The Decision (34 page)

“I’ve taken Grandma back to see the doctor several times, but he always says the same thing: she apparently has an aggressive form of dementia, and…” Elaine’s voice trailed off as tears sprang to her eyes. She was tired of crying, and just plain tired. “I’ve tried everything I know of to help her, but nothing seems to make much difference. All I can do is to watch Grandma’s memory fail a little more each day. My greatest fear is that soon she won’t recognize me at all.”

“It’s a shame. I wish there was something more I could do to help you, Elaine.” Iva’s tone was comforting.

“You have helped, just by coming to sit with Grandma while I’m gone.” Elaine looked down at her hands, red and chapped from all the work she’d been doing. “I still have some moments with Grandma when everything seems somewhat normal, and believe me, I cling to those times.”

“That’s what you have to do, Elaine.” Iva gave Elaine’s arm a tender pat. “As I’ve said before, please don’t hesitate to call on me or any of your friends during this difficult time. You need time for yourself and deserve to get out whenever you can.”

“It helps, knowing that.” Sighing, Elaine rose from her seat. “Guess I’d better get going. I should be back before lunch, but if you and Grandma get hungry, there’s a container of vegetable soup in the refrigerator that you can reheat.”

“That’s fine. Just take your time. I’m free for the rest of the day. Oh, and if it helps even a little, someone told me awhile back that, while every day may not be good, there’s something good in every day.”

Elaine entered the bulk foods store and started down the aisle where the spices were shelved. She’d just started filling her basket when she heard voices she recognized in the next aisle over.

“Did you know that Jonah Miller might be courting Sara Stutzman?”

“I figured as much. Saw them eating a meal together at Yoder’s restaurant awhile back. Of course, Sara’s son was with them, but to me it looked like they were on a date.”

“I’ve heard that he goes over to her place quite often these days.”

Elaine gripped the basket she held so tightly that her fingers ached. She could hardly believe the conversation Leah and Priscilla were having, or that Jonah had begun courting someone else so soon after she’d broken up with him.
Of course
, she reasoned,
it has been a few months
. She couldn’t expect Jonah to remain unattached, especially when she’d made it clear that there was no hope for the two of them to be together.

Elaine squeezed her eyes shut, trying to come to grips with all of this and remembering how difficult it had been to tell Jonah that she didn’t love him.
Will Jonah end up marrying Sara?
Since Sara was a widow and her little boy needed a father, it was quite likely she would marry again.
I wonder if Sara is in love with Jonah. Could he love her, too?

Jonah deserved to be happy, but it hurt to hear that he and Sara might be courting. Elaine hoped Sara realized how fortunate she was, because as far as Elaine was concerned, there was no finer man than Jonah.

Elaine couldn’t help feeling betrayed, hearing her friends talking about this. If they thought Jonah and Sara were courting, why hadn’t they said something to her about it?

Placing the spices back on the shelf, Elaine turned and rushed out the door. She’d return some other time. Right now, she just wanted to go home.

“You’re awfully quiet,” Iva said as she sat across the table from Edna, eating lunch.

Edna shrugged. “Don’t have much to say, really. My husband’s dead; people don’t want to come here for dinners anymore, and I’m just sittin’ around waiting to die, so that doesn’t give me much to say.”

Iva frowned. “I wish you wouldn’t talk like that.”

“Why not? It’s the truth.”

“None of us knows when we are going to die, and we need to see each day as precious.” Iva handed Edna some crackers to go with the soup. “From what I understand, you and Elaine aren’t doing the dinners anymore.”

Edna placed both hands against her temples, trying ever so hard to recall. Had they really decided that? Could she have forgotten such a thing? “My granddaughter is precious to me, but sometimes I can’t even remember her name. Do you know how frightening and frustrating that is?”

“I’m sure it must be devastating, but I’m equally certain that Elaine understands. She loves you so very much, Edna.”

“I love her, too.” Edna broke some crackers into her bowl of soup and took a bite. “Sometimes Elaine takes things that are mine and puts ’em in strange places. The other day, she took my glasses.” She blinked rapidly, pointing across the room. “I found them in the kichlin jar, of all things.”

Iva looked at Edna strangely at first; then she chuckled and said, “Were they full of cookie crumbs?”

“No, there weren’t any kichlin in there right then.” Edna laughed, too. She was glad Iva had come to visit. It was nice to relax, share a meal with a friend, and find something to laugh about. Things almost felt normal. If only they could remain so.

“Wasn’t that Elaine who just went out the door?” Priscilla asked Leah.

Leah nodded. “I think it was. I wonder why she dashed out of here in such a hurry. Think I’ll go outside and see if I can catch her before she leaves.”

“I’ll come, too.” Priscilla set her shopping aside and followed Leah out the door.

