The cabinet secretary received the director-general at the door and greeted him with evident coldness, then he said, I’ll take you to the prime minister, One moment, first I want to apologize, if there was a total idiot in our conversation, it was me, It probably wasn’t either of us, said the cabinet secretary, smiling, If you could read what I have in my pocket, you would understand my state of mind, Don’t worry, as far as I’m concerned, you’re forgiven, Thank you, it won’t be long now before the bomb explodes and then everyone will know about it, Let’s hope it doesn’t make too much noise when it goes off, The noise will be louder than the loudest thunder ever heard, and the lightning brighter than all the lightning ever seen, You’re starting to frighten me, At that point, my friend, I’m sure you’ll forgive me again, Come on, the prime minister’s waiting. They crossed a room, one that, in ages past, would have been called an anteroom, and a minute later, the director-general was in the presence of the prime minister, who received him with a smile, So what’s this life-or-death problem you’ve brought me, With all due respect, prime minister, I doubt you’ve ever spoken more aptly. He took the letter from his pocket and held it out to him across the table. The prime minister was puzzled, It doesn’t have an addressee, Nor the name of the person who sent it, said the director-general, it’s as if it were a letter addressed to everyone, Anonymous, No, prime minister, as you’ll see, it is signed, but read it, read it, please. The envelope was slowly opened, the piece of paper unfolded, but after reading only the first few lines, the prime minister looked up and said, This must be a joke, It could be, yes, but I don’t think so, it appeared on my desk and no one knows how, That doesn’t seem a very good reason why we should believe what it says, Read on, please. When he reached the end of the letter, the prime minister, very slowly, silently moving his lips, articulated the one syllable of the word that served as signature. He put the letter down on the desk, stared across at the director-general and said, Let’s imagine it’s just a joke, It isn’t, No, I’m inclined to believe it isn’t either, but when I say let’s imagine, it’s only to conclude that it won’t be many hours before we find out, Precisely twelve hours, given that it’s midday now, That’s my point, if what the letter tells us is going to happen does actually come to pass, and if we don’t warn people, there’ll be a repetition, only in reverse, of what happened on new year’s eve, It doesn’t make any difference whether we warn them or not, prime minister, the effect will be the same, But opposite, Yes, opposite, but the same, Exactly, so if we warned them and it turned out afterward that it was all a joke, we’d have worried people unnecessarily, although there would be much to say about the pertinence of that adverb, No, I really don’t think it’s worth it, and you’ve already said you don’t think it’s a joke, No, I don’t, So what’s to be done, to warn or not to warn, That is the question, my dear director-general, we must think, ponder, reflect, The matter is now in your hands, prime minister, the decision is yours, It is indeed, I could even tear this piece of paper into a thousand pieces and just wait and see what happens, But I don’t think you’ll do that, You’re right, I won’t, but a decision must be made, saying that the population should be warned isn’t enough, we have to consider how, That’s what the media are for, prime minister, we have the television, the newspapers, the radio, Your idea, then, is that we distribute to all these different media a photocopy of the letter accompanied by a communiqué from the government calling for calm and giving some advice on how to proceed during the emergency, You put it far better than I ever could, Thank you for the compliment, but now I must ask you to try and imagine what would happen if we did exactly that, Um, I don’t understand, prime minister, Oh, I expected better from the director-general of television, Then I’m sorry not to be able to rise to the occasion, prime minister, It’s only natural, you’re overwhelmed by the responsibility, And you are not, prime minister, Yes, I am too, but in my case, overwhelmed doesn’t mean paralyzed, Fortunately for the country, Thank you again, now, director-general, I know we’ve never really talked very much before, given that, generally speaking, when I discuss television, I do so with the relevant minister, but I feel the moment has come to make you a national figure, Now I really don’t understand, prime minister, It’s quite simple, the matter is going to remain strictly between you and me until nine o’clock this evening, at that time, the television news will open with a reading of the official communiqué which will explain what will happen at midnight tonight, as well as a summary of the letter, and the person to be charged with doing both those things is the director-general of television, firstly, because the letter was sent to him, even though it doesn’t name him, and secondly, because you, the director-general of television, are the person I trust to get us both through the mission with which, implicitly, we have been charged by the lady who signed this letter, A newsreader would do a better job, prime minister, No, I don’t want a newsreader, I want the director-general of television, If that’s what you want, then I would consider it an honor, We are the only people who know what is going to happen at midnight tonight and we will continue to be so until the time when the population receives the information, if we were to do what you proposed earlier, that is, pass the news to the media now, we would have twelve hours of confusion, panic, tumult, mass hysteria and who knows what, therefore, since it is not in our power, and I refer here to the government, to avoid such reactions, at least we can limit it to three hours, and from then on it will be beyond our control, there will be all kinds of responses, tears, despair, ill-disguised relief, a need