The Choosing (The Pruxnae Book 1) (22 page)

It hadn’t taken
long to officially authorize Ryn’s access to her existing accounts, and not
much longer for him to add her to his. That last had surprised her. She hadn’t
expected him to join himself with her in financial matters outside the
Yarinska
.
He’d been so distant with her, so aloof, even after the shower they’d shared,
that it hadn’t occurred to her that he still wanted her enough to entangle his
life with hers.

She paused in
front of a window displaying bolts of fine, woolen cloth in an array of somber
colors. During that shower was another matter entirely. Then, he hadn’t been
able to hide his reaction to her. If she’d had the strength or the courage to
touch him, she would’ve, but her heart had faltered.

The next time,
though, the very next time, she wouldn’t hold herself back. She needed to know
if he’d reacted to her personally or if any woman’s presence would’ve stirred
him. She crossed her arms over her chest and pushed her fingers between her
arms and ribs, bouncing on her feet to get her blood circulating. The only way
she’d know if he really didn’t want her would be to test him herself, and for
that, she’d have to reach out to him.

It would be
worth the potential heartache if he really did want her, but if he didn’t? She
blew out a sigh and her breath frosted in the air. If he didn’t want her, there
was nothing she could do about it. She’d sealed her fate to his the moment
she’d chosen him and there was no turning back now.

“Ziri, what are
you doing outside?”

She pivoted and
faced him. He strode across the wide, dirt street, a fierce scowl on his
handsome face. As soon as he reached her, he wrapped his arms around her and
settled her against his broad chest, one hand on the back of her head, the
other curved around her shoulders.

“Why aren’t you
in one of the stores?” he demanded, and she sighed. So much for reaching out to
him.

“I was window
shopping.”

“It’s too cold
for that. Here, let me get you into the car.” He hustled her back across the
street and nearly shoved her into his tiny car, then covered her with a thick,
woven blanket. A tick later, he slid into the driver’s seat and pressed the
ignition switch. Heat whooshed into the chilled interior. “I can’t believe you
were standing outside in the freezing cold with snow falling as hard as it is.
What were you thinking?”

If she told him
that, he’d probably run screaming in the other direction. She closed her eyes
and nestled into the blanket. “I wasn’t outside long, Ryn.”

“Long enough,”
he groused. The car eased forward, its engine humming quietly. “Do you need
anything else before we head home?”

Home. He said it
so casually, as if it were a place they both belonged. “I’m fine, thanks.”

He grunted and
the car swayed slightly. “Maybe your computer will be fully synced with the Net
by the time we get back.”

“Let’s hope,”
she murmured. Her parents must be crazy with worry by now. They hadn’t
contacted Ryn, and Ziri was beginning to suspect that either he hadn’t sent a
message to them or they hadn’t gotten it. She opened her eyes a slit and
studied him. She hadn’t known him long, true, but in her experience, when Ryn
made a promise, he kept it. Well, all except the promise he’d made to her the
first time they’d met, a promise he’d implied by kidnapping her. So, the
message had been sent, which meant something was wrong on her parents’ end, and
that couldn’t be good at all.

The drive home
was short, uneventful, and conducted in utter silence. Once there, Ryn garaged
his car and led Ziri into his home, his hand holding hers, his pace slow in
deference to the stiffness clinging to her muscles.

He shut the door
behind them and tugged her outerwear off, then his. “It’s early yet, a long way
‘til the evening meal. Why don’t you check your computer and stretch out on the
bed for a while?”

Ziri gathered
her courage. Now was as good a time as any to press the matter, wasn’t it? And at
least knowing would keep her from worrying over it. “Would you rest with me?”

He crossed his
arms over his chest and stared down at her, his expression shuttered.

She brushed her
fingertips over his arm. “Please, Ryn. I’ve missed you.”

“So much you let
another man kiss you, so much you considered him above me at the Choosing.”

“You’re never
going to forgive me for that, are you?”

“What’s to
forgive? You could’ve had him. I don’t understand why you didn’t choose him
when you had the chance.”

“I could never
love him,” she said flatly, and the tears she’d managed to contain the night before
rushed into her throat. “I explained that to you yesterday when I asked you,
begged
you, for a chance to have you in my life again the way we were before. You have
no intention of giving me that chance, do you?”

“Ziri—”

“No.” She
sniffed back her sorrow and stepped away from him, shaking her head slowly.
“Don’t lie to me now, Ryn. If you can’t find it in yourself to give me your
heart, at least give me your honesty. After everything we’ve been through, after
everything that’s happened, I deserve that much, don’t you think?”

She whirled away
from him and left the room, heading toward the bedroom, her grief so huge, it
nearly drowned out the quiet shuffle of his footsteps as he followed her. Not that
she cared. She entered the bedroom and dropped onto the edge of the bed, head
in hands. He’d do what he wanted to do. Didn’t he always? Isn’t that exactly
how they’d gotten into this situation in the first place?

The mattress
dipped beside her and his arms wound around her, holding her tight. She fell
into him, burying her face in his throat, digging her fingers into his sweater,
and everything bled out of her in the tears she shed, her anger over his
refusal to believe in her, her worry over her parents, her need to belong
somewhere, just once in her life. She cried it into his embrace, emptying
herself as he rocked her back and forth and murmured soft, comforting words to
her.

She quieted in
slow measures, and still, he comforted her.

“It’ll be ok,
Ziri. I swear, I’ll make it ok for you.”

She sniffed and
stroked her cheek over the rough texture of his sweater. “Don’t push me away
anymore, Ryn. I can’t stand it.”

“I’ll try,
beauty.”

“I miss you.”

“I know. I’ve
missed you, too.”

“Then why did
you stay away? Why did you leave me alone when I needed you?” She sighed and
relaxed her hold on his sweater. “Never mind. It’s not important now.”

