The Cowboy Who Strolled Into Town (99 page)

Chapter 12

Sandra had walked into his house thinking this would be another mess.  But when he approached her in the hallway, she had a feeling something might be different.

When he opened his mouth and said he owed her an apology, she could have fainted on the spot.  It wasn’t what she had been expecting at all.  In fact she figured he would demand an apology from her.  Not only verbally right then and there, but something written up for the papers too.

So when he said he owed her an apology, she just stood there for a second.  Not knowing exactly what to say.  Her mind was going a mile a minute and her words could barely form.  “I think I might owe you an apology too.  I think I’ve misjudged you.” 

She was shocked at the honest words that came from her mouth.  But they were just that honest and heart felt.  Sandra looked at him differently all of the sudden.  She noticed that Harold Washington was a very good looking man.  His black hair was just getting a few touches of gray here and there.  It made him look very sophisticated.

              “Oh shit, I think he’s different?”  She questioned and said to herself at the same time.  She still didn’t trust her instincts on this.  It had been years since Jason Jones, but she still felt the pain of that event. 

Needless to say she had to question anything her heart felt when it came to anyone who was rich.  “But he could be different.”  Her mind stated.

He honestly seemed like he was trying to apologize though.  He wouldn’t do that if he was like Jason.  Jason was not sad for what he had done, not at all; he rubbed it in my face for years.

Sandra had cried so many tears for Jason Jones.  She had given him her whole heart, and when he cheated on her and said the things he had.  It broke her heart into a million pieces. 

Slowly she had put it together.  But there had been times when she was feeling better, and Jason would stab at her again.  He’d call her to ask how she was doing.  Sandra had believed he cared for her several times he done that in the past.

              “Look Sandra, you know I love you.  I’ve missed you so much.”  She remembered he had purred it to her over the phone.

Sandra had smiled thinking he was coming back to her.  She let him back a few times too.  Those had been the worst mistakes of her life.  Each time he had gone back out and cheated with another girl.  Not the same one he had the baby with either.  Hell that might have made it at least a little better.  She could understand him running back to the mother of his baby.  But Jason was just a slut.  He loved women and he couldn’t stick with one female.

It had taken her forever to learn that about him.  The amount of tears she had cried over him had been insane.  When she had finally recovered, she never wanted to let her heart out to any one again.

For that reason over the years she had never dated again.  She did have a few sexual partners, but really not many.  Sandra thought in her head, besides Jason she had been with two other people.

Not many and she didn’t think her heart would ever feel a touch of light again.  But when Harold Washington had apologized she felt an inkling of something.  It wasn’t something she was sure about.  Sandra was also not sure if she liked the feeling.

The last time she had those feelings in her heart, she had hurt far too long.  She looked at Harold’s smile.  It changed his face to something that was amazing.  Sandra couldn’t explain it, but he actually became a mixture of handsome and beautiful at the same time.

              “Oh shit.”  She thought to herself.  “Hold on to your heart Sandra, don’t get carried away.  He didn’t say he wanted to marry you.”  Her mind chastised her feelings.

Chapter 13

Harold had watched her face change as she was processing what he had told her.  Each time that Harold said something that shocked her, he swore he could see her reliving parts of her past.

With his information he was almost positive she would be thinking of Jason Jones at those points.  He could see her face change as she experienced some of the pain from her past.  It hurt him to see that pain in her eyes.  The look made him think of Emily and the pain she had gone through in the end.

Harold realized something at that point.  He had seen this look of pain in her eyes more than once.  It had always been when she was pleading with him to end her life.

              “Harold please just let me die.  I don’t want to have this pain anymore.”  Emily had begged more than once.

              “I can’t Emily, I love you too much.  I don’t want to let you go.”  He had cried.

              “If you really loved me Harold you would let me go.”  Emily had pleaded.

Harold realized just how badly he had hurt Emily in those last few years.  He felt bad about it.  “I’m not a nice guy.”  Harold thought to himself.

He tried to focus on Sandra, she was just like Emily.  He loved that about her.  Was there more he loved about her?  Was it far to have her just so he could have the parts of her that were just like Emily?

He didn’t know if he really cared of not.  But when she agreed to give him a second change he knew he was going to use that to his benefit.

              “So the first thing I’m going to do is call David and get your job back for you.”  Harold told her.

              “Really you don’t need too.  I can find another job on my own.”  Sandra said.

              “But you shouldn’t have been fired.  I did deserve your comments.”  Harold stated.

              “No I should have been fired I would do it if I was the CEO of the company.”  Sandra admitted.

              “But what about your school loans, how will you continue to pay those?”  Harold asked.

He watched her face as she went from calm and serine to angry.

              “What did you just ask me?  How do you know about those?  Not even Jack knows I’m still paying on them.”  Sandra looked at him with a glare.