When they came to the area where the horses were tied, they found Elaine getting ready to leave.

“Elaine, wait up! We saw you rush out of the store. It looked like you were in a hurry, but we wanted to say hi.” Priscilla put her hand on the side of Elaine’s buggy.

“I was in the aisle next to where you two were talking and left the store after hearing what you said.” Elaine’s lips quivered slightly. She was clearly upset.

Priscilla shifted uncomfortably. “Was it about Jonah and Sara?”

“Jah. All this time has gone by, and you’ve never said a word to me about this. Why, Priscilla? I thought we were friends.”

“We are friends, and the reason I didn’t say anything is because you have enough to deal with taking care of your grandma, and I didn’t want to upset you with information that might not mean a thing.”

“You must have thought it did, or you wouldn’t have discussed it with Leah.” Elaine’s shoulders drooped as she picked up the reins.

Leah reached into the buggy to touch Elaine’s arm. “Please don’t go yet. Like Priscilla said, we didn’t want to upset you. Besides, we don’t know for sure if Jonah and Sara are actually courting. They just went out for supper together, and from what I hear, Jonah’s been over to Sara’s a few times.” Leah paused a few seconds and then continued. “You know, Sara went through a horrible experience awhile back, narrowly escaping from her burning barn, so maybe Jonah was just doing a kind deed when he took her and Mark out for supper.”

“I heard about the fire. It’s a shame Sara lost her barn.”

“Then you probably know that Jonah was the one who saw the smoke, and when he went to investigate, he found Sara collapsed on the ground.” Leah hesitated another moment. “Jonah may have been checking on Sara the other day, and then they decided to go out to eat someplace. Friends sometimes do that, you know, and Jonah was good friends with Sara’s husband.”

“That’s right,” Priscilla interjected. “He may feel a sense of obligation to Sara, and that might be all there is to it.”

Elaine shrugged.

“Are you in love with Jonah? Is that why you’re upset?”

“I’m upset because you kept it from me,” Elaine responded, instead of answering Priscilla’s question about her loving Jonah. “Friends aren’t supposed to have secrets from one another. Now, if you two will excuse me, I need to go home.” Before either Leah or Priscilla could respond, Elaine backed her horse up and headed down the road.

“We need to do something to make things better.” Leah’s tone was full of the regret she obviously felt over this misunderstanding.

“I agree, Leah, but I’m not sure what it could be.”

“Well, for one thing, we need to start by apologizing to her.”

Priscilla bobbed her head. “Jah, and the sooner the better.”

Elaine pulled Daisy into the driveway, unhooked her from the buggy, and put her in the corral, where there was a trough full of water. She’d have to rub her down later and put her in the stall before dark. Right now, she wanted to go inside and relieve Iva. Besides, she was hungry and needed something to eat. Even though Iva had said she didn’t mind staying all day, Elaine thought it would be better if she sent Iva home.

Elaine had chores she needed to get done, and after hearing the news about Jonah and Sara, she had to get her mind on something else and quit feeling sorry for herself. Working around the house had always helped before, and it kept her from dwelling on the negative when something was really bothering her, like it was now. While it was true that Elaine wanted Jonah to get on with his life, it hurt to know he’d moved on so quickly and seemed to have forgotten about her. Elaine’s heart ached from letting him go. After their breakup, she figured that Jonah would be miserable from her rejection. But that didn’t seem to be the case. Maybe he hadn’t cared about her as much as he’d said. Well, none of that mattered now. She and Jonah were no longer together, and he really did have the right to move on with his life.

Taking a deep breath before walking in the door, Elaine heard laughter coming from the dining room. She found Iva and Grandma working on the puzzle together while carrying on what almost sounded like a normal conversation.

“Oh, you’re back so soon.” Iva looked up with a surprised expression when Elaine entered the room.

“Did you get all the items on the list?” Grandma asked as she tried to make an unmatched piece fit in the puzzle.

“I didn’t go shopping, after all. Decided what I had on my list could wait for another day. Maybe I’ll go again tomorrow, or the day after.” It was wrong to fib, but she didn’t want to admit the real reason she’d left the store. Besides, looking back on it now, she had overreacted. She should have just done her shopping rather than running out of the store. It seemed like Elaine’s emotions ruled her actions these days, but that was no excuse.

Elaine remembered when the doctor at the hospital first told her about Grandma’s dementia and had suggested that Elaine attend a support group. She hadn’t felt it was necessary at first, and then later, when she really needed more support, she made the excuse not to go because it would mean asking someone to sit with Grandma while she was gone. Besides, Elaine didn’t relish the idea of talking about her situation with strangers. She felt more comfortable discussing things with close friends, like Leah and Priscilla.
I’ll bet they’re upset with me right now. I need to apologize for my behavior
.