The Darkest of Shadows (44 page)

“I promised myself, after the accident, that I would never care for anyone else. That I would never love anyone else. I gave up all my friends, I turned my back on everyone who ever meant anything to me in my life, because I couldn’t stand to lose another living soul. I couldn’t let go of Reed or my dad. I wanted to, but I couldn’t—and that is my weakness, because if anything happened to them, I’m not sure I’d survive.”

“I won’t promise that nothing will ever happen to them, because that would be a lie,” Lawrence comforted me. “But what I can offer is to stand beside you if and when that tragedy does come about.”

“I can’t love you, Lawrence,” I sobbed against his chest, a dry, sad sound. “I can’t let myself feel that much for you, because you are my every day. Reed, my dad, I couldn’t forget them, but I could distance them from my daily life. You
are
my daily life, and I’m not sure I could find the distraction necessary to move on without you there.”

“I’m not asking you to love me, Lilly,” he countered. “If it makes it easier for you, just call me a friend. Label me, in your mind, whatever it takes for you to be OK with us.”

“Friends with benefits,” I surprised myself by joking.

He chuckled. “Definitely friends with benefits.”

“I’ve done it again,” I admitted in defeat.

“Done what?”

“I made your life complicated. I have a little meltdown, and you come along and clean it up. I should be the one helping you.”

“You do help me,” he assured me. “Please believe me when I tell you that you actually make me a better person, a better businessman, and a more responsible citizen of this world. Your vulnerability is what makes it possible for me to see the world in a new light. To see what needs changing, to see where I should be lending my support. I’ve done more charity work in the two years you have been with me than I ever did before, and that’s because you have made me realize that there are people out there who need some help. Some lots, some not so much. But helping you is one of the rewards of my day, because it helps me to remember my humanity.”

“You confuse me, Lawrence.” I sighed.

“I know, Lilly,” he whispered in response. “I know.”

Charlie and Frost met us the instant that we got off the plane, and I was surprised at how happy I was to see them. I gave them both a hug and was astonished when Frost actually returned it. His strong arms wrapped around my body and gave me a bear hug that took my breath away.

“Ah, my girl.” Charlie laughed as he swung me around in his arms. “I’ve missed your smiling face. And your incessant chattering,” he added with a wicked grin.

I spent the next half hour in the car, grilling them both on what they had been up to while on holidays. Frost only nodded in response to my litany of questions, but Charlie was a fountain of stories, some of which I wished I had never heard. Apparently Ibiza was lovely at this time of year, and so were the women. Good grief.

Frost had gone skiing in New Zealand, so there wasn’t much to that story, other than the confirming nod that apparently the snow was great and he had enjoyed himself.

Lawrence’s business in LA took longer than expected, which was fine with me, because I got to take Charlie shoe shopping. His favorite excursion of all—but I did let him drag me along to a sports store on the way home, so he would stop pouting.

We flew back to London via Rome to check on the sale that Lawrence had canceled so we could visit William; so within a week, I had circumnavigated the globe.

“You do realize that we just flew the entire way around the world?” I asked Lawrence, as we rode up in the elevator when we got back to the London office.

“I guess we did.” He sounded tired, and after a quick appraisal, I noticed that he looked it, too.

When the elevator stopped, Lawrence started to walk into his office, but I stopped him short. I grabbed his arm and shook my head at him. “No, you’re not,” I told him, and he followed with a confused expression on his face as I dragged him through to the apartment.

“Where are we going?” He still sounded tired, but with a hint of amusement in his tone.

“We’re going to bed,” I informed him, as I shut the door to our bedroom behind him. “You’re going to sleep, and then tomorrow you can work,” I instructed, as I pulled his jacket from his shoulders and unbuttoned his shirt.

“I kind of like you looking after me,” he said as I pulled his shirt off. “I’ve got a bit of a sore back; what are my chances of getting that massaged?”

“Very good chance.” I smiled at him as I backed him across the room. “As long as you promise to sleep in tomorrow morning, I’ll massage any part of you that needs attention.”

We did sleep in the next morning, and it was wonderful to wake up at our leisure, especially considering how much I knew that Lawrence needed it.