Harold knew he had messed up as soon as he had noticed her face get angry.  “Shit I will have to explain this one.”  He thought.

He let his head sink.  “I’m really sorry.  You have to understand I can’t go by my instinct all the time.  A beautiful woman who stands up for herself can happen quite often.  I know it makes me seems cynical, but I have to be careful.  I may not have an heir to my fortune yet, but I hope to one day.”  Harold stated.  “I hired a man to look into your background and make sure you weren’t someone looking for money.”  Harold figured it was best just to say it and get it over with.

Sandra’s mouth fell open at his words.  “You did what?  You have absolutely no right to pry into my personal life.  I didn’t invite you into it.  I didn’t ask you for help?  Maybe I wasn’t wrong about you.  You use your money to control people.”  She looked at him disgustedly.

              “I deserve it, but I’m not trying to control you at all.  Don’t you understand that?  I don’t want to control you, no I think you’re perfect just the way you are.  You’re so much like Emily.”  Harold stated.

Chapter 14

Sandra was appalled at learning he had run a background check on her.  “How dare you do that?”  She had said a lot more but by that time she had no conscious control over the words.  They flew out on their own.  She couldn’t have stopped if she wanted too.  Her anger controlled her at points like this.

Then we he said.  “I deserve it, but I’m not trying to control you at all.  Don’t you understand that?  I don’t want to control you, no I think you’re perfect just the way you are.  You’re so much like Emily.” 

She could have been knocked over again.  “Oh my goodness he isn’t doing it on purpose.  He’s honestly just like this.  He’s cautious.”  What’s wrong with that?  She asked herself.

Sandra herself was just as cautious about her life.  Well her personal life that was, because her career was done.  Unless she actually let him call David and get her job back.  But right now Sandra didn’t want to focus on that at all.  She wanted instead to study and learn more about Harold.

At that moment she wished she had access to his type of connections.  She would run a background check on him too. 

              “Who’s Emily?”  Sandra asked honestly.

She watched as his eyes clouded with pain.  “She’s my wife.”  He saw her shocked face and held his hand up.  “I’m not done and I said that wrong.  She was my wife; she’s been dead for 10 years.”  Harold stated.

              “Oh my goodness, I’m so sorry.”  Sandra uttered.

She wondered how she was like this Emily.  But then she saw the pain in his eyes and felt bad for yelling at him once again. 

              “Look it seems like I’m judging you by someone else’s record.  I don’t mean too.  Really I’m sorry I can’t apologize enough for my behavior.  How did she die?” 

              “She had lung cancer.  It ate her up bad.  I wasn’t a very good husband in the end either.”  Harold hung his head and shook it back and forth.

              “I’m sure you were just having trouble dealing with the upcoming loss of your wife.”  Sandra said she really felt like hugging him.  Not sexually, but to comfort him. 

She walked over to him and put her arms around him.  Sandra felt as the tension in his body left.  He broke down and cried in her arms.  She didn’t know what to say, so she just stood there and let him cry.

Sandra’s heart lurched at that moment.  She knew a lot of the feelings that were coming up from her were sympathy.  But she felt another pull of her heart.  It was that one that held the area of love.  She couldn’t let it out.  However, she felt it beating against the wall she had thrown up and built up through the pain of Jason.

Chapter 15

As soon as she asked who Emily Harold knew he was lost.  He told her about Emily.  “I wasn’t a very good husband at the end.”  He said, and it was the first time he’d admitted to another person.

He broke down and cried for the pain he had put Emily through in the end.  He didn’t want to ever be selfish like that again in his life. 

She walked up and put her arms around him.  Harold wrapped his arms around her tightly.  The comfort of her arms around him made him feel better.  He hadn’t felt this good in such a long time.

Harold was shocked she let him cry.  He didn’t feel very manly, but it was a release his body and mind needed.  He could feel the pain dripping off of his heart as he let go of the honest truth.

              “I wasn’t I let her suffer just so I could hang onto her longer.”  He cried out.

He felt her wrap her arms around him tighter.  “Shh, it’s okay you only did what we all try to do.”  Sandra comforted him.

Harold knew at that point he loved her.  If he loved her for Sandra or for how much she was like Emily though, he wasn’t sure yet.  But he held onto her tighter, pulling her closer.

As the tears slowed down Harold realized that he was feeling other things holding her tightly.  He felt bad for thinking of Emily and crying about her death, then suddenly feeling like he wanted to make love to Sandra.

He pulled away, it wasn’t right.  Not now he thought.  Plus he was quite confused on who he was feeling the thoughts for honestly.  If it was for his long dead wife, or for this coal black beauty he found in front of him.

Harold looked at her closely just studying her more.  He looked at the green emerald pools of her eyes.  He could melt into them.  They weren’t Emily’s eyes.  So these feelings of adoration he felt when looking at her eyes were for Sandra.

