Authors: Joanne Schwehm
The sun peeked through my blinds as I felt an unfamiliar warmth next to me. I turned my head. Bentley was sleeping, his hair perfectly messy and his scruff a little thicker but still sexy as hell. His right eye slowly opened, and he smiled.
“Good morning, Ms. Jordan.” He kissed my forehead then my nose, and then his lips gently grazed mine.
I licked my lips. “Good morning yourself, Mr. Chambers. Would you like some breakfast? I could make us something.” I nestled closer to him.
“I wish I could, but I have a meeting today. I need to head back to the city.”
His words saddened me, and I felt his loss already. He slung his legs over the side of the bed, slid on his boxers, then put on the rest of his clothes. Before I knew it, his perfect body was covered. He walked into my bathroom.
I was so disappointed—I had no idea he’d be leaving this morning. Why I felt as if New York City were a thousand miles away from Jersey was beyond me, but I felt as if he may as well have been leaving for California. I’d thought he’d be here longer.
I got up, threw on my running clothes, grabbed a hair tie off my dresser, and threw my hair in a ponytail. My reflection was bleak as I looked at the pictures stuck in the wooden mirror frame: me and Gina, my parents, and me holding my first script. The worst was the newspaper clipping taped to the bottom right-hand corner. I looked at that title every day and told myself it wasn’t about me—“Acting isn’t for the faint of heart.”
Before I knew it, Bentley was behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist. He rested his chin on my shoulder, and his beard tickled my cheek. We looked at each other in the mirror, and his eyes landed on the newspaper clipping.
“Do you have reminders all over the place?” His chest vibrated against my back as he spoke.
“Reminders?” My voice fluctuated as I tried to reel in my emotions.
“Yeah, you know . . . this article, the reviews you keep, and the picture of the marquee with your name on it. Not to mention the numerous theater programs scattered all over.”
I shrugged out of his embrace and sat on the edge of the bed. My feet shifted on the carpet.
He walked over and knelt between my legs. His hands settled on my thighs. “Andi?”
“Don’t, Bentley. I know what you’re thinking, so you don’t need to say it. You need to go anyway, and I need to go on my run.” I tried to stand, but his hands were like weights on my legs.
“I know what you’re doing.” His eyes were fixed on mine, waiting for me to confirm whatever he was thinking.
“Really? What’s that?” I crossed my arms.
“You’re pushing me away.”
“Why would I do that?”
“Because you showed me that you’re vulnerable, and you’re afraid.”
My head lowered. He was correct, but having someone see that side of me wasn’t in my repertoire. I was a bit anxious.
His index finger went under my chin, and he raised my head. “This isn’t a one-night thing for me, Andi. I want to come back tonight if that’s okay. We never did watch our movie.”
“You do?” I didn’t know why I felt the need to constantly question him. Maybe it was because out of everyone I knew, he was the one who had inserted doubt into my life.
“Of course I do. Don’t you want me to? We also need to run more lines.” He winked, and my lips curled into a smile. His lips mirrored mine. “Is that a yes?”
“Yes. I’d like that.”
“Perfect, then I’ll see you later. I have to meet my mother, but I’ll be back.” He placed a chaste kiss on my lips and left.
I went into the bathroom to brush my teeth. I needed to get outside and start my run before I went to rehearsal. I grabbed my phone, my headphones, and a small bottle of water, placed them in a running holster around my waist, and headed outside. Running normally cleared my head, but today my brain was too full of scattered thoughts. I needed to talk to Gina about last night. I could only imagine what she’d think. Once I hit my stride, I felt so much better, and I couldn’t wait to get home. I’d never run so fast.
Once home, I stripped out of my sweaty clothes and got in the shower. The past day played through my mind. I couldn’t believe all that had happened, and I wondered if being with Bentley was meant to be. What would’ve happened if I’d nailed my performance? I never would’ve met him. For once, I was glad he thought I sucked. I laughed as I shampooed my hair. What a ludicrous thought. But on some weird level, it was completely true. I rinsed off, stepped out of the shower, and dried off. My hair was naturally wavy, so I let it air dry. I threw on a pair of jeans that perfectly hugged my body and a cute white top.
I grabbed my phone to text Gina.
Andi:
G, you’re never going to believe what happened.
Gina:
I bet I can guess.
Andi:
Really?
Gina:
You slept with him.
Oh my God!
Andi:
Why would you think that?
Gina:
Um . . . because I saw him and he’s hot as fuck and if you didn’t I would’ve thought something was wrong with you—like your vagina dried up!
Andi:
OMG, you did not just say that!
Gina:
Well?
Andi:
Want to come over for coffee?
Gina:
Am I right? Was he fantastic?
Andi:
Come over, and I’ll tell you all about it.
Gina:
Fine, but I have an appointment at noon.
Andi:
Okay. See you soon.
I walked into the kitchen and stared at the counter, remembering how hot Bentley was. The bowl of stale popcorn was proof that I hadn’t dreamed up everything. It was real . . . he was real.
After I finished cleaning the kitchen, I sat on the sofa and reread my script. Justin texted me that he’d be at the theater early if I wanted to meet him there. I loved running lines with Bentley, but if this was going to work, I needed to rehearse with Justin. Kissing him would be even more like work now.
With a knock on my door, Gina walked in. “Hey, chick! Your neighbor was walking out and let me in.” She tossed her purse on the chair and plopped down on the sofa. “So tell me. Was he as good as he looks?” I threw a pillow at her, making her laugh. “I knew it!” She tossed the pillow back. “Ha!”
I leaned against the back cushion. “It’s so strange, ya know?”
