The Cowboy's Baby Bond (12 page)

Did Johnny think he could rebuild the past? Maybe he could. Willow couldn't. She could only hope to make the future better. She smiled at Sarah. “Our place will be nice, too,” she said. “It will be our home and we'll be a family.”

Celia studied Johnny with narrow-eyed concentration. “Do you plan to sleep in the cabin or under the stars?” Her voice carried a bite, causing Willow to think she meant her question as an insult.

Johnny smiled without rancor. “I'll sleep in the cabin, though outside is nice. My ma loved the outdoors. She could name every plant and animal, knew which plants were good for eating or medicine. She had a wild mare she'd caught and tamed.” He chuckled softly. “No one else could ride her, and after Ma died, my pa turned the horse back to the wild herd. My older brother, Tanner, has captured some of her descendants and is planning to start a herd from them.”

Sarah's eyes filled with wonder. “A wild horse.” She turned to Willow. “Can I have a horse?”

“Maybe in the future.” Willow could promise no more. Would they ever have the room or money or need for a horse other than the old mare who pulled the wagon?

Sarah sighed ever so softly, as if she didn't want anyone to guess at her disappointment. “Your ma sounds nice,” she told Johnny.

He told them the story of how his ma was injured and running away from the soldiers and how his pa rescued her. “They fell in love and married. Pa never expected her to be anything more or less than what she was.”

Was it possible that someday a man could look at Willow and accept her for who she was—sins and all?

“Her favorite place to worship God was in a grove of trees. You go through a little pathway to the clearing in the center and when you look up, the branches come together in arches. We call it the cathedral of the trees. Tanner and Susanne were married there.”

Celia pushed herself to her feet. “We planning to put down roots here or are we going on?”

“It's time to move, isn't it?” Johnny threw away the last drops of his coffee.

Willow gathered up their things and prepared to leave, though she wasn't overly eager to face the day, which she suspected would be full of unkind comments from Celia. Her anticipation at reaching Granite Creek had become laced with apprehension as she thought of being cooped up in the same house as her. No doubt she'd have biting comments about everything. Willow could only hope that, over time, her sister would change.

They were soon on their way, everyone quiet except for Sarah and Adam, who played together. Their happy sounds soothed Willow's troubled thoughts. For these two she meant to create a safe and cheerful home.

At midmorning the stopping station came into view.

“Can we let Esther and her father know we found my sisters?” Willow wondered if Johnny would agree or insist they push on. And who could blame him if he did? Not only had they kept him from his plans, but Celia had been so rude.

“I don't think she'd be happy if we didn't stop.” He turned the wagon toward the low house.

Sarah pressed herself to Willow's back. “Is this where we're going to live?” she asked, both eagerness and caution in her voice, as if she feared to hope.

“No. We're going to say hello to some friends.” She explained about Esther and her father, though she didn't bother going into detail about how the man had acted when they first arrived. She glanced toward the stump. He wasn't there, so perhaps his change had stuck.

Esther was carrying a bucket to the barn and turned at their approach. She tented her free hand over her eyes and studied them. Then with a whoop, she dropped the bucket and trotted toward them, her hat flopping down her back so her hair fell free.

Willow glanced back to gauge her sisters' response. Sarah's eyes were wide and Celia's frown disappeared into surprise and then a fleeting smile. Even without speaking, Esther had that effect on others. Willow hid her grin as she turned to answer her greeting.

Mr. Owen came from around the back of the house and waved.

“You found them. Praise the Lord.” Esther lifted her face heavenward. “I knew You heard us, but it's good to see the evidence. Thank You.” Her gaze came back to Willow. “Your prayers have been answered.”

“And yours.” Willow was grateful and so glad to see Esther. Willow's faltering faith grew by leaps and bounds in her presence. Perhaps Esther would have the same effect on her sister. But Celia's expression gave away nothing.

Willow turned back to Esther. “It's good to see you again.”

“Come in and tell me all about it over coffee.”

