The Cinderella Theorem (28 page)

“I
don’t have grandparents. My story opens with my father dying.”

“Your
story opens with your
adoptive
father dying,” I corrected.

Calo
stared at me. “You mean my birth family? You know who they are?”

“I’m
97% sure.”

“Who?”

Calo’s
usual logic and reasoning seemed to have left him. If he’d been in a proper
state of mind, he would have realized there was only one other tale in the
dungeon. HEA and the Agency kept up with all that. But perhaps he thought I’d
left a wave of vanishing behind me in Smythe’s SFL.

“
The
Candlemaker’s Daughter
is the tale you started in.” I went invisible as
soon as I heard the guard coming.

“But
everyone vanished from that story, there was no one left. The file disappeared,”
Calo hissed to my invisible self.

“The
file was stolen, by the same person who kidnapped you and gave you to the
Miller family.” I rubbed the marble so I’d be visible and looked directly at
him. “Levi stole the file. Levi kidnapped you.”

“Kidnapped
me? What is that story about?”

It
was my turn to be shocked. Calo didn’t know a fairy tale. “You don’t know the
story?”

He
shook his head. “It was vanished long before I started working for HEA. We all
just assumed the file was gone too. Our rescue plans were always more of the
brute force “get in and grab everyone” variety since we had no way to make the
citizens happy without invoking Matt’s Law.”

“What
is
Matt’s Law?” I asked again.

Calo
looked at me a long time, considering. “I will tell you,
if
you promise
to tell me the story of
The Candlemaker’s Daughter
.”

“Okay.”
I nodded. I had planned to tell him anyway, but he didn’t have to know that.

Calo
began, “When your mother and father first began dating, she was kidnapped by
Tandem Tallis and his forces.”

“She
knew about the kingdom, then?”

Calo
tilted his head. “It’s sort of how she found out.”

“What?”

Calo
ignored me and went on. “Your father wanted to rescue her. Everyone was against
it. He was heir to the throne by that time and no one wanted to risk the heir
on a fool’s errand. Your father and Grimm met secretly, defying the king and
queen, and came up with a plan to get your father into Uppish Senna.”

“
Grimm
was a part of a plan to defy the king and queen?”

Calo
nodded. “He said it was a matter of honor between partners. He managed to get
your father smuggled into the dungeons. But your father was captured pretty
quickly.” Calo paused while I went invisible. After the guard passed and I’d
returned, he went on. “It’s important to note that no one who wasn’t sad had
ever been held in these dungeons before. Your father tested the strength of the
door as soon as he was left alone and to his surprise, the door opened. He
found your mother and her cell was unlocked as well. They managed to escape and
made their way back to Smythe’s SFL. Your father called the phenomenon of the
unlocked doors ‘Matt’s Law’.”

“So
the principle that only your unhappiness keeps you locked here is Matt’s Law?”

“Exactly.”
Calo looked nervous. “Tell me my story, Lily.”

“Okay.”
I briefly told the tale. I was worried how Calo would take the news. It wasn’t
a happy story. He listened quietly and said nothing until the end.

“So
Levi took me off the hillside?”

I
nodded. “It’s the most logical analysis of the facts. Besides, he practically
told me so.”

Calo
sat in silence for a moment and then stood up suddenly. “Let’s go rescue my
family, Lily.”

We
didn’t actually leave as soon as Calo’s tone had implied. First, we finalized
our plan; Calo did most of the talking. His new-found family was the last piece
of the equation to make him Less Than Less Than Happy. He was like the old
Calo: direct, bossy, arrogant. It was good to see him back to his usual self.

His
plan was fairly simple. He thought just the explanation of the truth to
The
Candlemaker’s Daughter
citizens would be enough to send them back, with the
possible exception of his grandmother, who had tried to kill him. My job was to
stay invisible and when the guard came by, grab Calo and pull him into the
“circle of invisibility” as Calo called it. Also, while he talked to the
citizens I would be busy making a dummy in the straw to be covered with the
prisoner’s blanket after they had vanished back. We needed to trick the guard
for as long as possible.

“But
will seeing your family make you too happy?” I asked.
[59]

“I’m
planning to focus on all the years I was deprived of them by my evil, sadistic
grandmother.”

“And
Levi,” I added.

