The Cold Cold Sea (22 page)

Dr Rosen clapped his shoulder.

‘Congratulations, both of you. Two lovely babies. Phillip, why don’t you go up and show Hailey her new brother and sister while I finish here with Jennifer? You can stay the night, if you want to, there’s a family room with everything you need.’

‘I’ll see,’ said Phillip. ‘I’ve been travelling all day, I think I would quite like to sleep in my own bed.’

He needed space to think, too, how best to get them all out of this mess. Maybe he should just take Dr Rosen aside right now and tell him the whole story, let the medical people take over. But they might send Jennifer back to the psychiatric hospital. And what would happen to the babies if they did? He had to think first. He could decide what best to do when he knew who the little girl was.

He stepped into the lift. The easiest way to find out her real name was simply to ask her.

The child was sitting at a table in the family room, colouring. She stopped when he went in, and he saw that she had drawn two balls and two teddy bears. Phillip braced himself. He’d have to pretend this was all normal. At least until he got home.

He sat down opposite the little girl. ‘Well, ah, Hailey. The babies are here. A boy and a girl. Would you like to see them?’

She nodded, and he took her hand and led her to the nursery. Again, the sensation of her hand resting trustingly in his own was almost more than he could bear.

Hailey seemed fascinated by the babies, lying side by side in the incubators. The nurse explained everything, and Phillip nodded, though he really wasn’t registering what she was saying. It was too much to take in. His children. Tired or not, he could have gazed at them for hours. Those perfect little faces, eyes closed in sleep.

‘Alright, Hailey?’ asked the nurse, and the child by his side nodded. Phillip patted her shoulder. Poor little thing. She must know that he wasn’t Daddy and the babies weren’t her siblings. Or maybe she believed it now. Phillip looked at his watch. He felt as if it should be midnight at least, but it was only half past eight.

‘Are you hungry, sweetheart?’ he asked, and the child nodded again. She didn’t speak much, he noticed. But that was hardly surprising.

‘Let’s say goodnight to - Mummy now, and then we’ll go home and come back in the morning.’

Tomorrow he would know more, and he could have a frank talk with Jennifer and bring some order into the chaos she had created.

‘I’ve got school in the morning,’ said Hailey, and Phillip rubbed his face. One complication after another. How had Jennifer got this child into a school as Hailey Marshall, didn’t you need paperwork for that? But of course, they had Hailey’s birth certificate...

‘School. Okay. Where is it?’ he said, walking with her down the corridor.

‘It’s Polpayne Castle Primary. Mummy takes me in the car. I start at quarter to nine.’

‘And you want to go tomorrow?’

‘Yes.’

She seemed quite definite about that, and Phillip nodded. It would give him time to get things sorted out.

‘Right. You can visit the babies after school,’ he said.

As soon as the words were said he could have bitten his tongue. If he told someone about her tomorrow, she would be collected from school and taken back to wherever she’d come from.

‘Will they both have names then?’

‘Yes. We’ll find a name for our baby girl tomorrow,’ said Phillip wearily, but glad to be able to promise something definite. His head felt heavy, his eyelids like weights, but finding a girl’s name was at least something within his control.

Jennifer was asleep in her private room. Phillip stared at her white face, pity almost overwhelming him. She had been through so much. He kissed her forehead, then took the child back to the car, settling her booster seat into the front and taking his place beside her. He needed to talk to her. He just had to start at the beginning.

‘Um, sweetheart,’ he said, leaning towards her and trying to sound both casual and reassuring. ‘What was your name before you were Hailey? Can you remember?’

The child shrank away from him, horror shining from her eyes. She ducked her head. ‘Hailey Marshall,’ she said quickly in a low voice.

Phillip patted her leg. ‘I meant
before
you were Hailey Marshall. Before you met Mummy, what was your name then?’

She raised both hands to her face. ‘Hailey Marshall,’ she said.

Dismayed, Phillip saw that she was terrified. Her little hands were actually shaking.

‘Sweetheart - Hailey, it’s okay. I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to frighten you. You’re a very, very good girl,’ he said, frantically trying to make good the distress he had caused her. For a long moment she stared at him, then she nodded slowly. Phillip blinked back tears. It really was as if his own Hailey was sitting there nodding at him.

