The Desire to Touch (2 page)

I can see
the reception desk is empty and Jerry’s door is shut, so now’s my chance to make a break for the street. I take a breath and start to walk briskly for the main door.

Just as I pass
the reception desk I hear the squeak of someone’s shoes on the polished tiled floor.

“Well lookey what we have here!
” Jerry’s voice is so creepy, like an old family uncle.  When he’s drunk he gets all slimy and that gross tingling sensation shoots up your spine, making you cringe like you’ve eaten a whole lemon.

I turn to look a
t him and put on my fake ‘how lovely to see you’ face, “Hi Jerry, how are…”

“Darling
, I am all the better for seeing you,” He starts walking over to place his arm around my waist.

Instinctively I step back to stay out of his touch
but realise I’m starting to be backed up against a wall.

‘
Think god damn it, think woman come up with an excuse……argh it can’t be that hard!’

“Ellie, Ellie, Ellie,” He says under his breath
eyeing me up and down, as he closes in ready to pounce.

‘Crap, think woman think,’ “Sorry Jerry, I can’t stay, I have to…”

“What would your uncle think of you being here?” he tuts.

“Well…,” my hands are on the wall behind me trying to make space for me to crawl into. “H
e knows me and Lucas are good friends, I really have to go. Sorry Jerry excu…” I attempt to slip past him.

Jerry
stops me in my tracks and places his stubby fingers on my hips before I can brush past him. I wince and want to die inside, ‘Ground, swallow me up now!’ Devil girl has the knuckle-dusters at the ready and is standing ready to attack whereas Angel girl has done a runner leaving a ‘Be Back in Five’ sign.

I’m
not afraid to bring my knee up swiftly if I have to, bringing all hope of future Fines to an abrupt halt.

“Come now Ellie, you’re here, I’m here
, and the mood is
so
right.”

He’s stepping closer to me and the smell of his old spice is just too much
, making the previous night’s alcohol intake work its way back up my throat.

I gag and shiver.

“You ok my little sex kitten?” Imitating a purr he raises his hand to touch my face.

“Yeah
, was just a bit sick in my mouth,” Did I just say that?

“Ya
what?” he scolds with a matching look upon his very orange face.

“I said I feel a bit sick and need to head out,” oh please, please let that make him move.

He raises his hand to move my fringe out of my eyes but he stops and his face freezes. Shooting a glance to my left I see Trey has appeared and has a firm grip around Jerry’s arm.

A sick feeling runs through my gut
, I really don’t want to be caught up in the middle of a confrontation, violence is a no-no in my book. I can feel the heat of panic starting to hit my face, my arms start to shake and my racing heart pounds loudly in my ears.

“Jerry,” Trey says with great eas
e and calmness, “Could I have a quick chat with you, I think I have seen something you should be aware of?”

Jerry lets go of me and moves toward Trey and I breathe a sigh of relief, the panic starting to drain from my b
ody leaving me feeling worse than when I woke up. I hold onto the wall behind me to steady myself.

Trey starts, “I have just overheard one of the o
ccupants on the fourth floor talking about getting out before rent knocks are due, I wasn’t sure- ”

He flits me a quick wink to let me know he has the situation under control and
, with that, I’m off the wall running out of the door. I can hear Jerry cursing about non payers and how he’ll kick them out. Running with such force I snag my jacket on the handle of the door. It catches me for a second but with the force I’m using to remove myself from the building, I just rip straight through it.

After hailing a cab I find myself safely grounded back at home, well if you can call it home. It has been for me for the past 9 months and it looks like it will stay this way for a lot longer.

My home, for now, is ‘
Valentines Hotel’, which is smack bang in the centre of New York looking out onto City Hall Park.

