The Cottage (22 page)

She told the tech at the front desk that she was going to the cafeteria to grab something to eat, and to page her if they needed her. “If I'm lucky, they might even give me ten uninterrupted minutes.” She stood on tiptoe to kiss his cheek, and he put an arm around her as they got into the elevator to go to the basement. Alex smiled as the doors closed and she saw everyone staring at them. He was quite a vision. “You just increased my importance around here by about four thousand percent. You look terrific.” He pulled her closer to him affectionately as she said it.

“So do you. You look very official with all that stuff hanging off you.” She was wearing her pager, her stethoscope, and there was a clamp she had forgotten clipped to her pocket. The tools of her trade made her look more like a grown-up. Or if it was a Halloween costume, it was a very good one. It impressed him to see her there, and the easy way she had breezed past the desk and instructed one of the nurses before she addressed him. She was really something. Which made him even more nervous as he contemplated what he was about to tell her. He had no way of knowing what her reaction would be. But he knew he had to tell her before someone else did. Thanks to Charlene, things could get dicey.

They both selected sandwiches and put them on a
tray, and Alex poured them each a cup of coffee. “This stuff is pretty dangerous,” she warned him, pointing to the coffee. “Legend has it there's rat poison in it, and I believe them. I'll take you over to the ER after lunch, if you think you need it.”

“Thank God you're a doctor,” he said, as he paid for their lunch, and followed her to a small corner table. Mercifully, there was no one else around them, and no one seemed to have recognized him in the cafeteria so far. He wanted a few minutes of peace with her. And she was already eating her sandwich, before he had unwrapped his. He took a few minutes to assemble his composure, and she saw that his hands were shaking when he poured sugar in his coffee.

“What's up, Coop?” She was calm and quiet and sympathetic, and her eyes were gentle.

“Nothing… no… that's not true… something came up this morning.” She watched his eyes as she waited for him to explain it. She could see now that he was worried. He hadn't touched either his sandwich or his coffee.

“Something bad?”

“Something annoying. I wanted to talk to you about it.” She couldn't even begin to imagine what it was. His eyes told her nothing. He took a breath, and launched into what he feared would rapidly become troubled waters. “I've done a few foolish things in my life, Alex. Not many, but some. And I've had a very good time most of the time. I haven't hurt anyone. I generally play on a level playing field, with people who understand the ground rules.” As he said it, she began to panic. She felt sure he was about to tell her it
was over between them. This sounded like the introduction. She had been there before, but not in a very long time. She hadn't allowed herself to care about anyone since then. Until Cooper. She had been falling for him since she met him. And now this sounded like a farewell speech. She sat back in her chair and watched him. If nothing else, she was going to take her lumps with dignity and courage. And he could see that she was backing off as he watched her. It was self-protection. But he continued. He had to. “I've never taken advantage of anyone. I don't mislead women. Most of the people I've gotten involved with did so with their eyes open. I've made a few mistakes, but generally, I have a pretty clear slate. No casualties, no victims. And when it's over, it's been goodbye and thank you, on both sides. As far as I know, no one hates me. Most of the people I've been involved with like me, and I like them. And the mistakes have been short-lived and quickly corrected.”

“And now? Is this a mistake, Coop?” She wondered if he was correcting it now, and she had to fight back tears as she listened, but he looked shocked when she asked the question.

“Us? Of course not! Is that what you think I'm saying? Oh, baby… this isn't about us. This is about something stupid I did before I met you.” She looked immensely relieved as he held her hands and continued. “I'll try to get through this quickly,” particularly if there was a chance they might get interrupted. That would be awful. He
had
to tell her. “I went out with a young woman shortly before we met. I probably shouldn't have. She's a simple girl, an aspiring actress,
and her only roles so far have been in porn videos and trade shows. She doesn't have a lot going for her, but I thought she was a sweet girl, and we were both playing. She knew the ground rules. She's not an innocent. She's been around the block more than a few times. I never misled her. I never pretended to care about her. It was a sexual interlude for both of us, and nothing more, and it ended very quickly. Even I can't stay involved for long with a woman I can't talk to. It seemed like a very simple thing, and completely harmless.”

