“Ungracious still! I had hoped that you, being a reasonable woman, would come to terms with the inescapable.”
“If you ever think I would come to terms with you, you are mistaken.”
“We came to terms once … about the picture, I mean. By the way, I like the one you brought. A worthy Collison.”
I turned back to the window. I wanted to look anywhere but into his face.
“I also like the sketch.”
“What sketch?”
“The one you did of me, of course. It is so gratifying to know that even when I am not here I am in your thoughts. Am I really as terrible as that? I recognize the thing. I’ve often seen it. It’s at the top of the steps, isn’t it? It’s recognized as being the most grotesque and evil gargoyle in the whole of Paris.”
“Yes, I know.”
“And you have made it my face. Mon Dieu, Kate, you are a clever artist. It’s undoubtedly that particular gargoyle and yet I’m there too. We are combined.”
“It represents the forces of evil,” I said.
“I know what those gargoyles mean now. They were modelled on evil men demons … such as ordinary people do not know exist. But they existed when Notre Dame was built and they exist today. At least one of them does.”
“True. But there is a little good in the worst of us. Did you know that?”
“I would find it hard to believe of you.”
“You are ungrateful. Who launched you into the Paris world of art?”
“You liked the picture I had painted and said so. I don’t think such an act will assure you of a place in Heaven.”
“I’m thinking of this life rather than the life to come. I intend to enjoy this one to the full.”
“Which I believe you do … at the expense of others.”
“Some have the good sense to want what I want.”
“Some may have the greater good sense to fight you.”
“Which would be mere folly if the odds were against them.”
“You mean … as they are with me at this time?”
“I fear so, Kate. Will you be gentle tonight? I know how you can be.
Will you forget that you have to pretend you do not like me? “
“It is impossible to forget something which is so blatantly true.”
“You hate me as a person? Is that so? You despise everything I do. I have a certain power which allows me to get what I want now and then.
That you hate. I understand it. But forget it, Kate. Think of me only as your lover. “
“You talk nonsense.”
“No. I talk from a superior knowledge of the emotions.”
“Please do not attempt to tell me what I feel.”
“I have had great experience of women.”
“You speak the truth there for once.”
“I know how you feel towards me. You hate me … but hate and love can be very close, Kate, in certain moments.
Passion is blind to the differences of the mind. This is a mating of bodies. You and I were made for each other and that fierce reluctance of yours . too fierce to be entirely natural . - . just adds to the perfection. Do you understand what I mean? “
“No.”
“Then I shall teach you.”
“I would rather be taught how to escape from the place, to leave you and never see you again.”
“Much as I would like to indulge you in all things, you ask too much.”
“How long do you intend to keep me here?”
“That depends. Would you like a little wine before we sup?”
“Drugged wine?”
“Oh no. That was only for convenience in the first instance. Just while we got over the er preliminaries. It won’t be necessary now.”
“Just ordinary common rape?”
“How outspoken you are! You astonish me. I should not have thought a well-brought-up lady would talk in such a way.”
“Who would believe that a well-brought-up lady would be in such a position.”
“Such things happen a great deal more frequently than you would think.
One doesn’t hear of them. I will tell them to bring in the wine. “
I watched him go to the door, the blue robe swinging round him.
He was in the dining-room. If I could get down the stairs, surprise the guards . He was beside me, smiling at me.
“You would never do it,” he said.
“And suppose you got out? Imagine being on the road dressed like that.
No money. People would think you were mad. “
“What have I ever done to you that you should treat me like this?”
“Bewitched me, for one thing. Come. They are bringing the wine.”
The woman came in and set it on the table. He went over to it and poured two glasses. One he handed to me.
“Drink it,” he said.
I took the glass, but did not drink. He went to the table and took his, sipping it, looking at me.
“I assure you … no drugs,” he said.
“Here. Give me your glass. You take mine.”
He took mine and thrust his into my hand. He drank quickly.
“There, you see.”
My throat felt dry and parched. I felt I needed some stimulation if I were to face what lay before me. I sipped a little of the wine.
“That’s better,” he said.
“When my father hears what has happened,” I began, and I hesitated, wondering what my father would do.
“Yes,” he prompted.
I was silent.
“Suppose I said, ” She came other own free will. She was so insistent that gallantry demanded that I comply. “
“Would even you be capable of such lies?”
“You know that I would. Can you think of anything evil of which I should not be capable? No, Kate. You can do nothing, and wise woman that you are, you know this. Therefore you will, metaphorically, shrug your shoulders and make the best of your fate.”
“I do not give in so easily.”
“I’m glad in a way. I wouldn’t want you to be other than the strong woman you are.”
He drained off the wine.
“Come,” he said, taking my arm.
“I will conduct you in to supper.”
I refused to take his arm and he seized me and put mine through his. It was a gesture which implied that even on the slightest matter he was going to have absolute obedience.
The servants had gone. The table looked beautiful with the eight lighted candles of the candelabrum. He took me to a chair at the table and pressed me down into it. Then he took his place opposite me. The table was not large, as it had obviously been made for two, so he was close to me.
“There is soup,” he said, lifting the lid of the tureen, ‘and I shall serve you. The old woman is an excellent cook and I am sure you will enjoy this. “
He handed me the plate but I turned away, so he sighed and brought it round to me.
“Please don’t be tiresome,” he said.
I stood up but he ignored me and started on the soup.
“Pheasant, I think,” he commented.
“Excellent. Where are you going? Are you so eager for bed?”
I sat down helplessly. The soup did smell delicious. He brought me a glass of wine.
“Undrugged, I promise you,” he said again.
I looked at him defiantly and started on the soup.
“That’s better,” he said, lifting his glass.
“To us. Suspicious still?