I decide it would be better all-round if I slip in through the service entrance and I may be able to avoid a harsh talking to from uncle B himself. I walk through the service door to see Earl, head of security, chatting up Marianne who is head of Housekeeping. I smile and try to slip by un-noticed, it’s embarrassing enough to see them flirting but to get caught up in it is another thing. Slipping past, I think I’m clean through, when I am called. Turning I see Earl and Marianne smiling at me,

“Your uncle is n
ot happy with you Ellie.” Earl’s amused, he knows only too well what I’m like.

“I didn’t
think he would be,” I reply complacently.

“He’s in a meeting till 9
, so you have time to run up and shower before he’s giving it ‘the chat’”

“Thanks Earl,” I smile and look at Marianne who is still pinned against the wall by Earl
’s arm. “See you Marianne”

“Bye Ellie, oh and
if you’re bored later I can always find something for you to do,” Laughing she winks and turns back to consume Earls affection and charm.

Once in my apartment and in a nice relaxing bath my mind starts to wonder. Who was that man, my knight in shining armor, just thinking about him has got me all hot and bothered again. Ok enough of this I’m going to call Lucas wake him from his drunken stupor and see how he’s feeling.

After half an hour
and the memories of the night before relived, I explain to Lucas about meeting Trey in the hallway and how Jerry tried to jump me. Lucas isn’t happy with Jerry but he is intrigued as to who the handsome stranger could be and assures me he will do some digging around.

We end the call and I sink myself back into the bath. Using my toe I turn the hot tap o
n again and top up the now lukewarm water, whilst it is filling I reach for my razor and start the ritual of shaving my legs, underarms and bikini line.

Once I am clean and shaven
, I climb out of the bath and avoid seeing myself in the mirror. Quickly I dry myself down, I put my hair in a turban-like style and don my robe.

I can’t help it
, I have to see them in the mirror again. I know the doctors said I should leave them to heal but I have to see how it looks now. I open my robe and it parts so my naked body is on show in the full-length mirror.

There it is
, the mother of all scars running from under my right breast in a pattern down to my left hip. I tentatively run my finger across the scar all the way along, the whole time watching myself in the mirror. Then I lift my right wrist and I go to run my fingers across the scar that marks me, but I can’t bring myself to touch this one. I always thought of myself as not quite the right size, too short, hips too wide or just a bit too much skin in need of toning, but looking back I was perfect and now I am a broken shell of what I used to be.

Come on woman just pick up the phone and book yoursel
f into see the plastic surgeon Uncle Brendan found, it’s been long enough it’ll be safe now. I reach a hand for my phone but curl my fingers away – I close my eyes and think to myself ‘I’ll be fine, it’ll fade,’ I can happily never look there again.

My phone starts ringing again snapping me out of my reverie, I close my robe and grab
my phone to find its Meagan ringing. Meagan is my cousin, her father is my uncle, he and his wife Laurie are divorced, but Meagan seems to spend her life at the hotel with her dad. To be fair she’s been a great help settling me in and introducing me to people.

I answer the phone, “Hey you, how’s things?”

“Come to the pool?” She pleads.

I laugh, “I’m fine thanks for asking” I close my eyes and try to think of an excuse, I really just want to curl up and sleep, “Oh not today I..”

“No excuses, come to the pool please?” She can be extremely persuasive and whiny when she wants something.

I huff and don’t say anything
.

“
Look, just come down for a drink and sunbathe, go on, it’ll be fun!” I can hear her smile down the phone, I can even hear her pouting.

“Ok,” I give in, “I’ll be down in 20 minutes, but no drinks
, just save me a bed.”

“Oh
, I saved you one when I got here earlier.”

“Figures, ok
, 20 minutes.” I put the phone down and walk out of the bathroom into the bedroom.

Throwing myself onto the bed I lay and stare at the ceiling
, I can do this, a few hours socialising won’t hurt. I clamber off the bed and head for the dresser, rifling through my drawers I find a plum tankini with a blue Lily print and matching bikini shorts. I pull the tankini on making sure the scars are covered, I then put on some blue shorts and a black vest top. I glance in the mirror, and the bags underneath my hazel brown eyes, are going to be a dead giveaway of the hangover I am suffering from. Now, for the hair…I think I’ll pin back my fringe, don’t want no dodgy tan lines, and then put the rest in a high ponytail. I grab my brush and sort my blonde hair into something that looks like a style, I then pin my fringe back so it sweeps to the side.

