The Decision (30 page)

When Edna entered the barn, she walked to the back and discovered that the door to the stall where Lloyd’s horse, Dusty, was stabled hung open. She gasped, seeing that his horse was gone.

Panicked, Edna dashed outside, calling for Dusty and looking all around. When she saw no sign of the horse in their yard or the field bordering her home, she headed down the driveway, hoping Dusty hadn’t gotten out on the road.

Making sure to stay on the shoulder of the road, Edna walked for a distance, until she spotted a horse in a field to her right. It had to be Dusty. Its coat was a deep brown.

Several times she hollered for Dusty to come, but he merely kept eating with his head down.

Now, why is Dusty ignoring me?
Edna fumed.
He’s always come to me before, whenever I’ve called. Of course, I usually have a lump of sugar for him. Guess I should have gotten a piece before I came looking for Lloyd’s horse
.

Disgusted, Edna tromped up the driveway toward the house next to the field and knocked on the door. Several minutes passed before a middle-aged English woman, whom Edna didn’t recognize, opened the door. “May I help you?”

Edna nodded. “My husband’s horse, Dusty, got out, and he’s in your field.”

The woman stepped out of the house to take a look. She peered at Edna strangely over the top of her metal-framed glasses. “Sorry, but that horse belongs to my son, and his name is Chester, not Dusty.”

Edna pursed her lips and stared at the horse. He sure looked like Dusty. Despite what the woman said, Edna was certain that was Lloyd’s horse in the field.

“I’ll go home and get my husband,” Edna said determinedly. “He’ll come and tell you that Dusty’s his horse.” She whirled around and started back down the driveway, but when she reached the road, Edna couldn’t remember which direction she’d come from, or even how to get home.
Do I turn right or left?
she wondered, feeling a sense of panic.

Having just finished washing another batch of clothes, Elaine piled them in the laundry basket. She’d help Grandma hang them on the line and then do some baking for the dinner they’d be hosting tomorrow evening.

As she took the clothes from the wringer washing machine, Elaine reflected on how Grandma had been these past two months. Some days were good, and others were bad.

Elaine had purchased a natural remedy from the health food store that was supposed to help with memory problems. Grandma usually forgot to take it, even when Elaine set it out with her other breakfast pills. Sometimes Grandma became argumentative, stating that she didn’t need any pills and wasn’t going to take them, no matter what Elaine said.

At times, Grandma wandered around the house as though looking for something, but when Elaine asked about it, Grandma would say she couldn’t remember what it was. All of these things concerned Elaine deeply, because in addition to Grandma’s forgetfulness and mood swings, her diabetes seemed to be getting worse. It was getting harder to monitor her numbers because Grandma snuck food she shouldn’t eat and sometimes refused to take her insulin pills.

The doctor had recently put Grandma on insulin shots, but she wouldn’t always allow Elaine to give them to her. On a few occasions, Grandma had phased out all of a sudden, until her insulin kicked in, and the struggle of getting her stabilized was hard on Elaine. It was difficult to know when she might have another spell, and Elaine simply couldn’t be with Grandma every minute of the day. Leah, Priscilla, and a few other women from their community came by each week to help with things, but most of the responsibility for Grandma’s care fell on Elaine’s shoulders.

Oh, Lord, I need Your help and guidance, because I’m getting so tired. Please show me the best way to take care of Grandma
.

A few weeks ago, Elaine and Grandma had gone to a quilting bee, and when refreshments were offered, Grandma helped herself to several cookies and a hefty piece of pie. Elaine scolded her for it, but Grandma got snippy and said she was not a little girl and didn’t need anyone telling her what to do.

Grandma had also begun losing things. To make matters worse, she’d get huffy and accuse Elaine of taking missing items, or moving them to some other place. Just yesterday, Grandma had let Millie out of her cage and accidentally left the back door open when she went outside to sit on the porch. Of course, Millie took the opportunity and flew right out. Grandma got upset and accused Elaine of leaving the door open and letting Millie out on purpose because she didn’t like the parakeet.

Sadly, Elaine had later found the remains of a bird near the barn. She figured it had fallen prey to one of their cats. She’d buried poor Millie but hadn’t said anything to Grandma about it, not wanting to upset her more than she was. Grandma had asked about the bird several times but seemed to accept the fact that Millie flew away and might never come back.

Grandma’s personality change was the hardest thing for Elaine to deal with. Before, Grandma had always been so easygoing, rarely saying a harsh word to anyone, especially Elaine. But Elaine kept reminding herself that it was the disease making Grandma this way and that she wasn’t being mean on purpose. That didn’t make it any easier to deal with, though. Some nights, after a difficult day of trying to reason with Grandma, Elaine would fall into bed in a state of exhaustion, but often, sleep wouldn’t come. She’d sometimes lay there for hours before her mind and body relaxed enough so that she could finally doze off.

