The Complete Idiot's Guide to the World of Harry Potter (16 page)

Simple Meals
Most wizard meals are the same as any Brit would eat on a given day; although Muggles wouldn’t have their food appear out of thin air (as it does at any feast), nor would it be made by house elves (as it is at Hogwarts). But in general, if you know British food, you know wizard food. Problem is, our friends on the other side of the pond have an entire language for food that’s almost indecipherable to Americans. Here’s a sampling of the British food and drink routinely eaten by Hogwarts’ students:
KING’S ENGLISH
Students at Hogwarts often queue for dinner, which simply means that they get in line. Ask any American over 50 what "queue” means, and they’ll know; an entire generation of Americans learned the word "queue” from the rock band The Who in the 1970s: "Every morning I get in the queue, to get on the bus that takes me to you.” If they had said "get in the line,” it would have been a tougher rhyme—and it wouldn’t have sounded nearly as hip and British.

Biscuit:
A cookie, usually bought and served in a tin (a round metal box with a lid). Biscuit can also mean a cracker, a bit like an American saltine, but denser and often served with cheese. Either way, British biscuits are nothing like American biscuits, which are flaky, unsweetened pastries often covered in gravy.

Chipolatas:
Small pork sausages usually served at breakfast; what Americans might call “breakfast sausage” or even “cocktail sausage. ” Not to be confused with bangers, which are large sausages served as part of an afternoon or evening meal, usually with mashed potatoes (in a dish called bangers and mash).

Crumpet:
Unsweetened cake that’s cooked like a pancake, but taller and not as large in diameter as pancakes are. In truth, a crumpet tastes a bit like a moist American English muffin.

Cuppa:
Cup of tea; British tea tastes very much like heated-up iced tea—very lemony and not very strong. Brits add cream and/or lemon to a cup of tea. And tea mugs tend to be small and proper, not the giant versions served at some American coffee houses. Don’t confuse cuppa with the word tea
,
a term that is generally used to mean a small meal.

Kippers:
Salt-cured (often smoked) dried fish; usually made from herring, which is a thick, oily fish with a mild, sweet flavor. Tastes somewhat like smoked salmon, but oilier.

Mead:
A sweet wine made from honey and sometimes aged in oak barrels. Elderflower wine
,
another type of wine, is just as obscure, but it does exist in both England and the United States.

Mince:
Another word for ground beef or other meat chopped up into tiny bits. See also mince pie in the following section.

Pasty (PAST-ee):
Think of a pasty as a Hot Pocket meeting a pot pie; that is, a flaky crust that fully surrounds a rather dry filling of beef or chicken, potatoes, onions, and other ingredients. You either love ’em or hate ’em, and if you hate ’em, it’s because they’re too dry and plain. At Hogwarts, they serve a sweet pumpkin variety unheard of in the Muggle world.
TOURIST TIP
If you’re traveling to London and want to eat cheaply, load up on pasties. You won’t find Pumpkin Pasties, but the beef, chicken, and other main-dish varieties are huge, super-filling, and only about $4 each. Dessert varieties are smaller and cheaper. Eating pasties every day wouldn’t be the healthiest choice you could make, but in a city as expensive as London, it’s a filling and inexpensive food choice. The British-based West Cornwall Pasty Company has kiosks located throughout Underground and train stations in London and sells over six million pasties each year.

Porridge:
Crushed oats or oatmeal (and, occasionally, other grains) boiled in water and/or milk and usually served with sugar and cream. When made with oats, porridge is said to look and taste exactly like American oatmeal, although many Americans would beg to differ.

Tripe:
Stomach of a cow or ox; not everyone has the courage to try this one, but Hogwarts’ students seem to think it’s a treat. The term is synonymous with codswollop, although no one uses that term to mean the food; codswollop
,
which is used extensively among Hogwarts’ students and staff, means “hogwash”; you can probably think of other, less-printable synonyms.

Yorkshire pudding:
A hearty dish that’s like an American popover— a small, puffy muffin filled with sausage, roast beef, beans, and just about anything else. May be served with horseradish sauce and/or gravy.

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