Grabbing the nearest bag I can find
, I shove in my towel, phone, and any other crap I find loose that I may need. I slip on some white flip-flops and I’m good to go.

As I leave the room I catch sight of my right wrist, I haven’t put
a bangle on. I grab my black thick leather wristband with silver floral detail and strap it over my wrist, it has become a trademark joke between those who know me and I never go out without something covering it.

I walk down to the pool and I can hear Meagan before I can see her, she’s my kind of girl, loud and outgoing like me - well like I used to be. She’s got legs that go all the way up, as my nan would say, with a perfectly toned top half to compliment. She is one of the annoying natural beauties even with her Barbie blonde hair, standing next to her she makes me feel like the stereotypical dowdy Brit.

“Ellie!” Meagan screams so loud that everyone in the pool area turns to look at me, I can feel myself go a deep shade of crimson.
“Over here, come on I’ve saved you a bed!”

“Yep I’m coming,” I mutter under my breath lifting my hand to acknowledge her and shut her the hell up. I am now very conscious of a million pairs of eyes on me as I’m making my way over to her.

Throwing my towel and bag on my specially reserved bed, Meagan’s attention has now turned to one of the waiters called Mal. Meagan is in her element flirting with him and I am not going to get her attention until he’s out of her eye line. Oh no, she’s pulling out all the stops. She’s twirling her loose tendrils of hair with her $100 a time manicured nails and touching his biceps through his shirt, bless - he does look tense. I think the fact that she is a stunner, and that her father is his boss is not a good mix, and he would, I assume, like to keep his job.

Standing behind Meagan sorting my towel out on my bed I look up a
nd suddenly catch Mal’s eye and in a split second he throws me a ‘Help me’ smile.

Ok
, my turn to be the knight and save the day, I could distract her – but how?! With no answer to my own question I suddenly shout, “Meagan?”

“What?”

“Oh,” I hold my hand to my chest to act like I was panicking over something, “I’m sorry I thought you had something on your back,” I grimace and say, “Must have been sun spots in my eye?”

Within that second the poor boy is gone, Meagan turns to look at him
, then back at me and her face is aghast.

“What the hell Ellie I was just about to get his number!”

“Yes, but I doubt your dad would approve?”

“Well
, better someone he can keep an eye on,” She throws me a wicked grin.

“A
nyway I’ll catch him later, look everyone’s here” She points to the pool and I see an array of faces, most are familiar, so I wave over at the ones I recognise.

Meagan lie
s on her lounger and I know it’s time to lay myself very carefully on mine. It’s not easy trying to keep your boobs in the top half and making sure everything is tucked away in the bottom half, one slip and I could be winking at the poor couple across the pool. This happens one of two ways, I either carefully perch on the edge of the lounger then swing myself round and lay down ensuring I am tucked away at all times – this is mucho lady like. The other way is, count to three and launch onto the lounger, tummy down, with legs crossed at all times. Agreed it is less-lady like but it is the quicker method. Oh the choices!

L
ooking around the poolside - it is heaving with people, and there is not a spare bed in sight, the bar stools are all used and even the little lawn area has towels laid on every available inch. Ok let’s go for the lady like approach. I sit myself ever so lady like on the edge and then realise I have left my bag in the sun and just out of reach so I am going to have to get up and move it. Standing up and moving towards it is too much effort, so I gently nudge it with my foot towards the head end in the shade. Right, getting back down I’ll be damned if I’m going to spend the time to sit again. I am going for the lunge and I’ll try to be gracious whilst I do it. ‘On three’ I say to myself, ‘Oh sod it’ I lunge on to my front, I hear a slight ripping noise but on a quick check over all seems to be ok in the bikini area.