“Yes,
and Levi.”

~~~

The
first prisoner we came to happened to be Calo’s (evil, sadistic) grandmother.
We knew it was her because the cell was cluttered with photos of Celdan, Colin,
and Calo together and happy throughout all of Calo’s life.

“Where
did the pictures come from?” I asked as we peered through the window.

“Magicked
up from Tallis’s twisted imagination, no doubt,” Calo muttered absently as he
studied the cell. “Alright Lily, how should I approach this situation?”

I
turned sharply to stare at him. “Are you testing me in the middle of a rescue?
We don’t have time for this!”

“Just
consider it. This is an interesting case. Pretend I need your help.”

I
shook my head and turned to study the cell again. We were both invisible and
the addition of Calo made it even hotter than before. The sooner I solved this,
the sooner I could cool off.

After
a moment of study, I said, “Okay. The queen is kept prisoner by the idea that
Celdan and Colin have somehow escaped the dungeons, found you, and are living
Happily Ever After. You should tell her the truth, that you’ve never met your
parents and that you’re all still languishing in the dungeons.”

“Very
good. And nice use of
languishing.
” Calo nodded. “Let’s go.”

We
slipped into the cell, splitting up to do our jobs. Calo surprised the queen,
as he became visible.

“My
lady,” he bowed and began his explanation. I started making a straw-dummy. I
only had to interrupt Calo once to turn him invisible.

After
the guard passed and Calo was visible again, the queen asked, “Then, these
pictures are false?”

“Yes,
my lady.”

“And
my son and
common
daughter-in-law are wasting away in this prison?”

“Yes,
my lady.”

The
queen began to laugh. “It’s all too wonderful. They are unhappy. They have been
robbed of their Happily Ever After.”

And
then she was gone. Calo rushed over to be included in my invisibility.

“Pleasant
woman,” he said under his breath.

~~~

Ella’s
stepsisters were next: Adelaide, followed by Amaryllis. They were similarly
easy to return to Happy. Calo just told them Ella was in the dungeon and that
Aven was free to be snatched up.

“Should
we be lying to them?” I asked as we stood, invisible in Amaryllis’s empty cell.

Calo
didn’t look at me as he answered. He was listening for the guard. “Don’t think
of it as lying. Think of it as rescuing. People who are so unhappy will believe
anything to have happiness–even if they know deep down it’s probably not true.”

“But
won’t they all just fall into the depths of despair after they realize the
truth?”

“The
depths of despair
?” Calo was grinning.

“Quest
clause,” I muttered.

Calo
chuckled. “I like this new facet of you. Lily-of-the-prosy-word-picture.”

“Ha,
ha. Can we get back to my question?”

“Fine.
They won’t fall into the
depths of despair
. As soon as they vanish back,
they are met with specially trained Happiologists who help them debrief and
come to terms with their lives and happiness apart from whatever we had to say
to get them back.”

“How
do the Happiologists know where they are?”

“We’ve
managed to make sure that everyone vanishes back to the eleventh floor of HEA.
It’s written into the accords we have with Uppish Senna.”

“So
that makes it okay to lie?”

“It’s
a necessary evil. If we don’t lie, they don’t go back.”

I
dropped the subject. The morality of lying to our citizens was an issue for
another time, and I couldn’t deny the fact that the lying
was
working.

After
the guard passed, we gave him a bit of a head start before we continued on our
way. Aven’s cell was nearest, but as part of Calo’s plan, we purposely left
Aven for later. Calo’s royal grandfather (Colin’s dad) was next.

Calo
seemed a little nervous, but wouldn’t go for any deviation from the plan. (I
had offered to do the talking and let him stay invisible while he made the
dummy.)

He
pulled the king into one of the corners and talked quietly to him. I couldn’t
hear what they were saying, but the king hugged Calo right before he vanished.

“How
are you doing, Calo?” I asked as he came over.

“Cinderella’s
stepmother is next, isn’t she?” His voice was his old, arrogant self. He took
two steps toward the door, then he stopped and turned around. “Sorry, Lily. I
know what you’re trying to do. I appreciate it. And after I’ve had some time to
process it, I’ll be glad for a friend to talk to.” He smiled.

“We’re
friends?”