to rethink life, It seems a good idea, Yes, but only because we don’t have a better one. The prime minister picked up the letter again, glanced over it without reading it and said, It’s odd, the initial letter of the signature should be a capital, but it’s not, Yes, I found that odd too, starting a name with a lowercase letter isn’t normal, Can you see anything normal in this whole affair, Not really, no, By the way, do you know how to make a photocopy, Well, I’m not an expert, but I’ve done it a few times, Excellent. The prime minister put the letter and the envelope in a file stuffed with documents and summoned the cabinet secretary, to whom he said, Please evacuate the room where the photocopier is, That’s where the civil servants work, prime minister, that’s their office, Well, tell them to go somewhere else, tell them to wait in the corridor or go out and smoke a cigarette, we’ll only need it for three minutes, isn’t that right, director-general, Not even that long, prime minister, Look, I can make a photocopy in absolute secrecy, if, as I assume, that is what you want, said the cabinet secretary, That’s precisely what we want, secrecy, but, this time, I myself will do the job, with the technical assistance, shall we say, of the director-general, Of course, prime minister, I’ll give the necessary orders for the room to be cleared. He came back within minutes, It’s empty, prime minister, and now, if I may, I’ll go back to my office, And I’m very glad that I don’t have to ask you to do so, and please don’t be offended by our excluding you from these apparently conspiratorial maneuvers, you’ll find out later today the reason for such precautions and you won’t need me to tell you either, Of course, prime minister, I would never doubt the wisdom of your motives, That’s the spirit, my friend. When the cabinet secretary left, the prime minister picked up the file and said, Right, let’s go. The room was deserted. In less than a minute, the photocopy was ready, letter for letter, word for word, but it was different, it lacked the disquieting touch of the violet-colored paper, now it’s just an ordinary missive, the kind that begins, I do hope these lines find you well and happy and surrounded by your family, as for me, I certainly can’t complain. The prime minister handed the copy to the director-general, There you are, I’ll keep the original, he said, And the government communiqué, when will I receive that, Sit down and I’ll dictate it to you, it won’t take a moment, it’s very simple, dear compatriots, the government considers that it has a duty to inform the country of a letter that has reached its hands only today, a document whose significance and importance cannot be exaggerated, even though we are not in a position to guarantee its authenticity and must admit, without wishing to anticipate its contents, that there is a possibility that what is announced in the document may not come to pass, however, in order that the population should be mentally prepared for a situation that will not be without its tensions and crises, the letter will now be read out, with the government’s approval, by the director-general of television, just one word more before we conclude, the government, needless to say, will, as always, remain alert to the interests and needs of the population during hours which will doubtless be among the most difficult we have experienced since we have been a people and a nation, and it is for this reason that we call on you all to preserve the calmness and serenity you have shown so often before during the various trials and tests to which we’ve been subjected since the beginning of the year, and, at the same time, we trust that a more benevolent future will restore to us the peace and happiness we deserve and which we once enjoyed, remember, dear compatriots, united we stand, that is our motto, our watchword, if we remain united, then the future is ours, there you are, quick work as you see, these official communiqués don’t demand any great imaginative effort, they almost write themselves you might say, there’s a typewriter over there, make a fair copy and keep it safe until nine o’clock tonight, don’t let those papers out of your sight even for a moment, Don’t worry, prime minister, I’m keenly aware of my responsibilities at this moment, I’m sure you won’t be disappointed, Excellent, now you can go back to work, May I just ask two questions before I leave, Please do, You said that until nine o’clock tonight only two people will know about this matter, Yes, yourself and me, no one else, not even the government, What about the king, and forgive me if I’m butting in where I’m not wanted, His majesty will find out when everyone else finds out, that is, of course, if he happens to be watching television, He won’t, I imagine, be very happy not to have been told before, Don’t worry, the one excellent quality that all kings share, and I refer, of course, to constitutional monarchs, is that they are extraordinarily understanding, Ah, And your other question, It’s not exactly a question, What is it then, Just that I am, quite frankly, astonished at your sangfroid, prime minister, it seems to me that what’s going to happen in this country at midnight is a catastrophe, a cataclysm like no other, a kind of end-of-the-world, but when I look at you, it’s as if you were merely dealing with some routine government matter, you calmly give your orders, and a little while ago, I even had the impression that you smiled, If you knew how many problems this letter will resolve for me without my having to lift a finger, I’m sure that you would smile too, director-general, now leave me to my work, I have a few orders to issue, I must tell the interior minister to put the police on high alert, I’ll think up some plausible excuse, the possibility of some act of public disorder, he’s not a person to waste much time on reflection, he prefers action, give him something to do and he’s a happy man, Prime minister, may I just say that it’s been a real privilege to have lived through this crucial time with you, Well, I’m glad you see it like that, but you can be quite sure that you would quickly change your mind if one word of what has been said in this office, by me or by you, were ever to reach the ears of someone beyond these four walls, Yes, I understand, The ears of a constitutional monarch, for example, Yes, prime minister.