I’ll drink some of mine and pass it to you. A sort of loving cup. “
1 am going to fight him, I thought. I am going to use all my strength to resist him. I’ll eat . sparingly . but I must eat.
He drank and offered his glass to me. I did not want to drink much wine, which would make me sleepy. Yet on the other hand, might it not be more bearable if I felt drowsy? Would I be more resigned to accepting what I knew had to come?
“Such deep thoughts,” he said.
“I can only guess at them. Now a little of this venison. I told them to serve something cold as I did not want them intruding on us while we ate. I
thought you would prefer it that way. You see, Kate, how I consider you. “
“I have noticed that,” I said with heavy sarcasm.
“Of course, as an artist you are observant. You shall do another miniature of me. I so much enjoyed our sittings. Your little deceit was so amusing.”
I was silent. He ate a great deal and I went on thinking of the possibilities of escape. Would that woman come in to remove the dishes? If she left the door open . It was just hopeless and I knew it. I felt furiously angry and yet I could not suppress a certain indefinable excitement.
“The venison is good, is it not?” he said.
“She has done well, our old woman. You must not blame her … or the coachman. They were merely obeying orders.”
“I know that.”
“So you see they could do no other than what they did.”
“All must do the will of the mighty Baron.”
“That is so. They are not to be blamed. You must blame me, but guileless virgins who cease to live in that debatably happy state cannot be entirely blameless either.”
“Save your crude jests for those who enjoy them.”
“I will,” he replied.
“But you are here, Kate, and how easily you walked into the trap. You should have enquired about the trains … not just walked into the web. You were very quick in Paris.”
I stared at him.
“Ah. I see I have caught your attention at last.”
“Are you talking about that cab?”
“It was rather clumsy, wasn’t it? Too involved, too tricky. We had to get you across Paris and you were too sharp for us. You were beginning to know the city too well and you realized you were going in the wrong direction. You jumped out. That was a very dangerous thing to do.
Knowing the Paris drivers, I wonder you were not run over. A foolish plan, really. Not worthy of me. It just came to me on the spur of the moment and it appealed to the sense of adventure in me. I realized almost at once that it was not very clever and it owed a lot to chance too. He’d been several days trying to pick you up. “
“Why did you do it?”
“I should have thought that was obvious.”
“So you were determined on … rape.”
“Well, I was hoping to achieve my ends to our mutual satisfaction.”
“You are a monster.”
“Worthy to deface the facade of Notre Dame.”
“I would not have believed that any man of today could behave as you have done.”
“Your knowledge of the world is not very great.”
“Perhaps I have lived my life among civilized people until-‘ ” Until now. I am sure that is true. But alas, my dear Kate, you have become the victim of the most depraved. “
“Can I appeal to your sense of honour … your sense of decency … to let me go?”
“There is no sense in appealing to something which does not exist. If I let you go now you cannot change yourself back into the woman you were before last night.”
“I want only to get away from you, to try to forget I ever saw you .. never to see you again.”
“But I want just the opposite. I want you to stay here and remember me forever. The best lover you ever had, for I shall be that, Kate.”
I felt bewildered. I was living again that nightmare ride in the cab.
The Princesse said it had been arranged by the Baron and she had been right about that, though not for the reason she had suggested. I was thinking of that moment when I had opened the door and stepped out almost under the horse’s nose. And all so that he might satisfy his lust.
I stood up suddenly.
“Let me go,” I cried.
He was beside me.
“Now, Kate,” he said, ‘you know very well that I am not going to let you go. That will come in good time. Be patient. Our little adventure is not yet over. “
He was about to seize me and I picked up a knife which was lying on the table. I turned the blade towards him.
He laughed.
“What!” he cried.
“Would you kill me then? Oh, Kate! I never would have thought that of you.”
“Do not goad me too far,” I cried.
“If I killed you it would be no great calamity for the world.”
He opened the robe he was wearing and bared his chest.
“Come along, Kate,” he said.
“Right through the heart. It’s about there, I think.”
“You would be surprised if I did.”
“I should be in a condition where it would not be possible to show my surprise. What are you waiting for?”
“I said don’t goad me too far.”
“That’s exactly what I meant to do.”
I lunged at him. He caught my wrist and the knife dropped to the floor.
“You see, Kate,” he said, ‘you couldn’t do it. “
“I could. You prevented me. If you were so sure, why did you make me drop the knife.”
“To save your feelings. I’ll tell you this: Well-brought-up English ladies do not stab their lovers. They try to shatter them with words . with tears perhaps … but not knives.”
“You have a great deal to learn about well-brought-up English ladies.”
“I have … and I am rejoicing in the education.”
He had taken me now and was holding me against him.
“Kate,” he said softly, ‘sweet Kate, it is no use fighting. Submit. I should like to see you submissive. I should like you to put your arms about me and tell me that you are so happy that I brought you here.
”
I drew myself away from him and because he held me at
D.
L.
-As
R
arms’ length, I began beating that bare chest. He was laughing at me.
He knew as well as I did, that I should never have used that knife against him. He was right. People who had been brought up as I had did not do such things-no matter what was done to them.
He swept me up in his arms. I wriggled and tried to break away, but he revelled in making me aware of his strength.
“You make me impatient,” he said.
It was a long time afterwards before I could bring myself to think of that night. It had been different from the previous one. Then I had been in a drugged state and only half aware. I fought him . with all my strength I fought him . knowing from the first moment that I could not win. But I hoped I showed him my resentment, my loathing, my anger, my fury. At least that offered some balm to my humiliated senses.
But he did not care. He liked that. After all, his very nature was that of a fighter.
Perhaps I realized that I was playing into his hands. I was giving him what he wanted, because, for a man of his nature, the greater the resistance, the greater the triumph when victory was won.