“Feel better?” I rolled over to lie along his body when he stirred to wakefulness the next morning. I had been up for about half an hour but was content to just lie beside him and watch him sleep. Even asleep, he looked dominant and very masculine.

“Much better,” he said, and pulled me down for a kiss. “Sometimes the travel is harsh.”

I laughed. “You don’t have to tell me.” I remembered a time when I was exhausted after a trip to the States.

“Thank you for reminding me to sleep,” he told me.

“Oh, it was entirely my pleasure,” I assured him, my eyes reminding him exactly how much pleasure it had been last night.

He slapped a hand against my naked rump. “Minx.” He laughed and rolled back over, so that I was trapped beneath him. His phone buzzed before he could say any more, and with a groan of frustration, he reached across to grab it.

“Monterey,” his deep voice answered, but his gaze stayed glued to me as I lay beneath him.

“Nicholas.” He relaxed a little when he realized who it was and lowered himself, so that he could lay a tantalizing trail of kisses across my chest, all the while he maintained a conversation with Nicholas on the other end of the line.

“Uh-huh.”

“No, she’s here.” She most certainly was; she just wished Nicholas wasn’t.

“No, that sounds great,” he agreed to something.

“See you then,” he announced, then threw the phone off the bed, and I totally forgot to ask what Nicholas wanted.

It wasn’t till later, much later, that I remembered he had called. We managed to make it to work by lunchtime, and Lawrence had been sequestered in there with meeting after meeting ever since. I grabbed him between appointments to check a few things, and it was then that he told me about Nicholas.

“We’re having dinner with Nicholas tonight,” he told me, as he signed a document that I placed before him.

“Oh. OK.” It would have been nice to stay home, but I didn’t mind if it was just Nicholas.

“He’s bringing a date,” he added with a grin.

“Really.” I shouldn’t have been surprised. Nicholas had taken to bringing friends to dinner lately, and so far they were failing to impress either of us. “Gosh, I hope he didn’t get this one from an agency!” I joked.

“I’m not sure where he got this one from,” Lawrence admitted. “But considering what he normally gets around with, I’m not holding out much hope for her.”

“Not everyone is as lucky as you,” I reminded him jokingly.

“Don’t I know it.” he rose and wrapped an arm around my waist, pulling me closer against him. “But I’m not giving you up, so he’s just going to have to find someone else to keep him company.”

“I’d kind of rather that he just didn’t bring them to dinner,” I admitted.

“He’s hoping that you’ll rub off on one of them.”

I snorted in amusement. “So not going to happen with what he’s bringing home.” I remembered the last one. She was stunningly beautiful but didn’t have a brain in her head. “I’m going to have to set some ground rules, I think. Some parameters that he needs to meet before he considers them appropriate dinner company.”

“Sounds like a good idea,” he agreed.

Just then, Lawrence’s next meeting walked through the open door. I really should have shut that behind me, but I didn’t think we would get more than a minute, so I hadn’t bothered. Lawrence didn’t flinch a bit to have someone walk in and catch me just about humping his body. I tried to pull back, but he didn’t let me move even an inch. Instead, totally ignoring Alexander Morris, one of his senior project managers who was trying desperately to look anywhere but at us, Lawrence lowered his head and kissed me. Very publicly and very inappropriately, and I couldn’t have cared less. I left a few moments later with a very smug smile.

We had dinner at Oscar’s. It was common practice with Nicholas now that we met there for dinner. It wasn’t the closest for us, but it was the nicest, and it was where he lived; so it was easier for him to stagger upstairs to bed at the end of the night if we ate there. And considering he had taken to bringing a date to these events, it was no doubt quicker for him to get her into bed, if that bed was only a few flights above where we ate. He was nothing if not practical, our Nicholas.

“Nicholas.” I greeted him warmly when we strolled through the lobby of the hotel that night. It was crowed this evening, but we found him easily as he waited by the lounges at the back of the room.

“Lilly, my love.” He kissed both my cheeks. “Beautiful, as always,” he added with a sly grin.

“Always the charmer,” I responded.

“Monterey.” Nicholas and Lawrence shook hands in welcome.

“Who are we meeting tonight?” Lawrence asked, amusement apparent in his tone.

