The Cold Cold Sea (21 page)

‘Mummy,’ said the child. ‘Are you Daddy?’

Horror filled Phillip and once again he could hardly breathe. He found himself shivering uncontrollably. Hailey. Another moan from Jennifer forced him back to the present.

‘We’ll talk properly later,’ he said, trying to sound kind. ‘Come on, kiddy. The babies are coming. I have to get -Mummy - to the clinic straightaway.’

He ran downstairs again. Jennifer was leaning on the hall table, clutching her middle.

‘Jennifer,’ he began, then realised that this was no time at all for questions or explanations. They had to go. Right now.

‘Can - Hailey - stay with a neighbour?’ he asked, helping Jennifer into her jacket. She took his arm and walked slowly to the car.

‘Goodness, no, she can come with us, can’t you, Hailey darling? She’ll want to see the babies as soon as they’re born, our own two darling babies, Phillip. We’ll be a proper little family. You and me, and three lovely children.’

He helped her into the car and tossed her case into the back beside the child.

Sobs welled up in his throat, but he forced them down and drove as fast as he dared towards the Bodmin Road.

Three lovely children, he thought weakly. Then the full horror of the situation hit him, and an aghast, disbelieving shriek rang through his head.

But Hailey is
dead,
Jennifer. Had she forgotten? The tears, the helplessness, the unbearable grief, months and months of it, how could she have forgotten that? She must remember... Hailey was
dead
...

It was the last day he’d truly been able to say that he was happy. Holidays in Turkey, normal family seaside stuff. Until the tenth day.

The morning had passed as usual, with Jennifer at Keep Fit and the hotel beautician, and Hailey and Phillip by the pool. Hailey had gone to the mini-disco at twelve and Phillip watched indulgently as the children’s entertainer led the group of small dancers through various disco hits under the palm trees. Every so often, Hailey would look across at him and smile, a happy, look-at-me-Daddy smile.

They all had chicken salad instead of sandwiches for lunch that last day, with a glass of white wine for himself and Jennifer. A rest in the garden, then they’d wandered down to the beach. Hailey ran off into the children’s playground, and he and Jennifer had gone to their loungers under the blue sunshade.

The dreadful, ironic thing was, he hadn’t even gone for a swim after lunch that day. They didn’t usually have wine at lunchtime, and the heat was making him sleepy. He had dozed, half-listening to the waves splashing up the beach and the happy-tourist voices around him. Jennifer sat doing her nails and tossing him the odd remark. Sleepy, relaxing, holidays.

Would it have made any difference if he’d been sitting up watching what was going on around him? Probably not, with all those beach umbrellas obscuring the view. And even if he’d had his swim as usual, he still might not have noticed anything. It was a family resort; there were always children splashing in the sea, running around calling to each other. It was impossible to tell which child belonged to which family, or if any child was in the wrong place. And nobody had been watching for a little girl all by herself.

They would never know exactly what happened. Phillip had gone up to the playground to collect Hailey and discovered she wasn’t there. It wasn’t the kind of place you had to clock your kids in and out, and the hotel employee who kept an eye on the children hadn’t noticed her at all that day. So she must have run out of the playground almost as soon as she’d run in.

Never to his dying day would Phillip forget the feeling in the pit of his stomach when he realised that his daughter had been missing for nearly an hour. He’d yelled for Jennifer, the hotel employee had phoned up to the reception for help, and they had searched the beach, running between the loungers shouting, calling her name. The hotel produced two beach buggies, and he and Jennifer were driven off, right and left, far along the beach, still shouting for Hailey. But there was no sign of her.

When they got back, the police and coastguards were there in cars and boats, and the search continued officially.

Two hours later they found her. He and Jennifer spent that time in the hotel, talking to policemen whose command of English just wasn’t enough to inspire confidence. Jennifer had looked grey and shaky, and Phillip had felt the weight in his stomach grow heavier every minute.

Then shouting. Outraged, tearful voices. A white-faced young policeman and a doctor who’d appeared from somewhere. And a pathetic little sundress-clad figure in the hotel’s medical room. She was soaked, seaweed in her hair, lips blue and skin white. Phillip had taken her in his arms and held her. She was so white... and so cold and he had never known pain like it. His Hailey. His own special girl. She was gone.