Willow looked to see if Johnny was agreeable. He set the brake and tied the reins. He'd already made up his mind to have a visit.

Seeing his actions, the girls jumped down, and Esther embraced Sarah. “You are a sweet child.” She smiled at Willow. “Thank You, God, for the sweetness of this one.”

The awestruck expression on Sarah's face made Willow chuckle.

Esther released Sarah and swept Celia into her arms. Celia stiffened like a board.

“Goodness, girl. You're so full of fear I can feel it clear to my boots. Lord, heal this poor child's heart. Bring her to the place of joy You have planned for her.”

She released Celia, who looked half angry, half shocked. Willow caught her breath and hoped her sister wouldn't say or do something insulting.

Esther next hugged Willow, kissed Adam on the top of the head and patted Johnny's shoulder.

They gathered about the table and drank coffee and water, ate fresh bread with syrup and told of their adventures. When Willow mentioned the two men who'd threatened her sisters, Esther grew still and sat back.

“They don't sound like the sort to be reasonable. You be careful. Hear?”

“We will.” Willow nodded.

Esther rushed on as if Willow hadn't spoken. “God, You see everything. Even the hearts of men like these. Protect my friends from any evil those two might have in mind. Give them eyes to see and ears to hear signs of danger.” She turned back to those at the table without missing so much as a beat. “Been more visitors through here than normal the last couple days. A family in a wagon heading west with plans to claim some land and start a new life. Two men who made me nervous, but I don't think they were the two you speak of. Their names were Chester and Luke.”

“We've met that pair.” Johnny told of their encounter and made Willow's pretend story of Adam being sick into an amusing tale.

Esther laughed. “I doubt you'll see them again. They talked about getting as far away from civilization as possible.”

Willow caught Celia's watchful gaze on her. What did she make of all this? As soon as she realized Willow was looking at her, she ducked her head. But Willow wasn't dismayed this time. Esther had prayed for her sister. That would surely make a difference.

What would happen if Willow added her prayers to Esther's? Would God hear and answer? What harm was there in trying?
God, help us all learn again to be a family
.

Johnny rose, signaling it was time to take their leave. “Thank you for everything.” The others thanked their hostess and returned to the wagon. Esther followed them and reached up to take Willow's hand.

“I'll pray for you every day.”

“Thank you.”

Esther took Celia's and Sarah's hands. “I'll pray for both of you, as well. Keep them safe. Heal their hurts.”

Willow understood Esther's final words were prayers.

They traveled onward, but the silence held a different feeling than previously. It was a calmness brought on by Esther's trusting prayers.

“She surely does love Jesus,” Sarah said some time later. “Just like Mama did.”

Just like Mama. Just like Mama
. The words reverberated through Willow's head. If she wanted a home like Mama and Papa's, she would need to trust God as they had.

Could she do it? Was she prepared to?

She turned to Johnny. “Is trusting as easy as Esther makes it appear?” Had Willow let other things come in and make it seem complicated?

“Depends on whether you're talking about trusting people or trusting God. I think trusting God is easy because He always keeps His word. But trusting people isn't, because they don't always tell the truth.”

His words speared her heart. Johnny would never trust her because she couldn't tell the truth. He would judge her for her lack of honesty as much as he'd judge her for her indiscretion with Adam's father. So why did she let herself think otherwise? Why did she let herself hope there was even a possibility they could get on? She could not deny the reason. She had grown fond of him. Over the few days they'd been together, she'd seen in him the sort of caring her father had taught her to expect in a man. Something she'd seen little of in the past two years. Dare she even hope he'd see her in a similar way?

“Sometimes there are secrets that aren't ours to tell,” she mustered herself to say.

“If they aren't your secrets, that's a different thing. But if a person hides their secrets, sooner or later the truth will be revealed. Wouldn't it be better to say something before it's learned accidentally?”

