Authors: Natalie Wright
“Like who everyone?”
“You know. The team and the entire senior class.”
That meant close to fifty people. It was at least forty more than Erika would have liked.
“Will he be there?” Erika’s stomach leaped at the thought that Jack may be at the party. She wasn’t sure if her belly bubbled with joyous excitement or fear of how he’d react to seeing her.
“Who?”
Erika punched Ian’s left arm.
He rubbed it. “You hit hard.”
“For a girl, you mean.”
“No, for anybody.”
“You deserved it. Don’t act ignorant. You know who I mean.”
“He’s not dead, you know. Maybe I want to hear you say his name.” Ian smirked as he teased her.
Erika pretended to fiddle with something on the handlebars. “Why?” she asked.
“Because it’s dumb for you to act like summer didn’t happen.”
Erika knew Ian wanted things to go back to the way they were before, as much for himself as for her. After five years of having Erika as his best friend, Ian had enjoyed Jack’s companionship. The trio had been in each other’s constant company all summer, three best friends.
Only she and Jack had become more than just friends. And even that had been okay until Jack insisted they have a ‘real’ date, just the two of them. Until Jack had to go and mess it all up by uttering the three words Erika wasn’t ready to hear. Most girls would be ecstatic to hear their boyfriend say ‘I love you’ for the first time. But when Jack had spoken those words to Erika, her chest tightened with panic as if walls were closing in on her.
“Erika?”
“Get on. They can’t start the party without their star.”
Ian’s face flushed crimson, and he playfully punched Erika’s arm though more gently than she’d hit him. “Whatever,” he said and stood beside the bike.
“Ready?” Erika asked.
Ian stood in the gravel driveway with the helmet on, looking around as if he’d lost something important.
“Come on, Ian. I’m sweating like a yeti sitting here.”
Ian chuckled. “How do you know how much a yeti sweats?” He hitched his leg over the bike and settled onto the seat behind her. He wrapped his arms lightly around Erika’s middle and pulled his legs up and in tightly.
Erika turned on the headlight. She eased some juice with the throttle and kicked her toe up to shift. The tires spun and spit gravel behind them as she pulled forward. She was about to accelerate out of the driveway when an old white Jetta pulled in, blocking her path. “Jack,” she said. Her heart thumped away in her chest. Erika’s hands threatened to slide off of the handlebars due to the copious sweat pouring from them.
“Now you’re saying his name,” Ian whispered into her ear.
Erika rolled her eyes even though Ian couldn’t see her face. It took her less than a nanosecond to figure out that Ian had invited Jack over, thus forcing her to talk to him. “Ian, you’re a manipulative little–”
“Dearest best friend who loves you.”
“That wasn’t what I was going to say.” Erika rarely got angry with Ian, but she was irked with him now. His little trick of forcing her to face Jack was an underhanded thing to do, even if he did mean well. “I’m not ready to face him.”
“I know, darling. But you never will be.” Ian wound himself back off of the bike, removed the helmet and placed it on the seat behind Erika. He tousled his hair and walked toward the Jetta.
Jack left his car running and the headlamps on but got out of his car. He sauntered toward them with his loping, relaxed gait. He wore a black T-shirt and baggy jeans that hung low on his hips. Even though it was nearly dark, Erika knew the T-shirt was probably wrinkled, because she’d never seen him wear one that wasn’t. He wore his blond hair longer than Ian’s and it looked like he didn’t own a comb. He had on his usual flip-flops and he had to stop to kick gravel out of one.
Erika’s stomach churned harder, and it wasn’t just because she was nervous about how Jack would react to her. Despite trying to keep her feelings for Jack squashed down tight inside her, once she saw him idling toward her, the pent-up feelings came unsquashed all on their own. Erika didn’t like feeling as though she had no control over her emotions. She took a deep breath and tried her best to will herself into a cold indifference. It was a nearly impossible task seeing as how she was neither cold nor indifferent about Jack Wilson.
Jack and Ian took each other’s hands and did the guy hug thing that guys do. Despite looking like he’d rolled out of bed after sleeping in his clothes, Erika felt her resolve to ignore Jack disintegrating. She liked the carefree way of Jack. And he was close enough that she could smell soap and spice and citrus.
Jack’s smell.