“And?” Alex couldn't stand the suspense. Clearly, he wasn't telling her he was in love with the girl, but what was he saying?

“She called this morning. She's pregnant.”

“Shit,” Alex said simply, but with a feeling of immense relief. “At least it's not terminal. She can fix that.” She was enormously relieved that he wasn't telling her he was in love with the woman, and she smiled reassuringly at Coop, who felt like a thousand-pound weight had been taken off his shoulders. She hadn't stood up and walked out, or told him she never wanted to see him again, but she also didn't know the whole story.

“That's the other half of the problem. She wants to have the baby.”

“Now that is a nasty little problem. But I can see why it would appeal to her. Celebrity baby. Is she blackmailing you, Coop?” Alex was practical, intelligent, and perceptive, which made it easier to talk to her than he'd expected.

“More or less. She wants money. She says in her line of work, she can't work while she's pregnant. I guess
they don't do porn videos with pregnant women,” he said grimly, and Alex squeezed his hands to give him comfort. “She wants me to support her and the baby. I told her I don't want a baby, hers or anyone else's … except yours possibly,” he amended with a rueful smile. He felt utterly foolish to be confessing all this to her, but he had wanted to make a clean breast of it to Alex. “I didn't tell her about you, or she'd really be up in arms. She already was. She sounds crazy. One minute she's crying, the next she's threatening, and then she's talking in saccharine tones about ‘our baby’ Nauseating, and somewhat terrifying. I have no idea what she's going to do, or if she'll actually have the baby. Or call the tabloids. She's a loose cannon, and she's fully loaded, if you'll pardon the pun. I sent her a check to pay for an abortion, but that's all I'm willing to do for the moment, and I said so. The entire affair lasted three weeks. It shouldn't have happened at all. I should have known better at my age. But I was bored, and she was amusing. But what's happening now is definitely
not
amusing,” he said, looking remorseful. “I'm so sorry, Alex, to bring this mess into our lives. But I wanted to tell you. I thought you had a right to know, particularly if she goes to the tabloids. She could do that. They'd love it.”

“So would she probably,” Alex said, sounding sympathetic. “Are you sure she's pregnant? She might just be trying to see what she can get out of you. She doesn't sound like a very nice person.”

“She isn't. I don't know if she's really pregnant or not, or even if it's mine. I wore protection, but to give you the ugly details, it broke on one occasion. I
guess from her perspective, she got lucky.” At least he knew it hadn't been a setup, just the fates conspiring against him.

“You can have DNA tests eventually, particularly if she's willing to do amnio. They can test her then. But that's a way down the road. How pregnant is she?”

“I think she said two months or something.”

He and Alex had been together for six weeks, so he was being truthful when he said he'd been involved with her right before Alex. Right before. Like two weeks before, or less. But Alex reminded herself that what he had done before her was none of her business.

“What are you going to do, Coop?” Alex asked, still holding his hands in hers. She loved the fact that he'd been honest with her, and if anything, she felt closer to him. She knew that these things happened. Particularly in his world, to men who were celebrities and were easy targets for extortion and blackmail and greed.

“I don't know yet. There's nothing much I can do for the moment, except wait and see what she does. I just wanted to warn you that there could be a land mine down the road for us, if she goes public with it.”

“Would you marry her if she has the baby?” Alex asked, looking worried.

“Are you crazy? There's no way. I hardly know her. And other than great legs, and other similar attributes, what I do know, I don't like.” At least not anymore. “I'm not in love with her, never was, and never will be. And I'm not foolish or noble enough to marry her under these circumstances. At worst, I'll have to pay her
child support, at best the whole thing will vanish. I told her I would never see the child, and I meant it.”

But that was a whole other kettle of fish, involving responsibility and morality. She knew he would have to review the situation later, if she really did have the baby. But at least he wasn't in love with the woman, and didn't intend to marry her. In essence, it affected nothing between Coop and Alex. Except for some noise that could come up later in the tabloids, and that didn't worry Alex. All she cared about was how he felt about her.

