Authors: Z. Elizabeth
“SHUT THE FUCK UP, MUM!”
She freezes in her spot and slowly turns around. I lower my eyes and glare at the woman in front of me, the one I don't even recognise anymore. The one who tore apart a friendship for her own fun and games.
“Step away from my husband before I make you,” I say calmly as she takes a step forward towards me. I stand on the spot and watch her storm towards me. She looks angry, pissed off, confused and, I don't know, heart broken? But I shrug it off. She may have given birth to me, but throughout my life she has looked down on me for not wanting to be a part of the 'rich' world she wanted me to be in. She’s barred me from knowing the man I love, and kept a huge freaking secret from me because she knew it made her look like a bitch.
She looks terrible though. Her hair is an utter mess, the bags under her eyes show me she hasn't slept and she looks unkempt, something I haven’t seen before. This isn't like her and the fall out of the last few days has either torn her apart more than we knew, the knowledge she won’t be in the ‘rich’ crew anymore must be killing her, or she has finally had a psychotic break. She looks like she may have.
I don’t care. She can't abuse me anymore.
I run my tongue over my teeth and give her my unimpressed look. It's the exact same look my mother always gives me. So it seems fitting that the tables have turned. I could do without this, if I am being completely honest. I didn't want to see her yet, biding my time to speak with my dad before making a decision over what to do. When she reaches me, she drags her eyes to mine and takes a hard swallow. I can see her holding back the tears and I am positive they are to gauge a reaction from me. She was only just screaming at Craig a few minutes ago. I keep a poker face, not letting her see all the rage and fatigue racing through me. I want to collapse, I need her out asap but she won't go without a fight, hell, if she is shouting at my husband then she means business. I raise my eyebrows at her and she lets out an exasperated sigh before slinging herself into the armchair. I flick my eyes to Craig, who is bracing for another screaming match. He watches my mum with pure disgust and if he is thinking the same, he will want her arse out the door with it slamming behind her. I don't move from my place though and I fold my arms across my chest, my gaze resting on the distraught woman in front of us.
“So, mother, care to explain just what you were screaming at Craig for?” I ask, breaking the awkward silence that has filled the room. My flat is my sanctuary and she has no right coming into it all guns blazing. She lifts her eyes from the table and they burn into mine. The unshed tears are still there but I know they are for affect. She's not getting any sympathy though because she damn well knew what she was doing all those years ago. She's not fucking stupid. She sniffs for added effect and rubs her nose on her sleeve. I resist the urge to roll my eyes at her.
“It's all his fault. All of this.” She nods her head towards Craig who’s sitting on the sofa eyeing her with caution. “You were fine not knowing him and then he brainwashed you into loving him and now the secret is out, he's stopping you from seeing me.”
“I'm sorry, what?” I sling back at her, confused at her confession, if that is her real confession. She's looking up at me with puppy dog eyes, pleading me to side with her and not Craig who has his fists clenched together. He hasn't had to deal with my psycho mother yet. He doesn’t know how manipulative she is, but he knows from what she did to both our dads. She doesn't take the blame for anything and this is one thing she doesn’t think is her fault either. “Are you for real, mother? Were you not listening on Saturday when I told you I fell in love with Craig at sixteen? Did that not get through to you in any way? There was no brainwashing, no voodoo shit, I fell in love of my own accord and thank the fucking Gods that he loves me, too. Don't you ever tell me that he brainwashed me. You manipulated and lied and used two best friends. You made them hate each other, made their friendship break up because you COULDNT KEEP IT IN YOUR KNICKER!”
A harsh red floods her features and I know I have hit a nerve. Craig's eyes focus on me. He looks like he wants to jump in, but I shake my head at him, letting him know this is between my mother and I. She's needed to hear this for a long time now. She straightens herself up and stands in front of me, seething at my words.
“Don't you dare speak to me that way, Nicole Jones. I will not have you siding with that shitbag over your own mother, do you hear me?” She points to Craig when she insults him and I feel the anger rise up throughout me. I am shaking with fury. I hate confrontation but fuck it, I have to push that aside and stand up for myself and Craig. I've found a guy who I can call home and I will not let her speak to him that way.
