The Day to Remember (2 page)

And come it did.

In a brief moment of clarity, I looked down and realized I ran out of Brandon’s place without changing into my clothes—I was still in his button-up shirt and boxers. In a crazed frenzy, I ripped off his clothes from my body, as if they were on fire and searing my skin.

But a
t the sight of his clothes in a lifeless heap on my living room floor, I began to cry. No, I did not just cry, I broke down. I collapsed next to that heap and sobbed so violently, my naked body shook with devastating abandonment.
How did everything go so wrong?
I thought.

After what must have been an hour or two, I
pulled myself up from the floor and grabbed my phone out of my purse so I could call the girls. I noticed that I had four missed calls and two voicemails from Brandon. Unable to resist hearing his voice and hearing what he had to say, I listened to his voicemails.

I clicked on the first voicemail and put the phone to my ear.
“Emma? What the hell, Emma, please pick up. Why did you leave like that? Please call me back.”

I blinked back the tears and clicked on the next message.
“Emma, I’ve been trying to get Des—I mean, Desiree—to tell me what exactly she said to you, but she said she didn’t say anything to you. But why did you run out? What happened? Can you just call me?”

The stunning brunette had a name.
Desiree. There was a familiarity in his voice when he said her name, as if he’d said her name many times before. I felt devastated and defeated. Part of me wanted to confront him, to hit him, and to make him feel the unbearable pain that weighed on my heart. Another part of me could not imagine facing him, and feared that seeing him or talking to him would cause further pain that my heart could not withstand.

I couldn’t talk to him right now. I didn’t want to face the reality of Brandon’s relationship with Desiree. Instead of calling him back, I s
ent a text to Jill, Steph, and Gloria:
He has a girlfriend! A fucking girlfriend! I think I’m still in shock. Last night was perfect with him. How did it all turn out so horribly wrong so quickly??? I’m a mess and need to be alone right now. I’m not ready to talk about it, but needed to tell you guys. Love you guys and miss you!

I quickly turned off my phone. My head was spinning, struggling between who I thought Brandon was and who he
really was—who he was with Desiree. I crawled the few feet to my bed and allowed my body to sink under the protective layers of my sheets and comforter, away from the external world, away from reality, and away from Brandon. I laid there in silence, and in a state of paralysis. My eyes were opened, yet I saw nothing. I felt myself slip in and out of consciousness as I replayed over and over again what had happened.

I must have
fallen asleep at some point because when I opened my eyes, soft, melancholy hues of pink and orange painted the sky outside my window.
It must have been early evening
, I thought. I closed my eyes, willing myself to return to my dreamless sleep, to return to the void where there were no thoughts and there were no pain. But sleep didn’t come, and thoughts of Brandon trickled into my consciousness and the too-familiar numbing ache began to wrap itself around my battered heart.

I let out a deep sigh
, trying to ignore the feelings that consumed my body. I slowly reached for my phone to turn it on. It was 7:45 p.m.
Had I really been in bed for the last eight hours?

I saw several text messages and voicemails from the girls
. There was also a text from Brandon. I felt my body tighten with anxiety as I clicked through the messages.

Jill:
OMG!

Steph:
WTF! A girlfriend? What’s his number?

Jill:
Are you okay??? I just tried calling you, but it’s going straight to voicemail. Call me please! I’m here to listen when you’re ready! Xoxo!!!

Steph:
No better yet, what’s the bitch’s number? I want to give both of them a piece of my mind!

Gloria:
No way! What the hell! Are you sure? You okay?

Steph:
Are you okay? Got your voicemail! Call me! Love you!

Gloria:
What happened?? Call me if you need to talk? <3

Steph:
Fuck him! You deserve better than a cheating shithead!

Brandon:
Emma, what the hell is going on? Please call me.

Just then, I heard the interco
m to my door buzz. I ignored it. I was about to turn off my phone and force myself back to sleep when my phone beeped. Another text. I looked at the screen and felt another wave of anxiety ripple through me. It was another text from Brandon:
I’m outside your building. Please buzz me in. Stop ignoring me, we need to talk.

My
body froze. He was downstairs. It was him that had buzzed my intercom a moment ago. As if to confirm my thoughts, the intercom buzzed again. Anxiety prickled down my body. I wasn’t ready to see him. I wasn’t ready to hear what he had to say. I wasn’t ready for him to break my heart all over again.

Then a
nother text came through my phone.
I know you’re probably home, Emma, and I’m not leaving until you talk to me. And if you’re not home, I’m going to wait out here until you come home. Please talk to me.

I felt panic course through me a
t his words. Before I could talk myself out of it, I forced myself to call him. He picked up at the first ring.

“Emma?
Where the hell are you? Are you home?” I heard Brandon say in a rushed voice on the other end of the line.

“Brandon, I need to be alone right now, I—” I stopped mid-senten
ce. There were so many things I wanted to say to him and to ask him, but at that moment, I was unsure of what to say—what I was ready to say to him. I felt a mixture of hurt, anger, and love towards him, and I knew I wasn’t ready to confront him—not when I felt this vulnerable.

“Emma, why did you leave so abruptly this morning? What
the hell happened?”

“Are you serious?”
I heard myself ask with an air of defiance that surprised me. “How could you have not told me? You made a fool out of me, Brandon. You asked me to go get the door because you expected the courier, but I see
her
standing there! Did you honestly expect me to stick around and hang out with you two?” I spat out the words and felt a wave of anger come over me.

There was
silence on the other line, which both made me nervous and increased my anger. “Emma, I’m not sure what to say. I didn’t mean to upset you. I didn’t know Des was—”

“Do
not
say her name to me! How could you, Brandon?” I felt hot angry tears well up in my eyes.