She wanted to bottle it so she could take a whiff of it whenever she wanted. She still had one of his shirts that she’d kept so she could wear it and think of him. But after their date a week ago, she wadded it up and pushed it to the back of her closet so she wouldn’t be tempted to hold it to her nose and inhale. If she did, she’d lose her willpower to ignore him.
“Hi,” Jack said. His face wore a soft smile. His voice was low and melodious even when he wasn’t on stage singing. Another piece of Jack that pulled Erika in like a child to candy.
Jack’s blue eyes, usually the color of a winter sky, were dark in the gathering twilight. His left eye had a little green spot like a freckle. Jack’s sweet, playful, happy eyes met hers. His look was smoldering – intimate. His directness made Erika feel squirmy on her seat.
“Remember me?” he asked softly.
“I’m trying to forget you, Jack Wilson,” she said.
“Why would you want to go and do a thing like that?” Jack reached for her hand and she let him take it. His fingers were calloused and rough from playing the guitar.
Erika liked the feel of his hands. “Why did you have to go and ruin everything?”
“Ruin what? All I did was love you. Love never ruined anything.”
“Yes, it did. Love ruins plans and dreams and – freedom. Love definitely ruins freedom.” Erika pulled her hand from his and looked away from him. If she didn’t look in his eyes, she could steel herself to his devilishly beautiful eyes that beckoned her to play.
Jack put his hand on her cheek and gently forced her to look at him. “Erika, love never once in the history of all the world killed anybody’s freedom. Not real love, anyway.”
Ian’s feet shuffled in the gravel. Erika had forgotten he was standing there. He had put her in the position to face Jack before she was ready. She didn’t have the words worked out to counter what Jack said. She wanted to love him and let him love her. But more than that, she wanted to shake the dust of Ajo off of her and ride away to a different life. To ride where she didn’t live in a double-wide in the outskirts of a nearly dead former mining town so south it was almost Mexico. She wanted to drive to a life where she wouldn’t get pregnant by eighteen and spend the rest of her life looking for the bottom of a gin bottle like her mom had. Her parents had loved each other when they were the same age as Erika and Jack. And look where that had gotten them. Erika’s dad was dead and her mom might as well have been.
Jack moved his body closer to her, bent his head and kissed her gently on the lips.
Erika pulled away. “You can’t kiss my troubles away,” she said.
“I can try.”
Erika pushed Jack back from her. His face went instantly from soft and hopeful to confused.
He took a step back. “I’m sorry. I thought –”
“What did you think?” Erika asked. Her voice came out more acidic than she had intended.
Jack’s face hardened a bit in response to her tone. “I thought that you felt the same way about me as I did about you.”
“Well, you thought wrong.” It was a lie, but her long-set plans for getting out of Ajo had not included loving Jack. She made her face into a mask of indifference.
Ian walked the few paces it took to close the gap between them. “C’mon, you guys. Can’t you at least be friends?”
The air between them was thick with unspoken feelings. Erika knew Jack must be frustrated with her, perhaps angry as well. But he did not give voice to his irritation with her. Instead, he sighed, shrugged his shoulders and said, “How can I not be friends with you?” Jack held out his hand to her.
His words brought Erika instant relief. She could feel her shoulders fall and only then realized she’d had them bunched up around her ears. Friendship was all she could handle right now and what she needed more than anything. Jack should have been angry with her. He should have run from her and her mess of a life as fast as he could, never looking back. But he didn’t run. Her instinct was to hug him, but she decided not to. It would likely send mixed signals. Instead, she took his hand lightly in hers.
“Great,” Ian said. “We’re all one big happy family again. Now can we get going?” Ian walked toward Jack’s car.
Erika let loose Jack’s hand. “Ian, where are you going?”
“To big rock. Jack’ll drive, won’t you?” Ian didn’t wait for an answer and continued walking toward Jack’s Jetta.
“I don’t want to interfere with your plans. If you don’t want me there, I understand.” Jack said he’d understand, but his face said he wouldn’t.
Ian stopped and shouted back. “Why wouldn’t she want you there? We’re all friends again, right? Besides, Jack’s got air-conditioning. Don’t tell me you’re going to let your hardheadedness stand between me and an air-conditioned ride.”
Erika was not about to deprive Ian of his comfort. Besides, any protest she gave to Jack tagging along would be half-hearted and false.