“You take that fucking back now. Craig owns my heart, he fucking has it and there is nothing you can do about it. Jesus Christ, you are so deluded. Why the hell Dad stayed with you this long I have no idea.” I can barely breathe I am so desperate to get my words out. “You just sponge off his money, walk around like you are the shit but guess what, mum? You aren’t! You aren’t better than any one of us. You fucked best friends, turned them on each other and for that, I don’t want to see you until you have calmed down and can talk rationally, because when it comes down to it, I’d choose Craig over you any day.” And with that I feel a pain radiating through the right side of my face. I grasp my cheek in my hand and look to my mother in astonishment. The bitch just slapped me. Full on slapped me across the face. And she has no remorse. Craig jumps up and grabs me away from her. He had one eye on me and one of my mother, who is glaring holes into him. He kisses my forehead before turning a nasty gaze upon my mother, who is watching us with utter disdain.
“Get the fuck out now, Kerry before I throw your arse out. I have no issue with you hating me but you slapped my wife, you slapped your own daughter and you stand there with a smug look on your face. Get the hell out of our flat. You are not welcome here and I doubt Peter will want anything to do with you when I tell him about your little bitch fit.”
The tone of voice Craig uses goes through me. It's cold, callous and it sends shivers through me. But it does nothing to my mum who bursts into tears. If it didn't hurt so much I would roll my eyes but my mother slapped me so hard heat is coming off my cheek. I know I’ll have a red mark, I wouldn’t even be surprised if I had a slight bruise and now I want her out. I want to cry on my bed, I want to fall asleep and get her out of my life. I'm done. I don’t need her, I've never needed her. But for her to hit her own daughter? That is fucking low.
“I'm so sorry, Nic. Please, I never meant to hit you but everything you said made me out to be such a bitch.” She snivels, “I loved them both so much. I did and I wanted them both and now I've lost them both. I didn’t want to break up a friendship but I was greedy. I knew they both wanted me and I used it to my advantage, I manipulated them, pulled them up on their feelings. And I've had to live with that every day! Why did you think I wanted to keep it a secret? Because I knew you would hate me. You wouldn’t want to see me again. I love you, Nic, you're my daughter.”
“Funny way of showing it for the whole of my life, mum. You emotionally and mentally abused me since I was a kid because I didn’t want the 'rich' life and I didn't want the life you lead, I wanted to hatch out my own. You shouted at me for the littlest of things and now you want to say you are sorry? It's not enough.” I admit, clutching onto Craig's hand as his thumb smooths over my skin. Just that small contact lets me know he is there for me. And it makes me love him even more. I take a deep breath waiting for the verbal slanging to follow but she says nothing. I stand watching her calm down from her crying trip, her eyes swollen and puffy, her all face red and splotchy. I want to feel sorry for her, I really do, it's just hard when I have a hand print embedded on my cheek.
“I'm sorry you feel that way, Nic. But you needed that slap, spouting lies about me emotionally abusing you. I could sue you for that, but seeing as I'm the nicer one of us two, I will let that accusation slide...for now. But mark my words, if you tell your father, I have no control over what will happen.”
I gape at her and actually laugh in disbelief. She looks so serious right now and I feel Craig squeeze my hand.
“Get the fuck out, mum. I don’t ever want to see you again. Don't come near me, don't come near Craig. Dad said he would be around to get his stuff soon. I don't need you in my life anymore, mum. You never were a mum to me. Now, GET THE HELL OUT!” I scream at her. I see red and charge towards her. I grab her arm, which makes her yelp out, and I throw her out of the flat, slamming the door behind me. She punches the door, calls us some obscene words before I hear her race down the stairs. I lean my head on the wooden door and let the tears flow. Craig wraps me up in his arms and I cry into his chest. I cry for the mum I never really had, for my dad, for our father's friendship and how she even had the nerve to slap me. I absent-mindedly rub the sting, crying harder when I feel the pain of the bruise.