“No, I don’t know. The sex was strange?” Giddy didn’t come close to describing the way Gina was acting. She was acting like a teenager hearing about sex for the first time.
“First of all, I didn’t say we had sex.” I extended my hand and studied my nails.
“You didn’t have to. You look totally satisfied.” Gina giggled.
My lips curled. “Well, I’m not exactly sure what that means, but yeah. Am I crazy? I mean, I really feel like I’m losing it.”
“Tell me what happened.” She crossed her legs under her, waiting for me to give her details.
“Well, we started talking—I mean, really talking—and I told him about my parents and their plans for me. Oh, and Brett has some complicated relationship issue going on, so I’d stay away from that one.” I shrugged.
Gina’s lips quirked. “Figures. The good looking ones are always taken or fucked up.”
The corners of my mouth dropped, and I felt the blood drain from my face. “Do you think? No. Do you? Oh my God, I never asked! Holy shit!” I felt my blood pressure rise, and I was sure I was going to have a heart attack. What if I wasn’t the only one he was seeing? I mean, he was beautiful. How many others could there be? When did he have time? Were we all actresses? My brain shot scenarios around like a pinball machine.
Gina’s eyes widened as she studied me. “What the hell just went through your head? You look sick.”
“Bentley. I never asked him if he had a girlfriend. I thought about asking, but before I knew it, I was on the counter with my legs wrapped around him.” My head dropped in my hands.
“You screwed him in your kitchen? Getting kinky, girlfriend!”
My head popped up. Gina was looking toward my kitchen, smirking.
“No! That’s where it started, but what if he has someone? I’m so stupid. I should’ve asked.”
Gina placed her hand on my leg, which was rapidly bouncing up and down. “Do you really think he does? I mean, come on. I think you’re looking for something to be wrong here.”
“I honestly don’t know. I hope not. And I wouldn’t intentionally screw this up.” I grabbed my phone and texted the question that I should’ve asked last night. Sheer panic set in. I was officially jealous, and it was all his fault. I’d never felt this way before, and I wasn’t sure how to handle it other than the way I handled everything else—head on.
Andi:
Do you have a girlfriend?
I set the phone on the coffee table as if it were burning my hand.
Gina picked it up and looked at it. “Oh my God! I can’t believe you just did that!”
“Why?”
She shook her head. “Um, I don’t know . . . you basically just accused him of being a cheater.” My phone dinged. Gina looked at it and handed me the phone. “Shit.”
Bentley:
Are you serious?
Well, that wasn’t an answer. I looked at Gina. She was the one who looked sick now. My fingers frantically punched letters on my phone.
Andi:
Yes.
Bentley:
First of all, I don’t cheat.
I closed my eyes. I should’ve listened to Gina. I was an idiot. I needed to regroup.
Andi:
I didn’t say you did.
Okay, I did, but I’d needed to be sure. Fuck. This was a mistake of epic proportions.
Bentley:
Second, if I had a girlfriend, I wouldn’t have slept with you. Does that answer your question?
I felt like an ass . . . a dumbass. Why had I sent that text? I stared at my phone for a beat.
Andi:
Yes.
Bentley:
Good.
Andi:
I’m sorry.
Nothing. No reply.
“See! This is why I haven’t had a relationship in years.” I tossed my phone aside.
“I think you need to relax and enjoy whatever’s going on between you guys.” Gina’s head tilted. “What is going on?”
“To be honest, I have feelings for him, and I think he does for me too. I’m scared, and I’m getting distracted from my work. This isn’t me, but he makes me question myself.” For once in my life, I wasn’t focused on my craft. I’d let my heart get involved. “Maybe I find his opinion so important because he’s always thought I was lacking, but I’m so irritated with myself. He shouldn’t even be a factor—the play should be—but it’s too late for that now.” I dropped my head in my hands and rubbed my temples before looking at Gina, who looked as stunned as I felt. “You do realize that if I lose this role or this play gets shut down, I’ll have to find a ‘real’ job right? I don’t’ know of any shows looking for actresses that have to audition to keep their jobs. My savings is just about depleted, and I’m not going to ask my parents for anything out of my trust fund.”
Gina walked into my kitchen and brought us each a Diet Coke. “Look, don’t get ahead of yourself. It’ll work out.” She placed her hand on mine. “You’re talking yourself out of something because you’re scared. What’s the sense of living if you don’t let yourself feel?”
The bottle hissed as I unscrewed the top of my soda and let her words sink in. “Yeah, maybe. I don’t like uncertainty, and between my career and my heart, that’s all I have.”
She sighed. “Don’t keep fighting what life throws at you. Try to go with it.”
Maybe she was right, but something felt off. I didn’t know if it was because I’d spent the night in the arms of the man I’d once hated or the stupid text I’d sent him. My phone dinged. I couldn’t have grabbed it fast enough.
Gina’s brows rose at my haste. “Seriously, I’ve never seen you like this.”
“Shut up.” I took a breath and looked at my phone. To say I wasn’t disappointed it was a text from Justin and not Bentley would have been a lie. I looked at her. “It’s Justin.”
Gina perked up. “Ooh, tell him I said he’s hot.” She laughed.
“Seriously? Go for Seth, but if you want me to tell him . . .”
She grabbed my arm. “Don’t you dare!”
I smiled and read the text.
Justin:
Hey, I’m on my way to the theater.
Andi:
I’ll be there soon.
Justin:
Later.
“Everything will be fine. Don’t worry about it.” Gina got up and kissed me on the top of my head. “I’m going to head out for my appointment.”
“Okay.”
“I’ll see you later. Let me know if you want to hang out after rehearsal. If you’re getting together with Bentley, that’s fine too.”