“I hate to say it,” Alex said, as Coop held his breath and waited for what was coming. “And I'm sure you don't feel that way about it, but it doesn't sound like a big deal, Coop. These things probably happen to men in your shoes with a fair degree of regularity. It's unpleasant but it's not earth-shattering. I feel a lot better knowing about it, and I just don't see that it's such a big problem. Embarrassing maybe, if it comes out. But things like this happen all the time. I feel a lot better,” she beamed at him, “I thought you were about to tell me it was over.” In fact, life was just beginning for them.

“You're amazing.” He sat back, as he exhaled, and took a long, grateful look at her. “I truly love you. I was afraid you'd tell me to get lost and throw me back in the river.”

“Not likely.” Neither of them had eaten lunch, they had been so intent on what he was saying. “I think there's a distinct possibility you're a keeper.” He felt the same way about her, and he was about to tell her so, when her pager went off, and she glanced at it.

“Shit!” she said, taking a swig of coffee as she stood up. “Someone's coding… I gotta go… don't worry, everything's fine… I love you… I'll call you later….” She was halfway across the cafeteria at a dead run before he knew what had happened. And he stood up and called out to her as everyone around him stood staring.

“I love you!” he shouted. She turned back with a smile and waved, as a man wearing a hairnet cleaning tables with a wet cloth grinned at him.

“Right on!” Coop smiled at him, and walked out of the cafeteria with a light heart and a spring in his step that hadn't been there when he'd walked in. Alex was a remarkable woman, and in spite of what had happened, she was still his.

Jimmy was sitting in
his kitchen going over a stack of papers he'd brought home from work, and trying to decide if he wanted to cook dinner. He never seemed to eat dinner anymore, except when friends from work talked him into it, or Mark came by with a steak and a six-pack. He didn't care if he ate or not, if he lived or didn't. He was just getting through the days. And the nights were endless.

It had been three months since Maggie died, and he was beginning to wonder if it would ever get better. There was no end in sight to the grief he was feeling. And at night, he lay in bed and cried. He never fell asleep until 3 or 4
A.M.
, and some nights he was awake until daylight.

He knew that moving into the gatehouse had been a good thing, but what he also knew now was that he had brought Maggie with him. She went with him everywhere, in his heart, in his head, in his bones, in his body. She was part of him now, part of every thought and reaction. Part of the way he looked at things, and what he believed, and wanted. Sometimes he felt more Maggie than Jimmy. He saw everything
through her eyes. She had taught him so much. He wondered sometimes if that was why she had died. Because she had taught all the lessons she was meant to. But thinking that still didn't make it any easier for him. He missed her unbearably, and the pain he felt night and day was barely tolerable. Nothing made it better. He managed to stave it off for a few hours sometimes, like when he hung out with Mark, or went to work, or coached softball to the kids he worked with. But it was always waiting there for him, like an old friend, the pain that lurked everywhere and waited to overtake him. It was a fight he couldn't seem to win. For the moment, the pain was still winning.

He had just decided not to bother cooking anything, when he heard a knock on the door, and got up to answer it. He was looking tired and disheveled, and smiled when he saw it was Mark. Jimmy saw less of him now, because Mark was busy with his children. He had to cook dinner for them, and help them with homework. But he often called Jimmy and invited him to join them for dinner. Jimmy liked Jessica and Jason, and being with them was fun. But that made him lonely too. It reminded him that he and Maggie should have had children, and now he would never have her babies, or her arms to hold him ever again.

“I just bought groceries,” Mark explained, “I thought I'd stop by and see if you want to come for dinner.” Sometimes, Mark knew, it was better to drop in on him. It was good to get in his face and drag him out of his cave. Jimmy isolated a lot, and Mark knew he was having a tough time about Maggie. Even more so lately. It was as though with the nice weather, and
the feeling of spring everywhere, he was even more lonely for her.

“Naw…it's okay…but thanks I brought a mountain of shit home from work. I'm always out doing home visits, and I never seem to be able to get anything done in the office.” He looked pale and tired to Mark, and he felt sorry for him. It had been a rough stretch for Jimmy, and Mark knew it. He'd had a tough time too, but things had gotten better for him when his kids came back to California to live with him. He just hoped something happened soon to make things easier for Jimmy. He was a bright, good-looking guy, and a nice one. They hadn't even had time to lob tennis balls at each other lately. The kids were keeping him too busy, and he never seemed to have any free time.