“Come on, baby, lets get into bed. I'll even watch A Walk To Remember with you.” I chuckle through my tears and let him guide me into our bedroom. We both quickly strip and climb into bed. He pulls me into his body, letting me snuggle into his chest whilst he turns the TV on. He flicks through the on-demand section before finding the movie. I curl up into his side and focus my attention of Mandy Moore and Shane West. The book is one of my favourites and although the film is different, I always watch it when I am sad. Jamie and Landan's love story tears me in two and I just keep coming back for more, to watch their love for each other grow until ultimately something bad happens. In true Nicholas Sparks fashion. It keeps my mind off my mother, if I have something to concentrate on and no matter how many times I watch this movie, I mumble the dialogue, sing the songs and then sob my heart out at the end. But not tonight, no, the last thing I hear before I fall asleep on Craig is: “I told you not to fall in love with me.”
Chapter T
wenty Nine
Nic
It's my birthday. The big 2-3 and I just want to sleep all day and not move a muscle. The past week has been hard. With my mother constantly calling my phone, leaving me messages and texts to let me know how sorry she is. But then she will flip the other switch and blame Craig and I for her and dad splitting up. Even my dad is fed up with her constant calls to him and he's told her countless times that he is not getting back with her. She's alone and hopeless and drifting into a deep abyss and a part of me, a small part feels utterly sorry for her but she brought it on herself, and I don't want anything more to do with her. Not now. If she decides one day to stop acting like a crazy bitch and to put the blame on herself – which it should be - then maybe, just maybe I would go and talk to her. But everyone I want and need in my life is around me. She will just have to make do. I'm trying so hard not to think about her, because it makes me angry and sad and humiliated but Craig has been there for me all week, trying to cheer me up, make me smile and giggle and it's been working. He spoiled me this morning with breakfast in bed. A round of crumpets, some fruit and juice along with a collection of white and red roses in a vase. This resulted in birthday sex, and fucking great birthday sex at that. He cherished my body, making it all about me while sexually related songs played in the background. Would you believe my husband also put 'Birthday Sex' and 'I Just Had Sex' on the list? He then proceeded to sing the songs to me and one look at his face and I was a goner. But as he was inside me at the time the songs were playing, my laughter caused his laughter to turn to moaning. Let's just say our love session was very fun and silly and it made me fall in love with my him all over again.
That was only a few hours ago and Craig has my birthday planned to a T. He told me to go to the coffee shop along the beach to meet my dad for a catch-up and he will pop along after he has been to see the twins. So here I am, dad sat opposite me and he looks good. Like, really good. He's been living with John for the past week seeing as he doesn't want to return to the mad house that consists of my temperamental mother.
“Have you sat down and spoken to her? Have you even gone back to pick up clothes?”
My dad gives me a 'what do you think' look and takes a gulp of his coffee before leaning on his elbow. I don't think I have ever seen the red and white chequered shirt my dad is wearing, nor the jeans and loafers he is sporting. I eye him up suspiciously until he relents and laughs at my harden eyes and my crossed arms.
“I've seen her, yes. I went over Tuesday after Craig called me to say she came around and slapped you. Nic, why haven't you told me this? I'm your dad, and she had no right at all to slap you. You're her daughter for Christ Sake and it would have been nice to have heard this from you.” He scolds me and all I can do is look embarrassed for not telling him.
Damn you, Craig.
“I was going to, I just didn't know how to tell you she came around all guns blazing at Craig and when I called her some names she full on slapped me. I've only just managed to forget the whole thing happened but it's kind of hard when she won't stop harassing me.” I gaze up at him through my lashes, not liking the stern look he has going on. I'm not sure if that is directed at me, or my mother but it scares me a little so I look down into my hot chocolate and squirl the liquid around. I feel like a little girl again, being told off for asking about the family secret and right now I am being told off for not telling him my mother slapped me. My dad places his hands on mine to stop my fidgeting and he gives me a sad smile.