It was almost eight thirty when the director-general summoned to his office the man in charge of the television news to tell him that the program that night would open with a message from the government to the country as a whole, and would be read, as usual, by the newsreader on duty, after which he himself, the director-general, would read another document to complement the first. If the producer found this procedure odd, unusual, out of the normal run of things, he did not show it, he merely asked to have the two documents so that they could be placed on the teleprompter, that wonderful piece of apparatus which creates the vain illusion that the person speaking is doing so directly and solely to each member of the audience. The director-general replied that, in this case, the teleprompter would not be used, We’ll simply read it out, as people used to do, he said, adding that he would enter the studio at five to nine precisely, when he would hand the government communiqué to the newsreader, who would be given rigorous instructions that he must open the file containing it only when he was about to begin the reading. The producer thought that now there really was some reason to show a little interest in the matter, Is it that important, he asked, You’ll find out in half an hour, And the flag, sir, do you want the flag to be placed behind the chair where you’ll be sitting, No, no flags, after all, I’m not the prime minister or even a minister, Nor the king, said the producer, with an ingratiating smile, as if to say that he was the king, the king of television. The director-general ignored him, You can go now, I’ll be in the studio in twenty minutes, There won’t be time for make-up, I don’t want any make-up, what I have to read is very short, and the viewers, at that point, will have more things on their mind than whether or not I’m wearing make-up, Very well, sir, as you wish, But be sure that the lights don’t cast too many shadows on my face, I wouldn’t want to appear on screen looking like someone who’s just been dug up from his grave, especially not tonight. At five to nine, the director-general went into the studio, handed the newsreader the file containing the government communiqué and went and sat in his appointed chair. Attracted by the unprecedented nature of the situation, for the news, as one would expect, had spread fast, there were more people than usual in the studio. The producer called for silence. At nine o’clock exactly, to the accompaniment of the familiar theme music, the urgent opening titles to the news program were flashed up, a fast-moving sequence of sundry images intended to convince the viewer that the television station, at their service twenty-four hours a day, was, as used to be said of the divinity, everywhere, and from everywhere sent news. The moment that the newsreader finished reading the government communiqué, camera two brought the director-general up on screen. He was clearly nervous, his mouth dry. He briefly cleared his throat and began to read, dear sir, I wish to inform you and all those concerned that as from midnight tonight people will start to die again, as had always happened, with little protest, from the beginning of time until the thirty-first day of December last year, I should explain that the reason that led me to interrupt my activities, to stop killing and put away the emblematic scythe that imaginative painters and engravers of yore always placed in my hand, was to give those human beings who so loathe me just a taste of what it would mean to live forever, eternally, although, between you and me, sir, I must confess that I have no idea whether those two expressions, forever and eternally, are as synonymous as is generally believed, anyway, after this period of a few months of what we might call an endurance test or merely extra time and bearing in mind the deplorable results of the experiment, both from the moral, that is, philosophical point of view, and from the pragmatic, that is, social point of view, I felt that it would be best for families and for society as a whole, both vertically and horizontally, if I acknowledged my mistake publicly and announced an immediate return to normality, which will mean that all those people who should be dead, but who, with health or without it, nevertheless remain in the world, will have the candle of their life snuffed out as the last stroke of midnight fades on the air, and please note that the reference to the last stroke is merely symbolic, just in case someone gets the stupid idea of stopping the clocks in all the bell towers or of removing the clappers from the bells themselves, imagining that this will stop time and contradict my irrevocable decision, that of restoring the supreme fear to the hearts of men, most of the people in the studio had by now disappeared, and those who remained were whispering to each other, the buzz of their murmurings failing to provoke the producer, who was himself standing slack-jawed with amazement, into silencing them with the furious gesture he normally deployed, albeit in far less dramatic circumstances, therefore, resign yourselves and die without protest because it will get you nowhere, however, there is one point on which I feel it my duty to admit that I was wrong, and that has to do with the cruel and unjust way in which I used to proceed, taking people’s lives by stealth, with no prior warning, without so much as a by-your-leave, and I recognize that this was downright brutal, often I didn’t even allow them time to draw up a will, although it’s true that in most cases I did send them an illness to pave the way, but the strange thing about illnesses is that human beings always hope to shake them off, and so only when it’s too