She thought it best to clear the dust from one of her business suits before she headed to the bank tomorrow to ask for money. She cringed at the thought. All this time, she’d managed to squeak by without help. She was proud she had held out this long on her own resources. It would be a cold day in hell before she asked her mom for help and suffer through the “I knew it wouldn’t work” speeches.
But, now, she needed more vehicles and more staff if she intended to keep up with the onslaught of customers that were signing up. Expansion. The word sounded good, exciting even. It also sounded incredibly intimidating.
Jenny whipped the car into the lot, parked to the side of the drop box, and pulled the silk party dress from last week’s fiasco out of the clean clothes. She handed it to the woman then jumped back into the car and drove off. “Good riddance,” she said as the lady stared after her, dress in hand. Goodbye to the stupid dress that no self-respecting woman should consider wearing. Sure, it’s hard to resist a man’s request but that should have been her first clue that David wasn’t her guy. In truth, he was practically pimping her out to get attention. If he cared about her, would he really do that? Okay, he’s a man, sure he would. They’re all so predictably visual. Thirty minutes later, Jenny carried the basket to her apartment, dropped it on the floor, and slumped into bed.
• • •
Jenny awoke to banging on the apartment door. What a horrible noise to start the day off. “I’m coming! I’m coming!” she shouted. She begrudgingly dragged herself to the door, stubbed a toe on the basket, and looked through the peephole. Two cups of coffee were poised in front of the hole with no view of the bearer holding them. She had a pretty good idea who it was though. She opened the door and stuck a foot behind it, holding it solidly in place.
“Good morning.” Grant smiled. “Feel like some coffee?”
“Geez, what time is it?” Jenny ran her fingers over her hair.
He handed her a cup and turned his watch to read it. “Seven-thirty. Is that too early?”
“Yikes. No, it’s fine. I have to be at the bank in two hours but there’s plenty of time.”
“Are you going to let me in?”
“Uh, I guess.” She moved to the side and got a huge whiff of his cologne as he brushed by and sat at the counter in the kitchen.
Mmmm. Good way to start the day. Great smelling man and hot coffee. She followed and took the other chair. Maybe she’d even venture a grin later.
“I brought you something else too.” He pulled a Starbucks gift certificate out of his pocket and slid it across the counter toward her. She smiled.
“What’s up, Grant? Am I being bribed for something — or did you miss me?”
“No. Actually I needed to tell you something before you heard it from anyone else.”
Jenny took a sip of the scalding hot liquid and spit it back into the cup. “Damn, that’s hot!”
“Oh, I should have told you to let it cool a little. Here.” He grabbed the cup, stood up, and ran a little cold water from the tap into it. “There, that should be better.”
“Thanks, I think I lost the skin off the end of my tongue though.” She spoke thickly which elicited a smile from him. And eye contact. Intense eye contact. “So, what did you want to tell me?”
“Hodge plans to sign David to a three-year contract. We’re going to represent him.”
“No kidding. Well, more power to you. He’s good. His band needs some work, but I’m sure you know that.”
“You’re not upset?”
“Why should I be? It’s business, right?”
“Yeah, but he used you to get to Hodge. I thought it might tick you off.” More intense eye contact.
“It’s not like I’m going to see him anyway. I don’t travel in those circles. I went to the party because he insisted. Now that he doesn’t need me, I doubt I’ll run into him anywhere.”
“You’re taking this a lot better than I expected.”
Jenny sipped coffee with one hand and twirled her hair between her fingers with the other. “What am I supposed to do? He’s a vocalist in a band that will likely be famous someday. I’m just a glorified taxi driver for people who drink too much. It would be stupid for me to think he’d stay interested. I’m surprised he was in the first place.”
“I’m not.” He reached out and pulled the hair from her fingers. “So, I owe you an apology.”
“For?”
“For what I said about Josh.”
“About time. I’m not sure I’m over that one.” She smiled.
He threw his empty coffee cup in her trashcan. “Hodge wanted me to ask if you had plans for Friday night.”
“Just work. It’s the holiday season; we’re swamped. Why?”
“He’s having a Christmas get-together for a small group. Nothing like the party a while back. Josh asked him to invite you.”