He was so scared to trust his instincts though.  His mind was shouting out, “You’re in love!” 

But he fought it as hard as he could.  “This isn’t possible.  Not at all, how can it be?  She’s 12 years my junior, how can I love her?”  He thought to himself.

Searching for the answers he had to confront some of his past.  It wasn’t really something he wanted to do in front of her though.  He felt naked and exposed to her.  He had just broke down crying about his wife, how could he do it again?  Because these were things about him he would have to face.  “You’re flaws, you mean?”  His mind formed the words that he didn’t want to admit.

              “I’m sorry.  I didn’t mean for that to happen.”  He apologized to Sandra.  “It’s just so raw right now.”  He saw her puzzled look and quickly went on to explain.  “Not Emily’s death, that’s not raw.  I just finally admitted how selfish I was with her life.  I watched her suffer needless pain because I didn’t want to give her up.  How much of an asshole does that make me?  No don’t answer please, because I’ve figured it out.  I’m not a person I would like at all.  What in the world, how could I never see it before?”  He stopped not wanting to go on any further.  Because if he did he would tell her everything about him and he couldn’t do that.

He was so scared in so many ways right now.  Harold knew he was facing a huge decision in his life.  He was faced by it and he wanted to run from it.  However, there was a part of him that was fighting to release all of the pain.

              “She’s the right one.  You’re safe.”  He heard his mind say.

Harold looked down.  Sandra touched his chin and told him.  “We’ve all been there before.  We’ve all made mistakes that we wish we could take back.  The problem is that it often happens at the point where you can’t go back.  I’ve been there too many times.  I’m here if you need me.”  She stated.

He looked in her eyes and knew she was telling him the truth.  Tears poured from his eyes at the realization.  “How did this happen?”  He asked out loud.

She looked at him confused not knowing what to say.

              “No you don’t know I haven’t said it yet.  I didn’t want to believe it, but it’s hard not to.  But I just don’t understand it at all.  I’m so confused right now.”  He looked at her the pain obvious in his eyes.

Chapter 16

She looked and saw that raw pain in his eyes and knew exactly how he felt.  It was at that point that she also realized she loved him.  But she didn’t know how the hell it had happened.  She had almost hated this man no more than 15 minutes before.                “How did this happen?” 

He said the words at almost the same time she thought them.  Sandra wasn’t sure if he’d said it or not.  She just looked up at him and stared.

He added.  “No you don’t know I haven’t said it yet.  I didn’t want to believe it, but it’s hard not to.  But I just don’t understand it at all.  I’m so confused right now.” 

Sandra was shocked it had been exactly what she had been thinking too.  “I don’t know either.”  She finally stated and just thought.

“He’s feeling the same way as she did.  As she had just this morning before she had left the house.  No actually today when she had learned that Harold had searched her past.”  She thought.

Oh that’s right what could he have pulled up on me?  He could have found out about Jason.  She wondered about those records, did he know?  She felt the shame of having allowed Jason to take advantage of her so many times.  Sandra was ashamed at the admission.  She knew it was because she had loved Jason so much. 

She had given herself to him completely.  He had become an obsession to her.  Sandra craved him in a way that had scared her at that time.  Maybe it was because he was so good looking she had fallen so quickly. 

Sandra had to wonder why she had let Jason so close.  But as she was reeling in the thought of her heart feeling something for Harold, she almost cried.

Then she had seen the look of pain in his eyes and knew he would understand her.  She also knew that no matter what he said, she would understand it.

              “It’s okay I’m here for you.”  She had wrapped her arms around him again, waiting for him to talk.

Sandra understood how confused he was, she was fighting her own battle of wills internally. 

              “You love him, you know that now don’t you?”  Her mind asked.  It was a quiet little shy voice in her head.  Sandra wanted to cry at the realization.  She couldn’t figure out how it had happened.  Why it had happened? 

              “I’ve been there before as well.  I don’t know what you pulled up on me.  But I’m going to tell you something I’ve never told a soul.  Something that will for the first time be said out loud to anyone; I hope I can trust you.”  She said.

He looked down at her and said.  “You can trust me I would never hurt you.”  She saw the truth in his eyes and melted.

The tears erupted from her eyes as she began talking.  “How can I love you?”  She didn’t mean to say it out loud but it was there. 

Quickly she started telling her story.  Hoping he hadn’t heard her words.  “His name was Jason Jones and he was my college love.  Hell the only man I loved.  Until now.”  She added the last part slowly and very quietly.  “I was so in love with him that I took him back so many times even after he cheated on me.  It was too many times to admit too.  But I was so lonely I needed someone’s touch.  Why did I trust him?  It made me hate him and in the process I used that judgment against you.  It was unfair of me.  I’m sorry I hope you can forgive me of this.”  Sandra said.

Harold pulled her closer kissing the top of her head.