late do they realize that it will be their final illness, anyway, from now on everyone will receive due warning and be given a week to put what remains of their life in order, to make a will and say goodbye to their family, asking forgiveness for any wrongs done and making peace with the cousin they haven’t spoken to for twenty years, and that said, director-general, all I would ask is that you make sure that, today without fail, every home in the land receives this message, which I sign with the name I am usually known by, death. When he saw that his image had gone from the screen, the director-general got up from his chair, folded the letter and put it in one of his inside jacket pockets. He saw the producer coming toward him, looking pale and distraught, So that’s what it was, he said in a barely audible murmur, so that’s what it was. The director-general nodded silently and headed for the exit. He didn’t hear the words that the newsreader had stammeringly begun to announce, You have just been listening, followed by an account of the other news that had ceased to be of any importance because no one in the country was paying the least attention, in those households where someone lay terminally ill, the families went and gathered round the deathbed, and yet they couldn’t tell the dying person that in three hours he would be dead, they couldn’t tell him that he should make use of what time remained to write the will he had always refused to write or ask if he wanted to phone his cousin and make his peace with him, nor could they follow the hypocritical custom of asking if he was feeling any better, they simply stood staring at the pale, emaciated face, then glanced surreptitiously at the clock, waiting for the time to pass and for the train of the world to get back on track and make its usual journey. And a number of families who, having already paid the maphia to take away that sad remnant, and imagining that they would probably shed no tears over the money spent, saw now that if they’d had a little more charity and patience, they could have got rid of him for free. There were terrible scenes in the streets, people stood stock-still, stunned or disoriented, not knowing where to run, some wept inconsolably, others embraced as if they’d decided to begin their farewells right there, still others discussed whether the blame for all of this lay with the government or with medical science or with the pope in rome, one skeptic protested that there was no previous record of death ever having written a letter and that it should be sent at once to a handwriting analyst, because, he said, a hand made only of bits of bone would never be able to write like a complete, authentic, living hand, with its blood, veins, nerves, tendons, skin and flesh, and since bones obviously wouldn’t leave any fingerprints on the paper, which meant that they wouldn’t be able to identify the author of the letter that way, a dna test might throw some light on this unexpected epistolary appearance from a being, if death is a being, who had, until then, remained silent all her life. At this moment, the prime minister is talking on the phone to the king, explaining why he had decided not to tell him about the letter, and the king says that yes, he understands perfectly, then the prime minister tells him how sorry he is about the sad conclusion that the last stroke of midnight will bring to the frail existence of the queen mother, and the king shrugs, such a life is no life at all, today it will be her, tomorrow me, especially now that the heir to the throne is showing signs of impatience and asking when it will be his turn to be constitutional monarch. After this intimate conversation, with its unusual moments of sincerity, the prime minister gave instructions to the cabinet secretary to call all the members of the government together for an emergency meeting, I want them here in forty-five minutes, at ten on the dot, he said, we will have to discuss, approve and put in place the necessary palliative measures to minimize the likely confusion and disorder that the new situation will inevitably provoke in the next few days, Are you referring to the number of dead people who will have to be evacuated in that very short space of time, prime minister, That remains the least of our problems, my friend, the reason funeral directors exist is in order to resolve problems of that nature, besides, the crisis is over for them, and they must be extremely happy as they tot up how much money they’re going to earn, so let them bury the dead because that’s their job, what we have to do is deal with the living, for example, organize teams of psychiatrists to help people recover from the trauma of having to die when they were convinced they were going to live forever, Yes, I’ve thought about that myself, and it will be hard, Don’t waste any more time, tell the ministers to bring their respective secretaries of state with them, I want them here at ten o’clock prompt, and if anyone asks, tell them all that they’re the first to be called, they’re like little children who want their sweeties. The phone rang, it was the interior minister, Prime minister, I’m getting calls from all the newspapers, he said, they demand to be shown the letter that has just been read out on television in the name of death, and about which, regrettably, I knew nothing, There’s no need for regrets, I made the decision to keep it secret so that we wouldn’t have to put up with twelve hours of panic and confusion, What shall I do then, Don’t worry about it, my office is going to distribute the letter to all the media now, Excellent, prime minister, The cabinet will meet at ten o’clock prompt, bring your secretaries of state, And the under-secretaries too, No, leave them to look after the house, I’ve often heard it said that too many cooks spoil the broth, Yes, prime minister, Be on time, the meeting will start at one minute past ten, We’ll be the first to arrive, prime minister, You’ll be sure to get your medal then, What medal is that, It was just a joke, take no notice.