“Fine,” she said. “Ian, I’m leaving my bike here ’til we get back, okay?
“No prob,” Ian said. He folded his six-foot-three frame into the front seat of Jack’s car.
Erika jumped into the back passenger seat. She hadn’t felt much like being around a big crowd before, and now that her nerves had been set on edge by the surprise of seeing Jack, she felt even less like dealing with people. “I know you want to go to big rock with everyone else, but I’m not feeling much like hanging out with a crowd of stupid drunk people. I mean, if I wanted to do that, I could stay home.” Her mom, Tina, was already drunk when Erika left their cramped trailer for the evening. No doubt her mom would be passed out by ten and sleep until late the next afternoon.
“We’ll be there too, so technically, you won’t be surrounded by stupid drunk people,” Ian said.
“Not funny.”
“Oh, come on. It was a little funny.”
Erika held up her hand and pinched her thumb and forefinger together to illustrate how little humor she found in his statement.
“Sorry,” he said. “Look, it’s fine. I don’t need to drink. It’ll just make me feel like crap anyway, and I’m sure my dad will have me up tomorrow at o-dark-thirty to dig more holes in the backyard. Let’s go out to the jumble. You know where I’m talking about, Jack?”
“That place with the funky rock formations west of eighty-five?”
“Yep. It’s quiet out there.”
Maybe too quiet. While Erika didn’t relish the idea of going to big rock and hanging out with a crowd, she was uneasy about being on the gunnery range at night. It was rare for the military to use the range for testing munitions at night. But no one lived out there. It was dark and empty and dangerous. She chose not to give voice to her feelings, though. After all, it wasn’t like she would be out there alone.
“Hey, Jack, stop and get some energy drinks since I’m going without brews,” Ian said.
Jack pulled out of the driveway and headed west toward the setting sun.
__________
Jack’s Jetta sounded like it would rattle apart as he navigated the washboard road. He hit one rut so fast that they all bounced up off of their seats.
“I hope this road doesn’t eat my muffler.”
“It’s probably taped together anyway,” Ian said. “No offense, man, but your car’s a piece of crap.”
“True, but at least I have a piece of crap with four doors.”
After close to half an hour bouncing over the rutted road, Jack pulled into a well-worn sandy spot beside a strange rock formation. It looked like a giant had puked out boulders that had stayed toppled against each other. The site came complete with a ring of stones with spent ashes from previous impromptu desert parties.
“Good to see no one else heeds the ‘Warning – Do not Enter’ signs,” said Ian.
The day had been hot, and the early evening was not much cooler. Erika shook out a thick wool poncho she found in the trunk of Jack’s car and used it as a blanket and grabbed his emergency flashlight. Jack tossed a can to Ian and popped the top off of one for himself. He offered one to Erika, but she shook her head.
Erika flopped herself in the middle of the makeshift blanket and put the flashlight beside her. Even with a nearly full moon rising, they were so far away from a major city that the sky glistened with stars. The Milky Way was like a thin layer of spilled milk on the sky ceiling. Out in the open – no houses, no cars, and no people – Erika was at peace. At home.
I should come out here more often.
“Is there room on there for one more?” Jack asked.
Erika patted the blanket, and Jack lay beside her, their hands touching lightly. Erika wanted to grab his hand in hers yet at the same time wished he wasn’t touching her at all. She was the one who’d asked for a halt to him romancing her.
But how am I supposed to be ‘just friends’ with someone who turns me on so much?
Ian plopped himself down on the other side of Erika. She was thankful for his presence. It helped keep her mind off of the deliciously spicy smell wafting off of Jack.
The guys occasionally swallowed as they sipped their drinks, but they didn’t talk. There wasn’t even the sound of crickets in the barren low desert.
Jack’s voice interrupted the silence. “It’s clear tonight. Good for UFO watching.”
“Yep,” Ian said.
“Rocket, you know him, squat little ginger-haired guy? He and Charlie were talking about seeing one out here a few weeks ago. Did you hear about that?” asked Jack.
“He’s a putz,” Ian said.
“Yeah, but that doesn’t mean he didn’t see a UFO. What do you think, Erika?”
“I think it was nice and quiet until you guys started yammering about UFO nonsense.” Erika had little patience for Jack’s talk of alien coverups and government conspiracies.