Jennifer must have said or done something terrible to instil such fear in this little girl. This was more than just a moment’s madness, he realised dully, but they simply had to put it right again.

‘Okay, Hailey. Home, food, and bed,’ he said, starting the engine. ‘How does that sound?’

The child didn’t answer. She was still hunched up in the seat and Phillip pressed his lips together. She was much too thin, all eyes. How long had she been with Jennifer? And why, why, why had no-one realised? Wasn’t somebody, the police or anybody looking for this child? She must have a family somewhere. What must they be going through? They couldn’t know what had happened to their daughter. And he of all people knew how it felt when you lost a daughter.

He made himself smile at the child. ‘Bet you’re the smartest girl in your class,’ he said.

She stared at him, and to his relief she smiled briefly.

Thank Christ she had school tomorrow. It would give him time to talk to Jennifer and get some answers. He was going to need a lot of answers before he could decide the best thing to do. And something was telling him that none of it was going to be easy.

‘It’s next right,’ said Katie as Mark drove up the hill from Polpayne harbour. She leaned forward in her seat and stared as Hailey’s home came into view in the almost darkness. Mark pulled up under a street lamp a few yards from the house.

‘They’re home now,’ he observed.

The blind was down in what Katie knew was the living room, and a dim light shone round the edges, as if maybe a small lamp was on. And upstairs another muted glow came from behind Hailey’s pink curtains. Two cars were parked in the driveway, the BMW and a grey VW.

Relief washed through Katie. Mr Marshall was back, and by the looks of things the occupants of the house were settling down for the night.

‘If that’s Hailey’s room, I think a little girl’s fast asleep in there with her night light on,’ said Mark. ‘I don’t suppose you want to ring the bell and ask how her parents are doing, their first evening together for months?’

‘You’re right, I don’t,’ said Katie. ‘Sorry, Mark. I guess I got a bit over-involved here.’

‘We all do that at times,’ said Mark.

He reached across and took her hand, and Katie squeezed back. She should say something now. The restaurant, with all the other diners around them and Hailey still niggling at the back of her mind, hadn’t seemed the place to bring up their own relationship. Over the shrimp they’d put the world to rights the way they usually did, then talked books over dessert. Fun, but light. Katie took a deep breath.

‘Mark, I want you to know that I think we could be really good together,’ she said nervously. ‘It’s just I wasn’t expecting to feel like this... ’

He gave her hand a little shake.

‘Katie, I know. It’s alright. I don’t care how long we spend getting to know each other. On the other hand, we’ll eventually come to a point where we either both want commitment, or we don’t. I thought - ’

He twisted round in his seat until he was almost facing her, still gripping her hand.

‘I’m going to Aberdeen for a few weeks soon,’ he said. ‘My sister’s going in for an operation; she was badly burned last year and this is the last big plastic surgery op. She’s divorced with four kids so someone has to go and be with them. Caroline who had my class last year is coming back while I’m away.’

Katie nodded. Perhaps a little space would be a good thing. They could still be in touch but she would have time to get her thoughts organised.

‘We could Skype,’ he said, giving her a rueful almost-smile in the yellow light from the street lamp. ‘And we can have lots of long, communicative phone calls, get to know each other properly without the stress of staring at each other in a restaurant wondering if we should leap into bed afterwards. And then when I come back, we’ll both know the answer.’

‘Yes,’ said Katie. She smiled back. ‘Well, Hailey’s fast asleep, and we’re sorted until you come back. Let’s go back to mine for a quick decaf. Chinese restaurant coffee doesn’t really cut it.’

Mark pulled the car around. Katie sat in the darkness, feeling peace settle over her. There was nothing to worry about now.

‘I think he’s off again now,’ said Maggie, flopping into the sofa beside Colin and exhaling wearily. It was nearly midnight.

‘Let’s hope so,’ said Colin, rubbing his face. ‘It’s been a bit of a marathon tonight, hasn’t it? Poor little sod.’