Knowing she needed to get busy and think of something else, Elaine took the clothes outside to be hung on the line. Glancing over at her swing, Elaine wished she had time for a little fun, or even just a few minutes to clear her head. Unfortunately, that would have to wait.

As Elaine approached the clothesline, she was surprised to see the basket Grandma had taken out awhile ago sitting on the ground with most of the towels still inside.

Elaine’s brows furrowed. Grandma was nowhere in sight.

“Where are you, Grandma?” she called.

No response.

She called Grandma’s name once more, but still, no reply.

Grandma hadn’t gone back inside, for she would have come through the back door and into the utility room, and Elaine would have seen her right away.

Maybe she went to the barn
. Elaine hurried inside and looked throughout the barn, but Grandma wasn’t there.

A sense of panic welled in Elaine’s chest, and she wasn’t sure what to do. She hated to even consider it, but one section of the book on dementia talked about a person wandering away from home in a state of confusion.
Could Grandma have become confused and wandered away from our property? Should I get my bike and go looking for her, or wait here, hoping Grandma comes back from wherever she went?

Mark had spent the night at his grandparents’ house, and they wouldn’t bring him home until after supper. Deciding to take advantage of this free time, Sara went to do a few chores in the barn. Cobwebs were everywhere, and her horse’s stall was a mess.

Sara hadn’t had any more dizzy spells lately, and thankfully, she felt a bit stronger than she had this summer. She figured that was probably because she’d been seeing Leah for weekly foot treatments, which she would continue doing whenever possible. In addition to the benefits she experienced from reflexology, Sara enjoyed every opportunity to visit with Leah. While Jean was still Sara’s best friend, Sara and Leah were quickly establishing a strong relationship, too.

Think I’ll begin by cleaning the cobwebs
. Sara got a broom and knocked down all the webs around the windows. Then she moved on to take care of those in less obvious places. It was dark in the back of the barn, so she lit a gas lantern. As the area became illuminated, more cobwebs came into view.
How did I let things get so bad?
The barn had never looked this way when Harley was alive. He’d kept it nearly as clean as Sara kept the house.

All of Harley’s tools were in the barn, just as he’d left them, neatly hanging on the wall or placed on a shelf. Sara wondered if she should continue to keep them. Harley had taken good care of his tools, and any other equipment that he used. Her husband had always said, “If you take good care of your things, they’ll last a long time.”

At times like this, Sara missed Harley so much: not just for the things he did around the place, but for his companionship and the love they shared. It would be hard to get rid of the items she remembered him using, but then, didn’t everyone go through this when they lost their spouse?

Sara remembered Harley saying something else to her one evening as they were getting ready for bed: “If anything ever happens to me, please move on with your life and do whatever is necessary in order to make things easier for you and Mark.”

Sara didn’t like having that kind of conversation, but Harley had always been the practical one who liked to be prepared. She’d felt so loved by her husband, and now, even in death, she could almost hear him encouraging her to do what needed to be done.

It did no good to dwell on the past or wish for things that could never be, but thinking about the man she’d loved so dearly caused tears to fill her eyes, making everything look fuzzy.

“Just keep working,” she said aloud. “If I work hard enough, I won’t have time to think about all that I’ve lost.”

Swiping the broom toward yet another cobweb, Sara missed, and hit the lantern instead. It fell on a bale of straw and quickly ignited. As the flame grew, she stood staring at it, disbelieving that it had happened.

“Oh no!” Sara gasped, coming to her senses. “I need to put the fire out before it burns out of control!”

S
ara’s eyes stung and her lungs felt like they were going to burst as she battled the flames with her garden hose. It did little good. The fire was burning out of control.

A loud whinny from the back of the barn reminded Sara that Lilly was still in her stall.

“Ach, I need to get her outside before anything happens to her!”

Sara skirted around the flames and by the grace of God made her way to Lilly’s stall. Releasing the latch, she swung the stall gate open and slapped the horse’s rear. “Go on, girl!” she shouted. “Get out of the barn!”

Lilly didn’t hesitate as she raced out of her stall. Sara followed, barely able to breathe or stay on her feet. Suddenly, she halted and looked back at Harley’s tools.
Should I try to save some of his things?
For a split second, Sara almost turned around. But the heat from the fire had grown more intense, and she only had seconds to save herself. The barn could not be saved. Thank the Lord, her son was safe with his grandparents and Lilly was unharmed and out of the barn. Did anything else really matter?

Gasping for breath, Sara prayed for the strength to make it safely outside.

“Giddyup there, Sassy,” Jonah called to his horse, shaking the reins. As he quite often did, the lazy horse was poking along. Jonah was anxious to get home from his dental appointment, since work orders had been piling up again. If he knew for sure that business would continue to grow as it was and if he had a bit more money saved up, he’d be tempted to hire on another man. Of course, unless he could find someone with experience in buggy making, he’d have to train him, like he was doing with Timothy, and he really didn’t have time for that. So Jonah would continue to do his best and hope that business remained steady, but not more than he and Timothy could handle.