She suspected he wasn't speaking of her, but of his past hurts. “You're talking about your ex-fiancée. Her reasons were dishonest. What if a person has honest reasons for not telling the whole truth?” Willow's guilt stung and she felt the need to defend herself, even though she feared her secret would always be a barrier to any relationship. But remorse crept up on her. This was not the time or place for such a talk, however. Certainly she hadn't meant for the conversation to go in this direction. She'd been looking only for reassurance about trusting God.

Johnny must have felt the same discomfort, for he said, “But you were asking about God, weren't you?”

She nodded, grateful for his words.

He caught her hand and held it. He might have reached into her chest and squeezed her heart, given the reaction she had. Why did she let this man affect her so strongly when she knew without a doubt that her secret would not allow anything beyond neighborly kindness?

“Willow, God can be trusted. I think the hard part is giving up one's doubts. You know, those little thoughts that say if God is so good why do bad things happen?”

Her insides knotted. Her hand fisted and he tightened his grip on it.

“Why do they?” she whispered.

“I have no answer except what I said before. God's surprises always are for our good.”

He said it differently than he had before and she grasped at the idea, wanting to understand, wanting to believe.

“Maisie does needlework and one day I said it looked messy,” Johnny continued. “She laughed and said I was looking at the wrong side, then turned it over to reveal a beautiful bouquet of roses. She said life was like that. We see the wrong side of a beautiful picture. I said I didn't want to live in the underside. It was ugly. She said God generously allows us to catch glimpses of the beauty.”

“I ache to see a glimpse of it,” Willow exclaimed. She'd seen a hint in these few days with Johnny. It wasn't enough. She wanted more. Day after day, year after year.

He tugged at her hand, drew her gaze to him. He smiled and tipped his head toward the back of the wagon. “Isn't Adam a taste of the beauty? And Sarah's sweet faith? Isn't finding your sisters unharmed another?”

She assessed his words and then nodded. She should be happy with this and not ache for more. “Of course. Here I am, looking for the big answers and overlooking the little ones.” She smiled at him, but the happiness did not reach her heart. She would not let him know how empty and alone she felt.

His eyes contained a conviction so evident she wondered why she couldn't be content with these little glimpses.

Before she could contemplate the reason, Adam, who had been playing happily with Sarah, plopped down on his bottom and wailed.

Willow picked him up. “He's hungry.”

“We'll halt there.” Johnny pointed to the trees a few hundred yards from the trail and turned the wagon in that direction.

As soon as they stopped, she dug out the last of the biscuits and handed one to Adam. He gnawed on it and gave her a teary-eyed look. “We'll be home tonight, sweetie, and I'll make you a good meal.”

“I'm sorry I don't have better food,” Johnny said.

“I'm not complaining. Especially as it's not your responsibility to look after us. Neither of us expected this trip would take so long.” Though she did not regret it. It would be one of those pleasant memories she would tuck into the treasure chest in her heart along with memories of her parents. On dark, discouraging days, she could choose one of those pleasant reminiscences to bring out and relive.

The idea should cheer her. It didn't. Rather, it sucked her insides dry. She wanted more than a past. She wanted a future.

“Are we going to eat or chat?” Celia asked.

Willow ignored her sister's rudeness and echoed Esther's prayer.
God, heal her hurts
. Had their parents' deaths been more traumatic for Celia than for Willow and Sarah? Or was there something more? And if so, would she ever trust Willow enough to tell her?

Johnny said grace and they ate quickly.

Celia grabbed the canteens. “I'll fill these with fresh water.” She headed for the river.

Willow settled back on her elbows and enjoyed watching Johnny entertain Adam, bringing giggles from the baby as he ducked behind a tree, then poked his head out and said, “Boo.”

Sarah lay on her back staring at the clouds. “I like Miss Esther. I think she sees God when she prays. I wish I could see Him.”

Willow wanted to reassure her little sister. “She sees Him with her heart.”

“I see Him with my heart, too.”

“I'm glad. Maybe you can help us all to see Him, as well.”