaining about the cold.”

“I didn’t complain,
exactly. You have to admit it’s pretty miserable out here.”

“Nonsense,”
Gared said. “Perfect day. If we’re lucky, we’ll still have time to work with
the molnog before the sun sets.”

Ziri’s breath
wheezed out of her. “Do you think about anything besides those twice-cursed
animals?”

He waggled his
bushy eyebrows. “I’ve been known to ponder the love of a good woman a time or
two.”

Alna elbowed him
in the ribs. “Be careful which woman you ponder, husband, else you might find
yourself sleeping with your molnog tonight.”

“Never that,
lover.” He smacked a kiss to her unlined cheek. “Best go counsel our youngest.
She looks like she’s itching for a fight, and I’d like to get home before
supper.”

“The other thing
on his mind,” Alna said wryly. She pressed her cheek to Ziri’s and whispered,
“Give Ryn a chance, daughter. He cares for you more than you can know.”

She whirled away
and wended gracefully through the throngs of people surrounding them. Gared
stepped closer to Ziri and threw a beefy arm across her shoulders. “Here now,
daughter. Your cheeks are almost blue with the cold. You’ll need to be warmer
than that if you hope to make it across the field today.”

Ziri leaned into
him and rested her head on the firm breadth of his shoulder. “I’m not sure I
should try.”

“Now you sound
like Ryn. He’s convinced you’ll choose another today.”

“It’s not like
he wants me.”

“Eh, now, where
did you get a lack-brained notion like that? Boy’s positively in love with you.
Wouldn’t stop pestering me to bring him home while we were on Domor.”

Ziri frowned. If
he’d been so anxious to get home to her, why had he turned around and left the
moment he’d seen her?

“Besides, you’ll
never be happy with Enel.”

“Who says I’ll
choose him?”

“Ryn, for one,
but the important point here is Enel. The man’s brain is crammed full of
molnog. You pick him and you’ll never have a tick’s peace from the creatures.”

“He has bovi,
too, and large tracts of forest under his control.”

“That he does,
but his heart is with his molnog.”

“Ryn has a flock.”

“But he also has
that ship of his and it’s as important to him as anything.” Gared cut a sly
glance toward her. “Do you think he would’ve given up half of it to just any
old person he happened to come across?”

Maybe not, and
maybe he’d been so desperate after the Sweepers attacked, he would’ve done
anything to fix the
Yarinska
. “I haven’t decided what I want to do,
Gared. Maybe I’ll just sit here until the whole thing’s over and hitch a ride
back home on the next ship to pass through.”

“I’ll not let
you, girl. We need women on Abyw with your spunk and beauty, and by Wode, I
want to have a woman like you as my daughter.”

“Ryn can find
another—”

“No, Ziri, he
won’t. This is his one shot, his one chance to find a bride. It’ll take him
years to accumulate the vud to wiggle his way into another raid, not to mention
scraping together enough for a bride price.”