“If it’s
bothering you, it’s important.” He stroked a hand over her braid. “You hurt me
deeply the night you told me about Enel’s kiss. It sounded like you wanted him,
that you were seriously considering him. You might as well have slapped me, it
hurt that much.”

“I’m sorry, Ryn.
I didn’t mean it like that and I never meant to hurt you. I just thought you
should know that he kissed me. I thought you’d give me a chance to explain,
that we could talk it out and you’d laugh at my silliness and make love to me,
and then I’d know that choosing you was the right thing to do.” She slouched,
too drained to relive the emotions that had tormented her since that night. “I
never thought I’d lose your friendship over a simple kiss.”

“I should’ve listened,
Ziri, and I’m sorry I didn’t.” He cupped her cheek and tilted her head toward
him. “I hated being apart from you, hated holding myself back, when all I
really want to do is love you.”

He bit the words
off, and hope’s fragile flame ignited in her heart. “You love me?”

“I want to,
Ziri, so much.” His mouth claimed hers in a sweet kiss, warming her to the
depths of that bright flame. “Get some rest. We’ve got plenty of time to talk
about this later.”

“Stay with me?”

“As long as you
need me. I have to check the molnog before dark, though.”

She laughed.
“You Hrela and your molnog.”

He kissed her
again, a swift touch of his lips to hers. “I won’t be long.”

“Do what you
have to, Ryn. I’ll be right here cursing that blue-skinned woman’s gigantic
fists.”

His mouth
quirked into a half smile as left the room. Ziri undressed and snuggled under
the covers. It would all work out, it really would. He’d come back and love her
the way she needed him to and everything would be ok. She closed her eyes and
drifted into the first easy sleep she’d had in days.

* * *

As hard as Ryn
tried to hurry, checking his flock of molnog took a lot more time than he
would’ve liked. He kicked snow and muck off his boots and eased into the house,
hung his coat, scarf, and hat beside Ziri’s, and listened for her. Wind whipped
through the trees surrounding the cabin and in the distance, molnog
gleed
as they settled down for the night, but the house was silent and still.

He shucked his
boots at the door and tiptoed into the bedroom. Ziri was curled into a ball
under the covers on his bed, sound asleep. Her red-gold hair fanned across the
pillow under her head, and even in the room’s shadows he could discern the dark
circles under her eyes.

She hadn’t been
sleeping well, either, and that was entirely his fault. Why hadn’t he listened
to her the night he’d come home from Domor? Why had he been so quick to rush to
judgment? Ziri had never struck him as the type of woman to kiss one man and
sleep with another. He should’ve trusted her reasons, talked it over with her,
gotten to the bottom of why she felt the need to let Enel kiss her in the first
place. Maybe if he had, they could’ve avoided a lot of heartache between then
and now and neither one of them would be worried about winning the other’s
heart.

He stripped to
his skin and crept into bed beside her, wrapping himself around her, accepting
her slight weight in his arms. It felt so good to hold her again, so good to be
near her. He buried his face in her hair and breathed, taking her into his
heart.

It was already
hers. There was no denying it, though he’d tried hard enough when she’d asked
him. He’d have to tell her he loved her, just not yet, not until he knew she loved
him, too.

She stirred in
his arms and rolled into him. “Ryn?”

He nuzzled the
side of her throat. “Who else?”

She laughed
softly. “Is that always how you’re going to wake me?”

“I thought I
might love you for a while, unless you’re too sore.”

“My ribs are
still a little tender.”

He pushed his
disappointment away and rubbed a hand down her slender back, warming her
through the thin layer of her nightgown. “There’s no hurry.”

“No, I want to,
it’s just…” Her fingers crept up his torso and down again, then curved around
his bare hip. “We’ll have to be careful.”

Need surged
through him and his breath caught in his throat. “Are you sure?”

“I’m sure, Ryn,
so sure. Love me, the way you did the first time. I want to feel that way
again.”

Her mouth
touched his chest, sliding across his skin, and her tongue rasped over his
nipple. Pleasure sparked through him, swift and strong, and he hissed in a
breath. “Ziri.”

“Did I hurt
you?”

He nearly
laughed. Her sweet touch hurt him? Not in a million years. “No, beauty. It was
good.”

“Oh,” she said,
and the sly womanliness in her voice melted through him. “I changed my mind.”

“About what?”

“I think it’s my
turn to make you feel wanted.”

He tangled his
fingers in her braid and tilted her face to his, mouths close together, breath
mingling in the room’s air. “You already have.”

“Ryn.” A sigh
shuddered out of her. “Thank you for listening.”

“I should’ve
done that a long time ago, Ziri. I’m sorry—”                                        

Her fingers
pressed against his mouth, silencing him. “No more apologies, not now.”

“If that’s what
you want.”

“Oh, I want,”
she said, and she pushed him onto his back and kissed him.

He cradled her
gently, meeting the slight pressure of her mouth on his with the patience of
the willing. Her tongue flicked out, scraping across the seam of his lips. He
mmmd
and flicked his own tongue out, touching hers, tasting her, and she sucked him
in, suckling his tongue.

Heat shot
straight into his groin. Tyornin’s hammer. What would it feel like to have her
pretty little mouth swallow his erection and tease him with her tongue and
teeth, loving him until he spilled across her lips? Would she want to do that?
Would she let him do that to her?

She broke the
kiss and nibbled across his jaw and down his throat, sucking the skin above his
hammering pulse into her mouth. His hands fell to the mattress and dug into the
sheet beneath them, and his body arched into hers. “Ziri,” he panted. “What are
you doing?”

Her hand skimmed
down his stomach and encircled him, squeezing gently. “Tasting you, every,
single piece of you.”