Joe never had any trouble falling asleep at night, but recently he had taken to waking up an hour or so later, hot and crying after a nightmare. He was never able to tell them what he’d been dreaming about, and Maggie could only assume it was connected to Olivia’s disappearance. She should have been here for him long ago; staying at the cottage had done nothing for Olivia and if she’d come home sooner she might have been able to help Joe. But then again, her return could even be the cause of poor Joe’s nightmares. It was a no-win situation all round.

This evening, Joe had wakened no less than three times, and eventually Maggie had dosed him with Calpol. Joe had school tomorrow and he needed his sleep. Pity for her son brought the tears, never far away, to her eyes again. Poor Joe. Poor all of them.

‘Ronald Keyes phoned today,’ she said, and Colin looked at her. ‘He mentioned that the Geriatric Unit is looking for lunchtime helpers. I thought maybe I should apply.’

‘That’s a good idea. You need something different now. Something to - ’

Maggie pushed him away. Did no-one understand how she felt? She had lost a child, for God’s sake. Just four years ago she had given birth, and now her child was gone.

‘Don’t you dare say “something to keep me busy”,’ she snapped. ‘Or “to take my mind off things”. Don’t you dare.’

‘I wasn’t going to,’ said Colin, and her anger evaporated at the exhaustion in his voice. ‘Oh Lord, Mags, let’s not fight. We should be helping each other.’

He reached out to her and Maggie immediately slid back across towards him. He was right, they’d spent enough time estranged because of Livvy’s disappearance. She put her arms round him and quite suddenly they were both in tears, clutching each other and sobbing.

‘I was so angry with you at first, you know,’ said Colin, holding her in a painful grip. ‘Angry because you hadn’t watched Livvy every single second. It was days before I realised that it could just as easily have happened the other way around. Any moment, any second, can be the last time; we just don’t know.’

‘I still blame myself,’ said Maggie bitterly. ‘Sometimes I can almost live with it and then I think that I sent her to her death. And now I wake up in the night and I wonder, what was the last thing Livvy ever thought before she died, and did she know how much I loved her... ’

He sat rubbing her back, and she felt her breathing slow down again.

‘Maggie,’ he said, leaning his forehead against hers. ‘I don’t know why Livvy had to die, but I do know for certain that she knew she was loved. She did, you know.’

Maggie nodded, too tired to reply. Bit by bit, she felt the sick, horror-feeling slide away, and she knew it would soon be replaced by the no-feeling, robot nothingness inside her.

‘Ronald once told me there’s a support group in Plymouth, for people who have lost a child,’ said Colin. ‘What do you think?’

Maggie bit her lip. Sit in a circle of people all grieving for dead children? Tell others her innermost thoughts?
Share
Olivia with strangers?

‘Let’s talk about it tomorrow,’ she said, struggling to her feet. ‘Oh no, Col - I forgot to phone Howard.’

In all the upset with Joe she had forgotten to phone Howard and ask if they’d found Olivia. But of course they hadn’t.

‘Leave it, Maggie,’ said Colin. ‘Howard will be asleep in bed and we should be too. I’m going up.’

He lurched to his feet and left her on the sofa. Maggie buried her face in her hands. She felt at times that although the grief she shared with Colin brought them closer now, sometimes too it seemed to drive a huge wedge between them. She never knew when the wedge was going to appear, and it was always brutal.

Maggie rubbed her hot face and blinked fiercely. She hadn’t phoned Howard. This was the start. After this she wouldn’t phone him every evening, there would be longer and longer gaps between her phone calls to ask if they’d found her dead daughter, and then, one day, she would phone for the last time.

The child was up before him the next morning, splashing around in the bathroom –
now
he realised why those four bathrooms had been necessary – and padding about in her room. Did she shower and dress all by herself every morning? It seemed very mature behaviour from such a small child and only added to his unease. Phillip pulled on jeans and a sweatshirt. His clothes had been neatly arranged in one side of the new double wardrobe, everything fresh, ironed, and arranged according to colour. He wondered how on earth Jennifer had found the energy to get this house so perfectly organised.

Downstairs, he pushed a mug under the coffee machine, and rummaged around the immaculate kitchen for a child-friendly breakfast for the little girl. The whole place was like a show house, something out of an exhibition. They would have to make it a home now, for Daniel and his sister.