“Well,”
he thought a moment, “partners at least. Now, get over here and turn us
invisible.”

~~~

Cinderella’s
stepmother, Agatha, was delighted to learn that her daughters were free and had
a chance to marry Prince Charming after all. She happily vanished back to
Smythe’s SFL to help the girls win the prince.

Celdan’s
cell was next. Calo planned to bring her to Colin’s cell and reveal himself to
both parents at the same time.

One
part of this plan jarred with my mathematical mind. “How will Celdan be able to
leave her cell if we’re not going to get her Happy until she’s with Colin?”

“How
am I able to leave my cell? I’m not Happy yet.”

“Huh.”
I had not considered that. “Why
are
you able to leave your cell?”

Calo
shrugged. “I don’t know. That’s why I asked you.”

“Why
would I know? You’re the brilliant Happiologist.”

“Because
I think you’re doing it.” Calo flattened us up against the wall in preparation
for the passing of the guard. While we waited until it was safe, I calculated
why Calo would think I was the cause of this phenomenon. Was I suddenly in
possession of some sort of magical ability? Could the quest clause be
responsible for this?

“Why
do you think I’m doing it?” I asked, once it was safe to talk again.

“It’s
just a theory I have. I think the fact that you aren’t unhappy sort of projects
on to other people. Just like we can share in your invisibility, we can share
in your happiness.”

“Interesting.”

“Well,
it’s just one theory. It could also be that you have been endowed with some
sort of magical power or the fact that you’re in the royal family or that we’ve
been misled by Tallis into thinking we’re all trapped in our cells.” After a
moment, he finished with “Or…you’re just a freak.”

I
sighed. “I love the
exact
precision offered by the magical world.”

Calo
chuckled. “Alright, let’s get my mother.”

Celdan
was surprised to see us–well Calo, I was invisible.

“What
is the meaning of this? I have been alone these many years. Why should Tallis
send someone to torture me now?”

Calo
made a slight bow. “My lady, pray give me the opportunity to explain. I have—”

Calo
was interrupted by Celdan, exclaiming. “Good heavens! What is happening to the
straw?”

“That
is my partner, Lily. She’s making a dummy so the guard will think you are
sleeping long after we have rescued you. Now, my lady, we intend to convey you
to your husband’s cell.”

“Colin?
Colin is here?”

Calo
nodded. “Yes, my lady.”

Celdan
sank down onto a stool. “I didn’t know he had succumbed. I hoped he was still
free.”

Calo
stepped over to Celdan and helped her stand again. “We must go now. The guard
will pass again soon. If you please, do take my hand. Lily will hold your other
hand and we will all be invisible.”

“You
look a little like my Colin,” Celdan said, taking Calo’s hand.

~~~

We
made it safely to Colin’s cell. Calo and Celdan became visible and I went to
work on the straw. Once again, I was thankful that all the citizens had
blankets. Straw-dummies minus the blankets would just equal piles of straw.

“Celdan!”
Colin rushed to her side.

“Colin!”
Celdan threw her arms around him. “Oh, my love.”

“But
how can this be?” Colin looked confused.

Calo
coughed discreetly. “Please allow me to explain. Lily and I are here to rescue
you.”

“Lily?”
Colin asked.

Calo
gestured in my direction, and I stomped my foot.

“She’s
invisible,” Calo added.

“Ah,”
Colin nodded. “Continue, please.”

Calo
took a deep breath. “As you no doubt know, the best way out of these dungeons
is simply to become Happy. And besides reuniting yourselves, I have something
to tell you that should make you quite Happy.”

“You
seem like a well-qualified Happiologist.” Colin smiled faintly. “I’m sure you
have thoroughly researched our sad history. We are delighted to be reunited
with one another. But we have found it difficult to be Happy since we lost our
children.”

“I
am aware of that, sir.” Calo took another breath. “We have recently discovered
that your first-born son did not die on the hillside.”

Celdan
gasped; Colin steadied her.

Calo
continued. “He was rescued and adopted by a miller’s family. He grew up and is
alive even at this moment.” Calo swallowed.

I
tried to mentally send him courage to complete his equation. But he didn’t need
it.

Celdan
ran to him. “You’re my son, aren’t you?”

After
his nod, she held him tight and was soon joined by Colin.

“I
should have recognized you immediately,” she whispered.

I
watched them for a moment, happy for Calo. Then I heard the guard’s footsteps,
and I rushed over to them.

After
the guard passed, Celdan clasped Calo’s hands and said, “I’m feeling so Happy.”
Her eyes filled with tears.

Colin
put his hand on Calo’s, “You do have a way home, don’t you, Redmond?”

“Redmond?”
I mouthed to Calo. He could see me because we were all still invisible. I stood
behind his parents.

He
shrugged and turned back to his father. “Yes, of course, sir. Happiologist
technology has come a long way since you’ve been in the kingdom. Lily and I
will be able to transport back.”

“Oh
good,” Celdan sighed and she vanished.

Colin
smiled, embraced Calo again and said, “It’s so good to see you, my son.” Then,
he vanished.

I
grinned at Calo. “Well,
Redmond
, I hope you don’t get in trouble for
lying to your parents.”

Calo
made a noise. “That is a uniquely disturbing name.” He chuckled. “You know,
when I found out I was adopted it never occurred to me I might not be named
Calo. That’s just always been my name.
Redmond
.” He said, making a face.

~~~

Calo’s
other grandfather, Celdan’s father, was another quick vanish. He was all too
willing to believe that Celdan was happy again and that Calo was his
grandchild.

“Are
you ready?” Calo asked as we made our way to Ella’s cell. Ella was our next to
last stop. Our plan was to get her a little happier and finalize her Happiness
by having her help rescue Aven. I just wasn’t thrilled about my part of the
equation: telling Ella the truth. About how I had used her, how I had tried to
make her normal.