“Emma, I’m not trying to upset you, but I think you’re overreacting. She’s—”

“Overreacting? How can you say that? How could you have slept with me and not told me about her?” I asked accusatorially.

“Emma,
stop being this way. It’s not a big deal. I had a life before I met you, just like you had one before you met me.”

“So you don’t deny it then?” My voice was scathing.

“Deny what? What the hell am I suppose to deny here?” I could hear the irritation in Brandon’s voice and I flinched at his reproach.

“Deny that—” I paused and felt my
streak of heated boldness waver. “—that you didn’t tell me about her.”

I heard Brandon sigh
into the phone with frustration. “Please be reasonable here. Emma, I don’t think I need to tell you everything about my life. We haven’t known each other for that long, and my relationship with Des isn’t something I really want to have a conversation with you about.”

His last few words ignited the anger that I could no longer suppress. “Yes, Brandon, you’re so fucking right. We haven’t known each other for that long,
so of course I wouldn’t think to ask you if you have any other relationships. I thought you were this sweet guy who actually cared about me. I thought you were falling in love with me! And you’re right, you don’t
need
to tell me everything about your life, but I thought you would
want
to because you wanted me to be a part of it. And I’d think with something so important as your relationship with that other girl, you’d think it’d be important to tell me. How incredibly stupid of me, right? Why on earth would you want more from me than my virginity and another notch on your belt?”

“Emma, that’s really out of line. You know I want more from you than that.” I
could hear the anger in his voice, which seemed to further fuel my anger.

I ignored his comment. “You know what? I really feel sorry for her! You may have made a fool out of me, but you’ve made a bigger fool out of her and the relationship you have with her. I hope you have a great fucking life with your girlfriend. Don’t call me again.”

“
What the fuck, Emma, Des is—” I heard Brandon say before I ended the call. I took a deep, ragged breath and wiped the remaining tears from my face.
I will NOT cry over this man. He does NOT deserve my tears.
I told me myself with conviction—a conviction that was absent from my heart. My phone buzzed, causing me to jump. Brandon’s name popped up on the screen and I immediately pressed “Ignore” before I could change my mind. Then it buzzed again. A text from him. I deleted it without reading its contents. The intercom buzzed again. I put my hands to my ears and shook my head, willing him to go away. I didn’t think my heart could bear any more pain from this man.

I quickly pulled up Jill’s number
on my phone to call her. I felt panicked and needed to talk to someone—someone that wasn’t Brandon.

“
Sweetie? I’m glad you called. Are you okay? What happened? Tell me everything—if you’re up to it, that is.” Jill’s concerned voice came rushing through the phone.

“
I’m not sure. I don’t know how I’m feeling right now. I think I’m still in shock. I just talked to him on the phone and I screamed and cursed at him. That’s so unlike me, but I just couldn’t hold it in. I was so upset.”

“What? You just talked to him? What happened? Can we start from the beginning?”

I took a deep, tired breath, “Okay. Sorry, I know I sound like a mess. God, it’s been awful, Jill. Where do I even begin?”

“It’s okay. You’re not a mess
. You just sound like you went through something awful, and that’s totally okay. Just remember, you’ll be alright. No matter what happened, you
will
be okay.” Jill’s reassuring voice was soothing and I realized how much I’ve missed her—the sister I never had, but a sister nonetheless. “So maybe we can start from the top. We briefly talked yesterday morning before work and you said you were heading over to Brandon’s place because he had a special night planned for you two. What ended up happening?”

I took a deep breath to calm myself.
“Well, we had an amazing night last night. I mean, everything was just perfect.” I buried my face in my free hand that wasn’t holding the phone. “I—I just don’t know how everything got to this point.” Tears once again filled my eyes. I told Jill in excruciating detail about the canopy bed and candles Brandon had set up outside his terrace that overlooked the sunset. “He was my first, Jill. And … and it was amazing. At that moment, I really thought he was the one.”

“Oh sweetie,” Jill crooned sympathetically.

“Jill, I know this is going to sound silly, but there was a moment when he was on top of me and looking into my eyes, and I felt the world actually standing still. It was like I could sense the magic in that moment and everything slowed down for it. It was nothing I’ve ever felt before.”

“
Oh hun, that’s not silly. I’ve never felt that before with anyone, but it sounds wonderful. That’s how my mom described how she felt towards my dad when he proposed. She said it felt like magic, like the world stopped for that brief moment to celebrate that perfect moment between them.” Jill paused for a second before continuing, “So, what happened then? I mean, it sounds like a perfect night.”

I told Jill about the girl at the door, about what she said, about the guilty look on Brandon’s
face and the panic in his eyes, and about the conversation I just had with Brandon moments earlier.

“Wow,
I’m so sorry, Emma. How could he do this?” Jill paused while I began to sob quietly. “Emma … are you sure? I know I’ve never met him, but from everything you’ve told me about him, he just doesn’t seem like the type that’d do this.”

“I really don’t want to believe it, but she obviously knew
him well. She knew where he lives, she knew his name, she knew I was wearing his shirt, and she felt comfortable enough showing up randomly on a Saturday morning. Plus, why would she say she’s a guy’s girlfriend to another girl when she’s not, especially when the other girl is half-naked in the guy’s clothes opening the door to the guy’s house?”

“God, why would he do this? I just don’t get men. He
sounded like he was so sweet and genuine, and he seemed to really adore you.”

“I thought he did too, but maybe I was lying to myself. Maybe I saw what I wanted to see, and not what was really there.” I sighed and felt the heaviness of my heart. The images I had of my life with Brandon earlier this morning were gone, as if those images were made from a canvas of colored dust and a violent gust of wind just blew it apart and into nothing.