The evening wasn’t turning out quite as she’d anticipated.

Katie looked across the table at Mark, who was ordering the meal for two they’d chosen. The restaurant was beautiful and the food sounded fantastic, but all Katie could think about was the expression on Hailey’s face when her mother had pulled her into the house.

The waiter stepped away from the table and Mark lifted his eyebrows at her.

‘Okay, out with it. What’s making you look like you’ve lost the winning lottery ticket?’

Katie bit her lip. She’d wanted this date to be about the two of them. Now the conversation was going back to her inability to deal with a pupil.

Quickly, she outlined what had happened, grateful that he listened without interrupting.

‘And it didn’t strike me until I was in the supermarket, but, should I have left Hailey there? Mrs Marshall was obviously out of control, and Hailey looked like a deer caught in the headlights.’

Mark grimaced. ‘If Mrs Marshall shut the door on you she wouldn’t have reacted well if you’d barged straight back in armed with tea and sympathy. But her husband should have arrived home by now, shouldn’t he?’

‘Yes,’ said Katie thoughtfully. ‘And Hailey’s been missing him, they obviously have a good relationship.’

‘Why don’t you try phoning? Just say you were worried because she looked a bit stressed and can you do anything. She won’t say yes, but you’d be able to judge how she sounds.’

Katie pulled out her phone. She made the connection and listened as the Marshalls’ phone rang in her ear.

‘There’s no-one in,’ she said at last.

‘Which means that Mr Marshall has arrived and either taken them out for a meal, or is dealing with whatever’s wrong,’ said Mark. ‘Either way, Hailey’ll be fine. You’re worrying too much.’

Katie looked at him miserably, and he reached across and squeezed her hand.

‘Tell you what,’ he said. ‘You give me your one hundred per cent attention for the next hour and a half, and then on the way home we’ll drive past the Marshalls’ place and see what’s happening. They won’t be out late with Hailey on a school night.’

‘Done.’ Katie smiled, feeling better immediately. As Mark said, Mr Marshall would deal with anything wrong. She was being silly here.

‘Good. So let’s talk about something completely different now. Like shrimps.’

The waiter had appeared with their food. Katie grinned at Mark across the steaming plates.

Jennifer moaned, writhing in the passenger seat, and Phillip slowed down. The road was pretty uneven here, and he didn’t want to drive fast over bumps with Jennifer in this state.

‘Oh, honey,’ he said helplessly, when the contraction had passed and she was leaning back again, breathing heavily. ‘Have you phoned the clinic? Do they know you’re in labour?’

‘No,’ said Jennifer, looking at him with those over-bright eyes. ‘I wanted so much to be at home when you arrived, and I knew Dr Rosen would insist I went straight in. And it’s fine, really. We’re in plenty of time.’

‘Yes, but... ’ Phillip stopped before he said something he’d regret. To accuse Jennifer of risking the lives of her unborn children would be pointless - cruel, even. But just what was going on in her head? The babies were going to be premature, and here she was, more worried about surprising him than about her children. She wasn’t capable of thinking straight at the moment, so much was clear. How long had she been like this? And most of all, why? She’d been doing so well when he left. But he was home to stay now, and he would deal with this. Just one thing at a time. Babies first, and then...

‘Alright back there, sweetheart?’ he said, glancing in the mirror at the child on the back seat.

She was cowering in the corner, her face white. Phillip pursed his lips. Deep down he’d been afraid that Jennifer wasn’t coping, but this was worse than even his darkest thoughts.

She’d said her name was Hailey Marshall.

Where had this child come from?

‘Oh no, Phillip, I have to push!’

Phillip pressed his foot down.

‘Don’t push! Pant!’ he shouted, memories of a distant antenatal class leaping to the front of his brain. ‘Here’s the clinic now. Just two more minutes!’

Panicking now, Phillip gunned the car up the long driveway to the main entrance and stopped with a screech of brakes. He raced inside. Two women were already coming towards him.

‘My wife’s having twins in the car!’ he yelled, and in a moment there were people running past him, helping Jennifer into a wheelchair and rushing her along the corridor.

Phillip went back for the child.