“I think you might like this one.” He seemed genuine.

“I doubt that,” I responded, then added, “You and I are going to have a chat about what is and isn’t appropriate dinner companion, Nicholas.”

“I bow to your infinite wisdom.” He literally did bow. He made me laugh. He rarely took anything seriously, and even his attempt at finding a partner was a game to him.

“Here she comes now.” Nicholas turned our attention toward a beautiful woman crossing the foyer toward us, but when both Lawrence and I turned and then froze in surprise, so did the woman crossing toward us.

Nicholas seemed not to notice all our hesitation as the lovely woman came to a reluctant stop beside Nicholas. But just as he was about to make the introductions, Lawrence interrupted.

“Hello, Isobel.” His voice held no warmth.

This was the lovely Isobel from the party where I had first met Nicholas. The woman who had pursued Lawrence with a great deal of enthusiasm that night.

“Mr. Monterey,” she reluctantly responded.

“Isobel.” My voice was nearly as flat as Lawrence’s.

Nicholas finally caught on to the tension. “Wow, I didn’t realize that you all knew each other,” he said in a surprised voice.

“Isobel and I met that night that you got me drunk, Nicholas,” I clarified for him. “But I believe that Lawrence and she had met before then.”

I wasn’t sure how I felt about this. Lawrence was mine, I got that, but I wasn’t sure how I felt about having Isobel around, because I wasn’t sure how much of a past they had. And that was without adding in the whole issue of Nicholas.

Isobel looked worried. Although she tried to hide it, she was obviously surprised and caught off guard at having been dumped at dinner with Lawrence and me.

Nicholas just looked confused.

I was bordering on angry, but I wasn’t sure quite where to go with it. That is, until Lawrence stepped closer to me and wrapped his arm around my waist. His head dipped down to rest beside my ear, and he whispered, so softly so that no one else would be able to hear, “I never touched her.” How much those words meant, and instantly the anger drained from my body. They relaxed the tension, at least between Lawrence and me. I sent him a dazzling smile and linked my arm through his.

“Well, we should probably go into dinner,” I announced happily. If Isobel wanted to date Nicholas, then she would have to do some intelligent talking before I would give my approval. Now that I knew she and Lawrence didn’t have history, it was much easier to breathe.

Nicholas still looked uncertain, and Isobel looked surprised and reluctant, but they did follow us through into the restaurant.

Dinner wasn’t strained, not in the true sense of the word, but I had to work extremely hard to keep a conversation flowing.

“Where are you from?” I asked Isobel.

“London,” she responded cautiously.

“Where did you two meet?”

“In a bar.” Nicholas’s gaze pierced mine, a warning evident in his look.

I put a clear “What?” in my gaze and shot it back at him.

“What do you do for work?” I asked her.

“I’m not sure what you mean,” she responded.

Seriously?

“What was your last job?” Maybe that wasn’t as hard a question to answer.

“It’s hard to explain.”

Seriously! I was trying, and she wasn’t helping me at all. I really didn’t give a frig what she did for a job, but I could only carry on so much of the conversation without something from her.

“Lawrence and I spent some time in Scotland recently.” If she wasn’t going to tell me anything about her, then maybe I could fill the gap with stuff about me. “At least, I think it was in Scotland; it certainly took us long enough to get there that it felt like we were.”

“Yes, Lilly.” Lawrence laughed and shared an amused grin with me. “We were in Scotland.”

“Have you ever been?” I asked her.

“Once,” She admitted almost reluctantly. “When I was younger.”

“I’m not sure exactly where we were, but we stayed at a place called Parkgrove,” I told them both. “It was magnificent. Where did you go when you were younger?”

“You saw William Bates?” Nicholas interrupted, before Isobel could respond. “I knew he was a friend of yours, Lawrence, but I didn’t realize that’s where you went the other week.”

“William is an old friend. I took Lilly up there to meet him,” Lawrence told him.

“I haven’t seen him around for a while.” Nicholas admitted. “How’s he doing?”

“Doing well,” Lawrence replied. “He’s coming up to town in a few weeks.” That was news to me. “I’ll remember to let you know, and we’ll have dinner.”