“Josh? You’re not going to make something out of that, are you? Is it supposed to be a date-like thing or what? You sure it’s not going to be uncomfortable?”
“For me, probably.”
“You’re going too?”
“Yes, I’m planning the damn thing. When Lauren left him, I became the token party planner in lieu of a spouse.”
“I don’t know.” She glanced at his mouth over her coffee cup, remembering the hot and heavy kisses. He twitched his lips into a grin.
“It’s weird isn’t it? This thing we have going on.”
Yes, weird. Jenny looked around the room, settling her eyes on the clock above the kitchen sink.
“Uh-oh. I’m late. I have to leave for the bank in 45 minutes and I haven’t even showered.” She downed the remaining coffee, and then slipped off the stool to drop the cup in the trash. Grant stood as well and she got another whiff of his yummy cologne.
“You know, you didn’t need to come all the way over here to tell me about David. A phone call would have been fine.”
“Maybe, but I thought we owed you that much since we, or at least I, knew you first. You haven’t said whether you’re going to the Christmas thing Friday at Hodge’s or not.” He touched her forearm briefly.
“I’m not sure. I know I need to work that night. How long does it last? Maybe I could just stop by for a little while and then leave? It’s not formal, is it? Will I have to wear a dress again?”
“No, it’s casual.” He shoved his hands into his pockets. “Jen, I hoped I could take you. Unless it makes you uncomfortable.”
“You’ll be busy planning and hosting, won’t you?”
“Not that busy.” He extracted a hand from his pocket and slid it across her cheek.
“Jenny.”
“I can just drive myself. It’ll be easier that way.”
“No.” He cupped her face with his palm. She couldn’t look at him. Her stomach was doing back flips. He pressed his forehead against her other cheek. “I keep wondering what would have happened if Josh wasn’t in your apartment the other night.”
“You do?”
“Yeah. Now that the situation’s a little … different, I’m even more curious.”
“Grant. I really do have to get to the bank. I’m trying to get a loan to expand the business.” Still, his thumb was rubbing against her ear lobe and the caress numbed her legs. She couldn’t move if she wanted to. His breath fanned hot against her skin.
“You’re not the least bit curious yourself?” he whispered in her ear.
Holy Shit.
“Please stop. I see what you’re doing. I called you a coward. That threatened your manhood. Now, you have to prove yourself anything but that. I get it. You win. You made your point. You’re definitely no coward. Not even close. So, you can drop all the moves. Now, can I have my face back?”
He laughed. “I think you are, Jenny Madison.”
“I am what?” She swallowed.
“Curious. I’ll pick you up at seven on Friday. Oh, and by the way — proving my manhood is the last thing on my mind. Being a man of any kind isn’t something you prove, it’s visible in what you do every day. Any guy can be a man, but not necessarily a good one. Maybe that scares you too.”
He dropped his hand, pulled his forehead from her cheek and stood back. His jaw clenched just a tad.
“You know, sometimes things happen for a reason and you have to just trust that it will work out if you let it,” he added, and then let himself out of her apartment.
You’re the second person that’s said that to me in a week. Yep, that’s right, I’m scared.
Jenny adjusted her rearview mirror into place after she pulled out of the bank parking lot. She had bumped the mirror with her head while thumbing through the papers they provided.
This is more homework than I did in college. I hope it’s worth it.
Still, the loan officer was kind of cute. She grinned. No wedding ring either. Every basic business book says people should have a strong relationship with their bank in order to be successful, right? Of course, the pictures of kids on his desk were probably his children. Or perhaps nieces and nephews?
“You have to go to the party. It will be fun,” a small, familiar voice said. The hair on the back of Jenny’s neck prickled.
I don’t believe in ghosts. I don’t …
“I know, I know,” she said. “You don’t believe in ghosts. What’s a ghost, Miss Jenny?”
Jenny’s rearview mirror showed a familiar youthful image. Surely if she’s in the mirror, she’s real, right? “It’s someone that is no longer alive.”
“Oh. Well, if they’re not alive, then how can you see them? How can they talk and feel things?”
“Good point. I don’t know. Maybe you could answer that for me?”