‘Come along, honey. We’ll just see about the babies first, and then afterwards I promise you I’ll get things fixed up for you. Everything. Properly. Okay?’

She looked up at him, gave him her hand, and walked beside him along the corridor. Memories of his own girl’s hand in his made him feel quite dizzy for a moment, and he clenched his other fist tightly. A grey-haired doctor, name-tagged Consultant Obstetrician G. Rosen with a string of letters after his name, came towards him.

‘Geoff Rosen,’ he said, shaking hands. ‘Hello, Hailey. Don’t worry, Mummy’s going to be just fine.’

A nurse led the child away, and Phillip dismissed her from his mind and struggled into a green hospital gown. First things first.

Jennifer was propped up on a narrow bed in the labour room. Her breath was coming in pants, and Phillip hurried to her side. He’d been present when Hailey was born too, but he had no idea any more what he should do to help.

They’d been so happy and excited at Hailey’s birth. The whole future was theirs. And for a little while they’d been able to live the dream.

Now here they were in another hospital and two more babies were about to be born. What would happen to them all? Phillip knew that all he had ever wanted was the chance to be a family again. But there was no way to put the clock back, Hailey was gone forever and Jennifer was different now. Hadn’t the clinic staff noticed her irrational behaviour? But they had obviously accepted the new Hailey as Jennifer’s daughter so apparently not.

A nurse was attaching a monitor cable to Jennifer’s huge tummy, and Phillip stroked damp hair back from her face.

‘Wouldn’t a Caesarean be safer?’

He could hardly get the words out, these were his children,
his children
. He was to have another chance at being a father.

Dr Rosen shook his head.

‘Jennifer wanted a normal birth, and so far everything’s looking good. Strong heart sounds from both babies, and because it’s not your first birth, Jennifer, it should go quite smoothly. We’re five weeks early but we know that both babies are over two kilos.’

Phillip nodded, not at all reassured. He tried to work things out. Jennifer must have been at the end of her fourth month of pregnancy when he left for California. He hadn’t had the slightest suspicion, sex wasn’t a regular event in their lives anymore and the medication had put a few extra kilos on Jennifer anyway. So when had the new Hailey entered the equation? Now he knew why Jennifer had been so very vehement about not coming to the States, even under the circumstances he’d been in.

Another contraction started. Phillip gripped Jennifer’s hands tightly, holding his breath.

‘Is everything okay?’ he asked.

‘Everything is fine,’ said Dr Rosen. ‘We know one baby is in the breech position, so I want to have the other one out first.’

Phillip stood by Jennifer’s bed, his mind reeling. There was no way he could work out what his wife had been thinking.

‘Pant for the head, Jennifer,’ said Dr Rosen.

Jennifer moaned loudly, tossing her head from side to side. Phillip dabbed the sweat from her face and panted energetically along with her.

‘Good, here we are - it’s a boy!’

The baby cried, a thin newborn wail, and Phillip felt tears gush from his own eyes. He had a son.

Another doctor had taken the baby to the side and was examining him. Phillip walked towards him.

‘Two point four kilos, everything working well.’

The nurse wrapped the baby in a towel and handed him over. Emotion was making Phillip’s hands tremble. He was holding his son.

‘Look, Jennifer,’ he whispered, taking the baby to the bedside. ‘Our little boy. We need a name for him now.’

‘Daniel,’ said Jennifer, kissing the baby’s face. ‘Daniel John.’

Phillip nodded. Hailey would have been Daniel John if she’d been a boy. Another contraction gripped Jennifer.

‘Just a little push, please, Jennifer,’ said Dr Rosen. ‘Here we are again, almost there - and it’s a girl!’

The second baby cried too, less heartily than her brother. The paediatrician took her to the side. Phillip held his breath.

‘She’s fine too, but she’s tired. Have a quick cuddle then we’ll pop them both in an incubator for a rest,’ she said, bringing the baby across. Jennifer lay there cradling both babies, and Phillip stared at her eyes. They were so bright, so happy.

Then he remembered the little girl. This was all such a mess. If only Jennifer had let Hailey go. Let her be a sad, treasured memory. Then they could have started again, been happy now with their twins. As things were it was all going to get very complicated. Very soon now he was going to have to go out of this room and do something about the child upstairs.