“Josh likes you.” Shilo crawled up and leaned against the back of her seat. “You have to go to the party. He needs you to.”
“Needs me to? I doubt that. He looks like he’s got it together pretty well. Look at him — he’s trying to get into med school. You can’t get much more competent than that.”
“What’s comp … tent?”
“It means good at something. When someone’s competent at something, they do it well.”
“Oh, like I am at painting.”
“Yes, that’s right. Like Josh is at school.” Jenny continued driving but avoided the rearview mirror.
“He doesn’t think so. I heard him crying one night. He was talking to me but he wouldn’t listen when I talked back. He said he doesn’t think he can do it. He’s not good enough. I told him he was. He ignored me. He said he’s sorry. He can’t help Mom or Dad any more than he could fix me. He said it was his fault, what happened. He just wanted to play and I was laughing at him and everything was great. He said he made me die. He didn’t. The driver didn’t see me. I was too little. Besides, look at me, I’m still here.”
Yes, you are. Why?
“He seems fine to me.” Jenny answered.
“He’s not. Look at his arms next time. He always wears long sleeves so no one notices. He keeps scratching marks in his arm. I can feel him thinking about making the holes deeper, making them go all the way through. He thinks if he does that I’ll leave him alone. I can’t, Jenny. Not unless he’s okay. He’s not okay.”
“Maybe he’s not okay because you’re scaring him.”
“I don’t want to scare him. I just want him to see the reason he’s still here. We all have reasons. He needs to see his.”
“That’s very smart of you. Do you really believe it?”
“I
know
it. You have reasons too. Everyone does. They change. When you get older, they get bigger because you’re bigger. The reasons have more people in them then. He’s going to save a lot of them.”
“Why don’t you tell him that, and not me?”
“Because you’re part of it. He won’t listen to me any more so you have to help before he hurts himself really bad. Besides, you’re still working on your reasons too.”
“You could just tell him what the reason is. You know, the reason he’s still here. Surely that would make a difference, wouldn’t it?”
“I tried to but he kept telling me to shut up. He’s afraid people will think he’s crazy for listening to me. Anyway, it doesn’t really help — telling. He has to figure it out himself. Then he’ll understand. So, you’re going to help.”
“What makes you think they won’t think I’m crazy too?” Jenny pulled her car into the lot at her apartment and stepped out. Shilo followed her to the door.
“Who’s they? I don’t understand why whoever they are matters. He says that too. Walky has to save Mom and Dad. That’s what he has to do.”
“That’s all? Shilo, they’re adults — they can take care of themselves. What do you think he can do that they haven’t already thought of?”
“I don’t know. I was hoping you could figure that out.”
Jenny unlocked her door and entered the apartment. She whirled around to ask further questions but Shilo was gone. She shook her head.
Okay, I’m officially crazy now. I’ve just become the freaking ghost whisperer.
She peeked down the landing to the doors of her neighbors. Did anyone see her speaking to herself? The plants in front of her closest neighbor, Mrs. Ruth, sat still and unmoving. The giant “be quiet” sign on the door of her newest neighbor down three doors remained in place. It was a not-so-gentle warning to behave. She wondered if carrying on avid conversations with imaginary children constituted noise in his view.
Jenny remembered Mrs. Ruth advising her of a psychiatry student on the fourth floor.
Based on recent events, a trip to the fourth floor might be a good idea. Surely there was some underlying issue in her mind that was causing her to imagine Shilo? Say, a repressed incident of abuse as a child? Or perhaps some psychosomatic effect of losing two boyfriends and a job all in one year? Now that she thought about it, stress certainly makes people do weird things — like dream up ghosts. Of course! That surely explained it all. She needed to put the past in the past and stop dwelling on her failures. The future of her company was all that mattered. Having a love life is highly overrated and interferes with success, right?
• • •
Jenny organized the forms in order and began tackling the loan application process. Filling out the forms was easier than expected but she frowned at the number of lines she left blank. No collateral. No prior loan history. No business references — at least no good ones. The prognosis looked dismal. Still, she had to try, and, if successful, it beat asking Mom for money and getting the never-ending reminders of her inadequacies as a human.